A Dark New World
by ReadingIsForNerds
Summary: It's two years after the Dark War and the Seelie Queen is still furious. She kidnaps Clary & takes her to Faerie where she tortures her for years. Everyone in her life thinks she has died & when she finally breaks free, the life she goes back to is nothing like the one she left behind. She will have to find her own way back to hapiness & start her own personal war against the Queen
1. Chapter 1

Here is a longer summary...

It's two years since the end of the Dark War and everything has been great for Clary. Her and Jace are more in love than ever, Simon is close to graduating from the Academy, and demon activity is down significantly due to Clary's runes. The only dark spot in her life is the Cold Peace with the Faeries and the rumors that say the Seelie Queen wants Clary's head on a silver platter. She blames Clary for losing the Dark War. If it weren't for Jonathan's obsession with her and her rune abilities, the Queen and her knights would have taken control of everything. Her power would be practically unlimited.

Instead, she is in hiding and her power is waning and she wants her revenge. Clary knows this but refuses to let it dictate what she can or can't do and goes about her life as usual. That is until she is taken by the Queen while her loved ones thinks she has died. When she finally breaks free of the Seelie Queen, the life that was once hers is now completely gone. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is the same. She will have to pull herself together and figure out a way to continue and do what needs to be done to secure her freedom and safety. There will be new foes and some of the same ones that will want her gone along with some new unexpected allies. Going home isn't always easy, but for Clary, it's impossible. She has to start new and rebuild her entire life and find herself once again. It will be a long and hard road but it will all be worth it in the end.

* * *

Hey y'all! It's been a while since my last story and fair warning, this story _**will not**_ be like any of my other ones. It's dark and angsty and really puts our girl Clary to the test. She has to figure out a way to pull herself together after losing everything and become the bad-ass we all know she can be...eventually. I just ask that you _**trust me**_ and stick with me for the long ride ahead. I _**promise**_ that it will be worth it. It will get _really dark_ before it gets better. With that being said, I really hope you enjoy!

-ReadingIsForNerds

* * *

 **Clary**

Bliss. Yes, bliss. That was the word she was looking for.

Clary pushed herself off of Jace's chest and rolled to the side of him. Her hair was clinging to her forehead with perspiration0 after her and Jace's hour long sex-capades while her chest heaved up and down with her heavy pants. Over the past two years, they had gotten to know each other's bodies so well that every encounter that they had was pure bliss. "Thank the angel for the Stamina rune." she chuckles.

Jace turns his head to her. "I could go for another round if you like." he suggests winking at her.

"You know I am already late." she replies and sits up. "If you could keep your hands to yourself then I wouldn't always be late for everything." She stands up and quickly ties her hair up into a disheveled bun, her naked skin glistening in the last rays of sunlight for the day that is peaking through the window of their room.

"You know you love it." he says as he stands up and grabs his pants from the floor.

"Maybe." she says with a shrug of her shoulders as she peaks back at him with a smirk.

"Did you still want to go see Simon at the Academy after your meeting? I know you wanted to talk to him about him and Izzy finally getting back together."

"I probably will." she says as she finishes dressing. She grabs her weapons belt and buckles it low on her hips. "I don't think I will spend too much time there, though. I don't want him to feel pressured into remembering everything. Although he doesn't say it, I can see it all over his face that that is why he wanted to train there and not here with us." She feels Jace's arms snake around her waist and his chin come to rest on her right shoulder. "He'll be glad to see you, Clary. Just like you can see it with him, I can see it with you that you are worried that he won't want to see you." he says lowly in her ear. "You're his best friend."

"But he doesn't remember that."

"Not right now he doesn't." He kisses her cheek. "But the moment he drinks from the cup, he will. Only three more months till that happens."

She sighs heavily. "I know." The worry and vulnerability that is in her voice makes her sound more unsure than sure of that knowledge. "Just..." she turns around in his arms. "What if the cup doesn't make him a shadowhunter and..."

"No." Jace says firmly, shaking his head. "I know the cup won't hurt him. He was born to be a shadowhunter. He is good and brave and everything that a shadowhunter is meant to be. Stop second guessing it."

She takes a deep breath and lets her head fall forward and onto his chest. "I know." she says sounding more convinced of herself this time. She pushes away from him and straigtens out. "I really do need to go now." she says and leans forward to place a kiss on Jace's lips. "I can't keep the New York downworld Council waiting and you can't keep Izzy waiting. You promised to take her to get a new whip weeks ago since you threw her favorite one into the Hudson River."

"I did _not_ throw it into the river." Jace says indignantly. "I threw it at the Shak demon. It's not my fault he ducked out of the way at the last second." Clary smiled at her boyfriend of over two years and followed him out of their room. They gave each other a long kiss that sent shivers down her spine before pulling away and smiling at one another. "I love you so damn much." she says with conviction to him.

"Not as much as I love you." he replies with a genuine smile before walking away in different directions. She couldn't wipe the smile from her face as she left the Institute and made her way to Magnus's apartment. Since the end of the Dark War, her life had been nearly perfect. Jace and her were stupidly happy, Simon was so close to having his memories back and becoming a permanent member of her life as a shadowhunter, her mother and Luke were still acting like newlyweds, and the demon activity had significantly decreased since she introduced over two dozen new runes to the Clave. The only shadow over everything was the Cold Peace with the Faeries. It made her uneasy and she felt like she was just waiting for a war to break out with them when they tired of being so harshly punished for following their Queen's orders.

Clary didn't bother knocking on Magnus' door and instead, pushed it open, letting herself in once she arrived at his apartment. She smiled when she saw a hot cup of coffee was waiting for her along with Maia, Magnus, Alec, and she was sure that Lily would be there soon. The sun had just set. As if on cue, Lily came in and slid into her usual seat with an exasperated look on her face. "Alright. Let's get this meeting started." she says to them. "I have a newborn that just showed up on my doorstep last night and I need to get back to him to make sure no one kills him."

With that, their meeting started and concluded as usual, Maia and Lily leaving quickly after while Clary lingered for a while. By the time they were done, it was past eleven and Clary knew that it was too late to visit Simon. He was sure to be sleeping now. She would just have to wait till tomorrow to see him. "Are you coming back to the Institute tonight?" she asks Alec as she slips on her coat.

"I am." he says with a look at Magnus. "I need to get the last of my things from there. We figured that since I am here six out of seven nights, I should just move in."

A wide smile breaks across her face. "That's great, you guys." she says brightly. Alec blushes for a brief moment as Magnus pecks him on the cheek and smacks his butt while carrying three coffee mugs into the kitchen. "I'll be down in a sec."

"Okay." she replies and shrugs on her gear jacket. She descends down the stairs and walks out onto the sidewalk, pulling her jacket tighter around her when a cool gust of wind blows down the street. Suddenly, the breeze cuts off abruptly. One second the tendrils of her hair that had escaped her messy bun were flying in the wind and the next second, they fell to face without warning. An unnerving feeling quickly found it's way into her stomach. Just as she was reaching down to her weapons belt to retrieve her stele and a seraph blade, two large hands clasped down on both of her wrists from behind.

Her training immediately kicked in. Her head went flying backwards and connected with a crunch with someone's nose. There is a grunt of pain and before she can do anything else, two Faeirie knights appear in front of her, blades drawn and going to her throat. Hands still grasped her wrists, pinning them down at her waist before pulling them tightly behind her back. She could feel something rough snake around them and then she couldn't move them from behind her. "Let me go and I'll think about not killing you." Clary grunts out through her angry lips. Her eyes were trained on the taller Faerie in front of her, sensing that he was the one in charge. She held his gaze steadily, refusing to let him see that she was actually very nervous and scared about her current predicament.

"I do not think so Nephilim scum." he says back to her with a twisted smile. Through his helmet, she could see that his eyes were entirely purple while his skin was a sallow yellow color. "The Queen will be so pleased that we have caught her the daughter of Valentine and the sister of Jonathan Morgenstern. If it weren't for you and your runes, she wouldn't be in hiding right now, afraid for her life, like a sickly human. You want her dead but now, it is you that will be begging her for your life."

 _'Keep them talking'_ she thinks to herself. Alec will be down the stairs any second now. She couldn't exactly look around to make sure but she was almost positive that there were only three of them. "Don't bet on that." she spits back at him. The blade at her throat digs in with a sharp pinch as she says that. "I'll never beg for my life. I am Nephilim. If anyone will be begging for their life tonight, it will surely be you."

The laugh he lets out of his twisted mouth then sounds like a shrieking bird being tortured. "Oh, to be so young and stupid like you are again. I would rather die." His laughing cuts off then and she is being spun around to face Magnus' building. She watches as the door swings open and Alec starts to descend the stairs with a lovesick smile on his face. It's clear by his red and plump lips that him and Magnus had been kissing. Another second passes before he looks up to find Clary.

It only takes him one second to spot her, his eyes widening with horror for a moment before they narrow into slits at the Faeries holding her. He pulls out a seraph blade and whispers a name and it blazes to life, lighting up the area around him. "Let her go." he says sternly to them, readying himself for a fight.

"The Queen requires her death and we are but humble servants of our Lady." one of them coos to him. She's not sure which one exactly. They have moved behind her now and are slowly walking her across the street. "She is the reason for our Lady and the older Morgenstern's failure in the Dark War. The Queen does not let grievances against her like that go unpunished."

"Let her go." Alec says with more venom this time. "This won't end well for you if you don't."

All three of them begin to laugh. "You Nephilim children keep saying that as if it were a real threat."

Clary takes their distraction of laughing and shouts out Magnus' name as loud as she can. "He's not there." one knights says to her. "He left by portal only moments ago, didn't he?"

Alec's silence and tense jaw is answer enough for Clary. Seeing Alec's eyes now, she notices how worried he is. He's trying to hide it but she can see it. She starts to struggle against their hold but the blade at her throat pushes even further into her skin. She feels her skin rip apart and winces at the pain and stills herself. Just as she is about to try to kick out behind her, she feels a heavy wave of dizziness fall over her. Her head spins in circles and her legs go limp. Her eyelids fall closed against her will and then she is falling backwards while firm hands are gripping her. She faintly hears Alec scream her name in horror but it's too late. Unconsciousness wraps it's arms around her and darkness takes her mind, silencing all of her thoughts.

* * *

 **Alec**

"Let her go." he says, his voice filled with as much venom as he has to offer. "This won't end well for you if you don't." Even though his voice is sure and steady, he's scared witless on the inside. They are too far away from him at this point for him to be able to stop them if they wanted to kill her quickly.

The three Seelie knights laugh at him. "You Nephilim children keep saying that as if it were a real threat." the smallest one says.

Clary's eyes dart up to Magnus' apartment then as she shouts out for him. Alec's heart falls into his stomach as he watches the fear in her eyes break to the surface as the blade at her neck pushes further into her throat. "He's not there. He left by portal only moments ago, didn't he?" the yellow one says.

Alec grinds his teeth together in anger at himself. He asked Magnus to grab him a stupid little gift for him for his mother's birthday. It was at a shop in Alicante. Why did he have to ask him to get it now, when he needs him more than ever? Clary's panicked face pierces through him then as she starts to struggle. A sickening grin pulls up the mouth of the one holding the blade to her throat. When Alec realizes what is happening, it's already too late.

He pulls the blade across her throat in one slow movement. Alec's stomach drops while he screams her name in despair. Blood spurts in thick streams from her neck while her eyes roll to the back of her head. He stops breathing for a second when he realizes that he's failed; that she's dying and he won't be able to do anything to stop it. The small tree behind them in the sidewalk is opening up to reveal an open door. He watches in absolute terror as her body convulses twice before going limp. The life drains out of her eyes, turning them a dull green just before they fall backwards into the opening in the tree. He leaps forward but it's too late. The tree closes up with the sound of cracking wood and he is left standing there with a glowing seraph blade in his hand and a pain in his body that has him frozen to the spot.


	2. Chapter 2

_Since I got a not-so-nice review about how my stories seem to pan out sometimes, I thought I would clarify something. This **will not** be a Clonathan story. Nor will it be a Clace story...sort of. It will but it won't. You'll understand what I mean if you stick around to read what I've written long enough. This story is about Clary and about her finding her inner bad-ass after going through something horrible. _

_Oh, and to the guest who reviewed about my Clonathan endings, I'm sorry if my Clonathan stories offend your sensibilities (no I'm not). I write both Clace and Clonathan stories and I don't always feel the need to tell everyone up front how it will end by saying who she will end up with. Although usually, if you pay enough attention, you'll figure it out pretty easily._

* * *

Clary begins to stir awake. Rolling over, she expects to feel Jace's body. When her arm comes down and hits something hard, cold, and wet instead of him, everything comes flying back to her. The downworld meeting, the Faerie knights, Alec... Her eyes fly open.

The first thing she notices is how cold she is. She's lying on the wet dirt floor of some room, only a single candle flickering in the middle of the floor. Her head whips around looking for a way out and quickly finds none. The room is shaped like a sphere with rounded walls and a rounded roof, made entirely of brown packed earth, only about ten feet in diameter. There was no visible door to be seen anywhere. She runs her fingers along the wall as she walks around the room, hoping to find some imperfection that could be a sign of some sort of opening.

After making five rounds around the room, she gives up and looks down at herself. She's still wearing her own shirt and pants but her shoes, weapons belt, and even her hair tie is gone. She's only wearing her pants, shirt, and underwear. The stele she always kept in her right boot as a backup was nowhere to be found, of course.

Her hands come up and grip her hair on either side of her head as panic sets in. "Shit!" she says loudly to herself. She's in Faerie at the mercy of the Seelie Queen. She has no weapons, no stele, no backup. "Shit, shit, shit, shit." she chants to herself as she paces.

"Alec." she says with worry. What if he's here too? What if they got him too? She prays to the angel that he's not here with her. If not, surely he's told Jace and everyone at the Institute that she's been taken by now. Surely they would come for her, right? Jace would never let her stay here for too long. He'd come for her.

There was just only one problem though. Since the Cold Peace was put into place, all of the entrances to Faerie had been sealed to all non-faeries and those with faerie blood. How was he going to get into Faerie to rescue her? Not to mention, time passes differently here. It could be a year for her here and only a day would pass for him. "Fuck!" she shouts out in frustration and fear.

"Such a filty mouth."

Clary spins around to the sound of a sickeningly familiar voice. There, in a doorway that has appeared out of nowhere, is standing the Seelie Queen. Her vibrant red hair is adorned with poison ivy weaving in and out of every other strand. She is wearing a dress made out of what seems to be butterfly wings carefully stitched together.

Her eyes narrow at her as her jaw clenches in anger. "Such an ugly face you are making." she coos at her with a superior smile on her thin lips. "But then again, even when you are smiling, you aren't that much to look at. I never did understand what your brother saw in you." Knowing that it would be useless to do otherwise, Clary remains quiet to let the Queen have her moment of gloating. By the smug smile on her lips, she's enjoying this thoroughly.

She strolls casually into the room and begins to circle Clary slowly, looking her up and down once before looking at her face. "How does it feel to be here now, with me? I can see that you are scared and that pleases me to no end, but what else are you feeling? Surely you are wondering how your perfect little life turned upside down so quickly."

"Actually, I was just wondering when you are going to stop being such a cunt." Clary snaps at her. "It must take a lot of effort to be such a raging bitch all of the time. You must surely be tired by now." She knows her words will cost her but watching as the Queen's smile is wiped off of her face abruptly with shock was well worth any punishment she would receive.

The Queen's hand pulls back and cracks across Clary's face, busting open her top lip. The pain lancing across her face is nothing compared to the anger on the Queen's face. "Are you that unintelligent that you do not see that you are in Faerie? That you are under my control?" the Queen seethes at her. The vines in her hair start to writhe and grow longer, tangling around her torso. "I do not plan to just let you die. That would be too easy of an escape for you and the damage you've caused."

Clary spits out a mouth full of blood from her cut lip onto the dirt floor. "Oh, bummer." she quips sarcastically. She knows she should just remain quiet but she just can't help herself in this moment. Realization has set in and she knows that she is done for. This will be the end of her. No one can get into Faerie to help her escape and the Queen's wrath is now solely directly at her. She blames her for losing the war and she is right to do so. She was the one that drove the sword into her brother's chest and killed him, taking along with him the power of his dark shadowhunters that were fighting along side her knights.

"You are the most infuriating creature I have ever come into contact with." the Queen sneers at her. "You will pay dearly for it." A knowing smile then creeps up her lips, turning her face into something twisted. For a split second, Clary thinks she can see the glamour she casts around herself to appear young and beautiful crack ever so slightly. Grayish cracked skin peeks through at her throat for a brief moment before the image is gone.

With a wave of her hand, two Faerie knights appear, different than the ones before. They grab her by her arms and she doesn't fight it this time. It would be useless. She's completely powerless down here without her weapons or her stele. She doesn't know the way out and there is too much magic here that is completely under the Queen's control that would never allow that to happen. She begins to think about Izzy telling her about the two Blackthorn brothers and while one had two children with a faerie, the other was tortured for seven years before he was released, causing him to become crazy and unable to function as a normal person.

She is unable to stop the fear that wraps itself around her body then. She knows that her fate was sealed the moment the knights grabbed her outside of Magnus' apartment. The Queen could easily slow time down here and make one day seem like a year for her. She's sure that Jace will never stop trying to get her back and at least there is that. If anyone can find a way into Faerie to rescue her, it will be Jace and Magnus. The only fear of hers now is just how long will it be for her before either she is rescued or she dies under the Queen's torture.

The knights take her down a narrow tunnel that ends in some sort of green room. There is a glowing light coming from inside the room that turns even the air around her a thick green color. Once they reach the room, Clary is pushed into it, stumbling for a moment before righting herself. It is another circular room with green earth covering every inch. The smell of moss is so thick it almost gags her. She spins when she hears a dark laugh escape someone's lips.

Standing at the threshold of the door is a faerie with light blue skin and startling red eyes. His hair is made of large thorny vines that seem to move of their own accord as if they were alive. Brown animal skin covers his body and in one hand is some sort of whip. It shimmers yellow in the glow of green light that surrounds her and seems to be coming from nowhere. She gulps and backs away from him slowly, her eyes trained on him. "Smart girl." he says in a voice that reminds her of a hawk's screech. It's high pitched and grates against her ears. "I see the fear in your eyes."

She remains quiet, not willing to give him the satisfaction of confirming his words with speaking because her voice will surely betray her. "It's been a while since I've had a Nephilim to play with." he says uncoiling the whip and letting the length of it unfold to the green ground. They are slowly pacing each other around the circular room, Clary looking for anything to defend herself with and knowing that she will find nothing. "The Queen tells me that it is because of you that I am no longer allowed to go above ground and find things to play with. I've had to make do with the small woodland creatures my lady has gifted me until now." His lips curve upwards into a sick smile, revealing a row of pointed yellowing teeth. "Don't worry, this will only hurt a lot." he says as he raises the whip into the air.

Clary braces herself for the sting of the whip. Her eyes close and then a searing pain cracks across her back. A shrill scream tears out of her throat. "Yesssss." says the blue faerie. "Scream for me." The whip comes down again, wrapping itself around her body and snapping against the skin of her back again. She grits her teeth together as another scream of pain leaves her throat. Blood begins to trail down her back and into her pants. Her eyes fly open with rage and she locks them onto him. Instinct takes over and then she is flinging herself at him. He quickly brings the whip down again. This time, the whip coils around her foot and it is pulled out from under her. She falls backwards and slams into the ground, landing on her bloody back.

She screams against the burn of the whip marks and rolls onto her side with a groan, trying to regain the breath that was knocked out of her. "Stupid little Nephilim." he croaks at her. She hears the whip tearing through the air before she feels it lance across the skin of her back. She shouts out again as she feels the skin rip open on her back. She arches her body to try and get away from the pain but only succeeds in wrinkling the broken skin from the whip and sending more pain down her spine. "Now you will look just like your brother did." He says from right next to her ear. She strikes out in that direction only to hit nothing but the thick green air around her.

Pain tears through her body again and again and again for the next thirty to thirty-five whip cracks. She lost count somewhere after the twentieth one. Her blood now stains the green ground around her while flecks of her blood decorate the walls and ceiling. The pain has become a burning dull roar instead of a piercing stab like when he began. All of her strength left her when the adrenaline wore off somewhere around the tenth whip. She groans and rolls onto her side from where she lay on her stomach. The world is spinning around her every time she tries to open her eyes. Tears soak her cheeks and nose while her body starts to shake from the trauma it has just suffered. "I'll see you soon." she hears his voice say to her as hands grab her upper arms and lift her up. She tries to stand and walk but is only able to manage a few steps before her legs give out. They then drag her the rest of the way back to the room she started out in. She's thrown in and is able to watch as the door coalesces and melts into the rest of the room, becoming indiscernible from the rest of the room.

Her hands reach around behind her and find the fleshy meat of her back, barely feeling any smooth skin. She screams as she peels the fabric of her shredded shirt from the places she can reach. Her bra and shirt hang in tatters on the front of her body but the last thing she is concerned with is the fact that she now is completely bare from the waist up. The pain that is emanating from her back is blinding and before she knows it, she collapses the short distance to the floor from where she was sitting and lets sleep take her under.

* * *

 **Alec**

He watches in horror and despair as they drag Clary's lifeless body into the tree with them. When it snaps close, he's left staring at the place she just was. "No." he says in a disbelieving whisper to himself. "No, no, no." His heart cracks in his chest and then his mind is violently pulled to Jace.

Jace.

How is he going to take this news?

Who the fuck is he kidding? He knows exactly how he's going to take the news. "It's my fault." he says to himself. While his and Clary's relationship started out rocky and with him hating her, he's gotten to know her over the past few years and has grown to love her as a dear friend. Love her as the person that makes his parabatai happy.

He falls to his knees at the foot of the tree while his hands come up and grasp his head on either side. "Oh my God. They killed her."

"Alexander!"

He hears his name being called from somewhere behind him but he doesn't turn around. He knows it's Magnus. He can't face him right now.

"Alexander!" Magnus calls again with panic lacing his voice. He appears in front of him in a crouch with a worried look on his dark features as he locks eyes with him. "Alexander. What's wrong. You're scaring me."

A tear leaks out of his eye then as he locks eyes with his boyfriend. "She's gone. They killed her." he says weakly.

"What are you talking about?" Magnus demands, his tone now serious.

"Faerie knights. When I came downstairs, there were three of them. They had Clary." His eyes drop from Magnus', not wanting to see his face at this news. He knows how he feels about Clary. She's like a daughter to him.

"Where did they take her?" Magnus says firmly, shaking his shoulders to try and get him to pull it together.

"It's too late. They killed her. Slit her throat and then drug her limp body into that tree." he says weakly. He's going to have to tell Jace. "I couldn't get to her in time." Jace is going to be destroyed. "I was too late." Will he be able to feel Jace's pain?

"Alec. Are you sure?" Magnus says, his voice wavering a little with fear.

He nods his head as tears silently roll down his cheeks. "I watched the life drain from her eyes. They said the Queen required her death."

Magnus abruptly stands up and spins to face the small tree. His hands spark with blue fire as he places them against the tree. He's chanting something in some language that Alec's never heard before. He can hear the pain and fear laced in his boyfriend's throat as he chants, knowing that whatever he is doing will be futile. "It's too late. She's dead." Alec says in shear defeat.

"NO!" shouts Magnus, his shoulders beginning to shake with cries. He spins around quickly and places his hands on both sides of Alec's head and closes his eyes. The horrible scene he just witnessed begins to play in his head again. Magnus is watching it, checking to make sure of what he saw. When it comes to Clary's throat being slit, he tries to pull away to avoid seeing it again but Magnus holds tight. When he lets go, he falls to the ground in front of him. "No." he whispers. "She was just here."

"How am I going to tell Jace?" Alec asks him, looking up at him. "He'll never forgive me."

"There was nothing that could be done." he replies in a dead voice. "They were waiting for her."

"Magnus." Alec says, his voice cracking. "Clary's dead. After everything we went through, she's gone in a split second."

"Life is fragile, Alec." he replies. His face is now tortured and broken with realization. "That's the first thing I ever learned and I've never forgotten it all of the long years of my life." Tears break free of his cat eyes then and slide down his face to hit the ground beneath them.

"I can't tell him, Magnus." he whispers. "I can't. I just can't." Magnus envelopes him in his arms and pulls him tight as they both begin to shake with their own sadness.

* * *

 _Thanks a million for reading and don't forget to **follow** and **review** and tell me what you think!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Alec**

Telling Jace about Clary was much worse than he thought it would be. Jace knew that something was wrong the moment he laid eyes on him after going to his room and knocking on the door. Jace answered the door and when he saw his red eyes and puffy face, he dropped the book he was reading and demanded to know what was wrong. He could barely get the words out of his mouth but when he did, Jace was shaking his head furiously. "No. She's not. I would know. I would have felt it here." He placed his hand over his heart and tapped there. "She's not gone. You're wrong."

He then shoved past Alec and stomped towards the weapons room stating that he was going to get her back. He was going to find a way into Faerie and kill everyone he saw until he found her. Thankfully, Magnus appeared then, coming from Luke and Jocelyn's place. Jace stopped in his tracks when he saw Magnus' teary face. "You were there?" he asked breathlessly.

Magnus shook his head. "No. I got there too late. I looked into Alec's mind and saw what happened." He choked a little on his words and took a shaky breath. "The Faerie Knight...he cut her throat."

"She's still alive!" Jace shouted angrily at him. "I would know if she was dead!"

"Alec watched her body go limp and the life drain out of her eyes. I'm so sorry, Jace." Magnus says to him.

Jace stood there for a moment, his chest heaving up and down with his heavy breaths. "No. No. No." he says in a whisper. His hands came up to the sides of his head and pulled at his hair as he looked down at the carpeted hallway. The pure guttural moan of pain that sounded from his lips then will haunt him for the rest of his life. He would have never thought that a human could make a sound like the one he did. Pure pain. He welcomed the physical pain that he felt from the connection he shared with Jace. The actual physical pain that lanced through heart was almost too much to bear. The worst part about all of it was that he knew that if his heart hurt that much from his connection with him, the pain in him being muted because it wasn't his pain, then he didn't want even begin to imagine the pain the Jace was feeling. That thought alone was terrifying.

The next month was pure hell. Jace was destructive and angry, not letting anyone near him with the exception of Alec on some occasions. He went to the Clave and demanded that they start a war with the Faeries only to be turned down after two days of debate among the council. They stated that although Clary had been the saviour of their race twice over, that it would have been too detrimental to their already significantly depleted numbers if they engaged in a war with them without Clary's rune abilities.

Magnus had to place a sleeping spell on him when they told him their decision because he had started to charge them with a sword in hand. After that came him trying to find any faerie anywhere and trap and question him for any information. Unfortunately though, since Clary had been taken, faeries were hard to come by. They all but disappeared.

Now, as he sat looking at his parabatai's lifeless eyes, he knew that he would never be the same. He had already made peace with that, said his goodbyes to the old Jace and was determined to help him find himself again. A new Jace. One that he hoped would eventually eat more than a granola bar and a protein shake a day. One that spoke without being asked a direct question. One that actually smiled again.

* * *

 **Clary**

Clary doesn't know how long it is till she wakes again. She's on her stomach, laying on the cold packed brown earth of her room. She brings her arm up from beside her to her shoulder and pushes up and into a sitting position. Her skin pulls tightly along her back and she shouts out a shocked screech of pain. It lances through her body like a knife. She can feel her dried blood covering most of her torso and her hair as she moves to sit up. She shivers in the cold, wrapping her arms around the top half of her bare body. Her pants are still in place at least. Her head spins heavily on her shoulders and nausea tugs in the pit of her stomach.

Her tongue comes out to soothe her cracked lips but they find no relief. Her mouth is bone dry after not having anything to drink for who knows how long. "Shit." she says to herself as she twists her top half a little. Every little move she makes sends burning pain across her dirty skin. _How long will I be able to hold off eating or drinking anything_ she thinks to herself. With the way her throat is dry and itchy, begging for any liquid, she's not sure she will be able to resist if she was offered anything. _No, Clary. You can't. You know the rules._ she tells herself. She can't eat or drink anything in Faerie or she'll end up belonging to them, unable to leave, even if she was shown the way out of here.

Her eyes survey the room she's in again, unable to discern anything. It's a perfectly circular room so there is no way to know where the door is. Every inch of it looks the same as the rest with no breaks in the walls. It's disorienting. The faerie's words come back to her then. "Now you'll look just like your brother." he said to her. She tries to reach back behind herself again and feel her back. When her fingers come into contact with the raw skin there, she knows that she will be permanently scarred. There is no way that they will let her have a stele to heal herself so she will have to heal like a mundane. Her once smooth back will be rough and ugly now. She briefly wonders if Jace will cringe away from her if she ever sees him again.

 _No. Don't think like that. Don't say **if**_. she tells herself. _I will see him again_.

She sits up, leaning forward onto her bent knees, alone in the room on the ground for a while. Exactly how long, she doesn't know. There is no way to tell time down here, even if she did have a window of some sort. She's in Faerie and the laws of the universe tend to bend to the Queen's will depending on her mood. She eventually lays down on her side and curls her legs up to her naked chest and wraps her arms around herself. She welcomes it when her eyelids begin to droop and she falls asleep. It's a welcome escape from the dull roar of fire along her back. When she wakes up again, the single candle that is burning in the center of the room has almost burned down to the bottom. She continues to lay on her side and turns her head up and decides to focus on watching it, using it as a means of not thinking about her tight and painful back.

For the first time since being taken down here, a tear of fear slips out of her eye. Sure, she cried when she was being whipped, but that was because she was in pain. These tears that are now running down her face are because she is afraid. Afraid that this will be her life for the foreseeable future. She's cold, alone, in pain, lying on the dirt floor of a room, and completely at the mercy of the Seelie Queen who absolutely hates her. She knows that she is running low on time. The longer she is down here, the lesser her chances of getting out and escaping are. She doesn't even want to think about what kind of torture the Queen has planned for her. Having her whipped so her back would be as scarred as her brother's is, she guesses, the Queen's means of poetic justice for Jonathan.

The moment the candle flickered out in her room, it immediately reformed, looking new with a large flame atop it. She watched until it went out again and reformed a second time, never moving an inch, before she fell asleep again.

"Get up." a high voice says. Clary cracks one eye open in time to see an animal skin covered foot connect with her gut. A large rush of air pushes it's way from her lips from the force of the kick. She coughs for a second, clutching her arms around her stomach. When she sees the foot coming back at her again, she catches it and twists it, bringing down the owner of the foot to the ground. She lifts her elbow up to land a blow to the faerie's shin to break it but a whip wraps around her wrist from behind her. It snatches her backwards, making her roll onto her back. The pain from her being dragged on the ground on along her back forces a scream from her lips.

The faerie that she had knocked down, a young female with pale skin and blue hair, pushes up and walks over to land another blow to her stomach. "Stupid Nephilim scum." she says in her shrill voice. "You'll pay for that."

"I already am because I have to look at you." Clary grunts out with an amused smile on her lips. She chokes out a small laugh before the faerie's hand comes down and pushes her face into the dirt of the floor. Clary tries to take a breath but only inhales dirt. "You are not very funny." she tells her as she presses her face even harder into the ground. "Or very smart."

Clary manages to turn her head enough to grit out, "I don't know. I thought what I said was pretty damn funny."

The pale faerie screeches again in anger, standing up with a look of pure rage on her face. Her fingers curve into talons and then Clary is being dragged away by the whip wrapped around her wrist. The ground pulls at the bare skin along her side as she is dragged. She grunts and manages to get her feet under her before she is dragged across a jagged root along the ground that she sees up ahead. Her free arm comes up to cover her bare chest to try and retain some of her dignity as she is pulled down the dirt tunnel that is much like the room she's being kept in. The walls are curved with packed brown earth, completely rounded with the occasional hole where a room was carved out.

She grins to herself as the hand that is wrapped in the whip grabs hold of it. She readies herself to pull on it to knock down the knight that is pulling her along when she feels a burning pain added to the dull ache of her back. She grunts in pain and stumbles in her step. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." the faerie that kicked her says with a clearly amused tone. Clary whips her head back to her and sees the knife the girl is holding in her palm, stained red with her blood.

They turn a corner then and she turns to face forward again, trying to see where they are going. She needs to familiarize herself with the tunnels here if she ever wants to find her way out. They turn another corner and her heart rate picks up. At the end of the hallway is the same moss covered green room from yesterday; or at least she thinks it was yesterday. She manages a dry gulp as her eyes widen, knowing what will await her once inside there. She fixes her face into a stoic mask, unwilling to give away any emotion. Especially not fear.

Once at the door to the room, the girl behind her shoves her in, digging her nails into her raw back. She grunts in pain as she grits her teeth together, not wanting her to know just how much that hurt her.

The same faerie that whipped her is there waiting for her again. "Here you go, Varys." coos the girl. "Have fun with her today."

"I always do." he says in a sinister voice. They leave then, closing the door from which they came with a thick curtain of thorns.

Clary stands tall, and surveys the area around them. Jace had beat it into her that that is what should always be done first. "Look around for exits and possible weapons every chance you get." he would tell her in training. But once again, there was nothing. Nothing but the green earth of the room and the green light that enveloped everything in sight and a bucket of water next to his feet. "Varys is it?" she asks him.

"That is what they call me." he says to her. "Although I prefer my other name that my Lady Queen has given me."

"And what name is that? Papa Smurf?" Clary chuckles at her own little joke as her eyes scan over his blue skin and red eyes.

"The Designer of Pain." he answers her. His lips curl upwards and Clary has to work hard keep her smile on her face, not wanting him to know that his little nick-name wasn't exactly comforting to her. "You will soon learn why I have procured that particular name. Although my Lady Queen has laid out very specific plans for you for the time being. I long for the day that I will be the one planning your pain."

"And what plans are those?" she asks.

"The ones where I burn her mark of possesion onto your skin."

Clary stills, her heart rate doubling. "What mark of possession?" she asks, unable to quell her curiosity.

"This one." Varys says and pulls out a piece of metal the size of a small onion from out of thin air. It is in the shape of the flowers from the deadly plant, Oleander.

"She wants to brand me?" she asks.

"Yes." he answers, producing a flame from nowhere and holding it below the piece of metal. "Don't worry, it will only hurt a lot. Especially when the toxins from the plant seep into your blood stream."

"What?" she croaks out. "If that thing is covered with the poison from the Oleander plant, it will kill me."

"Not in this particular dose. It will most likely cause you to have siezures instead. She doesn't want you dead just yet. She wants you to suffer for as long as her and her people suffer."

Clary's heart drops. "But the next accords signing is thirteen years away!" she shrieks, unable to control herself. "I can't...I can't be down here for thirteen years!"

Jace. She can't be away from him for that long. That is what she is really thinking. He is her strength, her other half, just like she is his strength. He'll go crazy knowing she's down here for that long, unable to do anything. _God, I hope he finds a way to get to me_ she says to herself. She's not sure if they would be able to survive it. It will drive them both crazy wondering how the other is doing. "No. I'll get out of here." she whispers to herself in an effort to convince herself.

"That is amusing that you believe that." Varys says with a smile, still holding the flame to the metal. It has started to glow a bright red and the sight makes her stomach twist in knots. Her feet begin to carry her backwards till her back touches the curved mossy wall. It stings like fire when she presses herself even further into the wall, trying with futility to back further away from the faerie and trying to ready herself to give him the fight of his life. If he thinks she's just going to let him brand her, he's got another thing coming to him.

He blows out the flame when the brand is burning a bright orange and turns his eyes to her. Quicker than her eyes can follow, his thorny hair comes alive and stretches out from his body and wraps it's vines around either of her wrists. She lets out a quick shout of pain as they pull her arms away from herself as she was trying to conserve her modesty, and pin them to the wall on either side of her. "Now, where would you like it?" he asks.

"Up your mother's ass?" she says with bitterness.

He holds it up in front of her face, and looks longingly at her mouth. "Maybe if I place it on your mouth, it would shut you up."

Her arms are pulled even wider to either side of her body and are pinned to the curved walls. She whimpers in pain as the thorns dig deeper into her skin, her bare chest exposed for the world to see. She wants so badly to cover up and hold on to what dignity she has left, but as Varys comes closer to her, holding out the fire red brand, all of thoughts of modesty are pushed to the back of her mind.

Another strand of his thorny hair grows out and wraps around her legs, preventing her from kicking out at him. His red eyes slink down her body and then back up to her face. "I think the perfect place for it is right here." She tries to pull away on instinct as he presses the brand into the skin just below her collar bone on her right side, right next to her shoulder.

The scream that comes from her lips is blood curdling. The searing pain from the brand being placed on her skin is blinding. Her world starts to spin around her. Her legs begin to shake as she feels the blood drain from her face. "Jace." she mumbles. For some reason, his face plants itself on the back of her eyelids. She finds strength in his golden eyes and is able to force her eyes open just as a bucket of water is thrown on her.

She sucks in a startled breath from the shock of the coldness of it before she realizes that her mouth was hanging open when it was thrown at her. She feels the liquid in her mouth. Panic lances through her as she starts to try and spit every drop of it out of her mouth, knowing in the back of her mind that it's too late. Varys begins to chuckle at her efforts. "It's too late little Morgenstern." he chortles at her. "You're mine now."

Clary's eyes widen in horror. "No! Jace!" she screams in hysteria. "No! Please, let me go! I can't stay here!" The pain that is pulsing through almost every inch of her is forgotten.

"You are not going anywhere for a long time." he tells her. "I've got a few experiments that I have planned for you and your angel blood. I've always wanted to get my hands on an angel. It's said that their blood can heal any wound."

She barely registers anything he says. She's completely at the mercy of the Seelie Queen now and there is no way that she will ever let her go. "No." she whispers to herself. "Jace, I'm so sorry." Her head hangs down as her eyes fall to the floor and stare at the ground there, defeat settling around her heart like a vise for the moment.

She sees a light blue finger come closer to her and press into her new brand. A scream leaves her lips as her pain is brought back to the forefront of her mind. "There." he says sounding satisfied. "Now that I have your attention again, I want you to drink some water. I don't want you passing out from dehydration during our time together." The thorny vines that make up his hair release her arms and legs then, allowing her to collapse to the floor in exhaustion. Her hands catch her just before she face plants into the mossy ground. "Drink." he says sternly and places a tall glass of water in front of her. "Fuck you." she says, her throat scratching with the effort to speak. Although she is nearly dying of thirst while her body shakes in pain, she refuses to drink anything in this moment and give him any sort of satisfaction. She reaches out and knocks the glass over.

"Suit yourself." he says and then there is a searing pain that lances across her back. She jerks upwards to see him pouring some pink liquid onto her back. It burns like the brand she just received. She tries to roll away but there are vines back at her legs, holding them together and preventing her from moving. He laughs when she feebly tries to reach out at him. He steps just out of reach of her. "What is ever the matter? Does that hurt?" he asks in a falsely innocent voice.

A feral growl forces it's way up her chest as she pushes up onto her hands and knees. Her green eyes turn into slits at him which amuses him to no end.

"Would you like some more?" he asks with a chuckle and tosses the rest of the liquid in the pint sized glass onto her back. She yells out in pain as she hears it sizzle on the wounds of her back. "I'm doing this to help you, Nephilim." he tells her. She heaves heavy breaths in and out as she tries to gain back some control of herself. "That is a healing serum. I don't want you to get an infection and die. Where would I get my fun if you weren't here to provide it for me?"

"Fuck you." she mutters to him lowly. Her head has started to swing unsteadily on her shoulders again. A tsunami of dizziness and nausea crashes against her then and she rolls to her left and falls onto her side. Her blood begins to boil as her muscles start to tense painfully. "I see the Oleander is starting to take effect." he says to her from somewhere far away.

Her body begins to shake of it's own accord and Clary looses all control over herself. Every single muscle in her body contracts like one big charlie-horse. Her bowels release and her eyes roll back.

She's having a seizure.

Little grunting noises escape her mouth without her will and then she's aware of some more of the burning liquid being tossed on her back. It burns like hell but she's unable to focus on anything other than her muscles and the knowledge that she is having a seizure. From what she can remember from school, the longer the seizure, the worse it is for the brain. She could become a vegetable if it goes on for too long.

The burning liquid is tossed again onto her back and then her seizure begins to subside. Her breaths are heavy and labored and then unconsciousness takes her.

When she wakes up again, she expects to find herself in her room, but to her horror, she's still in the moss covered torture room. Her throat is uncomfortably dry and her shoulder is screaming at her. She looks down at the brand and cringes to herself. The skin is angry looking - red and swollen with bits of black around the edges where her skin is burned away and curled up. Her back is back to being a dull roar of pain and for that, she's thankful. She's sitting in a chair now, her hands tied behind her back while her calves are tied to the legs of the chair. "Finally." she hears Varys say in an annoyed tone. "You've been out for a while."

She forces her head to rise up and look at him. It takes every bit of strength she has to hold her heavy head steady and keep her eyelids from closing. She can tell that her body is barely able to function at this point. She squints her eyes harder when she realizes that she is seeing two of everything.

The two Varys creep closer to her as their eyes study her. They have something in their hands. Something small and shiny. "Do you want to hear a story, Nephilim?" the two Varys say to her. "Alright. If you insist." he says when she doesn't say anything back to him. As he speaks, he circles her slowly.

"I have lived for three of your centuries. My mother was one of the Queen's ladies and my father was a knight. One evening, when I was only a boy, I went with my father to your world. He wanted to show me how weak humans were. All you had to do was kill someone they loved and they would become useless; a waste of life, even if it was the lowest form of life. Just when we were at the entrance back to Faerie, we were spotted by Nephilim. They didn't hesitate in cutting down my father and just when one was about to drive a seraph blade through my chest, the chest of a child, my mother appeared at the entrance. When they spotted her, she was shot through the heart with an arrow. All she had done was stand there in the night and they killed her."

He stops in front of her then and she tries her best to look up at him after seeing that he has gone back to being one person. "When I ran to her, she was dead. I looked back up to the Nephilim to see an arrow coming straight for my head. I moved out of the way in time for it to fly by my head before I jumped into Faerie."

She blinks when he spins away from her and walks near the door. "Instead of letting the deaths of my parents destroy me like you Nephilim and humans do, I let it find me purpose." He turns back around with a twist of his lips to make it look like he is smiling. "I'll give you one guess as to what that purpose is."

"Is it to bore everyone to death with your horrible story telling skills?" she says, her voice breaking from how dry her throat is. She thinks to herself with a laugh that Jace has rubbed off on her more than she thought.

He continues like she hadn't said anything. "I have tortured and killed over five hundred of your kind over my years in the Queen's service. Your kind is responsible for the death of every one of them. If your kind hadn't killed my parents that night, I wouldn't have become what I am and take such joy in causing agony to any Nephilim I can get my hands on."

"And if my father wasn't a sick sadistic fuck, I would have been born a normal shadowhunter with a normal brother and would have never been here in the first place." she says. "Would you just stop talking and get on with whatever you are going to do. You are going to bore me to death with your shitty fucking story."

"Alright." he replies with a smile, allowing her to see a curved blade and some sort of hooks in his hand. "Since you asked for it."

He walks over to her and goes around to her back. She stifles a scream as his fingers dig into the torn skin along her right shoulder blade and pinches it. She is unable to hold in a scream when he slides the curved blade into her skin, pulling her flesh off of her body before sliding one of the hooks he was holding into her. He repeats this process on her other side and this time she is able to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from screaming. "Why did you put hooks in me?" she asks through her labored breaths.

"So I can hang you from the ceiling as a decoration, of course. Albeit a very ugly decoration." He waves his hands as his eyes look up the ceiling. Vines are growing from the moss there and are inching closer to her. Her eyes widen as adrenaline starts to course through her. She thrashes against her restraints, shredding the skin on her wrists and calves to pieces. The vines wrap themselves around the hooks and then she is being lifted into the air.

Her skin pulls roughly upwards and searing pain makes her body go rigid. She can feel her skin being peeled from the muscles underneath them. She lets out a tortured wail as her feet lift from the ground and she begins to dangle and swing in the air. Varys steps forward and cuts the bindings from her legs and the chair that she was strapped to falls to the floor. His gaze slides over her body as he circles her, admiring his work as she tries her hardest to stay still. The more she moves, the more the hooks pull at her and the more pain it causes. She grunts and tries her best to gain control of her erratic breathing, using this as a distraction from the pain. _In...out...in...out.._. she tells herself, willing her lungs to move in time with her commands.

When her breathing steadies and she's gained control over herself again, Varys reaches out and gives her a hard shove. Her body swings heavily causing her to shriek in pain as she squeezes her eyes shut. This pattern repeats itself thirty times before there is a break in the repetition by a voice coming from where the door is. Although she is grateful at first for this distraction, her gratitude is quickly replaced with fear. It's the Seelie Queen.

Her lips turn up into a genuinely satisfied smile as her eyes take in Clary hanging from the ceiling.

"My lady." Varys says, his voice dripping with admiration as he bends into a deep bow. The Queen doesn't even glance his way as she walks over to Clary. "Whatever beauty you possessed has left you." she says to Clary. "You shouldn't stress so much. It ages you."

"You would know, wouldn't you?" Clary says back to her. "I saw a crack in your glamour earlier." She smiles when she sees the Queen's eyes widen and then turn angry.

Quicker than her sluggish brain can see, the Queen pulls out a knife and buries it into her upper thigh and twists it. She screams out a few obscenities for a few seconds before gaining control over herself again and locking her jaw as she glares at the Queen. "Varys, bring her to hang in my court. I have something to show her."

"Yes, my lady." he replies lovingly as she spins around and leaves them alone again. Once she is gone, Varys flicks his fingers and the vines release her. She falls to the floor in relief only to have the hooks unceremoniously taken from her back. He then kicks her over and removes the knife from her thigh and snaps his fingers loudly. "Take her to the Queen." Varys says and then two knights are picking her up by each arm while her hands are still tied together behind her, and drags her limp body down a series of halls.

After a few turns, a bag is placed over her head so she can't see where they are going and her pants are cut from her body, leaving her in just a pair of purple boy shorts underwear. When she tries to stand to walk on her own, her legs give out under the pain of her knife wound. She allows them to drag her then, content in just letting her bare feet drag along the rough ground.

She guesses that it's around five minutes before she hears a rumble of voices. Another ten seconds pass before the hands holding her arms release her and drop her to the floor. The bag is pulled from her head and she immediately sees that there must be at least twenty to thirty faeries in the familar room. She's back in the Queen's quarters, in the place she was the first time she was ever here.

She wants to hide her body away from them, cover herself up but no one seems to care about her naked state except her. All of the eyes on her are tainted with hate and disgust and anger. "I have procured a new pet." the Queen's voice coos from behind her. "One that I am sure all of you will recognize."

"The Morgenstern girl." someone calls out.

"Yes." the Queen says with an approving tone. "And I brought her here because I have gotten her a gift. Something that represents our warmest welcome to her."

Clary jerks her head back to the Queen to study her. She's sure that whatever gift she's gotten her, it's one that will surely cause her pain. The Queen doesn't spare her a glance as she looks to the back of the crowd and says, "Bring him forward."

Clary looks in the direction of the Queen's gaze and forces herself to stand, pushing past the pain in her leg so she can see into the crowd. She puts all of her weight on her good leg and balances just in time to see a flash of familiar blonde hair over the shoulders of some faeries. "No." she says to herself in horror. "No."

"Yes." the Queen says from closer to her, but her eyes stay on that place in the crowd. Another long second passes before her heart stops in her chest. There, being held by two faerie knights with his hands tied behind his back, is her Jace.

* * *

 _Thanks a million for reading my story! Please don't forget to **follow** and **review** to tell me what you think!_


	4. Chapter 4

"Jace!" she shouts at him.

His bruised eyes widen, half in relief and half in horror. It looks like he put up one hell of a fight. His cheek is bruised and there is cut above his eye that is bleeding down his face. He is gagged and unable to say anything and instead, is making angry noises as he tries to break free of the hold on him. Clary takes half a step towards him and collapses to the ground, scraping her legs. She rolls to her side and pushes herself up onto her knees and tries to walk on her knees to him. She gets to just in front of him, only a foot or so, and is grabbed by her shoulders and prevented from moving any further. "Jace!" she shouts at him again, wishing she was more decent and not almost naked. It's humiliating to know that he is seeing her like this. So beaten down and broken and degraded.

The hands on her shoulders grip her hard and she winces as fingers dig into her new brand while they drag her away. "No! Let him go, you crazy bitch! You have me! You don't want him. It was me who caused you to lose the Dark War!"

"Silence!" the Queen shouts. Silence engulfs the room. "I thought you would like your gift, little pet." The Queen says in a sing song voice.

Clary turns to face her on her knees and begins to beg. "Please, let him go. I'll do anything. I'll stay here for the rest of my life if you just let him go. I'll do anything. Just...please, let him go."

The queen's mouth curves upwards as she looks down on Clary. "Look at you. I've only had you a short while and you are already begging at my feet. You are more pathetic than I thought you were, and that isn't saying much. Why your brother was so obsessed with you is beyond my comprehension."

Clary turns her head and looks back to Jace. His eyes are now focused solely on Clary now. They're filled with sorrow and full of an unspoken apology. _I'm sorry I got caught. I'm sorry I couldn't save you_. they say to her. "I love you." she tells him as tears roll down her cheeks.

He says something that sounds like "I love you too." through his gag before thrashing again against the hold on his arms and ripping the black shirt he is wearing at his shoulder. "Declarations of love have always amused me." the Queen says bitterly. "Especially when those declarations are designed to garner my empathy. But what you have forgotten, my little pet, is that I do not have the want or desire to feel empathy for anyone. That is why I am Queen and you are in the dirt, groveling at my feet."

Clary doesn't even care at this moment how weak she may look. All she can think about is how she can save Jace and get the queen to set him free. "Please, my lady, let him go." she says in a calmer voice, filled with respect. "I am a Morgenstern. My father tried to kill all of your kind and I was the one who drove the blade through my brother's heart that caused you to be on the losing side of a war that was yours to win. You don't really want him."

"But I do want him." the Queen says with a twist of her lips. "I want him because it causes you pain to see him here. In fact..." She pauses and motions to someone behind Clary with a wave of her hand.

Clary turns around to see a faerie with a large sword step forward and poise it at Jace's chest. His beautiful eyes grow hard and stern before turning to her and locking with her green eyes. They soften immensely as they hold each other's eye contact and then the sword is pushed into his chest. Clary screams out an agonized wail as the scene from Lake Lynn is played out before her again. Jace's eyes widen with the pain as his body begins to convulse.

"No!" she screams. The hands holding her still release her and then she is crawling on her knees to him. The knights holding him let him fall to the floor with a thud. She's barely able to see him through her teary eyes as she closes in on him. Somehow, her hands are released from their bindings behind her and she throws herself at him, her blood covered hands landing on his chest. The life is quickly draining from his eyes while her cries grow harder. Just as she is about to place a kiss on his face, hands pull her up and away from him. "No!" she screams at the top of her lungs. Her effort to try to get out of the hold on her is impressive given how tired and hurt she is. Her screams turn panicked and more agonized the further she is pulled away from him. Unbelievable pain closes around her heart then as she watches while the life drains out of his eyes. "Jace! No!" she chokes out through her sobs.

When his chest stops moving, her body goes limp, the fight draining from her, being quickly replaced with excruciating pain that squeezes her heart in her chest so tightly that she feels like she is unable to breathe. She is faintly aware of the amused laughs that surround her. They are growing in intensity the lower she sinks to the floor as she cries. "Look at how pathetic she is." the Queen says with a laugh. She tries to look up at Jace one last time and is stunned into stillness. She watches him as he sits up and begins to laugh along with everyone else. "Jace?" she asks with confusion.

She watches him intently as his face transforms into one that is distinctly faerie in nature. Pink skin with pointed ears. Confusion takes over as what was once Jace, begins to laugh hysterically at her.

 _It was a glamour_ she thinks to herself. _A strong glamour._

A tidal wave of conflicting emotions crash through her then. Her body and heart are still reeling from watching Jace die...but it wasn't really Jace. Relief, anger, sorrow, happiness, and worry are all warring within her, trying to figure out which emotion is the dominant one.

"We should do this again." the Queen says with a very satisfied and amused tone. "It was very entertaining for me and my court." There is a loud round of laughter that spreads through the room as she is picked up and dragged out of the room, her body completely limp and lifeless.

* * *

 **Jace**

 _He looks down on her from above. She is in nothing but her pair of purple boy shorts while her bare chest is on display for a room full of faeries. Every inch of her skin is covered in dirt and blood while her hair is tangled and matted with dried blood. Her back is a myriad of straight deep cuts that can only be made with a whip while there is some sort of burn on her shoulder and a deep gash in her right thigh that is slowly pouring blood. His heart clenches almost unbearably hard at the sight of his love._

 _"No!" Clary screams out, sounding broken and tortured as a blade is slid into his own abdomen. He watches, utterly helpless, as the faeries holding her let her go and then she is crawling on her knees to his weakening body. One faerie steps forward as she passes and releases her hands from behind her back just as she falls on his body while blood pours from his wound. She leans down and looks like she is about to kiss him and then she is pulled away from him again. She kicks angrily and screams an agonized scream as they drag her away from him._

Jace sits up straight in his bed, sweat pouring down his face. He was in mid-scream when he woke. Alec comes barreling in his room with a worried look that mars his beautiful features. "Jace, are you okay?"

Jace kicks his sweat soaked sheets off of him and swings his legs over to the side of his bed and places his feet on the floor. "I had another dream." he tells Alec quietly and a little breathless. He reaches up and pushes his damp hair out of his face. "They just feel so damn real, Alec. Like...it's really happening."

Alec sits down on his bed beside him. "What was happening this time?"

He takes a shaky breath before telling him. "Clary...she was scarred and bloody, like she had been tortured. Her back looked like Sebastian's." The sight of her trembling and almost naked body flashes through his mind. "She was in a room with the Seelie Queen and her court. Then I was brought in and they killed me and made her watch, helpless to stop it." Jace shakes his head as it hangs between his shoulders, his lost eyes cast down to his feet. "The look on her face when she watched me die was...horrible."

Alec reaches up and places a hand on his parabatai's shoulder. "You've got to forgive yourself for not being there with her to protect her, Jace."

"I've told you before that I don't think that is what my dreams are about. It feels like someone's trying to tell me something." he tells him with fervor. "Clary would have dreams that she swore were sent to her by Ithuriel. They showed her things that were going to happen."

"Jace." Alec interrupts. "She's been gone for two months." Jace flinches at the reminder. "I know you are still healing but it's unhealthy to think that way. That she's alive."

"But what if she is?" Jace says forcefully. "What if that is what those dreams are trying to tell me?"

"Then that would mean that you are dead." Alec says flatly. "You just said yourself that you died in the dream."

"I also saw whip marks all over her back. It was like when I dreamed she was being whipped by that faerie in the green room." Jace says to him. Alec is familiar with the green room from how many times Jace has told him about it from his dreams.

"Then again, you are still sitting right here, very alive." Alec counters. Jace takes a deep breath and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to force out the sound of her screams. "Why don't you let me draw you a Sleep rune?" Alec asks. "Maybe you could get more than a couple of hours tonight still." It's past three in the morning.

Jace doesn't look at him and rolls back onto the bed while nodding his head. He feels Alec place the stele to his shoulder and the rune sink into his skin for a moment before sleep takes him.

* * *

 **Clary**

Clary is dragged, limp and emotionally drained back to her dirt room. The further she gets away from what just happened, the more she starts to allow herself to feel relief that it wasn't really Jace. He's still out there somewhere, alive, and that is what really matters. After she is unceremoniously dumped onto the floor of her room, the knights leave her through the door that quickly melts into the wall without a trace. She feels very tired and drained. Her body lays still on the floor as she slowly falls asleep, tears flowing down her face, dreaming of a time when the queen finally kills her.

Some immeasurable amount of time later...

Clary has long since quit fighting being dragged to the green room. It's futile and she always ends up being punished for not going willingly and putting up a fight. Her body is riddled with scars but the worst torture that she experiences is the mental kind. Varys always plays tricks on her, killing 'Jace' over and over again in front of her or 'Jace' telling her that he doesn't love her anymore. That he's ashamed of her for being so weak and unable to fight the faeries off. Then there are the ones where Jace is fucking numerous girls and faeries, moaning their names and saying how Clary was such a bore in bed.

She also watched Simon and her mother be killed more times than she can count. She feels so broken and tired all of the time and is ashamed of how she's almost given up, barely finding the will to live anymore. Her skin hangs loosely over her skinny frame, her bones poking out where they hadn't before. She hasn't looked in a mirror in a long time but she knows that she looks vastly different now. She doesn't feel that spark of life that once filled her. The only thing that keeps her going is her love for Jace. She can't give up and die because that would destroy him and she can't be the reason for the kind of pain that it would inflict on him.

As she readies to turn the corner to go to the green room where Varys surely awaits with a smile like always, the knight behind her jerks her to go straight. Confused, she looks back to him only to be slapped in the face as he tells her to look forward. She steps on the thin sheet that is wrapped around her body like a dress and stumbles a little in her stride. It's too long but she's just grateful that after what felt like a month of being naked, she was allowed to have this to cover herself with, even though she has to take it off when she is with Varys. It's dirty and torn in a bunch of spots but it's hers. As weird as it sounds, she's grown attached to it. It acts as a shield for her from the world she is in and it is the only thing that she has to her name since being brought to Faerie.

After a long walk, she begins to hear a sweet and melodic sound from up ahead. Her ears perk up and she finds herself wanting to walk faster so she can find out where it is coming from. Up ahead, there is a glowing light coming from a large opening along with the sounds of laughter and the sweet smell of roses. When they finally reach the room, she sees faeries of all shapes, colors, and sizes smiling and dancing. Somewhere in the back of her mind, alarm bells are going off but she ignores them, pushing the nagging feeling to the back of her thoughts.

"Come. Dance with us." a dark faerie with skin the color and texture of grey bark says to her and takes her hand. She smiles at him and takes his offered hand as the music seeps into her bones. She suddenly feels light on her feet and quickly finds herself dancing and laughing along with everyone else. The room is filled with roses of every color pinned against the walls and delicious food that smells of fruit and berries. She grabs a sweet purple drink from a tray and downs it in a few gulps before grabbing a handful of berries and scarfing them down. The giggles that escape her mouth sound carefree and light, reminding her of the girl she used to be. It's a breath of fresh air to feel like herself again.

When they start to pluck the roses from the wall and throw them to the floor, she thinks nothing of it. All she cares about is how great it feels to be dancing at this gathering and not in the green room with Varys. She's so lost in her own world that she doesn't even notice when the thorns on the stems of the roses begin to stab into the bottom of her feet, tearing her soft skin there to pieces. By the time she notices the throbbing pain in her feet, it's too late and for some reason, she pushes the pain to the back of her mind. Everyone around her is laughing at her but she can't find the will or want to stop dancing. Instead, she keeps dancing, her face switching between grimacing in pain and smiling brightly with laughter.

A very long time passes as she dances and her blood now covers every rose, turning them all the same color of shimmery gold-crimson as her blood. As she is spinning in a circle with her arms out to her side, a familiar face catches her attention. She stops spinning and smiles widely when she sees Mark Blackthorn and a few other faeries from the Wild Hunt standing with him. Their two colored eyes giving them away and making them discernible from the rest of the faeries there. "You're Mark Blackthorn!" she shouts to him with a smile.

He steps forward with a serious look about him and grabs her by her left upper arm. Her brows furrow with anger as he starts to pull her away from the wonderful music and delicious food. "Hey! Where are you taking me?" she yells at him and tries to shake free of his grip. His fingers tighten their hold. He drags her out of the room and down the hall away from the party until she can't hear the sweet music anymore. There is another faerie from the Wild Hunt following them with midnight blue hair. He looks like he is worried for some reason as his eyes follow Mark. He takes her to some room and lets go of her arm. That's when she begins to feel the blistering pain emanating from her feet. She looks down and sees her feet covered in blood and immediately falls to the floor. It hurts...so damn much.

She screams as her fingers reach down to find all of her skin missing from the soles of her feet and instead, feels ligaments and muscles embedded with thorns. "Here." says a voice from above her. When she looks up, she sees Mark looking down at her with a pained expression. She is beyond surprised when he pulls a stele out of the waistband of his pants. He places the tip of it on her left foot and draws an iratze there. After a few moments, she feels her foot start to heal itself. As he moves to the other foot, she tries to move fast to grab his stele but instead, the other faerie reaches out and grabs hold of both of her wrists. "I can't let you take that." he tells her.

When Mark finishes the second iratze, she looks up at him with pleading eyes. "Please, Mark. Let me have that stele."

"I'm sorry. I can't let you have it. This is all I am able to do for you." He nods down to her raw feet.

"But...please." she cries out. "You don't know what they are doing to me down here."

"It's not my business to know. I only did this for you to repay you for the witchlight your mate gave me when I was first taken here."

"Mark, please." she cries. "Your sister, Helen, is a friend of mine. Help me. Get me out of here."

"I'm sorry." he says to her again after flinching at his sister's name. There is a sad look that crosses his eyes for a moment before he bends down and gives her another iratze and stands up, tucking it back into his waist band. "I must go now." The other faerie releases her wrists and moves to the door of the room with Mark. "Stay here till someone finds you." Mark says just before he leaves and takes with him the only thing that could save Clary.

Sobs begin to rack her body then. For just the tiniest and briefest of moments, she thought that she might get out of here. Her heart soared in her chest and Jace's smiling face was all she saw. She's envisioned reuniting with him so often that it has become her favorite thing to do. Sometimes he cries with happiness and sometimes he kisses her and takes her right then and there. She allowed herself to believe that those thoughts would become a reality and now that Mark has walked away, taking the stele with him, the reality of still being here and held prisoner hits her like ten tons of bricks. Her heart breaks in her chest for what seems like the millionth time since she's been here. The crushing reality of her life is too harsh. She wants to die. She doesn't want to spend the rest of her life down here being tortured day after day.

Her loud sobbing attracts a passing young faerie. She hides herself behind part of the door and watches as she shudders with her sobs and listens to her tormented wails that come from her lips. When the faerie's mother comes to look for her, she finds her and Clary and calls for a knight. Two come and drag her back to her room, and this time, she fights with all she has. She kicks and screams, biting and scratching at anything that comes within reach. She receives a few punches to the head that make her dizzy before being dumped back into the room she's been held prisoner in since she got here. The dirt flies up around her as she lands and she coughs out as she tries to take a deep breath but gets nothing but dirt instead.

She pushes up off of the ground and almost makes it to the door in time to slip through before it closes. Her fists bang on the packed earth as she shouts at them, "Please, just kill me! Kill me! I don't want to be here anymore." The door melts into the wall and disappears. She screams in desperation as she turns around and kicks the only thing that has ever been in her room. The candle goes flying and crashes against the wall. It falls to the floor and rolls for a while, it's flame flickering almost completely out and leaving her in complete darkness.

Her hands fly up into her hair and she begins to pull hard. Some of her hair rips away from her scalp painfully as she continues to scream as loud as she can. "Just let me die!" she shouts. "I don't want to be here anymore! Jace! Where are you, Jace?! I need you!"

She knows that he can't hear her but it helps her to pretend that he can sometimes. She'll even have long conversations with him and that scares her. She knows that her sanity is slowly slipping away and there is nothing she can do about it. All she can do is not die, but in this moment, she can't remember why she shouldn't.

* * *

 _I know this chapter was rough but there is a turning point in the next chapter. I promise!_

 _Thanks, as always, for reading and don't forget to **follow** and **review** and tell me what you think!_


	5. Chapter 5

_This is where the new MI book comes into play. The spell book at the center of Lord of Shadows makes and appearance and the Queen's concerns about the Unseelie King become a focal point for her. I'm trying not to give too much away from the book but if you are adamant about not getting any spoilers, then try to forget a few things that you read below. Lol._

* * *

 _"Just let me die! I don't want to be here anymore! Jace! Where are you, Jace?! I need you!"_

Clary is in the small dirt room she's always in and she looks completely wrecked. She's _too_ skinny with a dirty and torn sheet wrapped around her. Her feet are covered in blood and her face is a mask of pure despair. She's crying and screaming and pacing around and his heart is breaking. 'Wake up!' he shouts at himself. 'Wake up!'

Jace is in mid-scream when he wakes, sitting straight up in his bed. His heart is hammering painfully in his chest and his stomach is in his throat. He fucking hates these dreams that he has of her but this is the first one he's had in almost a year.

They are always the same and feel way too real for his comfort. Clary is being tortured by faeries or crying out in despair for him to come rescue her. "Jace." says a voice from his door. He looks up and groans when he sees that it's Simon. He's been spending so much time here at the Institute in Izzy's room since they got engaged. Simon slips in his room looking concerned. "I'm fine. Go away." he tells him.

"You don't look fine." Simon says as he moves closer to Jace. He stops when he's halfway to his bed. "Did you have another dream?"

Jace looks away from Simon and down to his sheets and nods. "Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Simon asks. "Or do you want me to call Magnus so he can make you some more of that dreamless potion? I heard Alec say you ran out a month ago."

"No." he replies, answering both questions. "I'll call Magnus tomorrow."

"I miss her too. Like crazy." Simon says quietly after a silent moment. "If you ever want to talk about her..." Jace begins to shake his head furiously. "I know you don't ever talk about her or like to be around anyone who is talking about her but...if you ever wanted to talk about her with anyone, I'm always here. It will help." Simon says softly. "It'll hurt like hell at first but I promise, it will help."

Jace wipes the sweat from his brow and takes a deep breath. "I'll think about it." he replies, just wanting him to leave so he can curl up and cry alone.

Simon gives him a curt nod before turning and leaving him alone in his room again. He lays back down in bed as Clary's screams for him echo painfully in his head. He has to get some more of that potion from Magnus. He can't go through this again. The dreams almost cost him his sanity until Magnus gave him an escape.

He turns his body away from the door and begins to cry as quietly as he can.

* * *

 **Clary**

 _I wonder how much blood Varys will take today._ she idly wonders while walking to the green room. Yesterday he took so much that she passed out and had a seizure. Although those have become commonplace with her since being here, they always suck and drain all of her energy.

"Bring her over here." Varys says when she is pushed into the room. Her body tenses in fear when she hears his voice. Her almost lifeless green eyes follow where he is pointing to and sees a chair. She walks over willingly and sits down, resting her arms by her sides. The knights that escorted her leave and her heart speeds up painfully. It doesn't matter that she's been in this room with him a million times before and tortured in every possible way she's never imagined someone could be, just the sight of him and the sound of his voice spikes her fight or flight instinct. Instead of her brother or father haunting her nightmares like before she was here, it is now Varys who haunts her dreams.

"My experiments are proving to be fruitful." he coos at her. "I thought you might like to know that." She closes her eyes as two strands of his thorny hair come out and wrap around her marred wrists. They are permanently disfigured from his hair wrapping around them every day and she absolutely hates to look at them. She doesn't say a word as he raises a brow at her, waiting for a response to what he's told her.

"Once we weeded out your human blood and was left with your concentrated angel blood thanks to your father, it worked wonders on our knights. If they were injured fighting, all they had to do was pour some of it over their wounds and they would stitch back together within seconds. Do you know what this means?" he asks her excitedly. She remains quiet once again, afraid to say anything in the wrong way, afraid that it would set him off. "It means that I get to take more of your blood. And lots of it. My lady, the Queen, would like to see if she were to drink it, it would give her more youth and more beauty and allow her to harness the power of the angels." He chuckles. "As if she could be more beautiful than she already is." he says to himself with disbelief.

Clary has long since figured out that Varys is obsessed with the Seelie Queen. He's desperately in love with her and she barely glances at him when she comes to check on Clary's punishments. When they started to become less frequent, Varys switched to just experimenting on her. That soon turned into taking her blood from her in some creatively painful way to experiment with.

"So she wants my blood to use to make her more youthful and beautiful and powerful?" she asks with a bitter tone.

"I know. It's absurd. You can't improve upon perfection." he says conversationally as he pulls out some sort of metal sleeve. She looks closer at it and she begins to struggle futilely against his hold. Inside of the sleeve are probably two dozen razor sharp spikes that she can only imagine are going to be digging into her arms. Her eyes widen in undiluted fear as her head shakes from side to side. "No, Varys. Please no." she begs quietly of him.

He doesn't spare her a tiny glance as he opens the contraption and closes it around her lower arm. She screams in pain as she is proven right and the spikes dig into her arm. Her blood almost instantly begins to pour down her arm slowly. Varys reaches behind him and grabs a bucket and places it under her hand to catch the stream of blood that falls from her. Her breathing is labored as she tries to concentrate on Jace's piercing gaze behind her eyelids to block out as much of the pain as she can.

She feels Varys slide another one of the sleeves on her other arm and close around it, sending blinding pain into every inch of her body. She's so used to the pain now that her adrenaline has long since quit spiking when she's injured. At first, she didn't realize how much pain the adrenaline blocked out. When her body quit reacting to painful stimuli in the proper way, sending that adrenaline to hone her senses so she could fight against the pain, she realized just how much she relied on it. The pain increased to levels she didn't know existed.

And now...she's almost used to the pain and in a way, welcomes it. The time she spends in here means less time in her room worrying about what ways Varys has come up with to torture her. At least here she knows what he's got planned while in this room, even if she only knows moments beforehand.

A calmness closes around her as she starts to feel dizzy. Unconsciousness tickles her head, teasing her, just out of her reach. She starts to hallucinate visions and her and Jace dancing at a Faerie reverie and smiles to herself. "This isn't so bad." she whispers just as she passes out.

* * *

 **Jace**

"Which way did you say they went?" Alec asks the child warlock. He raises a scaled finger and points down the path in Central Park that leads towards the entrance to Faerie there. Jace's heart takes off into a sprint with excitement. They haven't been this close to catching a Faerie in months. Especially not ones that are going back into Faerie where no one has been since Clary... "Let's go!" he shouts at Alec.

Both men take off in a sprint and after a minute of running, they turn around a curve in the path and see the two faeries leaning against the trunk of a tree. Alec reaches out and grabs Jace and pulls him off to the side and motions for him to be quiet. They both duck behind a large bush.

Jace looks like he is about to explode with rage, his desire to maim and kill the faeries in front of him almost consuming every coherent thought he's having. "Listen." Alec says in a commanding whisper to his parabatai. Alec produced a stele and quickly draws a Hearing rune on Jace's neck.

"...and they just healed, right in front of my eyes." the tan one says to the paper-white one.

"The blood healed his wounds?" the paper-white one asks incredulously.

"It did. Varys was right. The pure angel blood acts like the healing rune the Nephilim have. Just wipe some on whatever ailment you have and within seconds, it's gone."

Jace can't contain himself any longer. He jumps out and charges towards them. The two faeries look completely stunned at him and then the impossible happens. They pull out blades from their pockets and then impale each other in their hearts before Jace and Alec can reach them. They fall to the ground and die within seconds.

"What the fuck!" Alec shouts in surprise.

"No!" Jace yells at their slumped figures. "What were they talking about?" He bends down to grab one by the collar of his shirt, checking to see if he is really dead. "Where did you get angel blood?" he asks at the dead figure.

"Maybe they summoned an angel." Alec offers as he looks around, looking for any danger. "It's not like we haven't done it before."

"Then how did they get the angel to give them its blood?" Jace snaps back at him. He spins around, dropping the dead faerie to the ground. "And why the fuck did they just kill themselves? They obviously didn't want to get caught. They're hiding something."

"That's clear." Alec says in agreement. "I've never heard of faeries killing themselves when encountered with anyone who they feel is inferior to them, like us."

"Whatever secret they were protecting, it must be huge." Jace remarks as his brain begins to work overtime. "What we don't know is how they got their hands on angel's blood."

Alec sighs heavily after looking down at his watch. "Listen, I'll have someone come and investigate with me so I can make it back to the Institute in time for Consul Penhallow to arrive. You've got somewhere to be."

"This is more important." Jace says dryly and points to the two bodies.

"No, it's not." Alec says sternly. "This will be here when you get back. We've known that the faeries have been up to something lately and now we know what's behind it...or at least a big piece of what's behind it."

"But Alec..." Jace half whines at him.

"No." he replies with fervor. "I'm telling you as head of the New York Institute to leave, right now. You have somewhere to be in less than ten minutes."

Jace closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to ebb his frustration. "I hate you right now." Jace mutters.

"I know." Alec replies with an amused smile, knowing he's won. "But you'll be thanking me later."

Jace raises his hand up as he walks away and flips him the bird before taking off in a run. "Don't count on it." he yells back, picking up his pace, knowing that he's going to be late.

* * *

 **Clary...** sometime later...

She vaguely registers that a faerie has walked into her room. She wants to turn her head and see who he is or what he is doing but she's just too weak. "Where are you taking me?" she asks, barely able to raise her voice above a whisper. Arms slide under her body and lift her up bridal style. Her head bobbles weakly from side to side for a moment until she is able to lift it up and look up to the faerie carrying her.

He looks down at her in disgust and snorts at her weakness. "Shut up, Nephilim." he says.

She knows better than to ask again with this particular faerie. He has a tendency to beat her if she speaks out of turn. Her eyes flutter shut and she allows her head to loll for the rest of the way, trying her best to fight off passing out. Varys took way too much blood from her today. Her vision is clouded and she's barely able to construct a coherent thought.

She's unsure of how much time passes before the arms holding her up are removed and she crashes to the ground, unable to move her arms fast enough to break her fall. The breath is pushed from her lungs and she coughs for a moment before trying to push herself up into a sitting position, failing miserably. She falls the short distance to the ground again and hits her face against soft grass.

"What is wrong with her?" she hears the Queen's all too familiar voice ask.

"I just finished collecting more blood from her, my lady." she hears Varys say to her in a sickeningly worshipful tone.

"You, help her. I want to be able to speak to her without her losing consciousness every minute." the Queen commands.

Clary squeezes her eyes shut tight as her pupils begin to blow wide. She knows she is close to passing out and she's fighting her hardest against it. She knows that if she passes out in the Queen's presence that Varys will make her pay for it. He will see it as an embarrassment to him.

She feels someone's hand on her leg and then there is a familiar burning on her ankle. A burning that she hasn't felt in...well she doesn't know. She flops over and looks down and is stunned to see Mark Blackthorn again. He is crouched down and is drawing a blood replacement rune and an iratze on her. "Mark." she says in surprise. He doesn't spare her a glance as he finishes and stands up.

"It will take a moment for the runes to work, my lady." Mark says and steps away.

Clary begins to feel better almost immediately. Her head stops spinning and her limbs don't feel like dead weights after another minute. Her eyes begin to be able to focus on what is around her and then she is pushing up into a sitting position. She swallows past her dry mouth and looks up to see that she is in the Queen's court. She is sitting in a fur draped chair while Varys stands by her side and Mark and a few other faeries she's not familiar with, stand against the walls.

"Stand up." the Queen commands.

Clary takes a deep breath before sliding her feet under her and standing up in the middle of the room where she was dumped. She swings unsteadily for a moment before feeling her strength find her again. Energy floods her body and soon she feels like herself again...mostly. She looks up to the Queen and waits to be addressed.

"I have brought you here, little pet, to discuss a partnership with you." the Queen says with a smug tone.

Clary can't help but scoff. "A partnership?"

"Yes. A partnership. Although what I will be offering you will come at a cost."

"What else could you possibly have to take from me?" Clary asks with surprise. "I have nothing to give or for you to take. I have to have something in order for anything to come at a cost for me."

"Trust me, there is a cost still yet to be paid by you." she says in a spuriously smug tone. "But I digress. I would like to extend a hand of truce to you if only you do something for me." Clary remains quiet, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She's been down here long enough to know that faeries are evil little fuckers that will trick you out of your first born if you aren't careful.

"There is a war brewing that you are not aware of." the Queen says. "The Unseelie King has a weapon that renders your angel's weapons and runes useless. He is planning to use it to win a war against your kind."

"Why would you care about that?" Clary asks, completely confused.

"I do not care about your kind in the slightest." she says to her, sounding and looking very annoyed by Clary's interruption. "What I do care about is how he will use his power once he has won, and he will win, to destroy me and my court. I cannot allow that to happen."

"And how am I supposed to be able to help you with your problem?" Clary asks her.

"I have just obtained a very powerful spell book from some of your kind. They gifted it to me. It will allow me to bring back someone who is dead; bring back the only one that is powerful enough to fight against the Unseelie King and win."

"And who is that?" Clary asks dryly, growing tired of her dragging this conversation out.

The Queen's lips curl up into a wicked smirk as she says, "Your brother, Jonathan Morgenstern."

* * *

 _What?! Did I just say, Jonathan?!_

 _As always, thanks for reading and don't forget to **follow** and **review**!_


	6. Chapter 6

" _What?!_ " Clary shouts in disbelief. Her eyes dart to the rest of the people in the room to see their reactions, trying to figure out if she's serious or not. "That's impossible. I watched him be burned."

"And my little creatures collected every single piece of ash and bone that came from his pyre." she says smugly. "I have kept them with me, knowing that one day I would have a use for them. And as usual, I was right."

"There's no fucking way I am helping you bring him back," Clary says with fervor, shaking her head. "You're insane if you think I would ever consider helping you bring him back."

"I think you will change your mind once you hear the rest of what I have to say." she says, rising from her chair and walking close to Clary, stopping a couple of feet away from her. "I am offering you your freedom in exchange for this one tiny favor."

The retort Clary had planned sputters on her lips. She is completely stunned. "What...what did you just say?" she asks her. She's sure she's hearing things now. There's no way the Queen would let her "little pet" go.

"I do not like to repeat myself but I will this once for you. If you help me bring back your brother, I will let you have your freedom. You will be free to return to your world and live with those you love."

Clary's mind begins to spin a million miles an hour.

 _Free_. She would be _free._

She could see Jace again, her mother, and Simon. Her days wouldn't be spent being tortured and experimented on. She wouldn't be woken up by being dragged or kicked. She could have clothes again and walk freely, above ground, never being confined again to Faerie. She could see the _sun_ again.

Her thoughts stop immediately in their tracks. The number one lesson she's learned is that faeries are sneaky and conniving. "You say you would give me my freedom?" she asks.

"Yes." the Queen says.

"For how long?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at her. The Queen grins maniacally back at her, pleased with her response. "I was hoping you wouldn't catch that." the Queen admits. "I will give you your freedom for as long as you like."

"For the rest of my life...and no one would take my place for me down here? You and your people would just let me go, just like that? No repercussions of any kind? You and your people would let me walk out of here on my own, unharmed in any way, mentally or physically, and let me live out the rest of my life in peace with whomever I please?"

"Very specific." the Queen comments with a raise of her brow. "Yes. I would agree to all of those terms. But only if you help me bring back your brother."

"How could I help with that, though?" Clarys asks genuine curiosity sparking the question from her lips.

"There is a spell in the book I have just told you about that would bring him back to life. The only thing I would need from you is your angel's blood, willingly given, and with full knowledge of what it was being used for."

"I will only agree to this if I can be there when he is brought back...and I get to speak to him first...alone...the moment he wakes up. There are some things that I would like to get off my chest concerning him." Clary lays out her terms for the Queen, trying her absolute best to keep her poker face while on the inside, she is laughing evilly as her plan solidifies itself.

The queen studies her for a long while before giving her answer. "I think that is fair enough. I agree to your terms." She smiles wickedly then as she looks down at Clary. It takes every ounce of strength she has not to burst out into a hysterical laugh. She knows that the Queen has other plans concerning her brother, plans that don't involve what she has told her about the Unseelie King, but she is perfectly fine with that. She's fine with it because she knows that once she is alone with her brother, the Queen will never get what she wants. Whatever she thinks she will get by bringing him back, she will never have.

"So, when are we doing this?" Clary says, finally allowing herself to smile.

 _Jace._ She can't wait to see him and wrap her arms around him and kiss him senseless.

"I'll have everything I need by tomorrow morning." the Queen announces as she turns around with a grin and walks back over to her seat. "Varys, get as much blood as you can from her. It will be last time you will be able to." the Queen says to him with a smug tone. Clary's eyes widen with horror, much to the queen's amusement, and her eyes dart over to Varys who is smiling diabolically at her. "And don't forget to take the half-blood from the Wild Hunt. He is only on loan to us for a short while. I am sure you will need his help."

"No!" Clary says loudly as she slowly starts to back away from Varys' approaching figure. His thorny hair was starting to slowly reach out to her. Someone grabs her from behind and holds her still long enough for Varys' hair to wrap around her wrists.

Clary closes her eyes and begins to take slow purposeful deep breaths to steady herself. _Only one more time. One more night._ she tells herself in a mantra. Varys jerks on her hard, making her stumble forward and almost fall over before she gains steady footing and follows the light blue faerie.

The next agonizing hours are hazy and spotty at best. She is only able to remember bits and pieces because she was constantly drifting in and out of consciousness. There was a time when she thought she heard Mark Blackthorn threatening to kill Varys if he didn't give her a break but she's pretty sure she hallucinated that part. She welcomes it wholeheartedly when a deeper blackness takes her and she is finally able to get some rest.

"Clary. Wake up." someone says to her in a surprisingly soft voice. Her eyes slowly open and find Mark hovering over where she lays on the ground of her room. "It's time," he tells her with a small smile on his lips.

The previous day comes back to her in a rush. She sits up quickly and returns his smile. "I get to go home today." she whispers to herself.

"Yes, you do." he tells her as his own smile grows.

Clary stands up along with Mark and looks around them to make sure that no one else is here. When she determines that it is safe, she scoots closer to him and motions for him to bend down to her height. He furrows his brows at her for a moment and then he is bending to her. "Mark, could I please have your stele?" she asks him.

He immediately looks into her eyes with a worried look on his face. "I can't," he whispers back. "I don't know what you'll do."

"I swear on the Angel that I just want to draw one rune on myself for my own protection. I will not use it against the Seelie Queen and once I put this rune on myself, I will not use it again until I complete my end of the bargain with the Queen is up. I will only use it after my brother awakens. I swear that no harm will come to you and no one will find out who gave it to me should it be discovered. If it is, I will say I stole it from you."

Mark looks long and hard down at her. She can see him warring with himself in his two-toned eyes as the muscles in his jaw flex. He takes a deep breath and says, "Alright. I suppose it is the least I can do for you at this point. You have been down here a long time." He reaches into his waistband and pulls out his stele.

Her eyes fixate on it the moment it is in her sight. "About that, exactly how long have I been down here?" she asks him.

"When were you taken?" he asks.

"March 6, 2013."

"Wow," he says. "The last time I was not in Faerie, I believe it was...late July of the year 2017." He slowly holds out the stele to Clary and her hands shake a little as she reaches out and takes it between her fingers.

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaims, sounding horrified. "Everyone must be beside themselves with worry. Poor Jace." Her voice is sad and thoughtful and full of pain. "I don't like to think about him up there, feeling absolutely helpless." She's wondered how many times he and her friends and family have attempted to rescue her and just prays that they never got hurt trying to do so.

She spins around and pulls down her sheet-dress and closes her eyes and envisions the rune from so long ago. She doesn't want to mess it up. It has to be perfect. Her hand begins to guide the stele across her ribs, just under her left breast and as close to her heart as she can get. Once it is done, she knows that it is absolutely perfect. It sinks into her skin and she begins to feel it's power seep into her body as it calls out to its other half, unable to find it just yet.

She hurriedly ties her sheet-dress around her and tucks the stele into the folds of it, hiding it from sight. Once she is sure that it can't be seen, she turns back around to Mark with a huge smile. "Alright. I'm ready," she tells him.

Mark turns and moves to the door with Clary right beside him. She's so giddy that she can barely contain herself. She wants to bounce up and down and dance and sing and scream with happiness at the top of her lungs. All the times that she envisioned escaping and getting out of this hell-hole, she always ended up in Jace's arms within seconds. She knows that isn't realistic but it was her fantasy that it would happen like that. Now that she has a stele, she can very easily make a portal to wherever he is so in a way, her fantasy will come true very soon.

There are so many new runes that she wants to try out that she's come up with while being held down here. The angel Ithuriel showed her so many runes that could have helped her in her time of need and in those moments when all she wanted to do was die. It helped her remember that she has a purpose. That she was important and that someone bigger than her, an actual angel, cared for her and trusted her with the gift she has.

After a long walk, they finally reach what seems to be their destination. He turns a corner and motions for her to go into a darkly lit room. When she steps into the room, her eyes land on a sort of altar where there is a large pile of ashes spread out in a certain pattern. As she steps closer, she is able to see little pieces of bone and even some teeth up where his head should be. She shivers with uneasiness at the sight.

The next thing she notices is the Seelie Queen standing next to a very orange warlock with long purple hair. The only other person in the room is a faerie night that is clearly there for the Queen's protection. "Is everything ready?" she asks, looking around at the various things that are obviously for the spell that is set on a table in front of the warlock.

"Not quite." the Queen says smoothly with a smile on her face. "I am waiting for some information."

Clary just nods her head even though there is something about the Queen's smile that is more unsettling than usual. She's about to bounce out of her skin with anticipation. For a long few minutes, they all stand there, the warlock whispering to himself while Clary tries her very best _not_ to look at the heap of ashes that used to be her brother. How the Queen thought _that_ was going to become her brother again, she had no idea, but she was more than willing to help her try to get out of this place.

The quiet atmosphere of the room is broken apart by a young faerie walking in and bowing before the queen. "Is it done?" the Queen asks.

"Yes, my lady, it is. He did." the young faerie replies.

The Queen's smile grows tenfold as she looks to Clary and says, "It is time now. Come forth and take the blade the warlock hands you."

Clary gulps and looks over to the orange warlock. Her nerves spike and she has to force herself forward before she changes her mind. When she reaches the altar, the warlock reaches across it and hands her a long curved blade that is etched with some language, probably demonic, that hurts her to look at. "Cut your palm and let your blood drip down onto your brother's ashes, starting at where his feet would be and ending at his head while chanting what I tell you to."

Clary looks down at the blade in her hand and then back up at the Queen. "Remember, I get to speak to him first, alone."

"I have not forgotten our bargain." the Queen replies with a little annoyance.

Clary nods seriously and brings the blade to her left palm and pushes it into her skin. She doesn't even flinch in the slightest at the pain; it's nothing compared to what she's endured at the hands of Varys. She watches as her blood wells up and starts to pool in her hand. The warlock begins to chant and Clary quickly copies him, mimicking him perfectly as she moves her hand up the length of ashes. Where her blood falls onto his ashes, little tiny whirlpools begin to pull the ashes together, piecing them together like a jigsaw puzzle.

Once she is done, the warlock motions for her to step back. She steps down and away from the altar as the warlocks chants grow more and more impassioned. Little purple sparks fly from one hand while the other throws different potions onto the altar.

Even though they are underground, a large gust of wind comes from nowhere and whips her hair up and around her face. It sweeps across the room and grows stronger, the Queen bracing herself against the knight that was there for her protection. The warlocks voice grows louder and louder and soon he is shouting, his eyes wide and looking almost possessed as he looks down in front of him.

Clary follows his gaze and her mouth falls open at the sight. A part of Clary had thought that the Queen was insane, that there was no way that her brother could be brought back. After all, he was a pile of ashes.

That was until she looked down and saw a body _reforming_ before her eyes. Her blood was pulling together his ashes and turning them into actual muscles and ligaments and then flesh and bone. His long and lithe body was taking shape rather quickly in front of her eyes and soon she could make out the features of his face. His long slender nose and the shape of his eyebrows, noticing for the first time that they were the shape of her mother's.

She's unable to tear her eyes away from her brother now. Another few seconds pass and then the chanting stops. The wind that was swirling the room immediately dies and everyone stare in complete awe at her perfectly newly formed sibling lying naked on the altar. It's dead quiet for another few seconds before she gasps when he takes his first breath. "LEAVE!" she shouts out at everyone. "Leave _now_!"

Her eyes land on the Queen and she gives her a stern look. "Leave her with her brother." the Queen commands and starts to move towards the door. "Move faster than that!" Clary shouts as she watches her brother begin to stir on the altar. Clary hurries over to her brother and grabs a hold of his arm and looks back to see the Queen leaving the room and then they are alone. She hurriedly pulls out the stele that Mark gave her as her brother starts to try and pull his arm back to himself that she has pinned to the altar. She slashes a Sleep rune into his arm just in time for him to open his eyes and look down at what she's just done. His eyes widen as she smiles wickedly at him and watches as he falls asleep.

She can't help herself and her fist flies into the air and she gives herself a celebratory fist pump. "Yes!" she whispers in excitement to herself. Remembering her plan, she climbs up onto the altar and straddles his stomach, trying her best to ignore that he is naked. She places the stele on his chest and closes her eyes. The companion rune to the one she just placed on her rib cage appears behind her eyelids, not that she doesn't remember it like the back of her hand anyway, and then she is drawing. Her hands guide her to draw it perfectly and then a wave of heaviness washes over her. Her hand lifts up off of his chest and then she feels him. She feels the burning of his rune in her chest before opening her eyes and smiling down at her brother beneath her.

It worked! Her plan worked! They are one now. She and her brother are one and she is the dominant one this time. Now she gets to be the one to order him around and control him like he did with Jace. Lilith's rune worked! Whatever happens to him happens to her and vice versa. His own free will is gone and is replaced with hers.

She reaches over to his arm and slashes out the Sleep rune and draws an Energy rune on his chest. She hops down with lithe grace that she hasn't possessed in a long time just as her brother sits up, his eyes wide and confused. He sucks in deep startled breaths as his eyes dart around the room. "Where are we?" he says, his eyes landing on her. "Why aren't we in Edom?"

"I'm so glad you asked me that," she says, her tone is smug and full of elation. "But first, do five jumping jacks for me. Now." He looks confused for only a split second before hopping down and immediately jumping up and doing exactly as she asks. Once he is done, she looks pointedly down to his chest at the new rune there and smirks. His eyes follow hers and for just one tiny split second he looks enraged and mortified before it is wiped away and replaced with indifference and understanding. "You put Lilith's rune on me." he remarks.

"And guess who is the dominant one?" she asks. A loud elated laugh escapes her lips then, the happy sound echoing around the room. "I think the Seelie Queen brought you some clothes," she says and nods over to a pile of black clothing next to the altar. He quickly dresses and looks up to Clary with an arch of his brow. "You look like shit." he remarks and she looks down at herself.

Her sheet-dress is dirty and torn and her hair is full of tangles. "Thanks for pointing that out big brother," she says with a laugh and a smile at him. At this point, nothing can put a damper on her elated mood. He chuckles and then the Queen is stepping back into the room with a superior and unbelievably cocky grin on her lips.

"Sebastian." she coos at him.

"He likes to be called Jonathan now." Clary states looking over at him. She doesn't want to call him Sebastian. The name brings back too many horrible memories. "Don't you Jonathan?"

"I do," he replies with a nod of his head.

"Never the matter, I don't care what you want to be called. I have brought you back so you can complete a task for me." she says as she reaches him and smiles seductively at him while sliding her hand down his chest.

"He doesn't want to do anything for you." Clary says out loud in a stern voice. "I do believe that it was my blood that brought him back while you stood over to the side and watched."

Jonathan nods his head over at Clary and says, "She's right. She is the one who brought me back and I don't want to do anything for you. I owe you nothing."

There are no words that can then describe Clary's satisfaction as she watched the Queen's superior smile disappear from her face, pure shock and rage replacing it. Clary hurriedly pulls out her stele once again and places it against the dirt wall of the room and quickly draws a portal. "And now that my part of our deal is done, I'll be going." She looks back to see the Queen staring at her angrily, her eyes zeroing in on the stele in her hand. "I'm so glad that Jace taught me how to pick pockets," she remarks looking at the stele. "Jonathan, would you like to join me?"

"I would," he says and walks over to her as the portal starts to form.

"What did you do to him?" the Queen asks looking livid, her eyes darting back and forth between them.

"What does it matter what I did to him? You never forbid me from doing anything to him," she says with a smug smirk. "I held up my end of our deal and brought my brother back to life and now, I'm leaving."

Clary grabs hold of her brother's hand and with a clear picture in her mind of where she wants to go, she pulls him into the swirling portal. She is just able to hear the Queen's enraged scream before the whooshing of wind drowns out every other sound.

* * *

 _Clary, you sneaky little minx, you!_ _Clary is finally free and with Jonathan in tow and connected with him! Turnabout is fair play and karma is a bitch for him._

 _I love that Ms. Cassie Clare came up with the idea of the spell book that brings people long dead back to life in her newest book. It brings about so many possibilities!_

 _Like always, thanks a million for reading and don't forget to **follow** and **review** to tell me what you think!_


	7. Chapter 7

Clary lands in the living room of Luke's place with Jonathan close behind her. There is a huge smile on her lips and her eyes are shining. She takes a deep breath in and sighs with happiness, the familiar smell of his home is like lightning straight to her heart.

She feels a hand on her shoulder and turns around to see Jonathan's slightly concerned face. "Oh...yeah." she says as she looks at him. "It's probably best if you wait outside." she tells him, the realization of what seeing Jonathan alive again might do to her mother. Clary now has to be incredibly concerned with his safety from now on because her life is tied to his the same way Jace's was.

Jonathan gives her a nod and leaves out the front door without a word. "He's so...obedient." she says with wonder to herself. She looks around the room and notices that it's a little messy and there isn't a sound to be heard. "Mom! Luke!" she shouts with a smile as she starts towards the kitchen. Once in there, she is able to determine that no one is home. All of the lights are off and after looking at the clock on the stove, she sees that it is just after eleven in the morning. "Where could they be?" she asks herself.

She turns and hurries down the hall that the bedrooms are on and opens the door to her room. When she steps into the room, the smell of staleness and dust hit her nose. It looks and smells like no one has been here in a long time. Her heart pulls uncomfortably in her chest at the thought that it was probably too painful for either of them to be around all of her stuff when she was taken prisoner. "Jonathan!" she shouts, knowing that he will be able to hear her even though he is outside. "You can come in! They aren't home."

She hears the front door open and close and then footsteps down the hall. He appears at her bedroom door and crosses his arms as he leans against the doorframe. "Why did you bring me here?" he asks. "If our mother or the Luke saw me, they'd kill me and, in turn, kill you."

"Because as you pointed out, I look like shit." she says and motions down to her body and then to her hair.

"And let me guess, when you see Jace, you want to look more appealing." he concludes.

"Exactly." she says with a huge smile.

"You are smiling an awful lot." he says as he studies her face.

"That's because I have been held prisoner and tortured in Faerie for...I don't know how long." she says. "I need to know when it is. Oh, and if you haven't figured it out yet, you've been dead for a long time."

"I figured out that part." he says as he watches her open her closet and start to dig through it. "I also figured by what you said to the Seelie Queen that the only reason you brought me back is because you made a deal to be set free if you did."

"Nothing gets by you, does it?" she says in a jokingly sarcastic tone, not bothering to look over at him. She is surprised to find a dress she swore she left at the Institute and smiles victoriously. Jace had bought it for her a week before she was taken and begged her to wear it. Unfortunately, she never got the chance to wear it until now.

"Well apparently, some things do get by you." he says in a conversational tone.

His words surprise her and she looks over at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that the last thing I remember is dying in Edom after you stuck me with Heosphoros. The heavenly fire, ironically, burned like hell." A small chuckle escapes his lips and the sound is different than the last time she heard him laugh. She looks up and into his eyes...and gasps.

"Your eyes." she says with disbelief. "They're green. Not black."

He lets out a nervous sounding chuckle and looks down at his feet. "You burned Lilith's blood out of me before I died." he says in a small voice. "I guess when you brought me back, I came back that way, how I died; _without_ Lilith's blood."

" _Oh. My. God_." she says breathlessly. She moves the small distance towards him and reaches up to touch his face. His eyes tighten as if he were in pain when her fingers reach his skin and she pulls his face to look at her. "So...you're the brother that I never had, the brother that I was meant to have." she says with wonder. "Look at me." she tells him.

His green eyes, eyes that are a mirror of hers, look over at her nervously. "I guess so. I feel so different though. Different from how I felt while I was...corrupted by demon's blood. I didn't realize it but I was always angry and in a state of...turmoil." He shakes his head slightly as if he is trying to find the right words to say. "Now...I feel so light and if I'm being honest, scared."

"Why are you scared?" Clary asks.

"I'm scared because the entire world hates me, or at least hates the old me. I did so many unforgivable things..."

" _You_ didn't do them." she tells him with fervor. "Sebastian, who was filled with demon blood, did them. Not _you_." He looks away from her again and down at his feet with the most vulnerable look she's ever seen. "Listen." she tells him. "While I am stunned beyond belief that you came back the way you did, your blood unpolluted and normal, I am so thrilled that you did." She doesn't realize that she is crying until she feels a tear roll down her cheek. "I get to know you now."

"But I don't even know who I am." he says, his voice stern and worried.

"That's okay." she says to him. "You get to figure that out and now you'll have me to help you with it. I'm actually really, _really_ excited that I get to have the chance to get to know the brother that our father stole from me and mom." She wipes away another tear and smiles a goofy smile at him. "This day just keeps getting better and better."

He manages to give her a small smile before taking a deep breath and standing up straight. "Well, why don't I go find out when it is while you take a shower?"

"That sounds like a plan." she answers with a smile. He walks back down the hall while Clary runs to the bathroom. After a very relaxing, and semi-long shower using just a bar of soap, scrubbing her dirty skin with a rag and some 2in1 shampoo, she hops out and has to dig in the cabinet for a brush. She runs the brush through her hair, working out all of the tiny knots, before walking out and going back into her room. She shuts her door and grabs the soft stretchy cotton emerald green strapless dress and slips it over her head. It isn't anything fancy by any means but since it was picked out by Jace, she wanted to wear it. It is cinched around her waist with soft elastic that matches the top of the dress and hangs down from her hips to the floor. It shows off her small waist really well while the rest of the dress is fairly flowy and figure flattering.

She grabs the stele from where she set it on her bed and draws a Drying rune of her own creation on her arm. Every drop of water is immediately dried from her body, including her hair. She doesn't want to waste time trying to dry her hair with a blow dryer. Every minute spent here is another minute she isn't with Jace.

After slipping on some tan ballet flats, she steps out of her room and hurries down the hall and finds Jonathan sitting at the table in the kitchen with a glass of water. "I found out it's September 3, 2017." he tells her nervously.

"Shit." she remarks and runs a hand through her hair. "I've been gone for 4 years and 6 months."

"And I've been dead for over six years." he says with an amused tone. "We Morgenstern's just won't go the hell away and die like normal shadowhunters."

"Hell no we don't." she says back with conviction and a big smile and laughs. She goes to grab his hand and says, "Are you ready to go?"

He looks at her with worry and shakes his head. "I think it will be better if you go by yourself. I don't think Jace or anyone else seeing me will be a happy occasion. I don't want to ruin your reunion."

She thinks about arguing with him but thinks better of it. He's right. If she showed up with Jonathan without explaining everything first, they would probably try to kill him. "What are you going to do while I'm gone?" she asks. "I don't want to leave you by yourself with nowhere to stay."

"Please don't worry about me." he says to her. "I would actually prefer to be left alone right now. I need some time to...think. I'll be fine."

"Is there anywhere you want to go? I could make you a portal and you could go anywhere you wanted."

He seems to think for a moment. "I'd like to go back to where I grew up. I think that would probably be the best place to start since I am trying to discover who I am." He laughs a little. "God. I sound so ridiculous, like those infomercials you watch at night. " _YOU TOO CAN DISCOVER WHO YOU TRULY ARE FOR ONLY $19.99!"_ His voice drops low and sounds like some sort of t.v. announcer as he speaks. _"JUST GIVE US A CALL AND ONE OF OUR VERY BEST PSYCHICS WILL BE READY TO GIVE YOU ALL THE ANSWERS YOU NEED!"_

His little joke takes Clary by complete surprise. She lets out a huge laugh as she reaches out and grabs onto his arm for support as she doubles over. "I think the first quality you can put on your list of who you are is that you are funny." The smile that he gives her is so incredibly warm. It's definitely not a smile that she's ever seen on her brother's face before and for the first time ever, she starts to feel like Jonathan is her brother. It's a nice feeling.

"Okay. Enough with the sibling bonding time." he says to her. "There will be plenty of time for that later. I know you are probably dying to see Jace."

She blushes and gives him a few quick nods. "I am."

"Then draw away." he says to her and points to the wall between the kitchen and living room. She smiles hugely and places the stele on the wall and draws a portal. "I'll come find you when I'm done and if I have been gone too long or you need me for whatever reason, I don't care what it is, just nick the back of your hand with a knife. I'll see it and come to you. And don't ask me how I'll find you. I have a rune for that." She smiles smugly at him and he rolls his eyes before smiling at her. Jonathan gives her a nod of understanding and then steps into the portal.

She lets it close after a few more seconds and then closes her eyes. She takes some slow purposeful breaths as she tries to calm her nerves. After all of this time and after all of the times she fantasized about reuniting with her soulmate, Jace, it was finally going to happen.

She smiles to herself as she reaches out and draws her Spy rune on the kitchen table. "Show me Jace Herondale." she says aloud and a sort of window opens up. Within seconds, Jace's face appears and oh, did she forget just how beautiful he is. Her heart soars at the sight of him. His hair is considerably shorter now. It's shorn close to his head on the sides with wavy long locks on top that are styled back to perfection. He is smiling as he walks around a garden somewhere where it is night, by himself, with a drink in his hand.

She lets the window close with a snap because she has gotten exactly what she needs. She's seen where he is and now that means she can portal there. Clary takes another deep and calming breath to steady her nerves before placing the stele to the wall and drawing herself a portal. Not a moment is wasted as she throws herself into the shimmering light with the thought of Jace in her mind.

...

She lands hard against the ground and manages to stop herself from tumbling over. She's in the garden where she just saw Jace and in the distance, she can hear some sort of party happening. With a giant smile on her face, she begins to spin around in search of him...but he isn't anywhere she can see him. Just like magic, just as she is about to call out his name, he appears from around a large hedge about fifteen feet away, looking inquisitive. He must have seen the portal.

She smiles widely and stands still as his eyes begin to sweep the area. At first, his eyes skim over her, but just as quickly as they do, they jerk back to her. They lock eyes and the look on Jace's face can only be described as pure shock. She can't help but giggle at the look and the sight of Jace standing there frozen. When he doesn't move or say anything after a few more seconds, she licks her lips and says, "Hi, Jace."

Even though her voice is quiet and shy, he jumps when she says that, almost as if he weren't expecting her to say anything. The cute way he looked at her now is what pushes her over the edge. She's unable to be away from him one moment longer.

She hikes her dress up to her knees and jumps over a rose bush and takes off running to him. Her giggling continues as she gets closer and Jace stays frozen. She doesn't even stop when the glass he is holding falls to the ground and shatters. She launches herself at him over the last few feet and wraps her arms tightly around his neck. "Oh, my gosh, Jace. I've missed you so much."

His hands come up and grab her waist and then he is pushing her away from him, although he doesn't let go of her. "Clary?" he asks in disbelief. "Is it really you?"

She smiles blindingly big as she nods her head. Her hands come up and cup his face as a few tears escape her eyes. "The Seelie Queen let me go. I'm free." His eyes go wide and then it seems like he starts to finally believe that she is here. "Clary." He says her name like a prayer as tears begin to brim in his golden eyes. She doesn't wait another second and crushes her lips against his.

He seems startled at first, his lips hard and unmoving, and then his arms tighten around her and he pulls her flush with his body. She makes a 'mmmm' sound in her throat when he finally starts to respond. His hands slide up her back. One hand presses her closer to him while the other grabs onto the hair at the base of her neck. His body curves into hers as her hands move to the back of his neck and try to grab hair that isn't there anymore.

She pulls back to take a breath and rests her forehead against his. Her heart is beating so fast in her chest. Being back in Jace's arms is purely euphoric. It feels as if all the torture she endured was years ago instead of a few hours while her breath mixes with his.

"Hello? Is someone over there?" a feminine voice calls out.

Jace immediately stills. His muscles tense tightly and his head snaps up and looks in the direction of the voice. Clary laughs quietly between the two of them. "It looks like we've been found out. We will have to take our reunion elsewhere." she says suggestively. Her hands leave his neck and slide down his arms. She grabs a hold of one of his hands and turns to leave and pull him with her. When he doesn't move, she spins around to see why and is shocked when she sees Jace's face.

He looks like he is about to throw up.

Just as she is about to ask him what is wrong, a stunningly beautiful blonde with a long golden dress on appears from around the same hedge that Jace did. She is curvy and sexy and the complete opposite of Clary in almost every way. "Oh my gosh, we're at a wedding?" Clary asks, looking back to Jace with a smile. He stuns her when he lets go of her hand and looks over to the blonde that is approaching. Her eyes are wary and she looks slightly upset. "Jace, what's going on?" she asks him sweetly.

The blonde spares a quick glance at Clary before returning her eyes to Jace. "Everyone is wondering where you went." She reaches him then and stretches out her hand to place it on his arm. Clary watches as her hand slides down his arm and her fingers link with Jace's. She then reaches up on her toes and places a soft kiss on his lips.

Clary's heart stops. Her heart ceases to beat in her chest while she watches as Jace slowly looks back to her.

Realization hits her hard and fast. All of the little details that she has missed now seem like giant flashing red lights that blind her. Jace is wearing a gold tuxedo jacket with a black bow-tie and black dress pants. The rhyme that all shadowhunters learn as children plays over in her mind. _Black for hunting through the night, For death and mourning, the color's white. Gold for a bride in her wedding gown, and red to call enchantment down._

"Gold is for getting married." she says to herself in a whisper, the horrible ugly truth hitting her straight down into the depths of her soul. "It's _your_ wedding." she whispers to herself again as her whole body starts to shake.

"Clary..." Jace says in a pained voice.

"Don't!" she shouts at him, looking down at the ground. She can't look at him anymore. "While I was being held prisoner in Faerie and tortured every moment of every day, you were out here dating?"

"No. I didn't know." he says in a shaky voice.

She looks back up to him as hot fat tears roll silently down her face in a waterfall. His face is a mask of pain while he is planted beside the blonde and still holds onto her hand. Or is it she that holds onto his?

A loud and distinctive laugh cuts through the tense moment and Clary looks up to see Izzy and Simon walk around the hedge. Her eyes land on Jace as Izzy says, "There you two lovebirds are! I was beginning to think you two had already left to start your honeymoon."

At any other moment, Clary would have been thrilled to see Izzy, but her words cut through Clary like a knife.

Simon is the one to see her first. His eyes go wide with shock and then Izzy spots her. "What the fuck?" she says lowly, her mouth dropping to the ground in surprise.

"Clary? Is that really you? You're actually standing there?" Simon asks, still with his stunned expression that she's seen so many times since they were kids. She reaches up and wipes her cheeks of moisture before forcing a small smile onto her lips. "In the flesh." she replies to him.

Much like what Clary did just minutes ago, Simon jumps over a low row of hedges and throws his arms around her when he reaches her. " _Oh my God_." he murmurs in her hair. His arms tighten around her almost agonizingly hard. Her arms wrap around him in return and she begins to reciprocate his tight hold desperately. "You don't know how much I've missed you." she cries into his shoulder.

"You missed me?" he laughs with disbelief as he lets go and holds her shoulders. She looks into his eyes and sees that they are releasing a river of tears like her own. "I was so lost without you." Izzy shoulders past him then and pulls her into a hug. "How in the world are you standing here right now?" Izzy asks after a long hug. She pulls back then and wipes away some tears with a questioning look on her face.

Clary has to swallow past the lump in her throat before she can speak. "The Seelie Queen, she let me go. I did a favor for her so she let me go."

"The Seelie Queen?" Simon says incredulously, his voice raising a few octaves.

Clary can't help but glance back over at Jace, pain etched on her face when she sees him. The blonde is whispering something fervently into his ear as his eyes, although they are looking at her, seem unfocused and distant. She tears her eyes away and looks up to Simon. "Yes." Unconsciously, Clary reaches up and runs her fingers over the Queen's brand that was burned into her shoulder. It's a habit she'd developed when she was feeling ashamed. It was almost like she was trying to hide it when in reality, she was just bringing attention to it.

Simon and Izzy's eyes follow her hand and they both suck in a small surprised breath. Simon's eyes then travel down to her wrist and he reaches out and grabs hold of her hand. He pulls it close to him and reaches out to run his fingers over her marred skin there. "Clary." he whispers sadly. Before he can touch her wrist, she pulls her hand away and wraps her arms around herself feeling incredibly ashamed. Simon and Izzy's eyes then begin to slowly look over her skin and their faces turn horrified as they notice all of the other scars that are littering the skin on her that is exposed.

She suddenly wants to curl up and die. _What was I thinking wearing this dress?!_ she chastises herself. All she thought about when she was picking out something to wear was if Jace would like it. Now, she wished she had put on a turtleneck with long sleeves.

She spins around to get away from the horrified looks on their faces, not thinking about how much of her back was exposed from the strapless dress. There is a collective gasp from the few people that are there when the moonlight shines on her back, lighting up the raised skin of her whip scars in the night. She immediately spins back around to face them with a timid look on her face. She takes a deep breath to help qualm her inner turmoil before she says, "The Queen wanted my back to look like my brother's. I guess to honor his memory in some weird way."

Her hand comes up and wipes away a tear before it can roll out of her eyes. She looks up to Simon and sees that his face is twisted in pain. "I'm so sorry, Clary." he says to her. His voice is rough with sorrow and his breathing is uneven.

"What is everyone doing over here?" a cheery male voice calls out. Everyone jumps in surprise and turn to see who it is. Clary immediately recognizes him as Simon's roommate from the academy, George Lovelace. His bright smile falls when he scans the serious faces of everyone. His eyes then land on Simon and stay there. "What's wrong?" he demands, a thick Scottish accent making his words almost undiscernable. He rushes over to Simon and grabs his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know." Simon answers him, his voice sounding distant. That's when Clary notices the top of a rune sticking out of Simon's shirt, reaching up onto his neck. Her hand reaches out on its own and pulls down his shirt collar, her idea of what rune it is confirmed. Her eyes quickly dart back to George and then back to Simon. "He's your parabatai." she states in a monotone voice.

Once again, hurt lances through her heart. She and Simon had just agreed to become parabatai the last time they spoke.

Clary pulls back her hand, letting go of his shirt collar, and takes a few steps back away from him. Anger flares up in her then. "All this time, I thought for sure that all of you were out here trying to find a way to get me back, to free me." She scoffs. "When in reality, you moved on without a glance back in my direction, as if I never existed."

"We thought you were dead, Clary." Simon says to her in an apologetic tone. "Alec said that he saw a faerie night slit your throat the night you were taken."

"Do you know how many times I watched each of you die down in Faerie?" Her tone is bitter and angry. "I lost count. It was a glamour, Simon. The best way to torture someone is by showing them what it would be like for the ones they love to die. To be helpless to do anything to stop it, watching it happen over and over again, in a multitude of horrific ways."

"The dreams." she hears Jace say quietly. She reluctantly looks at him to see realization and horror on his face as he looks down at the ground. "The dreams were real."

"What dreams?" Clary asks. When he looks up and into her eyes, it is like another dagger to her heart. Before he can answer her question, Simon steps in her line of sight, blocking her view of Jace. He grabs her upper arms and lowers himself to look into her eyes with a steady gaze. "Clary, if I thought for one tiny second that there was a chance that you were alive, being held prisoner in Faerie, there would have been nothing, not even Raziel himself, that would have been able to stop me from going in there and getting you back. You have to know that."

She holds his gaze impassively as she tries to regain control of her emotions. "Do you even remember me?" she asks him. "Did you get your memories back?"

"I did." he tells her. "I remember everything."

"Then I believe you." She reaches out and wraps her arms around his waist as he visibly sighs in relief. He pulls her tightly to his chest and rests his chin on the top of her head. Her eyes close tightly and she tries to push away the errant thought that runs through her mind that she would rather be in Jace's arms and not Simon's.

"What's going on?" another familiar voice says. Clary lets go of Simon and he moves out of her line of sight. Alec and Magnus are looking worriedly around at all of their faces, trying to make sense of the serious atmosphere they just walked into. She takes a step away from Simon and Alec and Magnus' eyes immediately lock onto her.

All of the color drains out of Alec's face. His mouth falls open and he sways a little unsteadily on his feet for a second. "Clary?!" Magnus says with his eyes as wide as saucers. "You're alive?!"

"Last time I checked, yes." she answers dryly. She looks back to Alec to see he is still looking like he might pass out. Magnus reaches out to Alec and holds onto his waist, steadying him. Before anyone else can say anything and anyone else can find them, she looks back to Simon, still trying her best not to look at Jace. "Is my mom here?" she asks him, suddenly wanting nothing more than to run into her arms and cry hysterically.

The serious looks and heavy silence that engulfs the group of them when that question comes from her lips stuns her. Simon gulps and his chin begins to shake with his effort not to cry. "Clary, after you died...after you were taken, your Mom had a really hard time."

"Simon, whatever you have to tell me, tell me. Don't dance around the subject." she tells him sternly. A knot forms in her stomach, already knowing what he is about to say.

"I'm sorry Clary. She died two years ago. She just...lost the will to live after you were gone." His voice hiccups as he tells her while more tears fall from his eyes.

Her head starts to shake from side to side, not wanting to believe what he just told her. "No." Her voice is strained with the effort not to break down in sobs. She feels a hand on her arm and looks over to see Izzy's looking at her with nothing but pity in her eyes.

It all becomes too much.

Jace being married, Simon having a parabatai, the knowledge that no one had _ever_ tried to come save her, her mother...it's all too much for her.

She reaches up and pushes Izzy and Simon's hands from her. With one last glance at Jace, she spins around and takes off into the night, running away from the harsh reality of what she had bargained with the Seelie Queen for.

* * *

 _Please don't kill me. I swear that was the worst chapter of the whole story. It was really heartbreaking to write. I promise there is a method to my madness, so please, hang in there and trust me._

 _Thanks a gazillion for reading and please don't forget to **follow** and **review**! (even though you'll probably just yell at me for writing this chapter. Lol.)_


	8. Chapter 8

The wind whips her long hair out behind her as she gains speed, her chest heaving with her sobs as she runs. She hears everyone call out her name but she doesn't stop.

 _She has to get away._

"Clary!" Her name is called again and this time, it's from close behind her. It's Jace. "Clary, wait!" he shouts again, his voice even closer this time. She pushes herself harder, her lungs burning painfully in her chest with the effort. She is sorely out of shape after spending all that time in Faerie. She looks straight ahead and fixes her eyes on a large tree on the edge of some forest. She chokes a little on a sob that she tries to push down back into her throat and fails. It comes out in a broken distorted cry, sounding like a hurt animal.

"Clary!" he says again except this time, she feels his fingers wrap around her arm. She slows down and comes to a stop, spinning around pulling her arm out of his grasp. She looks up to him and sees his golden eyes are wide and worried as he breaths a little heavier than normal from the running. "Please, don't go." he says to her. "You can't leave. I just got you back."

"No, Jace," she says bitterly. "You didn't just get me back. I can clearly see that I'm not yours anymore." He flinches at her words. "And what? You want me to stay at _your wedding?!_ " She scoffs and huffs out a short breath. "You want me to watch you and your new _wife_ dancing around and kissing? I was so fucking happy and excited when I woke up this morning, knowing that I was going to get out of Faerie finally and be able to see you and my mother and Simon again. And now...I wish I would have never left. The Queen's torture was easier to handle than the reality I walked back into."

His breath catches in his throat as he flinches again, his eyes sad and hurt and full of pity.

She can't be here anymore.

"Go back to your _wife_." she spits at him as she turns and takes off running again. This time, she doesn't hear anyone following or shouting her name. She finally reaches the large tree and places the tip of her stele to it and makes a portal. With the vision of the small house that Jonathan grew up in her mind, she steps into the portal and lets it pull her in.

* * *

 **Simon**

"Is this really happening?" Izzy whispers to herself. Simon looks over at his wife and then back at Jace who is running after Clary in the distance. "This is so surreal." he says. He hears Alec behind him say, "I saw her die. I saw it. She was dead." There is a pause and then he continues. "Oh Magnus, what have I done?"

Simon watches as Jace finally catches up with her and pulls her to a stop. That's when he hears Evie pick up her dress and start to jog. He looks over to see what she is doing and her eyes are trained on Jace and Clary like a hawk. "Jace!" she shouts out and moves to start running.

Simon steps forward quickly and grabs her by her arm, stopping her from running after them. "Leave them alone." he tells her.

She whips her head around and the look on her face is full of worry and anger. "Leave them alone?" she repeats. "He's my _husband_!" she snaps at him. "This is _my_ wedding."

"Your right; and this is me telling you to leave them alone." he says back, his voice full of warning. "She just escaped Faerie after being tortured for four and a half years, only to find out that the man she loves is married, her supposed parabatai has a parabatai that is not her, and to top it all off, she just learned that the only family she had left, her mother, has been dead for two years and she had no clue. If anyone can bring her back, it's Jace."

"Bring her back here? To our wedding?" she asks incredulously, her brown eyes flaring with disbelief. "Yeah, I'm sure she'd love to do that."

Simon's anger gets the best of him then. He purses his lips tight at her and looks back up to see Clary running again while Jace stands stock still, staring after her.

After seeing Clary's face, Simon knows that she is completely broken right now. The pain in her eyes when she would force herself to look at Jace was palpable, just like the betrayal was when she realized that he had a parabatai and that no one had come from her. His heart clenches harshly in his chest and then he is running in the direction of where he last saw Clary.

He looks up and sees that Jace is now standing alone. His eyes sweep the tree line along the forest near the Herondale manor and he sees a portal snap closed. He reaches Jace then and moves to stand in front of him. The look on Jace's face is one of devastation but he shakes it off, focusing his concerns on Clary. "Where did she go?" Simon asks forcefully.

"I...I don't know," he says in a dead voice.

"Well that's just great," he remarks sarcastically. "She doesn't need to be alone right now and being that everyone she knows is here, at your wedding, there's no telling where she could have gone."

"She was wearing the dress I got for her just before she died...before she was taken," Jace says in a monotone voice. "I couldn't wait for her to wear it."

"Well now that she has, I'll bet it feels like a slap in the face." he bites back. Simon knows he is lashing out at him in his anger and frustration but he can't find it in himself to care right now.

Jace's face finally moves from the devastated look and then he is looking at Simon with a sort of crazed look. He reaches out and grabs Simon's arms. "Simon, what do I do? What do I do?"

Simon's face turns hard. "Do whatever you want. Go back to your wife over there or go find Clary or go on your honeymoon. Pretend that this night didn't happen and Clary's still dead if that's easier for your conscience. I don't care what it is. But as for me, I'm going to go and find her." He jerks away from Jace and starts jogging back to everyone. Evie passes him on the way back as she runs out to Jace, but he doesn't even look at her. The memory of Clary's face when she looked at Evie holding onto Jace cuts him deep, her pain becoming his.

He reaches the group then to find Alec openly crying softly while Magnus says something to him in his ear. Izzy is pacing back and forth, biting her nails while George stands off to the side, not really knowing what to do. "She's gone. She hopped into a portal." he says to everyone while looking at Izzy. He looks over to Magnus and walks over to him. "Magnus, I'm going to need a big favor from you."

"I'm a little busy right now," Magnus says tightly to him.

Alec looks up then, sucking in some calming breaths, stopping his crying. "No.," he says firmly and loudly looking at Magnus. "Help him find her. It's my fault she was down there all this time. I'll be fine. Just...help Simon."

Magnus studies his boyfriend for a moment before giving him a tight nod and looking back up to Simon. "Where are we going?" Magnus asks.

"I need to go back to the Institute and get something of hers so I can track her. Jocelyn gave me Heosphoros after she die...after she was taken." Simon shakes his head, getting mad at himself for ever thinking she was dead. He should have known she was too stubborn to die. "I'm going with you." he hears Izzy say and nods his head at her.

"Alright." Magnus says and immediately begins to make a portal.

* * *

 **Clary**

Clary lands unevenly on her feet and falls to the ground on her knees. The impact is hard on her aching bones and muscles after barely using them over the past four years. She looks to the right and then the left and finds Jonathan. He is standing on the edge of the small stream in front of the tiny house, looking out into the distance at the rolling hills that are lit up by the full moon.

He spins around at the sound of a choked sob breaking from her lips. His brows furrow when he sees her with her arms wrapped around herself, crying on her knees. He takes off in a run to her, reaching her in seconds, falling to his knees in front of her and wrapping his arms around her. "Clary, what's wrong? What happened?" he asks worriedly.

She isn't able to say anything. Her body shakes with the force of her cries as pained noises come from her lips. Jonathan pulls her tighter to him and she finds comfort in the gesture, not knowing why. It isn't like when he was alive the first time, they were close or even liked each other, but now, his arms around her feel nice and like they should have from the start. Comforting and protective.

He holds her for a long time. Her crying finally slows after what must have easily been a couple of hours and she pulls away from him. She rubs her hands down her face roughly and wipes at her eyes. She takes a long and deep, stunted breath, calming herself as she looks up at him. Concern is lacing his green eyes as he looks at her. "Clary." he says softly. "What happened?"

"Mom...mom died...a couple of years ago." For some reason, she doesn't want to tell him about Jace. At least not yet.

"Oh, Clary, I'm so sorry," he says and reaches out and pulls her into another hug. She lets out a few more sobs before composing herself and sitting up away from him again. "I was sort of hoping that I would get a chance to get to know her." he admits quietly. "Get to know her as _me_."

"Me too," Clary says. "She would have been thrilled to finally have the son she dreamed of. The one she loved." She turns and looks out over the stream, taking a deep breath. Jonathan turns with her and stretches out his legs next to her. "You know, as many times that I imagined getting out of Faerie and being free again, I never, not once, expected to walk out to the reality that I did tonight." Her voice is quiet and thoughtful and full of hurt. "I shouldn't be surprised, honestly. They moved on. Their lives didn't stop, nor should they have, when I was taken."

He looks over at her, biting the inside of his cheek nervously. He looks like he's debating on saying something or not. The question he wants to ask is plain as day on his face.

Clary sighs heavily and drops her eyes to her knees out in front of her. "I found Jace..." She pauses, pushing down the sob in her throat. He waits patiently as she takes a few more calming breaths before continuing. "The problem was that I just happened to find him at his own wedding."

Jonathan sucks in a small surprised breath as what she just told him sinks in. "Clary," he says sounding horrified. "My God, I'm so sorry."

"People keep saying that to me tonight," she remarks, looking up and out to a hill in the distance. "I'm honestly growing tired of hearing it."

"I'm sorry," Jonathan says as a knee-jerk reaction. She looks over to him and sees a terrified look on his face. "I mean...I'm not sorry. _Shit._ That's not what I meant." He growls a little at himself, sounding frustrated and Clary can't help but laugh at him. He looks confused for a moment before smiling back at her.

There is a rush of air and a snapping sound. Clary and Jonathan jump to their feet and spin around to see a portal opening behind them. There is a moment where nothing happens and then Simon and Izzy land on the grass in front of the small cottage followed quickly by Magnus.

All three pairs of eyes find her and Jonathan quickly and zero in on her brother. Shock, fear, then anger rages across their faces as they pull out what weapons they have, Magnus' hands sparking to a vivid blue ball of fire.

Clary quickly jumps in front of Jonathan and spreads her hands out wide, trying to block as much of him as she can from them, even though he is over a head and a half taller than her. "NO!" she screams angrily at them. She'll be damned if they harm him. "Put your weapons down! Leave him alone!"

"What the fuck, Clary?!" Izzy shouts with rage. "Why are you protecting him? How is he even here? Alive?"

"Because I brought him back," she says shortly, narrowing her eyes at the small group. "He's changed. He doesn't have Lilith's blood running in his veins anymore."

"That still doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve to die... _AGAIN_." Izzy growls through her clenched jaw.

"Okay, if that didn't change your mind, then maybe this will." she spits out. Clary grabs the stretchy cotton fabric of her dress, not bothering with modesty, and pulls it all the way up to just below her breasts, revealing her lacy underwear she wore for Jace and Lilith's red rune. She turns slightly and reaches up and pulls on Jonathan's black t-shirt, lifting it up to reveal his matching one on his sternum. "If you kill him, you kill me," she says angrily, looking back at them.

Understanding washes over their expressions and then anger again. "He put that _fucking rune_ on you, Clary?!" Simon hisses.

"No. I put it on him," she says and drops her dress and Jonathan's shirt. She sneaks a glance up at her brother and his face is impassive, not giving any emotion away. It's something he surely learned how to do from Valentine.

She turns back to them and sees them lower their weapons, Magnus' hands going back to normal. "That was the deal I struck with the Seelie Queen. She found a way to bring him back but she could only do it if I gave my angel's blood willingly. I said I'd do it if I got to spend some time with him alone, the moment he woke up because Mark Blackthorn was there and he had a stele. So, I formed a plan. When I saw him laying there after I watched him be, literally, put back together, I kicked everyone out of the room as part of my deal with the Seelie Queen, and ran over to him and put the rune on him. I didn't know what he was going to come back as so I took the opportunity to take control. I didn't want him running around of his own free will if he was still the same."

"That's genius, Clary," Magnus says lowly. "I'm sure the Seelie Queen was furious."

"I heard her screaming in a rage when I jumped into my portal," she says in a satisfied tone. She then takes a deep breath and moves to stand beside Jonathan. "I'd like you all to meet my brother, Jonathan." She motions to him with a small smile on her face and looks back to Simon, Izzy, and Magnus. "If you want to take a closer look, you'll notice that he has the same green eyes as me and our mom. And to top it all off, he's not a homicidal maniac anymore. He's the brother that I never had, the brother that I was supposed to have before Valentine fed our mother Lilith's blood."

"You're serious?" Simon asks sounding unsure.

"As a heart attack," she responds. "He's a whole new person and now...he's the _only_ person that I have left in this new fucked up reality of mine."

"No, he's not." Simon says, stepping in her direction. That's when she notices that the short sword he is holding is Heosphoros. "You've got me. You've always got me."

"And me too," Izzy says with a serious tone.

"And don't forget about me, biscuit." Magnus says with a soft smile. He walks past Simon and Izzy and stops right in front of her, giving Jonathan a side-eyed glance as he passed. "I didn't get a chance to say hello back there and hug you." She gives him a timid smile as he pulls her into his chest and hugs her tightly. She hugs him back and then he is pulling away from her. "We all thought you were dead. We mourned you. It was so hard on all of us."

She scoffs a little. "It looks that way."

Magnus starts to shake his head. "No. You don't get to do that." he chides her. "You can't dismiss what we all went through when you weren't here to witness it. It took all of us a long time before we got to where we are today."

"And you don't get to dismiss my anger." she counters back at him. "I was down in Faerie the _whole time_ , convinced that all of you were trying to find some way to get me back, only to find out that no one tried. Not once. That none of you even considered that maybe, just maybe, what Alec had seen was a glamour." Her voice betrays her and begins to shake. "You have no idea what I went through down there. The only way I survived was _knowing_ that Jace was waiting for me and I couldn't let him down. That I had to survive for him. The memory of him and his face is what kept me going and now...it doesn't even matter." This time she's unable to hide her pain. Her face contorts as she turns around and faces away from everyone, wanting to hide from them.

Except she forgot one thing. Magnus hadn't seen her whip marks yet. He sucks in a surprised rush of air and says, "Clary, your back."

She doesn't say anything or even acknowledge what he said. She stares at the running water in the stream and wipes her tears as she tries to gain control over herself again. She's mad her at herself for saying that about Jace to them. It revealed what she was really upset about on the inside and she couldn't hide that fact anymore. Although her mom's death was a huge part of it, her hurt stemmed from the revelation about Jace and seeing him with the blonde.

She feels Jonathan's large hand on her head that smoothes down her hair and then pulls her to him. He wraps her in his arms to comfort her and places a kiss on the top of her head while she finishes wiping away the last of her tears from her face.

She turns around and looks to Simon who is staring at the two of them in amazement. "Is Luke...is he still around?" she asks.

"Yeah. He's still head of the New York pack, though he resigned from his spot on the downworld council when your mom died."

"I went there earlier, to his house, looking for my mom and him. I needed to shower and put some clothes on after I escaped. I was...I hadn't had a shower in...I'm guessing two months. I didn't want to see...I didn't want to look horrible and dirty anymore. I needed to feel human again and put some clothes on." She breaks eye contact with Simon and looks down at his chest. "They didn't give me any clothes to wear. Just a sheet that I tied around myself. That's all I wore the whole time."

"Dammit, Clary," he says to her but it is clearly directed at himself. "I let you down, in the worst way." He reaches out and pulls her into him, hugging her tightly. "I wish I had...I don't know." He sighs and places his cheek on her temple. "All I know right now is that I feel like I just won the lottery. My best friend just came back from the dead."

"I wish I felt the same," she mumbles into his chest, too low for anyone else to hear.

"Clary...he..." Simon starts to say so only she can hear, "...he was so sad.."

"No. I don't want to talk about that right now," she says quickly, shaking her head and pushing away from him. She steps back and stands beside Jonathan. "I know that his face is...not something you ever wanted to see again." She looks up to Jonathan as he looks down to her. "But all you have to do is speak to him and you'll see that he's not Sebastian. He's not the same person that did all of those awful things."

Clary looks to Izzy to see her jaw tight with the effort not to cry. Surely she's thinking about Max. "He deserves the chance to prove to you that he's not the same. So please, stop ignoring him and looking at him like you want to kill him. He's just as confused as you are about who he is."

Simon looks at her with serious eyes and then up to Jonathan, their eyes meeting. He studies him for a moment and takes a couple of steps to stand in front of him. Clary's surprised when he holds out his hand to him. Jonathan reaches out and takes his hand, shaking it as Simon says, "It's nice to meet you, Jonathan. You and Clary have the same eyes."

"You're the first person to ever say that," Jonathan says with a small smile. "Although I'll have to admit, my eyes before were like black soulless pits of hell."

Simon cracks the faintest of amused smiles on his lips before looking back to Izzy. She just looks at him and shakes her head and says, "It'll take some time."

"And when you're ready, I'd like to properly apologize for your brother. Truly and sincerely." Jonathan says to her, sounding very earnest. "Although I am not the same person I was, I do remember everything the demon did in my body and am truly ashamed."

Izzy's face softens a little at his words and she gives him a tight nod. She then turns her eyes to Clary and walks over to her, completely ignoring Jonathan at her side. She grabs Clary's hands and brings them to hold in between them. "Clary, please come home with us."

"Where is home?" she asks.

"The New York Institute, of course."

Clary shifts uncomfortably on her feet and drops her eyes from Izzy's. "Is...does _he_ still live there?" she asks in a small voice.

"Yes. He does." Izzy squeezes her hands. "I'm sure he'll want you there too."

"I'm not so sure about that. I can't see...I can't...be there if...I just can't, Izzy." Clary says with more force this time. "I can't. Not if...not if _she'll_ be there with him. And since she's his...since they're..." Pain wraps itself around her heart and her throat, making it impossible to actually say 'his wife' or acknowledge out loud that he's married. "And anyway, I can't just go waltzing in there with Jonathan. We'd both be dead within seconds the first time someone saw him. I have to worry about what the Clave will want to do with him."

"But Clary, there is no one there except the four of us and my mother. You'll be safe. The Institute is a big place. Just...come home." she pleads but Clary doesn't relent.

"Izzy, I said _I can't_." She lets go of her hands, annoyed with her, and looks to Magnus. "Tell Alec I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to say hello to him," she says and then turns her eyes to Simon. "I guess the only place I can go is Luke's. Although it's a toss-up if he'll let Jonathan stay and we're sort of a package deal now. It's too dangerous for him to be wandering around by himself." She looks back up to Jonathan. "If he says no, then we'll just have to figure something out."

"Clary, you will not be homeless if he says no," Simon says fervently. "You could..."

"Go where, Simon?" Clary retorts, her voice tired and strained. "There is nowhere else." She sighs heavily and runs a hand through her hair. "I'm tired and just...drained. I'm going to go to Luke's. If you need me, you can find me there. That is unless he says Jonathan can't stay. In that case...I don't know. I guess I'll just keep you updated."

Simon looks like he wants to say something and protest but knowing her as well as he does, he remains quiet and supportive, nodding his head in understanding at her. "Okay. But you have to promise that if Luke says Jonathan can't stay, you'll call me." He pats at his pocket, looking for something before turning to Magnus. "Can you get me a pen?" he asks.

Magnus snaps his finger and a pen appears out of nowhere. He tosses it to Simon and then he grabs her hand, writing his cell phone number on it. "Promise me, okay? Izzy and I are going to grab our things and be back in New York in a few hours."

"Okay. I'll call you if I need to," she tells him, reaching up and giving him a kiss on his cheek. She steps around him and Jonathan follows closely behind her till she gets to the wall of the cottage. She pulls out her stele and draws a portal, only looking back for a quick glance at the three of them, their faces all masks of pity, before stepping into the portal and pulling Jonathan with her.

* * *

 _So Simon, Izzy, and Magnus found out about Jonathan. What do you think Luke will say? Plus, we get to hear from Jace next chapter. Yay!_

 _Once again, thanks a zillion for reading and don't forget to **follow** and **review**!_

 _Also, I will say once again, this will **NOT** be a Clonathan story. _


	9. Chapter 9

"Alright," Clary says, sitting down at Luke's kitchen table, waiting for his return from wherever he is. "We have three choices." She tosses down a loaf of bread, a jar of Nutella, a package of sliced cheese, and a jar of peanut butter and jelly that is mixed together. "We can either have very simple grilled cheese sandwiches, a Nutella sandwich, or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"Luke's not much of a cook is he?" Jonathan asks, raising an eyebrow at the limited options in front of him.

"No. He never was," she replies and reaches for the Nutella. "But I'm having a Nutella sandwich while you decide. I'm starving after everything that's happened today." She starts to spread the nut spread on her bread as Jonathan reaches for the jar of peanut butter and jelly mixture and begins to make himself a sandwich. Both of them eat in silence, Jonathan grimacing as he eats. "What's the matter?" she asks him.

"It tastes different than I remember," he says, looking down at the sandwich he is eating. "It's...got more flavor. And I don't mean that in a good way."

She laughs once at him and smiles as she swaps sandwiches with him. "Try this one." she says. He grabs it and takes a bite, his brows rising in a pleasing surprise. "This is much better," he remarks. "I guess I'm going to have to figure out what foods I like on top of everything else."

"It's like you're a baby." she says with a smirk. "A big, six-foot-three baby. Just promise me that you won't start throwing temper tantrums and I'll be okay with being your super cool little sister that helps you figure all of this stuff out."

He gives her a serious look and says, "I make no promises." in a similarly serious voice. She chuckles and finishes his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watches him as he makes himself another Nutella sandwich and scarfs it down in a few bites. When they're done, they clean up and move to the living room, sitting down on his only couch together. There is a long comfortable silence that stretches between them. Clary feels Jonathan's eyes on her as she tries her best to avoid thinking about her friends, mother, and Jace. "That's a weird face you're making." he comments. "I'm not sure what it means."

"What?"

"Well, you were always hard for me to read in the first place. I'm trying to recall everything that Valentine taught me about expressions and how to discern them, but the look you have now, I have no idea what it means." He looks away and shrugs his shoulders. "I guess I _am_ like a baby. I have to re-learn everything."

She sighs and looks down at her hands in her lap, deciding that honesty is the best policy with him. He'll never learn if she lies. "I'm just...trying not to think about my friends...and Jace. I'm trying so hard and failing. I keep replaying seeing Jace's wi...realizing that he was married when I saw her come around the corner and kiss him." She shrinks into herself some. "I can't deal with that right now."

"Well let's talk about something else then," he says, turning his body to face hers. "How about you tell me how I was brought back?"

She looks up at him and shrugs. "I honestly don't know. The Seelie Queen said that she received a book from some shadowhunters as a gift that was very powerful. So powerful that it could bring back the dead."

"But why did she want to bring me back?"

"She said that you were the only one that would be able to defeat the Unseelie King. He apparently has a weapon that can make angelic weapons and runes not work. She said that he would start a war with the Nephilim and he would win because we would be fighting as mundanes, without the help of angel's blood or weapons, and that after he won, he would come after her, her court, and her people."

"I'll bet she didn't expect me to come back as this," he says knowingly, motioning to himself. "I suppose that I'm just a normal shadowhunter now since I don't have the help of demon's blood to make me stronger and faster."

"You know, I didn't even think about that." Clary says thoughtfully. "I guess we'll find out soon enough when..."

Her words are cut off when she hears keys jingle and then a key pushed into the lock of the front door. "Go! Hide in my room!" she says to Jonathan and gives him a few shoves. "I'll have to explain you first." He nods and then he is hurrying off and disappears around through the doorway that is to the kitchen and then down the hall.

She pushes off the couch and stands, smoothing down her hair. The door starts to open and her heart jumps into her throat. She's positive that Luke will be glad to see her but she has no idea how he'll react to Jonathan. She flexes her hands nervously at her sides as he steps into the house and drops his keys on the table next to the door. He doesn't look up until after he shuts the door and locks it. He turns around and his eyes instantly find Clary's.

His hair is almost completely grey and his face has some more wrinkles, making him look worn and older than she remembers. "Hey, Luke." she says, a small tremor in her voice. His brows furrow in confusion and disbelief and Clary can't take it any longer. The day's events all piling up inside of her and clawing to be let free. She needs to feel his arms around her. He has always been her father, even if he isn't her blood.

Before she reaches him, she starts to cry. She holds her arms up as she nears him and then he is lunging for her. "Clary!" he shouts and wraps her in a giant hug. "You're here. You're alive!"

She buries her face in his neck and lets herself go, letting herself fall to pieces in his comforting arms. Her tears are soaking his shirt while his soak her exposed shoulder. "Oh my God, Clary. I thought you were gone. I thought I'd never see you again." he says in a shaky voice.

When her sobs grow louder and more desperate sounding, he starts to rub circles on her back, trying to calm her. "Hey, hey, hey." he says softly. "It's okay now. I'm here and I'm never going to let you go again." He chokes on the last few words while Clary tries to suck in large breaths of air, her chest heaving with her cries.

"I didn't know how much I missed you until just now." she says to him, sniffling and wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

"Where have you been?" he asks, pulling her away from him with great effort and holding onto her shoulders. His head dips down and his eyes find hers.

"The Seelie Queen," she says after taking a few deep breaths to try and calm herself. "She's kept me prisoner down in Faerie."

Anger flashes deep in his blue eyes. "That fucking bitch." he sneers. His eyes then leave her face when he notices the brand on her shoulder that is right beside his hand. She drops her head in shame as he starts to scan her skin with his eyes, lingering on each and every scar she now has. The long one that stretches from her left ear to her shoulder catches his attention until she brings up her hand to cover it. They then focus on her wrist, his face turning horrified at the disfigured skin and muscles there. She knows it's not a pretty sight and shame washes through her against her will. It's a feeling that she's become very accustomed to since her time in Faerie.

"What did she do to you?" he asks in a horrified whisper.

"She made me pay for my part in her losing the Dark War and bringing about the Cold Peace."

"Clary." He says her name like an apology, fitting into it all of the hurt he's felt over the past few years. "I didn't know. Alec said that he watched a faerie night kill you."

"It was a glamour," she says dryly, pushing some of her hair out of her face. "That was one of the things the Queen loved to do the most to me. She'd make faeries look like the people I loved and kill them, over and over again." He then pulls her back into another bruising hug for a long time while she cries a little more controlled this time.

"Let's sit down." he says to her. "I believe that the shock of seeing you here is wearing off and my legs are starting to shake."

She gives him a nod and goes to sit where Jonathan just was while he takes her spot. He looks over her while a smile grows on his face. "You look so much like your mother now." When the words are out of his mouth, he pales considerably, looking like he had just stepped on a landmine.

Her chin quivers with her effort not to cry as she says, "I know about Mom." The two of them lunge at each other again as they cry broken sobs into each other's arms. He holds onto her with desperation, not willing to let her go till he's gained control of himself again. When he pulls back, his eyes are bloodshot and tired. Not the sleepy kind of tired but the emotional kind. The kind that ages you ten years in the span of one.

Her hand raises and she places it on his face and gives him a kiss on his cheek. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

"And I'm sorry that we all left you down there for all this time. I'll never forgive myself for it." He closes his eyes and shakes his head in disappointment at himself.

"Let's not talk about that right now." She clears her throat and sits up a bit straighter. "There is something that I need to tell you. It's something I had to do to get my freedom back."

"Okay," he says, shifting slightly into his pack leader voice. "Whatever it was, it was worth it."

"I hope you still feel the same when I tell you what it was." she says dryly, dropping her eyes for a second before looking up at him again. "She asked me to bring someone back from the dead. She got a book from some shadowhunters and it had a spell and...you catch my drift," she says cutting her explanation short. She's tired of explaining everything to death today. "But before I tell you who it is, you have to know that when this person came back, they came back completely different than the way they were when they were alive."

He is starting to look wary now, his blue eyes turning very serious. Clary closes her eyes and lets out a long breath and says, "She had me bring back Jonathan."

His eyes widen almost comically big with surprise. "What?!" he shouts. "Your brother?!"

She raises her hands and holds her palms out to him. "Luke. Luke," she says in a soft voice. "He came back the way he was when he died. You were there. You saw what happened; saw that the heavenly fire burned out everything demonic inside of him. That's how he came back. He didn't come back as Sebastian. He came back as Jonathan; the son that Mom dreamed of and mourned when she saw what Valentine had done to him. He's how he was always supposed to be."

Luke looks seriously at her, looking like he is expecting her to say "just kidding". When she remains quiet, he seems to realize that what she's said isn't some sort of sick joke. "Are you sure? He's different?"

"I'm positive," she answers surely and then begins to chew on her cheek for a moment. "What is it, Clary? What do you want to say?"

She looks up to him and says, "Jonathan!" she calls out. "It's okay to come out."

Luke instantly rises from his seat on the couch as he looks around to the two entrances to the room. There is a creak of a floorboard and his eyes zone in on the door to the kitchen. Jonathan peaks around the corner, into the room, and meets his eyes with Luke's. Clary can see the impassive look on his face that he's fixed there to hide whatever emotion he may be feeling. Just like Jace does.

That thought causes her to flinch before she pushes it away, the situation in front of her needing her attention. She rises from her seat as the two men stare at each other, and walks over to Jonathan. "Jonathan, I'd like you to meet Luke."

Jonathan takes some tentative steps towards Luke and holds out his hand. "I'm sorry about your sister. Really, I am."

Luke's face turns sour with the memory of seeing his sister turned a dark shadowhunter and then watching her die, all because of Sebastian. "Look at his eyes, Luke. They're exactly like Mom's." Clary says gently. His eyes then move to study Jonathan's, a thoughtful look on his face, all the while, Jonathan is holding his hand out for Luke to shake.

A long moment passes before Luke's hand reaches out to shake Jonathan's. "You're right. They are just like Jocelyn's," he says with a hint of a smile on his face. "This is crazy, Clary." He looks down at her as he lets go of Jonathan's hand. "I don't know how you did it, but..." he looks back to Jonathan, "...here he is. Your _real_ brother. Not something that Valentine put in place of your brother, but your real brother. I just wish your mother was here to see it."

"Me too," Clary says quietly, looking between the two men she is in the middle of. Luke moves to sit down in the recliner adjacent to the couch while Jonathan sits next to Clary in the spot that Luke just occupied, never taking his eyes off of Jonathan. They have turned from studious to wonder as he watches her brother.

"That now leads me to something that I have to ask of you." she says, looking nervously to Jonathan. He gives her a reassuring nod and a small smile before she turns back to look at Luke. "Jonathan and I, we have nowhere to stay. And before you say anything, you have to know that we are a package deal. When he came back, I wasn't sure what he was going to come back as so...I did something drastic to make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone ever again. I...uh...Jonathan? Can you show him yours? I can't really pull my dress up or down. He's the only father I've ever known so that would be weird."

"Yeah, no problem," he says and lifts his shirt up. The red rune stands out stark against his pale skin. Recognition flits across Luke's face and then it starts to turn worried. "Luke, it's okay." Clary says. "I have the dominant one."

"Does this mean that if anyone hurts him, it will hurt you too?" he asks with concern.

"Yes. And vice versa."

"Clary, that's dangerous." He turns his serious blue eyes to her. "Every Nephilim would sooner kill him than let him or you explain that he was different. And that goes the same for most of the downworld as well."

"And that is why we need your help," she says, leaning forward onto her knees with her elbows. "We don't have anywhere to go that we would feel safe."

"What about the Institute? Simon would listen."

She shakes her head vigorously. "We...can't go there."

"Why not?"

"Because we just can't." Clary says with more force this time. She unconsciously turns into Jonathan a little.

"Jace lives there with...his new..." Jonathan says, trailing off, willing Luke to understand.

Luke seems to grasp what Jonathan is saying and Luke looks to Clary. "They invited me but..." he trails off, dropping his eyes and shaking his head. "I'm so sorry Clary. That was probably a big shock for you."

She says nothing as a tear rolls out of her eye and she wipes it away. "I don't want to talk about it." she says dejectedly.

"Okay," he replies with a nod. "Then I guess I should give you my answer. I don't know why you even thought you had to ask. Of course, you can stay...and Jonathan. Although, it will take some getting used to seeing his face and not wanting to kill him."

"You and the rest of the world," Jonathan says dryly and quietly.

Luke actually cracks a smile at this. Clary looks up to him and gives him a half smile. "He's actually pretty funny." she says and looks up to her brother. "Once you get past the 'I really want to kill you' phase."

Luke lets out a throaty chuckle as he gets up and wraps her in his arms again, squeezing her tight, reassuring himself that she's actually real. "Yeah. Once you get past that, I'm sure he is."

* * *

 **Jace**

Jace is sure his feet are wearing a path into the floor of the Herondale manor as he paces non-stop in the library. Evie is still asleep upstairs and he couldn't be more grateful for that. To say that she was upset last night would be a huge understatement. Last night was supposed to be the happiest day of her life...and then Clary showed up.

 _Clary._

She was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He had been thinking of her in the garden when he first saw her again. He had thought that she was a hallucination, a ghost maybe until she had said his name. His heart ceased beating in his chest and he dropped his glass of bourbon to the ground in surprise. He still wasn't sure she was real till she ran towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He had stupidly pushed her away to make sure she was there when he should have been holding her instead.

In that moment, his heart felt whole again. The huge gaping hole that had torn itself in the center of his chest when he thought she died filled back in, her taking her rightful place there again. It was the most natural feeling in the world when she had pressed her lips against his with such desperation in her touch. His body reacted like it always did when they kissed, and his hands had slid down her body while he melted into her lips. His heart soared inside of him, making him feel like he was flying, his tongue pushing out to taste her all too familiar lips.

And then Evie had shown up.

He had honestly forgotten about her for those few moments until he heard her voice calling out for him. Guilt then weighed heavily against his chest. Clary grabbed his hand and giggled, wanting to pull him away so they wouldn't get caught, and from the look in her eyes, take him somewhere more private and do more than just kiss him.

Evie had come around the hedge then, looking beautiful in her wedding dress. Clary smiled hugely and laughed, asking if they were at a wedding. When he pulled his hand away from hers and looked to Evie, he felt like he was going to throw up. The utter betrayal in Clary's eyes when she realized that it was _his_ wedding felt like a thousand tiny stabs to his heart.

He deserved to feel that.

He reaches out beside him and picks up a glass vase holding brightly colored flowers and throws it across the room. It shatters loudly as it crashes against a bookshelf. Tears sting the back of his eyes and his chest begins to feel like an elephant has taken up residence there. His breath is shaky as he tries to take a deep gulp of air to calm himself.

"Jace?" Alec's voice calls out quietly from the other side of the door before he sees the knob turn. He pokes his head in the room and sees Jace's pained face and comes inside, Magnus following behind him.

"Did you find her?" he asks Magnus desperately. He had been preoccupied with Evie the whole night, trying to calm her down and reassure her of everything when he wasn't even sure himself. When she had finally fallen asleep in their bed at the manor, he had slipped out of the room and has been pacing in the library since.

"I did," Magnus replies.

"How is she? Is she okay?"

Magnus hesitates for a moment, trying to figure out the right words to say. "She's physically fine. I can't speak for her emotional state, though she had been obviously crying for a long while when we found her."

"That's because she thinks we all forgot about her. That we left her down there to rot and just moved on like she...which is insane. I...would have never left her if..." Jace grunts in frustration and runs his hand angrily through his hair as he turns around and faces the wall. He needs to gain control of himself.

"I'm so sorry, Jace," Alec says, choking on his words. "I was so sure of what I saw..."

"Well it wasn't true, now was it?!" he shouts at his parabatai, not turning around. "She's been in Faerie this whole time. They've been _TORTURING_ her! I left her down there to..." His chin quivers with the thought of her being whipped and branded, all the while, he was moping around at the Institute, not doing a damn thing to help her. "And then to top it all off, I ignored the dreams that I was having." He turns around and looks at the both of them. "Ithuriel was trying to tell me that she was alive, that she was being tortured and all I did was ask for a way to make them go away. I should have known..."

"There was no way to know." Alec cuts in and Jace's eyes flare with anger. " _Yes, there was!_ " Jace shouts back at him. "The dreams were my way to know. They were so realistic, like the ones Clary said she had, and I knew it. I knew it and I chose to ignore them, not wanting to know the reality of the situation I had left her in; how horribly I had failed her. I let you and everyone else talk me out of my belief that they were real and for that, I am the biggest fool in the world."

"You have always tortured yourself for your perceived wrongdoings. I thought that that was your way of torturing yourself for not being there and saving her." Alec replies, trying to offer up some defense for him. There is still sadness in his voice when he says that that is directed at himself. "But Jace, I need you to know how sorry I am." He takes a step closer to him. "What I saw that day...was real. At least it was to my eyes and now, because of that, I've put you in the worst position I could have ever put you in."

Silence engulfs the room. Jace turns around as he tries to make sense of everything that has happened. "For years, I was completely lost," Jace says sadly to the wall in front of him. "I was lost because I had lost my soulmate, my love and life, Clary. I was angry and cold and hated everyone and everything. And then...Evie came along. Her along with you, Alec, made it better. Made not having Clary with me bearable. Evie was understanding and supportive and she didn't let me push her away like I did everyone else. And then, I fell in love with her. She was able to make me truly happy again. With her, the pain of losing Clary was easier to bear because she smoothed over those rough edges around my heart. When I lost her, it left a hole in me that was jagged and sharp around the edges and Evie buffed them out with her love, reminding me that Clary would want me to be happy."

He snorts out a quick breath of air at the irony of it all.

Now that he had finally found someone that he loved and that made him happy, Clary comes back and now _she_ is the one that is heartbroken and lost. The look on her face when she yelled at him when he went after her will haunt him forever. She looked so completely...broken. The Seelie Queen had done everything to try and break her but never succeeded what he had managed to do in the one second when Evie kissed him. He broke her. He broke the woman he was hopelessly in love with.

"And now, I feel like I'm being punished; punished for not listening to the dreams that Ithuriel sent me. Just a couple of hours after I marry Evie, I get Clary back. The whole reason I was broken in the first place and Evie was there to fix me was because I had lost Clary. I lost my soulmate, the one I had always known was meant for me, only to find her just hours after I promised myself to another. I'm in love with two women now and I have no idea what the right thing to do is." Jace looks at the tiny puddle his tears are making on the floor before wiping his eyes and turning to face Alec and Magnus. "If I'm not being punished for something, then why do I now have to make a choice that will break my own heart?"

"And what choice do you have to make?" Magnus asks quietly, sadness and pity etched on his face.

"Whether or not I want to keep the sacred promise I just made yesterday to Evie, to be her husband, or go after Clary, not knowing if she'll have me after I failed her so egregiously," he replies. His voice mirrors his features perfectly. Broken and hurting.

"Then tell me this, Jace." Magnus says, sitting up straight. "Would you have married Evie if Clary had come back an hour before the wedding?"

* * *

 _Dun, dun, dun! That's the million dollar question! What will Jace say? What will he do? Will he keep the vows he made to Evie or break them and go after Clary?_

 _As always,_ _thanks a trillion for reading and don't forget to **follow** and **review!**_


	10. Chapter 10

"I still can't get over how strange this is," Luke says to Clary and Jonathan as they eat takeout from Clary's favorite Chinese place. His blue eyes have barely left Jonathan since he first saw him.

"I know what you mean," Clary says through the food in her mouth. She swallows and takes a sip of her drink, looking to her brother. "I still can't get over him being normal. He puts off such a different vibe than the one he used to."

"Yeah. It's no longer the 'I must kill everything' vibe. It's now 'I really wish they would stop talking about me like I'm not here' vibe. Or is that just me?" Luke says with a smirk.

"No. It's not just you because that is the exact vibe I was putting off." Jonathan says dryly and Clary laughs. He then shoves a mouthful of noodles into his mouth and glares playfully at Clary.

"And you, Clary," Luke says with a happy sigh. He shakes his head in wonder while his lips hint at a smile. "I'm still in complete shock that you are sitting here, alive. It's like one of the best days of my life. And to top it all off, you finally have Jonathan the way he was meant to be. If only your mother were here to see it." His breath hitches in his throat and his eyes drop down to the table. He clears his throat in an effort to hide that he is trying not to cry.

"Luke, what happened?" Clary asks, setting down her chopsticks and looking to Luke.

He shakes his head gently from side to side. "After we lost you, she just...gave up. Losing you nearly killed me and I tried so hard to keep it from killing your mother, but I just couldn't. She just lost the will to live. She had tried for so long to keep you from the dangerous world she left, only for you to be pulled back in and killed. She said so many times that she was a horrible mother because she couldn't even protect her own children from the monsters that surrounded her and the world she was in. Trying to convince her otherwise was futile."

Luke finally looks up to Clary and she can see the infinite sadness in them that her death has caused him. "I swear I tried everything I could think of to make her happy but her heart began to weaken. Her heart rate was unpredictable and she would have these fainting spells. Nothing I did helped though and eventually...her body just gave up." A lone tear runs down his cheek as tears run down Clary's face, her heart clenching tight in her chest.

Her hand reaches across the table and takes his hand that is resting there. "It wasn't your fault. She was so damn stubborn that if she got it into her head that she didn't want to live, she would have willed herself to die."

"That stubbornness is something you inherited, Clary," he says, squeezing her hand. "It can either be a good or a bad thing, depending on what you are doing or what you want."

"Well right now, I want to scream at anything and everything and then curl up into a ball and cry till I'm dehydrated." She lets out one small humorless chuckle. "But I think that would be considered either childish or weak to do that. The life that I imagined I would walk back into is completely gone and I should have known it would be. It was ridiculous to think otherwise. I thought everyone knew I was alive and was trying to get me out of there." The disjointed chuckle that leaves her lips this time is bigger and comes out as a scoff. "I was stupid to believe that after such a long time that anyone would think I was still alive, but I had no idea how much time had passed down there. Some days felt like weeks while some weeks felt like days...or at least I think they did."

"You were _not_ stupid to think any of that," Luke says sharply. "And you have every right to scream at anything and everything you feel like and cry for however long you like. You've earned that much at least. You were so brave and strong to survive down there for as long as you did. Especially going through what the Seelie Queen put you through." His eyes glance down at her exposed shoulder where the brand is before quickly looking back to her eyes.

"I don't feel very brave or strong," Clary says as her crying starts up again. Luke hops up from his seat and hurries to wrap her in a hug. She clings to him as she feels Jonathan's hand come to rest on her back in a gesture she's sure he means to be comforting. "I feel completely broken."

"Shh, shh, shh," Luke says, tears slowly falling from his eyes too. "It's going to be okay now. We're going to be okay. We just have to stick together."

She grabs him tighter, letting a soft wail from her lips as her body shakes. It's a long while before she is able to say anything again. Her brain is going a million miles an hour, replaying the scene in the garden over and over again. For some reason, she can't get the blonde's face to leave the backs of her eyelids. "He's married, Luke." she chokes out, never letting go of him, her head still buried in his chest. "I don't know what to do, what to think, or what to feel anymore."

He remains silent, letting her vent to him as she cries. After a good long while, she's finally able to slow her tears to only a couple every minute. When she pulls away from him and sees his pained face, it almost sends her into another fit of sobs. She takes a few good deep breaths as she closes her eyes and calms herself. When she tries to open her eyes again, she realizes just how excruciatingly tired she is. "I'm tired. I should probably go to bed," she states and tries to stand. Her legs wobble and then she is sitting back down.

"I think that is my cue," Jonathan says from behind her where he's apparently been sitting this whole time.

"You're still here?" she asks with surprise. "Tears usually make guys run. Especially the kind that were coming from me."

"I figured it was the least I could do." He states in a matter of fact tone. "I've caused you so much pain in the past. No matter how uncomfortable it was for me, which it wasn't really that bad, I owe it to you to be there for you. To help in any way I can make it better and easier for you." He stands up, his chair scraping loudly against the floor. "Which is why I am going to carry you to bed now."

His arms wrap under her legs and under her arms, under her back, and then she is lifted up. Her head swings for a moment before she's able to raise it to look at him. "I'm not some damsel in distress that needs to be carried places."

"I never said you were," he says, looking down at her. "But I will say that you are deliriously tired right now, so much so that you can't even stand. Hence, me carrying you to your room." He then lowers her down onto the bed she spent so many nights in, dust flying in the air from their movements. It's very clear that no one has been in here for a long, long time. "First thing tomorrow, dust my room," she mumbles, snuggling into the familiar scent and soft blanket.

"Yes, ma'am," Jonathan says with a laugh as he turns and leaves her to sleep.

* * *

 **Simon**

"That's it," Simon says, his voice ringing with finality. He stands up from his spot on the love seat in the library and pulls out his phone. He's spent the last five hours there, bouncing his knee up and down with worry for Clary while Izzy bit at her nails nervously. "I'm calling Luke. I need to know if she's there and that she's safe."

He quickly dials his number and after two rings, Luke answers the phone. "Um, hey Luke. It's Simon. Is...uh...is Clary there?" Simon asks curiously. He's unsure if he knows about Clary and Jonathan. She might have been lying when she said that she was going straight there.

"She's here," Luke says, knowing exactly what he was looking for.

"She is?" he asks, letting out a breath of relief. "Is she okay?"

"She's okay as she's going to be at the moment. She just fell asleep about thirty minutes ago. She was exhausted."

"So, you're going to let her and...him stay there?" Simon asks as Izzy stands up and presses her ear close to his phone to hear the conversation.

"Of course," he replies, sounding offended. "My daughter just came back from the dead. I don't care if I had to let Lilith herself live here with me, there was no way I was going to kick her out and leave her homeless since she obviously can't go back to the Institute for a multitude of reasons."

Simon closes his eyes in relief. "Good. I was worried that because of Jonathan, you wouldn't want her there."

"That might be true for everyone else, but it isn't for me." he almost sneers at him. "What the hell happened? When she came here, she was in one hell of a state."

Simon pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. "She showed up in the middle of Jace and Evie's reception. It didn't help either when she found out about me having a parabatai. It spiraled down pretty quickly after that, especially when she found out that we thought she was dead and that we never...we didn't..." Simon can't finish the sentence, guilt bubbling up in his throat and making it impossible for him to speak until he swallows a few times. "I should be there. She'll need me."

"No," Luke says firmly and swiftly. "You, and everyone else needs to give her some space. Her whole world, the one she fought _so hard_ to get back with Jace and you and everyone else, is completely gone and everyone and everything in it has changed; moved on without her while she was stuck in the same place."

Simon flinches at his words. There it was. The horrible ugly truth, laid out in front of him, unable to deny it. "That's why she needs her best friend." Simon says with less conviction this time around.

"Simon, as of right now, in her eyes, you've replaced her with George and Jace has replaced her with Evie. I don't think she'll want a reminder of that anytime soon. I'll take care of her for now and when she's ready, she'll decide if she wants to see and speak with anyone." His tone is tense and protective. He sounds just like a father. Like the guy that he and Clary grew up with.

"I can't promise that I won't show up to check on her," Simon tells him, his own stubbornness getting the best of him. "She's been gone so long and all I want to do is hug her till she can't breathe."

"And all I want to do is protect her," Luke says with finality ringing in his voice. "I also can't promise that I won't throw you out if she doesn't want to see you or if you say or do anything to upset her."

"Fair enough," Simon says with a nod even though Luke can't see him. "Call me if you need anything or if she asks for me or...I don't know. Just...call me if anything changes with her."

He hears Luke take a deep breath and blow it out, sounding wearily tired in that moment. "Alright. I'll call if anything happens. Bye, Simon." There is a click of him hanging up the phone and then Simon kicks out at the coffee table in front of him, flipping it over and everything that was on it falls to the floor with a loud clatter. "Dammit, Iz." he says with a tremor in his voice. "How is this able to be the best and worst day of all time?"

"Because the Seelie Queen is a royal bitch." she sneers. "I've been thinking that the timing was just _too_ perfect. She finally decides lets Clary go only hours after Jace gets married? She did that on purpose. She tortured Clary all this time and let her go when everyone had finally healed and moved on with their lives. She wanted to torture Clary in every way possible and she has succeeded." She moves to stand in front of her husband, looking into his eyes. "We can't let that Seelie bitch win. We can't let Clary think that we replaced her like Luke said. She has to know that we love her and want her back in our lives. We know what it's like to live without her and it was horrible."

"I know that but how do you suggest we go about showing her?" he almost snaps at her. "How do we convince her that we need her in our lives when we've all moved on without her? She was going to be my parabatai but now, I have George as my parabatai. Jace and Clary were together and were stupidly happy. They were supposed to get married and now he's married someone else and her mother is dead. The life she knew and everything in it is completely gone."

Simon turns around and stomps off angrily. He slams the library doors behind him and starts to make his way to his and Izzy's room. He is taking his anger and frustration out on his wife and he hates himself for it but he just can't help it. He shouldn't have snapped at Jace either the night of the wedding when she had run off. It wasn't his fault that he had moved on and fell in love and married Evie, not knowing that Clary was still alive. It was the Seelie Queen's fault.

And yet, he still blamed himself for it. He was furious with himself.

He was supposed to be Clary's parabatai. He was supposed to just be able to sense these things about her. He was supposed to know if she was alive or dead or if she needed his help. He fought so hard to stay by her side and protect her as much as he could, even when he was a mundane, yet the one time she really and truly needed him, he had failed her and failed her in the most heinous way. He left her in Faerie to be tortured and made a fool of day after day. He never once questioned Alec's conviction that he had watched Clary die, all the while, knowing what kind of tricks faeries could play.

 _He. Should. Have. Known._

He reaches their room then, shoving the door open with a hard push, the doorknob leaving a dent in the wall behind it. He kicks out at a pair of shoes Izzy left on the floor and sends them flying across the room. It's only when he feels moisture on his hand that he realized he was crying. His tears weren't because he was sad, but because he was mad and frustrated at himself. He swipes them away with a rough hand and starts packing a bag for himself. He will show Clary that she matters to him, that she is still his best friend and nothing has changed that. Not even her supposed death changed that fundamental fact about them.

While he's packing, he digs through his belongings, gathering what he can of her things that he has. When she 'died', Jocelyn had demanded most of her stuff be brought back to her home, but there are some things that he and Jace had been allowed to keep. She wanted nothing to do with the Morgenstern swords so he took Heosphoros and Jace took Phosphoros. He picked up the string friendship bracelet that she made him when they were twelve and tied it around his finger a few times because it was too small to wrap around his wrist. He dug around in the back of a drawer till he found her favorite old band t-shirt of his that read " _Rock Solid Panda_ " across it in faded letters with a picture of a panda dressed in a Hawaiian shirt.

By the time he was done, only ten minutes had passed and Izzy was just showing up. "What are you doing?" she asks, looking down at the suitcase and then back up at him.

"I'm going to go stay at Luke's...or at least on his porch if he won't let me inside." Simon states like what he was doing was obvious.

"That's crazy, Simon," Izzy says as she places her hands on her hips. "Luke said she needed space."

"I don't care what Luke said," Simon says firmly and walks around her, pulling his suitcase behind him. "I'm going to be there for her the moment she is ready to let me. I am going to show her that she matters to me, more than anything in the world...behind you of course. And if Luke makes me sleep outside, it'll be the least I could do for her since I left her in Faerie for four and a half years."

Izzy takes a deep breath and nods her head, knowing that it would be futile to argue with him about this. "Just be careful. You know the faeries have been rendering our weapons useless and I'll worry about you if you are made to sleep out in the open. In fact, call me if you do. I'll come down there and join you. I don't want you out in the open all by yourself."

"I can't make that promise," he says looking down at her still flat belly. "You have our little growing bundle to think about."

She sighs heavily and pauses for a moment before nodding in understanding. "I love you, Simon," she says, reaching up to cup his face.

"I love you too, Iz." He leans down and presses a soft kiss to her lips before standing back up straight. As he is leaving their room, Izzy calls out to him. He turns around. "Will you tell her that I'd be there with you if I weren't pregnant? Tell her that I love her and have missed her terribly and am beyond happy that she's alive."

"I will," he says with a smile before disappearing out of their room.

* * *

 **Jace**

Before Jace can answer Magnus' question, Alec speaks up. "Don't answer that," he says sternly. "Not until you know what Clary's done to get back here."

Jace's brows furrow with confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"When Magnus came back last night after he found her, he told me what she did for the Seelie Queen so she could gain her freedom back," Alec says solemnly. "It might make a difference in what your answer would be."

"What could she have possibly done that might make me give a different answer, considering that I do have one, to begin with?" Jace retorts back.

"Because it just would," Alec says plainly. "I'm not sure how you are going to react when I tell you."

"Would one of you just tell me?" Jace says tiredly, heaving out an exasperated breath.

"You know that the Seelie Queen was given the Black Volume of the Dead from some unknown shadowhunters, right?" Jace nods. "Well, the reason she wanted it was to bring back someone from the dead and she needed Clary's angel blood given willingly to do it." Alec moves closer to Jace, holding his eye contact, an apology in his eyes even as he talks to him about this. "Jace, she brought back Sebastian from the dead."

Jace's eyes widen and he sucks in a shocked breath of air. Alec raises his hands to stop Jace from saying whatever he was about to say. "Jace. Let me finish." Jace's eyes flash with anger and hurt. "What the Seelie Queen didn't know was that Clary had a plan. She had been given a stele by Mark Blackthorn and after his body was reformed but before he awoke, she placed Lilith's rune on his chest. One that matched the one she had placed on hers. She wasn't sure what he would come back as and she wanted to be able to control him."

"What!?" he shouts angrily. "Why did she do that?"

"She's the dominant one, Jace," Magnus adds. "He follows her commands, not the other way around. But there is something else you should know. When he came back, he came back as the person he died as."

"A murdering psychopath?" Jace says bitterly.

"No, Jace. Don't you remember?" Magnus says softer this time. "The heavenly fire burned out all of Lilith's blood in him. He is now the brother that Clary never had."

Jace's mouth falls open in surprise. His eyes soften immensely and the tensed muscles in his body relax. "So, he's not..."

"No, he's not," Magnus says. "I saw him with my own eyes. His eyes were green instead of black and his whole demeanor was different."

Jace turns around and runs a hand through the long locks on the top of his head, his head dropping in thought, not saying a word as he turns back around away from them. Alec steps closer to him, stopping only when he is right behind him. "Now do you understand? She was willing to bring _him_ back to be free again. To be with you. She tethered herself to him with a demonic rune so she could control him; linked her life with his, knowing that there would be a long line of people that would be waiting to kill him, all so she could be free again and see you; _be with you_."

"Is that your way of telling me that you think I should be with Clary?" Jace asks, not turning around.

"No. It's me giving you all of the information so you can make a decision knowing everything."

"You should know by now that you can't lie to me, Alec," Jace says sharply. He turns around and looks at him finally. "And what would you have me tell Evie? Sorry that I promised to be your husband and love you forever but my old girlfriend came back from the dead and now you're not good enough anymore?"

"I wouldn't put it exactly like that," Alec says with a small shrug.

"Then how would you put it?" Jace says challengingly.

Alec's eyes harden at him despite feeling like shit, knowing that all of this was his fault. "You're my parabatai, Jace. I know you better than anyone. Clary is the one you are meant to be with. You would have never even glanced Evie's way if you had thought there was the slightest chance that Clary was alive. Could you say the same if you had been with Evie and Clary came along?" He doesn't give Jace time to answer. "You know what, don't answer that because I already know the answer. Clary is your soulmate, the one that was made for you. You've said it yourself a million times. I know that it will hurt you to break Evie's heart but could you really live your life knowing that Clary is out there? What happens when she starts dating someone else and falls in love?"

Jace visibly recoils when he says that. Alec's right. The thought of another man's hands on her, kissing her, touching her like he did, her falling in love with someone other than him caused him physical pain. His heart falls into his stomach and starts twisting in knots as he visualizes it. "I would feel the same way about Evie with someone else," he says back to him, trying to rationalize his visible reaction to what Alec said. "And since when did you start loving Clary so much that you would have me leave Evie? It wasn't long ago when you were shoving me at Evie, telling me to stop holding myself back from her, saying that we were perfect together."

"That's only because I thought Clary was gone." Even though Jace is trying to sort his own emotions out right now, when Alec says that, he can hear the guilt that he feels for all of this. For believing that what he saw was Clary dying. "You're right. At first, I didn't like Clary. I could barely stand her, hated her even, but that was only because I thought I was in love with you. I saw the instant connection the two of you had from the start and knew that you were going to fall in love with her; fast and hard.

"And then there's everything she's done for you. She could have asked Raziel for anything and she asked for you to live. She put her own life at risk and followed you and Sebastian when you were tethered to him. She saved your life from your own self then as well. Then there was the heavenly fire. Without her, you would have burned up and died and Sebastian would be ruling the world. And now, she brought back her brother again, not knowing how he was going to come back and tethered herself to him so she could control him. Knowing that everyone would want to kill him but still willing to take that risk so she could get back to _you_. Everything she's done has always been for you. As your parabatai, I want nothing more than for you to be with the person that makes you the happiest and will keep you safe. That person is, and always will be, Clary."

The door to the library is pushed open then and standing there is a teary-eyed Evie. Her brown eyes zone in on Alec with a quiet anger. "Screw you, Alec.," she says in a snide tone. "I'm sorry I can't make runes to save him. I'm sorry I wasn't there to ask the angel for his life, even though that is what I would have asked for. I'm sorry that I don't have an evil brother to sacrifice myself to just so I can be with Jace. All I have to offer him is my love."

Her eyes dart over to Jace and he can see the hurt there, and under that, insecurity. "All I've ever been able to offer him is my love. If that isn't good enough for you, Jace, then just kick me out now and you can go running back to _her_." She spins around on her heels and storms off.

"Evie! Wait!" Jace calls, running after her, glaring at Alec as he passes. He was so torn in that moment of what to do, but seeing Evie's face then, looking so sad and hurt, killed him. Just like when he saw Clary's face when she realized that he was married killed him last night. "Please, Evie! Wait!" He chases her all the way upstairs where she slams their bedroom door in his face. He doesn't try to open it, knowing that she wants him to stay there for now. "Evie. Can I please come in?"

"Why? Are you going to finish packing so we can go on our honeymoon like were are supposed to in three hours?" she calls back bitterly through the door.

He sighs heavily and closes his eyes in pain, resting his forehead on the door. "Evie, just let me in," he says softer this time.

The door flies open, surprising him. She's standing there with her blonde hair a mess and tears running down her face. "Answer me!" she shouts at him. "Tell me that you love me and that you want to be with me, and not her. Tell me that we are going to leave for the honeymoon we planned together." Her tone is challenging because she already knows the answer he's going to give.

"Evie, I can't leave right now for our honeymoon," he says apologetically. "I have to go check on Clary, make sure she's okay."

"And what about me? What if _I'm_ not okay? Does that even matter to you anymore? Would you still leave to go to her?"

"Of course you matter to me. I love you. You're my wife."

"Exactly!" she shouts at him. " _I'M_ your wife! _NOT_ Clary." She slams the door in his face again, leaving him out in the hallway by himself. She's so hurt and angry and he can't blame her. Yesterday was supposed to be the happiest day of her life and then his ex-girlfriend showed up, back from the dead. But could he really call her his ex-girlfriend since they never broke up? And then the thing that is making him feel like the absolute worst person is that he can't help but think that if Clary had never been taken, she would be his wife right now, and not Evie.

* * *

 _Poor Jace, poor Clary, poor everybody! This thing they call life is hard! Your reviews spur me on and help me write more so don't hold back!_

 _Thanks a billion for taking time out of your day and reading my story. Please don't forget to **follow** and **review!**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Important:** First off, I want to thank yall so much for all of the reviews and new follows. Yall are freakin' awesome! Second, I feel like I need to reiterate that this is, but isn't a Clace story. It's more about Clary figuring out her way after this horrific thing has taken away her life and becoming a major badass along the way. I don't want to say that Clace is endgame because I hate giving away the end of a story but if they do get back together, it will take a while to work through everything to get to that point. _

_That being said, I hope you enjoy the new chapter!_

* * *

Clary stretches her arms, waking up and reaching out to feel soft fabric. Her eyes fly open and she startles awake.

She sits straight up, terrified as to why she is in an actual bed and not on her dirt floor. Her heart hammers in her chest as she looks around, realizing where she is. Yesterday's events then come flying back to her in rapid succession.

The Seelie Queen. Watching in amazement as her blood spread out and reformed her brother. Realizing he was different. Jace being married. Simon having a parabatai that wasn't her. Her mother's death.

Her peaceful slumber is violently pushed from her, her heart sinking with her new reality. She frowns to herself and takes a deep breath, looking around at the familiar, yet not familiar surroundings of her old room. It's strange being back here. When she was taken, she had been living with Jace at the Institute for almost a year, which reminded her of a thought she had last night before she drifted off. What was all of her clothes doing back here when they had been left at the Institute?

Then it hit her. Her mother had probably demanded all of her things when she thought she died. That's why the green dress she was still in was in her closet. Looking down at herself, she wanted nothing more than to get out of the dress she wore for Jace. She kicks the covers off of her and stands up, pulling the dress over her head swiftly and throwing it across her room, watching as it falls behind her dresser. A few tears unwillingly slip from her eyes before she scrubs them away, willing herself to stop crying. She can't fall apart again. It hurts too much to give into those emotions that cause her to break down at the thought of him and _her_.

She shoves away those thoughts successfully, having a lot of practice pushing away her emotions after all of her time in Faerie. Thinking about her grumbling stomach, she rifles through her closet and pulls out a black tank top and jeans. She pulls on the jeans, which are a little too big for her now that she's lost so much weight in Faerie, but when she goes to pull on the tank top, she freezes.

She throws it into the bottom of her closet, thinking that if she were to wear it, her arms and chest would be on display. That thought never crossed her mind when wearing a tank top before but now, she had scars that made her skin look like a jig-saw puzzle. After seeing the horrified reactions of everyone last night, seeing their faces twisted with disgust, the last thing she wanted to do was go around showing them off.

She reaches out and grabs a long-sleeved dark blue t-shirt and pulled it on, even though it was almost stifling hot outside. She runs her fingers through her hair to work out some knots before walking out of her room. There is a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen. She walks down the hall and sees Luke cooking in the kitchen, flipping pancakes on a griddle while bacon cooks on the stove. A movement of hers must have caught his eye because he spins around and smiles hugely at her.

"Morning Clary," he says. He abandons the food and hurries over to her, wrapping her in a tight hug and kissing the top of her head a few times before letting her go. "God, it feels so good to say that and hold you again." His smile is huge as he hurries back over to the cooking food.

"It's good to be back here," she says as she makes her way over to the table and sits in a chair. "I almost had a heart attack this morning when I woke up because I had forgotten where I was."

"Waking up here scared you?" he asks in a slightly hurt tone.

"No. That's not why I was scared," she tells him. She hesitates to tell him why until he turns around. He turns off the griddle and walks over to her, locking his eyes with hers. The look in his eyes is supportive and she finds comfort in that. He's not looking at her with pity and she appreciates that so she decides to tell him the truth. She tells herself that it will be good for her to confide in Luke. She can trust him. "I was scared because I woke up in a bed after sleeping on a dirt floor for four and a half years. I was scared that it was some sort of trick Varys was playing on me." Her eyes fall to his shirt, not wanting him to see the weakness that was surely in her eyes.

His hands come out and grab hers, his thumbs rubbing the skin on the backs of them. "Can I ask who Varys is?" Luke asks gently.

"He's...he was who was tasked with my care. He would do as the Queen asked and then do what he wanted to me." She swallows roughly, curling in on herself a little as she speaks. "He enjoyed what he did. Torture was his specialty."

"Okay," Luke says lowly with a hard tone to his voice. She looks up at his face to see him trembling. His hackles are starting to rise on the back of his neck and his body is shaking with the effort not to phase into his wolf. "I get it. He's the one responsible for..." His words cut off as his eyes move to where her brand is on her shoulder.

"Yeah," she says with a nod. "But I really don't want to talk about that right now. I'm really hungry." She tries to give him a reassuring smile but it probably just comes out as a grimace.

He takes her cue and forces a smile on his face as he stands. He bends down and places a kiss on her head once more before going back to cooking. "I'll go wake Jonathan up for breakfast," she says and stands. She walks back to the door she passed walking to the kitchen and turns into the living room. Jonathan is softly snoring on the love seat. Being so tall, his legs hanging over one edge while his head hangs off the other. It looks horribly uncomfortable but by the sounds of his snoring, Jonathan doesn't seem to be too bothered by it.

Just as she is reaching down to shake him awake, she sees another person in the room with them. Her eyes catch sight of Simon sleeping, laid back in Luke's recliner. She stops still for a moment, shocked to see him there before she sees his eyes start to flutter. She watches him for a moment, surprise still holding her body and mind hostage, not allowing her to move or speak, while Simon's brown eyes open and find her.

"Clary!" he says in a whisper-shout.

"Simon," she says with surprise. "What are you doing here?"

He looks to over by the door where there is a small suitcase standing. "I'm staying here," he says as if it were the most natural thing ever.

"Why?" Clary asks with an incredulous tone. She knows she doesn't really have a right for her to be mad that he chose George for a parabatai after she was taken, but she can't seem to help it. She's hurt and she wants him to know that. "Wouldn't you rather be hanging out with your _parabatai_?"

Simon grimaces at her words, his brows furrowing. "Please, Clary. Don't be like that. You're my best friend."

" _Was_ your best friend. You replaced me the moment I was out of your sight."

"Clary," Luke calls from the kitchen doorway. She spins around and sees his disapproving look. "That's not fair to him. We all thought you were dead. All of us were completely devastated."

She spins back around to look at Simon as Jonathan starts to wake. "So devastated apparently, that you just had to go out and replace me to fill the void I left? Or did I even leave a void?"

Simon's eyes harden at her and he stands up, crossing the distance to her and placing his hands on her upper arms, speaking sternly at her. "Stop that, Clary. If anyone would know how I felt when you died, it would be you. How would it feel if I had died? You've been my best friend since we were five. Nothing has changed that, even after everything we've been through. Not when I became a vampire, not when I lost my memories, not even when I thought you had died. I'm sorry you're hurt but I'm ecstatic. I'm so beyond thrilled that you're alive that I couldn't care less if you hated me for the rest of our lives. If that is what would make you happy, then fine, hate me, but I could never hate you. I love you, Clary, and I will always be here for you. That's why I'm here now. I'm here to show you that, to prove to you that besides Izzy, you are the most important person in the world to me."

Clary studies his face for a minute, her chin quivering with the effort not to cry before her tears break free. They start to run silently down her cheeks and then she is throwing her arms around his neck. She squeezes him tightly as he does the same to her. They stand there, clinging to each other for a long time while they both cry into the other's shoulders. "I shouldn't have been such a bitch." Clary cries into his shirt.

"It's okay," Simon says back, pulling back to look at her. "You have every right to be angry at us. We left you in Faerie for over 4 years. I'd be angry at us too."

"I shouldn't have said those things to you. I know how you feel about me. I guess I'm just jealous of George."

"Don't be," Simon says as he reaches up and tucks some of her hair that was plastered to her face from her tears behind her ear. "He may be my parabatai but he doesn't even know what Manga is." She can't help but let out a quick breathy chuckle at that. "I've been trying to educate him about all thing nerd this whole time to no avail."

"You poor thing," she says with another small laugh. "You've been being tortured right along with me."

Although Simon tries to hide his flinch and hurt of her statement with a smile and a small laugh, it doesn't fool Clary. "But I still don't understand what the suitcase is for," she says, looking back over to it.

"I'm staying here with you if that's okay," he asks nervously before his face grows serious. He drops his voice and locks his eyes with Clary. "I know...I know that what you came back to was not what you were expecting and..." He takes a deep breath. "...I know that you are having a hard time with that. I want to be here to help you, to help my best friend with whatever she needs."

She drops her eyes to his chest to try and hide the hurt that she is feeling. "What about Izzy?" she asks.

"Izzy is back at the Institute. She's fine. She wanted me to tell you that she loves you and is so glad that you aren't dead."

Something about the way that he said Izzy was glad she wasn't dead made her laugh. "I'm glad she's glad I'm not dead, even if my presence causes problems for everyone."

"Your presence did no such thing, Clary," he says sternly.

She tries to arch an eyebrow as she looks up at him, challenging him to contradict her. "Really?" she says, thinking about Jace. Of course Simon being her best friend, he knows what she is talking about without even saying anything. "I'm sure that George wouldn't feel the same way. I'm sure me being alive is even causing problems for Alec with him and ..." she can't say his name out loud. Not yet. The wound of finding out about him being married still too fresh. "Him being the one that supposedly saw me die."

"Magnus looked into his memories and saw what Alec saw too. Even _he_ believed you had died from what Alec saw."

She begins to shake her head. "And I watched you and everyone else I love die dozens of time. They are faeries, Simon. That's what they do. They make you see things to trick and fool you for their own sick amusement. Didn't anyone ever think that what Alec saw might have been a glamour?"

"I...I don't know." Simon admits as he shakes his head. "I still hadn't regained my memories at that time and when I did, it was an accepted fact that you had been killed. Becoming a shadowhunter was the best and worst day of my life. The best because I had finally become Nephilim and got my memories back. The worst because I finally realized what I had lost with your death."

She looks up to him and can see the pain in his eyes as he recalls that day. "I'm sorry, Simon," she says as she reaches to touch his cheek. "I'm glad that you had George to help you through that, though."

He nods his head. "Yeah. Me too. He and Izzy were my saving grace."

A smile pulls up her lips as she lowers her hand back to her side. "I see that you and Izzy are still together, just like I knew you would be."

A big smile lights up his face. "Yeah. We got married last year."

"You what!?" Clary screams, making him jump. "That's incredible, Simon!" She pulls him into a hug and then feels another hand on her shoulder. She pulls back and looks up to see that Jonathan is standing there. She had completely forgotten about him being in the room with them if she was being honest. "Congratulations, Simon," Jonathan says with a small smile.

Simon returns it with a tense smile of his own and nods his head at him. He looks back to Clary. "And to top it all off, she's about three months pregnant."

Clary's eyes widen with surprise and excitement as her mouth falls open. "Oh my gosh. You're going to be a dad?" He nods with a huge grin on his lips. "That's so amazing...and yet so weird!"

"I know, right?" he says with a wrinkle of his nose. "Me...a dad?"

"That's just great, Simon," she says and pulls him into another hug before letting him go when her stomach grumbles loudly. They both look down at it and then back at each other. "I think I might be hungry," she says with a laugh. "I've had one decent meal since I got out and now my stomach thinks it can boss me around. It got used to only eating something small once a day and now it's gotten greedy again."

A sadness passes over Simon's features before he smiles at her. "Let's see if breakfast is done," he says and turns her around and pushes her into the kitchen.

"It's done," Luke says, looking over his shoulder at her and Simon. "Clary, what do you want?"

"I can fix my own plate," she says and Luke vigorously shakes his head. "No. I'll get you whatever you want. In fact..." He pauses for a moment and throws about four pancakes on a plate then takes three pieces of bacon and a bottle of syrup and sets it in front of her.

"And I'll fix you some coffee," Simon says with a knowing smile.

Clary's face lights up. "Oh! Coffee! It's been sooooo long." When Simon finally returns and sets the steaming mug of coffee in front of her, she bounces up and down like a giddy little girl. Her eyes close as she takes her first sip and a long 'mmmm' escapes her throat.

When she opens her eyes, she sees three sets of eyes looking back at her. Luke and Simon have warm smiles on their faces while Jonathan's is more amused.

"Jeez," Jonathan says with a quirk to his smile. "I didn't know that coffee could elicit that kind of reaction from you."

"I did." both Luke and Simon say at the same exact time. They share a laugh with each other before looking back to Clary. Jonathan sits beside her with his own plate and starts to dig in. She picks up her fork to do the same when she still feels Luke and Simon's eyes on her. She slowly looks back up to them and sees them still staring at her, watching her every move. "Guys, you're freaking me out. Why are you just standing there looking at me?"

"Because you sitting there again is just so surreal after thinking you were dead for four and a half years," Luke says with a smile.

"Well if you want me to eat, both of you are going to have to stop watching me." They both smile wide at her and nod, turning to fix their own plates.

Jonathan leans into her and whispers in her ear. "For once I'm glad that everyone hated me. They're pretty much ignoring me instead of watching my every move and wanting me to talk about all my feelings." The way he said that was hilarious, like the word "feelings" was a curse word. She lets out a laugh as she looks over to him and smiles, watching him start to smile himself at her, glad that he made her laugh.

"I'm beginning to like you, Jonathan," she says to him.

"Good, cause you're kinda stuck with me."

"That, I am," she says as she takes a sip of her delicious coffee and nods her head.

* * *

 **Nadia**

" _WHAT?!_ " Jia Penhallow shouts with surprise. Nadia Fitzwilliam stands in front of her with a stern expression on her face. She absolutely hated to see her best friend in the whole world, Evie Mendleson, now Herondale, in so much pain this morning. After she had left her new husband, Jace, back at the Herondale manor when he refused to go on their honeymoon together, she had come to her place not far away and told her everything. He was such an asshole for wanting to go after his ex-girlfriend instead of going on a romantic vacation with his wife. "Clary Morgenstern is alive and she brought back her brother from the dead? Did I hear that right?"

Nadia nods her head in confirmation. "Yes, Consul Penhallow. You heard correctly. Clary Morgenstern showed up last night at Jace and Evie Herondale's wedding and crashed it. Said that she's been in Faerie this whole time and that she brought her brother back from the dead so the Seelie Queen would let her go, if she's even telling the truth about being held prisoner there."

Consul Penhallow's face turns thoughtful. "I know Clary and if she said she was held prisoner, then she was held prisoner," she says surely, looking away from Nadia and down at her desk. "But how was she able to bring her brother back? He was burned. I watched it myself."

"I think it had something to do with the Black Volume of the Dead that the Seelie Queen was just gifted by some shadowhunters, probably the Blackthorns." Nadia explains. "Evie overheard Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood talking about it earlier today. Magnus even saw Sebastian Morgenstern with his own eyes after he went to find Clary when she ran off after finding out that Jace had married my best friend."

Nadia hoped that Clary was hurting worse than her friend was. Evie didn't deserve to be treated how Jace was treating her. She was beautiful and didn't deserve to feel jealous of some redhead that looked like a mousy little girl.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" the Consul asks her, looking her straight in the eye.

"Positive," Nadia states, holding her head high. "She's betrayed us and she must pay for it. She selfishly brought back the monster that almost killed our race and burned down the world just so she could get out of Faerie."

"Thank you, Miss. Fitzwilliam." the Consul says with a wave of her arm towards the door. "Thank you for the information but you cannot tell anyone else what you've just told me. Understood?"

"Yes, Consul. I understand." Nadia says with a nod. The Consul inclines her head to her door in a motion meant to say 'leave', and so she turns around and leaves, feeling very satisfied with herself. _That should take care of the Clary Morgenstern problem for Evie._ she thinks to herself as she smiles and walks out of the Consul's quarters. She debates if she should tell Evie what she's just done the whole way back to her place. Surely the sleeping rune she placed on her friend would be wearing off soon and she should be back when she wakes up. After weighing her options the whole way back on her horse, she decides that it's better if she keeps it to herself. She wouldn't want Evie to tell Jace that she told the Consul. He might warn Clary and then her best friend would be back where she was; crying in her bed.

Yes. It was better if everyone kept on thinking Clary Morgenstern was dead. Surely the Council will want her dead for bringing that demon back just so she could save herself. Didn't she know that she was a shadowhunter and shadowhunters sacrificed themselves for the greater good? The Council will track her and kill her brother and kill her for bringing him back. It's better for everyone that way.

* * *

 **Alec**

Alec takes a deep breath as he raises his hand and knocks on Jace's bedroom door. "What do you want, Alec?" Jace spits out annoyed from the other side of the door. "Jace, can I come in?"

"Do whatever you want, Alec," Jace replies.

Alec opens his door slowly, finding Jace sitting in a stuffed chair by the large window in the room. He's looking out over the rolling hills with a stern and thoughtful look on his face. "I saw Evie leave a while ago," Alec says timidly, shutting the door behind him and moving to sit on the edge of the bed in the room, next to the chair. "Is she coming back?"

"I don't know," Jace says tiredly.

"Do you want her to come back?" Alec asks.

Jace turns and looks at him with hard eyes. "What the fuck, Alec? Why did you just ask me that?"

"That's right. Don't answer the question and deflect with your own question. That's what you're best at."

"And you're best at fucking over my life," Jace says snidely and turns to look back out of the window. Alec flinches and looks down ashamedly at his feet.

"Jace..." he whispers, pain laced thick in his quiet tone. "You'll never know how sorry I am for that; for all of this. I'm supposed to make your life better, easier, but instead, I've made it worse, considerably so." Jace remains quiet so Alec continues. "It's my fault that all of you thought she was dead and I'll never forgive myself for it. I won't even ask for her forgiveness in the matter, or even yours. My mistake has stolen all of these years from the both of you and caused you more pain than I ever care to remember."

Alec recalls when he told Jace about Clary and the pain on his face was like his own. It was the most absolute worst feeling he's ever felt and never wants to feel again. "All I can do now though is tell you how sorry I am and try to fix all of this."

" _All of this_ , can't be fixed." Jace's words are short and clipped. "I have a wife that I love and I have Clary that I love also. If Clary had never gone, she would be my wife instead of Evie, but that isn't what happened. I fell in love with Evie and married her. I promised to love her forever and stand by her side till we die and now...I have no idea what to do. My heart is pulling me in two different directions and I just feel...lost. I know that I need to go and check on Clary, make sure that she's okay, but I also know that if I leave Evie here and do that, she'll never forgive me." Jace turns his head and meets Alec's eyes with his. "Tell me, Alec. What am I supposed to do?"

Alec swallows past the lump in his throat as he looks at Jace's torn expression. "Honestly, Jace, that is a decision that you will have to make on your own. I think you know how I feel about the whole thing but that is just me. I'm not you and only you know what's in your heart. Figure out who it is that you don't want to live without and be with her. But first, let me pose a question to you. I think you've established that you can live without Clary, but is that what you want? Which will hurt more? Not being with Evie or not being with Clary now that you could have her back?"

Jace looks back out of the window and even though Alec can only see half of his face, he can see that he is really thinking about his question. His face is twisting in pain at the thought of having to choose but knowing that it must be done, and be done soon.

"She kissed me," Jace says suddenly after a long stretch of quiet. "When Clary saw me, her smile was so _beautiful_ and radiant, like it always was. She jumped over a rose bush and threw her arms around me and kissed me. At first, I was so stunned that I froze for a moment. After I realized that she was actually there and in my arms, I kissed her back fiercely, just like I always had. My body responded to hers and my heart felt full again with her in my arms, mending everything that was broken in me when she died. It was the best feeling." Jace drops his head and looks down at the floor. "And then Evie showed up. When I looked at her, I have never felt worse in my life. It was our wedding day and I had kissed another woman. I don't think she saw us kissing but I think she knows that it happened, even though she won't ask me if it did. And then, when Clary realized that I had just gotten married, the look on her face was...I can't describe how awful that felt to see her like that."

"Of course you kissed Clary," Alec says softly. "You're still in love with her and always will be. She is a part of you and you are a part of her. You thought she was dead and then there she was, in your arms. It was only natural to kiss her back."

"Yes, but no matter what Clary and I have, or had, it was still wrong of me to kiss her back. I'm a married man."

"Have you noticed that you keep saying over and over again that you are married? It's like you are trying to remind yourself of it every time you think about Clary."

"I keep bringing it up because it is a very important and relevant fact," Jace says sternly. "If I were to leave Evie, it would mean that I've broken a vow that I've made and you know that I'm not that kind of man."

"So what are you supposed to do?" Alec says tiredly. "Spend the rest of your life with Evie, wishing it was Clary, not willing to get a divorce because it would mean that you've broken a vow? How do you think Evie would feel about that?"

"It's not like I don't love her, Alec." Jace snaps at him, standing up and turning to face Alec. "Evie makes me happy and I love her."

"Yes, you do. But you love Clary more." Alec says in a matter of fact tone.

"How the hell do you know that, Alec? You don't know everything that goes on in my head like you think you do. I owe it Evie to try and make this work."

"No. You owe it to yourself to be happy with who you want to be happy with and you'll never be happier than you were when you were with Clary."

"There is no right answer here, Alec. Just the lesser of two evils." He's still not answering the question, deflecting like always.

"You're right." he acquiesces. "And now that I've said my peace, I think you need to decide on what to do. Are you going to go on your honeymoon with Evie and pretend that Clary isn't somewhere in the world, or are you going to go and find her like she found you, over and over again?"

* * *

 _Dun, dun, dun! The plot thickens. Muhahaha!_

 _As always, thanks a billion-trillion for reading and don't forget to **FOLLOW** and **REVIEW** to tell me what you think!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Important!**

 _For fuck's sake, I've gotten a million private messages and reviews about a couple of things that I feel I have to address now. **Firstly** , Clace is endgame. They will end up together but it will be a while and take some time and a lot of healing._

 _ **Secondly** , Jace didn't move on quickly. Four and a half years passed before he moved on. Did yall want him to be sad, miserable, and alone for the rest of his life? In my opinion, there was plenty of time that passed for him to respectfully move on._

 _ **Lastly,** this is the last chapter that will be relatively relaxed. The plot will be changing from Clary trying to adjust to her new reality to moving the story forward and Clary's future changing and where her 'fight' starts. I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Chapter Twelve

* * *

"Are you sure that no one else is there?" Clary asks for the millionth time, trying to make sure that Jace wasn't going to pop up around a corner with his beautiful new wife.

"I just talked to Izzy and she said that she's still by herself in the Institute. The shadowhunter that was caring for the Institute while we were gone left the moment we got back." Simon reassures her.

Clary nervously looks back to Jonathan and he gives her an encouraging nod. She turns back to the wall and draws a portal and then is being pulled into it by Simon's hand. The four of them land in the library of the Institute, Izzy having taken down the wards for her so they could portal directly inside. She stands up straight once they land and looks around. It looks exactly the same as she remembers it. The smell of old books and wood filling her nose while the smell of ash from the fireplaces linger in the air. Luke places his hand on her shoulder and steps around to look at her. "You okay?" he asks her and she nods her head, not saying anything.

"Listen," Simon says with a crooked smile. "You can hear Izzy running back up here from the basement where the wards are."

Clary lets her ears reach out far and sure enough, she can hear the rapid click-clack of heels slapping against the floor. "I'll never understand how she can run that fast in heels," Clary says with amusement. Another ten seconds and clicky-clack sound slows quickly the last few seconds before the library doors are pushed open.

Izzy's eyes skim over Jonathan and look down and land on Clary. She gives the dark-haired beauty a timid smile and then Izzy is marching towards her, determination in her every step. Clary is the one to close the distance then, wrapping her arms around Izzy and burying her face in the crook of her neck. "Hey, Iz," she mumbles.

"God it's weird seeing you here again. Fantastic, but weird." Izzy says and pulls back with a smile on her face and a single tear slipping down her cheek.

"There's a lot of things that are weird now," Clary says back, thinking about Jonathan and... "Like you being pregnant!" she says, not letting herself think about _him_ right now. Her eyes move down to her stomach and she places her hand there and beams from ear to ear. "Congratulations on getting married and the baby," Clary says sounding slightly forlorn. "I'm sorry that I missed your wedding."

"Seriously, Clary?" Izzy asks incredulously. "There is not a damn thing you need to be sorry about. It's me who needs to apologize."

Clary shakes her head vigorously. "I really don't want to talk about that right now," she admits. "I just wanted to come and see you and since you can't leave the Institute unattended, here I am."

"Well, since you are here, sit down. I want to catch up and talk about everything we've missed in each other's lives." Izzy says and then her face pales as she realizes what she just said. "I mean...I know that you...a lot's happened for me and Simon."

Clary purses her lips in a tight smile as she nods at her and looks down at her hands in her lap.

"Shit, Clary." Izzy apologetically. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know you didn't," Clary says, looking back up to her and tries to give her a reassuring smile. "Just tell me that you have pictures from your wedding and that you have them on hand and I will be one happy lady."

"Of course I have pictures! I have two whole photo books of them."

"Then go get them. I want to see every one of them." Clary says. Izzy stands up with an excited clap and places a swift kiss on Simon's lips before hurrying off.

"And while you girls do that, I'm going to go to the training room," Jonathan says as he starts to head towards the doors. "I'm curious as to what my skills are now that I don't have demon blood anymore."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Clary asks.

"No. Stay. I don't want you to see how I react if I don't like what I can or can't do anymore. I'm not sure if I will be mad or not when I find out." Jonathan says, admitting his insecurities so freely in front of her, Luke, and Simon.

"Okay. But you know what to do if you need me." Clary says and raises her hand to him. He seems to remember her telling him to cut his hand if he needs her the other night and waves his hand back at her in understanding. He leaves and Simon moves to sit next to her on the couch. "He seems...nice," Simon says thoughtfully. "He's surely not the same from before."

"No, he's not," Clary says looking at him. "He's who he was always supposed to be, even if he's not sure who that is yet."

Before anything else can be said, Izzy comes barging in the room with two giant binders full of photos in her hand. Clary's eyes widen at the sight and Simon laughs at the terrified look on her face. He leans into Clary's ear and says, "Just remember that you asked for this."

Clary elbows him in his ribs discreetly as Izzy sits down on the other side of her. She shoves one binder into Clary's lap and flips it open. When she looks to Izzy, she catches her looking at the long scar on the left side of her neck that goes all the way from her ear to her collarbone. She shifts uncomfortably, wishing she had worn a turtleneck, and Izzy's eyes snap back to Clary's. She looks embarrassed to have been caught looking and smiles, clearing her throat as she points at the first picture. "This was when I went shopping for my dress," she says brightly.

Thirty minutes later and they have finally made it to pictures of the ceremony. Izzy, of course, looked absolutely stunning as a bride while Simon looked as handsome and happy as ever. She tries not to linger on the pictures of Jace too long, always keeping her eyes moving when she comes to a picture with him in it. Granted, that's a lot of them so she sometimes ends up looking at the white spots in between the pictures as Izzy talks. She seems to sense her hesitation about Jace as well, trying to avoid saying his name and leaving out stories with him in it. Clary's not sure if she's thankful for that or not.

When Izzy moves to stand up and the book slips out of her lap and falls to the floor, Clary bends down to get it the same time Izzy and Simon do. The movement makes the sleeve of her long-sleeved shirt rise up and reveal her mangled wrist. Sure, they saw her wrists the night she came back, but it was dark outside and hard to see without the help of runes. There is one rush of startled breath that comes from Izzy while Simon freezes in his spot.

Clary quickly pulls back her hand and pushes down her sleeve with her other hand, bringing them in close to her body, folding them across her chest. Izzy and Simon both sit up slowly while she feels their eyes burning into her, the binder left forgotten on the floor. "Clary," Izzy says softly, trying to reach out and take her hands. Clary pulls back and tucks her hands further into herself, pulling the sleeves over her hands for safe measure. "You don't have to be ashamed of your scars."

"That's easy for you to say," Clary responds, her voice holding no bitterness to it, only sadness.

"Clary," Simon says gingerly. "You can talk to us."

"I know," she says unconvincingly.

"No, really. You can talk to me." Izzy reiterates. "Tell me what happened."

"Does it really matter what happened?" Clary says looking up at her. "It happened. It's in the past now."

"Of course it matters," Simon says.

"No, it doesn't," Clary says a little more forcefully this time. "I think you can gather why my wrists look like they do. I don't need to explain it." Surely they didn't need her to tell them that that is where she was tied down so Varys could torture her. It was obvious by the way the disfigured muscle tone and discolored skin wrapped all the way around her wrists that it was from being held down.

Her two friends seem to get that now is not the time to push her for information and thankfully pull their attention back to the photo album. It's another thirty minutes before they are finally done looking at the million pictures that Izzy had. Luke seems thankful for it to be done as well. He's just been sitting so patiently and watching the three of them interact with a smile on his face, but when they finally shut the book, he lets out a relieved breath of air.

"Well, now what do you want to do?" Izzy asks with a too bright smile. She's trying to be happy and excited, probably trying to take Clary's mind off of everything. "We could go to Taki's." she offers. "Or we could go to our favorite comic book store," Simon says to her.

"Actually, I'm going to go check on Jonathan," she says with a timid smile, worried about what kind of reaction that statement would warrant from the both of them. Izzy's lips purse ever so slightly but she puts a hard smile on her lips with some effort while Simon smiles more naturally. "Okay. We'll be around." Simon says to her.

She stands up and walks out of the library and starts down towards the training room. It feels sort of surreal to be back here after so long away; different and she's not sure if it is in a good way or a bad way. When she reaches the training room after a solid five-minute walk, the doors are closed. She pushes one open slowly and sticks her head in.

She easily spots Jonathan over by the dummies with a bunch of throwing knives in his hands. His arm pulls back and then snaps forward, letting a knife fly at the dummy's chest. It sinks in just a few millimeters above the small two-inch target and Jonathan groans loudly in frustration. He throws another one and this time, it sinks in just on the edge of the target. "Dammit!" he growls at himself.

Clary steps into the room and shuts the door behind her, gaining the attention of her brother. He looks back alarmed at who might be coming in and when he sees her, he relaxes and lets his shoulders sag. "I really fucking suck," he says as he runs a hand through his sweaty hair.

"No, you don't." she says as she walks towards him. She goes to stand beside him and looks to the dummy. "That looks pretty damn good to me."

"Yeah. To you," he says back. "I've never had trouble hitting the target dead center every single time I let a knife fly from my hand."

"Well, that's because you had a greater demon's blood coursing through your veins. It may have made you faster and stronger, but it also made you a raging psychopath."

He lets out one small huff of amused breath before sighing heavily. "Yeah, it did. It's just...I've been in here the whole time and I'm finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that I'm just a normal shadowhunter now. I know that that might sound stupid and like I'm spoiled and ungrateful, but it's the truth. I liked that I was faster and stronger than anyone else."

Clary's glad that he's telling her these things. Things that he probably would never admit to anyone else because they might take it the wrong way. They might think he was saying that he wanted to get that power back but that's not how he meant it and deep down, she knew that. It was probably because of their connection with the rune. "Well, if it'll make you feel any better, we can spar. I've been sorely out of practice for almost five years and I'm sure you will put me to shame."

A grin spreads across his face. "Alright. If that's what you want."

"Just remember that whatever you do to me, will happen to you."

"I'm not afraid of that," Jonathan says with a slightly offended tone. "I'm not taking it easy on you because I know you would take it as an insult."

"I would," she admits as she walks over to the cabinet where training clothes are kept for visiting shadowhunters. She opens it up and grabs the child's large because she's lost so much weight over the years and hurries over to the connected bathroom and changes into the tight tank top and compression pants. If it were anyone other than Jonathan, she would have been worried about her scars, but since it was him, she knew that he wouldn't stare and ask about them. After all, he had scars of his own. When she emerges, Jonathan is already in the middle of the sparring mats, stretching his long arms across his body. As she walks over to him, she stretches her arms herself and even lunges a few times to try and stretch her legs.

"Alright, let's see what you've still got," Jonathan says with a smirk.

"This should be interesting," she says thoughtfully as she closes the last few feet to him. "If I get hurt, so do you which will at least give me some sort of satisfaction when you will surely kick my ass."

"I'm not so sure about that," he says back to her. "After all, I've been dead for the past, oh...six, six and a half years?"

"And I've been starved, tortured, and held prisoner for the past four and a half years. I'd say that, at the very least, we're even." She smiles up at him and he returns it. Before she can say anything else, he lunges. She tries to sidestep him but her body doesn't respond fast enough. He tackles her to the ground and she lets out a huff as the wind is knocked slightly out of her. "Wow. I'm really, really rusty," she says to herself.

"I'm glad you said it so I don't have to." he chuckles at her as he pushes up and offers her his hand to help her up. She takes it and readies herself again for another attack. "Why don't you charge me this time?" Jonathan suggests.

She shrugs and then studies his body for a moment. She knows his dominant side is his left so she should attack his right...but he'll be expecting that. Her eyes then move to his legs and quickly dismisses that plan of attack when she sees how strong his stance is. "Oh, fuck it," she says as she just lunges for him, aiming for his midsection. She is able to land a few blows to his side and around to where his kidneys are before he flips her over his head and she lands flat on her back. She feels the pain in her back and stomach from where she punched Jonathan and laughs to herself. "This was a horrible idea." she coughs out through her laughs. "Even if I do eventually win a match, I will have successfully kicked my own ass."

Jonathan appears in her sight, standing above her at her head with a wide smile on his lips, laughing with her. "I know what you mean. You landed really hard on that mat when I flipped you and I choked a little from having the breath knocked out of me."

"Why don't we just stick with practicing our skills, helping each other with things we need to improve on?" She heaves herself up and turns to face him. "I think I'll need to practice or re-learn everything I ever learned though."

"That's okay," Jonathan says with a shrug. "I have been told I'm a great teacher."

Clary furrows her brows at him incredulously. "By who?" she croaks out.

"When we were in the apartment, I helped Jace out with some things and he improved quite a bit. He told me I was a great teacher when I had patience."

Clary tries to hide the hurt that crosses her face when he says _his_ name, looking down at the mat briefly before looking back up at him. "Alright then. Teach away, sensei."

To her surprise, he really was a great teacher. He reminded her so much of Jace sometimes that it hurt when he would say a certain thing or show her how to hold a blade. She figured she should have expected that since he and Jonathan had both grown up with Valentine and were trained by him. Unfortunately, though, she was so sorely out of shape and feebly weak compared to how she used to be. She'd have to fix that and fast. She still had her rune abilities but that wouldn't save her if it came down to a hand to hand fight. Jonathan gave her a bunch of exercises that she could do wherever she was instead of having to use the equipment here to strengthen her body. She had a long way to go but she was sure that she could do it. She could get back to where she was with the right diet and dedication to training.

Halfway through the one hundred laps around the training room her and Jonathan were doing, there was a knock at the door and then it opened. They both froze, not knowing who it was until Simon stuck his head in the room. He looks around for a second as they both relax again, and sees them. He smiles and comes in the door, shutting it behind him. "We were starting to wonder what you two were doing," he says as he walks towards them. Clary's hands rest on her hips as she breaths heavily and sweat rolls down her forehead. "It's been almost three hours since we last saw either of you."

"We just figured that since we were both so out of practice, that we might as well use the training room while no one was here." Jonathan offers with a swipe of his hand to his forehead, catching a bead of sweat there before it rolled into his right eye.

"That's not the worst idea." Simon says and looks between the two of them. "There are a lot of people that will, at the sight of you, want to kill you, and since your life is now tied with Clary's, you can never train enough."

"I'm not sure exactly how to take that," Jonathan says with a playful narrowing of his eyes at Simon. "I guess I will just have to win everyone over somehow, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do that if they attack me and I have to fight them. Surely they will be trying to kill me and I would probably have to kill them to stop it from happening, and that surely won't help my cause."

"Which is why I said that you two training wasn't the worst idea you've ever had," Simon says back to him. "At some point, someone is going to find out about you and then all hell will break loose."

Clary's head then sags between her shoulders. Her hand comes up to smooth down some flyaways from her ponytail as reality hits her, once again. "We'll never get a moment's rest again, will we?" she mumbles to herself. Unfortunately for her, she spoke just loud enough for both of them to hear her.

Simon steps forward and pushes her head up so he could look into her eyes. "Yes, you will, Clary. I won't rest till you have whatever life you want; a peaceful, fulfilling life. You deserve that after everything you've done for our race and after everything you've endured."

"You might think that but not everyone will," Clary says tiredly back to him. Her eyes betray her sadness to him and he can't hide the pity in his. "Don't look at me like that," she says fervently and quietly. She moves around him and hurries over to grab her long-sleeved shirt that is on the back of a chair ten feet away, realizing that too much of her skin is exposed. She pulls it over her head swiftly and tugs the sleeves down over her hands.

"Look at you like what?" Simon asks.

"Don't look at me like...with your eyes so full of pity. I don't need that," she says dismissively.

She looks up to him to see him thinking about denying it, when she raises her brows at him, challenging him to do it. He sighs in defeat before saying, "Okay. No more pity." His tone is a matter of fact and to the point. "But will you at least let me help you train?"

"Seriously?" she asks him, her voice raised high.

He narrows his eyes at her. "Yeah. Why not? I happen to be a good shadowhunter. I've gotten pretty damn good at what I do."

"I'm sure you have but the last thing I want to do is come here every day and risk...running into someone."

Simon immediately understands and realization flits over his face. He gives her a tight nod and rubs the back of his neck like he always has when he's thinking hard about something. "Then I guess I will just have to come to you, then. Every day."

"That's crazy, Simon. You have a pregnant wife to take care of."

"She's pregnant, not crippled." he retorts as Jonathan moves around him and goes to the bathroom. "I think she'll be okay for a few hours every day by herself."

"I don't want to cause any problems between the two of you though. You should be focused on Izzy, not me."

"Would you shut up!" he shouts out in an exasperated breath. The suddenness of his outburst startles Clary. She jumps a little and looks wide-eyed at him. "Stop trying to push me away. I'm going to be around you all the time now and there is nothing you can do about it. I've had to live over four years without you and let me tell you, it was horrible. Thinking you were dead was torture. As of three days ago, I woke up after a dream I had about Eric and Kirk and a shax demon and the first thing I thought was, 'I can't wait to tell Clary about it.' Even after all this time, I still would catch myself thinking you were alive, only to have the reality of your death crush me again. Every single day I thought about you. There wasn't one day when I didn't think about you and it hurt like hell knowing that I would never see you again. And now, here you are, right in front of me."

He walks purposefully over to her and grabs either side of her face. "I am _not_ taking any second with you for granted, ever again. You may not know what it's like to think I'm dead but I know what it's like to think you are, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I will not let you push me away and let you continue to think that I don't have room in my life for you now because nothing could be further from the truth. The only thing that's happened is you took your rightful spot back in my life and you will just have to deal with it. So stop it. You're stuck with me till you die cause I'm not going anywhere."

A lump has formed in Clary's throat as she leans into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his shirt. "I just..." she says and swallows before she can say anything else, pushing the lump down into her stomach. "All of you have such full lives and the last thing I want to do it disturb them. I was stupid to ever think that you'd all be waiting for my return, but thinking that is the only thing that got me through my time in Faerie."

"Jeez, Clary. Didn't you hear anything I just said?" Simon says tiredly to her. "You are not a disturbance to anyone's life. You are refilling the spot you left when we thought you died."

"What about Jace?" she says as she pushes through the pain to be able to say his name aloud. "I'm sure his...his wife doesn't feel the same."

"I couldn't care less about what Evie thinks," Simon says dismissively.

 _Evie._ That's the first time she's heard the blonde's name. Even saying it in her mind is painful for her. That's the name of the woman who gets to call Jace her husband and who gets to kiss him whenever she wants. She no longer gets to be the one to call him her own. That right now belongs to Evie. She pulls back and looks up at Simon. "Is...how long have they been together?" she finds herself asking.

"Almost a year," Simon says carefully as he is afraid that she'll run.

She nods her head as she drops her eyes. That's enough information for her about him right now. She wipes away the few tears that have left her eyes and then looks back up to him with a forced smile. "I need to work on my reflexes and my strength, of course." She motions to her frail-looking frame. "Jonathan says that I'm still good with my execution of my moves and skills but obviously, I'm sorely out of practice."

"She is," Jonathan says, reappearing from the bathroom. "Whoever trained her, to begin with, did a good job."

She sighs and looks away from him, thinking about the fact that Jace was the one to train her. "Well, good. We'll just have to get you some protein shakes." Simon says looking back at her.

"Ewww," she says with a grimace. "No thanks. Those things are nasty. I'll just stick with a protein-enriched diet."

"I guess that means we're going grocery shopping," Luke says, stepping into the training room. "How about we go make some lunch? Isabelle said that there's plenty of food in the kitchen."

"She wasn't lying," Simon says seriously. "She could eat a whole cow since she got pregnant. I've been sent on so many late-night grocery runs to get whatever she's craving, that the guy that works the night shift at the store a block down, now knows me by name."

Clary smiles at this. "Awwww. You're like the best husband ever."

"Or the husband whose pregnant wife also happens to be a demon-slaying professional killer with raging hormones, who is slightly terrified of her," Simon adds on.

"Very true," Clary says as they start towards the kitchen with a laugh. When they reach the kitchen, Izzy is already in the middle of making a very large sandwich with sliced turkey and tomato. "Mmmm. That looks delicious." Clary tells her.

Izzy waves a mayonnaise covered knife in the direction of a pile of ingredients beside her. "Well, dig in and make yourself a sandwich." Clary grabs two pieces of bread and looks back to Jonathan. "Do you want me to make you one while I'm at it?"

"Yeah. Thanks, little sis." he replies with a nervous tone, looking at the back of Izzy's head.

"What do you want on it?"

"Umm, I'm not really sure," he says as he takes a step closer to her and cranes his neck to look at the available ingredients, still keeping his distance from Izzy. "Things don't exactly taste the same since I came back."

"Well come and take a bite of a few things to figure out what you want," Clary says and jerks her head for him to come closer. His eyes glance to Izzy briefly and then back to her as he steps closer. He reaches out and takes a bite of tomato. His brows shoot up and he looks down at the fruit and nods. "That's good. I used to not like them." He reaches out and dips his finger in the jar of mayonnaise and licks it, earning a sour look from him. "Nope. No mayonnaise."

The sour expression on his face makes Clary laugh and toss him a piece of turkey. "How about turkey?"

"That's good," he says after taking a bite. "But what I'm really wanting to taste is guacamole. I used to love that stuff."

Clary turns to look at Izzy. "Do you have any?" she asks her. Izzy looks up at her since Jonathan approached and glances at him quickly before looking back at her. "Yeah. It's in the right side of the fridge."

Jonathan quickly finds it and sets it back down in between him and Clary. She stops making her sandwich and looks up at him to watch his reaction. He opens up the container and dips his finger in it and scoops up a heaping serving of it and shovels it into his mouth. The moment he closes it around the guacamole, his features scrunch together and then he is looking around in a panic, trying to find somewhere to spit it out.

Clary laughs loudly at this and points over to where the napkins are. He hurries over as Luke and Simon start to laugh at his horrified expression and tears him a napkin off the roll and spits it out into it. "I'm assuming that you didn't like it?" Clary says with a huge smile.

"Hell no. I'm beginning to think that everything I loved, I now hate and everything I hated, I now love." Jonathan wipes his tongue with the back of his hand a few times, trying to wipe away the taste, reminding Clary of a cat which makes her laugh again.

"Well, I guess that makes sense." Clary adds. "Since you don't have Lilith's blood in you anymore, you're the opposite of what you were. Even in aspects of what food you like."

"Then these next few months should be interesting at the very least," Jonathan says as he walks to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. "You get to witness me discover everything all over again like a baby."

"A very large baby," Clary adds with a laugh. She turns to see that Luke and Simon have sat down at the small table with food of their own, opposite of each other. Izzy goes and sits down next to Simon while she finishes making two sandwiches and moves to sit next to Luke. When Jonathan grabs his sandwich and heads over to the table, he realizes that the only seat left available is next to Izzy. He stops in his tracks and looks worriedly at her and then to Clary before he turns around and moves back to the counter, setting his plate down and taking a bite of his sandwich.

There is a quiet that settles over them as Clary looks to her brother. It's clear that he didn't want to bother Izzy, making Clary's heart swell for him. He's trying so hard to be a better person and she's so proud of him for that. She moves to get up and pushes her plate to the seat next to Izzy. "Jonathan, take my seat."

"No," Izzy says sternly, shoving Clary's plate back to her. "It's okay. He can sit here." Izzy doesn't look up as Jonathan hesitantly takes the seat next to her, trying his best to scoot as far away from her as possible to respect her personal space.

"Thank you, Isabelle," Jonathan says quietly and returns to eating.

Izzy and Jonathan may have a long way to go but Clary was thrilled to see the small baby step that her friend had just taken. It was enough to make her love Izzy even more than she had just moments ago.

* * *

 _As always,_ _thanks a million for taking time out of your busy day to read my story! Don't forget to **follow** and **review**!_

 ** _P.S. Y'all should look up the lead singer of Highly Suspect, Johnny Stevens, in the 'My Name is Human' music video. It's exactly how I've always pictured Jonathan looking. YUMMY!_**

 ** _P.P.S._** _Yall should 100% check out the story, **'You Are My Nothing'** by SecretAdmirer. It's an amazing story so you should read it and review so she'll be inspired to update. I promise you won't be disappointed._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

* * *

 **Jia**

"What is so urgent that you called this meeting?" Inquisitor Dearborn asks Consul Penhallow. He steps into her office and moves to sit across from the Consul where she sits at her desk. It's then that he notices that they are not alone.

"Inquisitor Dearborn, you remember Duncan Johansen and Milford Darkback from the Council."

"Of course. Nice to see the both of you again," he replies with a nod.

"The reason I've called you here is that I have come across some very surprising news," Jia says seriously. "Normally, I would have the downworlders here as well since they are apart of the council, but because of their relationship with the parties involved in the news I was told today, I decided that I could not trust their opinions and decisions not to be biased."

"Finally, you've come to your senses." Inquisitor Dearborn sneers.

"That is enough, Inquisitor." Jia snaps at him. "I do not have time for your prejudices here." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "I was approached by Nadia Fitzwilliam this afternoon, the best friend of Evie Mendleson who has just recently become Evie Herondale after her marriage to Jace Herondale. She told me that there was a surprise guest at the wedding. It was someone we have long since thought dead."

She looks each one of them in the eyes to make sure they are listening intently and then continues. "Clary Morgenstern was not killed by faerie knights. Instead, she has been held prisoner there since her supposed death."

There is a surprised intake of breath from the three men in the room. Inquisitor Dearborn stands up in surprise, leaning closer to Consul Penhallow. "This can't be true," he states fervently.

"Why would Nadia Fitzwilliam lie about something like that?" Jia snaps at him. "What would she have to gain from it?"

"I understand the surprise of such news but I don't believe that that would warrant this type of urgent meeting." Milford Darkback says.

"You're right. It doesn't. That is not why I called all of you here." Jia admits. "I called you here because of what Miss. Fitzwilliam said Evie Herondale overheard Magnus Bane talking about. Apparently, when Clary Morgenstern realized that Jace had just gotten married, she stormed off. Magnus Bane and Simon and Isabelle Lewisham then tracked her after she ran and discovered something terribly troubling. It is why I called all of you here this late in the evening." She swallows roughly before she speaks again. "Apparently, to gain her freedom, she made a deal with the Seelie Queen. The deal was that she bring her brother, Sebastian Morgenstern, back to life with the Dark Volume of the Dead."

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?" Duncan Johansen asks, stepping closer to her with worried eyes.

"When they found Clary, she was with her brother who was very alive," Jia says, dropping the bomb of information to them.

"How could she?" Milford Darkback says with disbelief.

"Because she is from the tainted blood of her mother and father." Inquisitor Dearborn says with disgust. "She could have prevented the Dark War by letting Jace Herondale go to the Silent Brothers so they could kill him when his bond with Sebastian was severed. Instead, she kept him hostage with her brother when he tried to leave, to protect her own self from the heartache of losing her boyfriend. If she had let him leave like he wanted, the war would have never happened and half of our loved ones would still be alive. Only one life would have been lost instead of thousands."

"I did not call you here to rehash the past and the decisions that were made." Jia snaps at him. "I called you here to get counsel from the four of you about what to do with what I have just told you."

"I say we track her and kill her and her brother. She is a traitor for bringing the monster back and deserves to be treated as such." Inquisitor Dearborn shouts.

There is a pause in the room, the two other men thinking about what their suggestion will be. After a tense minute, Milford Darkback speaks. "If this information is true, we should find them and bring them here. Allow Clary Morgenstern a chance to explain herself."

"That's outrageous." Inquisitor Dearborn says, his voice rising.

"Inquisitor, you've already voiced your opinion on the matter. Please allow Milford and Duncan to do the same." Her voice rings with authority, challenging him to say something.

"I agree with Milford," Duncan says thoughtfully. "No matter what, she saved us from both her father and brother, killing them both. I think that we at least owe it to her to hear her out instead of just killing her."

"Then that is what we shall do," Jia says with some relief, although the Inquisitor looks angry enough to spit nails. "I'll have her tracked and bring her and Sebastian here. If there is a need, we will hold a council meeting and have a public vote on what to do with them. I will also require that all of you swear on the angel that you will speak to no one of what I have just told you here tonight. This mission is of the utmost importance. I cannot allow the chance that this information gets out and people try to take things into their own hands."

The Inquisitor once again looks raging mad but consents anyway, swearing on the angel to tell no one until Consul Penhallow allows it. "I figured the first place to look would be either the New York Institute or Lucian Greymark's home in New York. Those are by far the most likely places for her to be." Jia says.

"Do we have anything to track her with?" Milford asks.

"When she was ceremoniously buried in the Fairchild tomb, her mother gave me a drawing she had done of Alicante and wanted me to frame it. She told me to place it on my desk and every time I looked at it, remember everything her daughter had done for the Nephilim, and that when the time came, we did nothing to protect her from the faerie knights that had killed her; that we sought no vengeance for her murder. I had already informed her that we had decided not to take action against the faeries, saying that we would only toughen our sanctions against them and she was angry about that. She was upset and so I promised her that I would do as she asked, hoping I could ease some of the pain she was in."

Jia looks down at the picture in its frame and picks it up from her desk, turning it over and unlocking the back of it. "I think this picture will work to track her. I will pull together a team of our best and most trusted Nephilim, and be ready to go by late tomorrow morning."

* * *

 **Clary**

"Alright, what movie should we watch?" Clary says, holding out four movies in Luke's living room. Simon and Jonathan are on either side of the couch while Luke is laid back in his usual recliner with a smile on his face as he watches Clary.

"What were the options again?" Jonathan asks, squinting at the covers of the DVDs.

Clary rolls her eyes. "The Goonies, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Star Wars: Episode One, and Kill Bill."

"I vote Kill Bill," Jonathan says with a nod. "It has "kill" in the title which means there will be fighting."

"I vote Star Wars," Simon says predictably.

"I'm with Jonathan," Luke says with a smile. "But mainly because I can't watch Star Wars again. I watched it enough times when you two were kids."

Clary laughs and smiles at him. "Alright. I guess we're watching Kill Bill." She turns around and puts it in the player and turns it on.

"You didn't even vote." Simon whines.

"I would have voted Kill Bill," she says back to him. "You know how much I love Quinton Tarantino. The man's a genius."

Simon nods his agreement. "That, he is."

It only takes fifteen minutes before Jonathan starts to dissect Uma Thurman's fighting skills and swordplay. Simon then starts to join in, adding his own opinion. Clary would have been annoyed any other time, but Jonathan and Simon were _talking_. Speaking to one another like friends do. This makes her unbelievably happy. She's overjoyed when they start to make jokes with each other, laughing so loudly that she can't hear what's being said. But once again, she lets her annoyance roll off of her back, deciding that if she wasn't going to be able to hear it, to at least join in with their conversation.

Every now and then, she'll catch sight of Luke watching her and Jonathan with an amazed smile on his face. He looks genuinely happy. She gets up from her spot between Simon and Jonathan and crosses the room to him. "This is crazy, isn't it?" she asks nodding to Jonathan.

"I never thought that I'd get to see you again, have you here, in our home and be able to tell you that I love you, Clary. You're my daughter and I could never be any prouder of you than I am right now." He stands up and grabs Clary's hands in between them. "You survived the torture, mental and physical, that drives most men crazy and to top it all off, you brought your brother back with you. Your actual _true brother_ that your mother mourned every day of her life. She would have been the happiest woman in the world because you would have made her heart whole again. I know that wherever she is, she is so damn proud of you."

She lets go of his hands and hugs him tightly. "I love you too, Dad," she tells him in his ear before kissing him on the cheek. She pulls back and notices the moisture in his eyes like hers. "I'm going to go to bed, guys," she says, looking back over to Simon and Jonathan who are discussing the pros and cons of using either a sword or a katana. They halt their conversation and look over to her as she walks to them, kissing each of them on the cheek. "You know that my bed is a queen size? It's big enough for one of you to sleep with me if you'd like."

"I'll be fine on the recliner," Simon says with a nod.

"And the couch wasn't half as bad as I thought it'd be," Jonathan adds.

"Well, you know where to find me if either of you changes your mind. Night." She waves at them as she disappears around the corner, breathing a sigh of relief.

She had forgotten the premise of the movie they had picked. A woman had everything she loved taken away from her, was in a coma for four years where she was raped and abused, and when she woke up, everyone she loved was either dead or had betrayed her. She then went on to regain her strength and enact her vengeance on those who wronged her. It was too similar, _too real_ for Clary and all she wanted to do now was go cry in her room alone till she fell asleep.

...

Yelling. Someone was yelling.

Clary sits straight up in bed, the light from outside barely visible meaning that the sun was just coming up. "Clary!" she hears Simon yell and then a blinding pain blankets the right side of her face. Blood starts to trail down her cheek and she thinks her jaw is broken. She tries to yell out but her jaw won't move how she wants it to.

She kicks the covers off of her legs and just as her feet touch the floor, she is doubling over in pain, the breath knocked out of her. It feels like someone punched her.

"Find her!" some deep unfamiliar voice shouts.

"Stop hurting him!" Simon yells in his most commanding voice as Clary swings open her door. She's met with a tall burly dark-skinned man with dark eyes. She's about to put up her hands to fight him off when her world swings around her, making her stumble back into her room.

"Got her!" the dark-skinned man yells as he grabs her left wrist and wrenches it behind her, spinning her around. She begins to feel blood run down her scalp from the top of her head as the world moves in and out of focus. The man easily grabs her other wrist and brings it around to meet with her other one. She feels a stele burn a binding rune into her wrists, holding them together before patting her down, checking for weapons that she may have.

"Clary!" Luke's panicked voice can be heard from the direction of his room.

The man spins her around and she wobbles a little, taking a second to find her footing. Luke is shoved by her door with his hands behind his back while two shadowhunters sandwich him, shoving him towards the front of the house. "What are you doing? We didn't do anything wrong! Let her go!" Luke shouts as he passes. The two shadowhunters that have him look at her in surprise before she is shoved out behind them, being forced to follow.

"Stop it! He's handcuffed!" Simon shouts again. "Clary!"

Clary falls to the ground as she screams, a sharp pain in her thigh. Blood starts to pool under the training pants from the Institute that she was still wearing. Realization finally hits her. Someone is beating the shit out of Jonathan. There is a stab wound now in her thigh.

"What the hell?" The dark skinned man says, looking down at her bloody leg. "Do you have a weapon?" he asks bewildered.

"If I did, how did I stab myself with my hands behind my back," Clary grunts out with a slur to her words, pushing past the pain in her jaw.

He reaches down and grabs her by the arm and starts to drag her the rest of the way. The moment she is around the corner and is being pulled into the living room with everyone else, dropping her hard onto the floor on her side, Simon's eyes widen in concern as Luke's begin to look murderous.

"She needs an iratze!" Simon yells, nodding his head at her. He's by the recliner on his knees, his hands behind his back as well. Jonathan is moaning slightly, laying on his side as blood pools around him, much like her. She kicks herself over onto her stomach and starts to try and inch closer to Jonathan. "Don't just stand there! Help her!" Simon shouts again, looking to someone. She cranes her neck up and is shocked to see the Consul, Jia Penhallow, standing near the front door.

Her eyes mirror Clary's shock as she looks between her and Jonathan. "By the Angel. It's true," she whispers to herself.

She pushes with her knees, trying to close the last foot to Jonathan when someone grabs her foot, pulling her away from him abruptly. "Stop!" Luke shouts, a deep and menacing growl in his chest. "You're hurting her when you should be helping her!"

"I swear I didn't lay a finger on her, Consul." the dark-skinned man says, stepping over her.

"Then why does she have blood coming from her head and leg. Look at her jaw. It's broken." she says pointing at Clary on the floor.

"For fuck's sake!" Simon yells at the top of his lungs. Everyone turns to look at him. "They are bonded like Sebastian and Jace were, except she's the dominant one now. Everything you do to him happens to her. Now would someone get a fucking stele and heal them?!"

The room grows intensely quiet for a moment, everyone turning to look at Clary. She tries to flash her eyes up at everyone in the room, but the pain in her jaw when she tries to turn her head up is too much. She's used to pain from her years with Varys, but that doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt like crazy to have a broken jaw. "What did you do?" Jia asks with dismay as she crouches down over her. "Why would you bring him back?"

"I'd love to answer your question but..." Clary slurs through her slack jaw. Jia understands and pulls out her stele while someone grabs her hands behind her, pinning them harder to her back. She furrows her brows in confusion at the action until Simon speaks. "They are worried about you getting your hands on a stele." Clary rolls her eyes dramatically as Jia draws an iratze on her neck and then one on the small strip of skin on her hip that is exposed. She squirms, worried that her shirt will be pulled up more, revealing the extent of her scarred skin to everyone, but thankfully, Jia pulls down her shirt after she places the rune there.

It takes a minute, but Clary's jaw finally pulls itself back together and the wound in her leg feels like it is trying to close up. "Can I get one more iratze?" she asks, pushing herself up to a sitting position. "My head is still pounding." She leans her head to the side that exposes the side of her neck without the long scar and Jia nods, stepping to her once again and draws one there. "Now, that that's done, I won't say another word till you heal my brother. He didn't deserve to be treated the way you just treated him." She looks pointedly over to the man with the bruised knuckles and a bloody knife tucked into his scabbard.

"The fuck he didn't." the man snarls angrily and looks to Jonathan. "That sick bastard killed my brother."

"He didn't do anything, you idiot." Clary snaps back at him. "He's not the same person he was before."

"What?" the man chuckles in disbelief. "Are you really going to give me the 'he's a changed man' line?"

"Actually, yes." She narrows her eyes at him before looking to Jia. "You were there when I testified with the Mortal Sword. You know that I killed him with a sword that contained heavenly fire." Jia nods. "Do you remember what I said happened after the fire burned through him and before he died?"

Jia seems to understand where she is going. Her eyes dart over to Jonathan with a look of intrigue before looking back to Clary. "It was like how he was supposed to be born." Clary continues. "He no longer had demon's blood flowing through him. The fire burned it out before he died. Yes, I brought him back, but I took certain precautions so if he did come back evil, he would at least be under my control. Luckily, he didn't."

"You're full of shit." Another man over by Luke says. "You'd say anything to save yourself."

Clary can't help herself. A smile breaks across her face as she throws her head back and laughs a sort of hysterical and crazed laugh. "When has that ever been true?" she laughs out at him. Her eyes then grew hard in a split second and all signs of amusement left her face. "I have sacrificed everything I have ever loved for the Nephilim. Now, who the fuck is going to heal my brother?"

She looks over at him to see him watching her with glassy eyes. He's still dazed. When no one moves, she grows angrier. "I said heal him!" she shouts, looking directly at Jia. The older woman narrows her eyes at Clary, obviously not enjoying how Clary is yelling at her but she couldn't care less. The man behind Clary huffs out an exasperated breath before stepping around her and crouching over Jonathan with a stele in his hand. He quickly draws an iratze on his neck before standing back up and earning glares from everyone that isn't Luke, Simon, or Clary.

Clary moves to get her feet under her but is pushed back onto her butt by the stiff hand of the man that dragged her out of her room. She growls her annoyance as Jia moves over to Jonathan. She crouches down and looks at him, her eyes studying every part of his face. "His eyes are no longer black. They're green, like mine." Clary says, hoping to help Jia along in her analysis of him.

"It could be a glamour." A woman offers from by the front door. "The girl does have a talent for runes. It could be just a powerful glamour."

"You've got to be kidding me," Clary mutters to herself although everyone seemed to hear it. "Just give me the Mortal Sword and ask me. Then you'll believe me."

The room grows deadly silent as they all look at one another. Tension bubbles up and settles in the room like a heavy blanket. Every pair of eyes, with the exception of Jonathan's, looks like someone just pointed out the metaphorical elephant in the room.

Thankfully, Simon speaks up. "The Mortal Sword was destroyed a little while back. It's a long story."

"What?" Clary says, her eyes widening. This is not good news for her and Jonathan. In the back of her mind, she's always counted on the Mortal Sword to be there prove that she's telling the truth if they were ever caught. She knew that being found out was only a matter of time but she never expected it to be this fast. Now that the time was here and there was no Mortal Sword to save her, panic starts to push its way into her mind. "But...how?"

"Like I said, it's a long story," Simon says with a long breath.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demands of him, her tone growing worried.

"Because it didn't have anything to do with you coming back."

"But it has everything to do with me and Jonathan!" she shouts. "Without it, how the hell is everyone supposed to know that he's not the same person he was when he was Sebastian? I was counting on that as our fail-safe. If everything went to shit," she looks pointedly around her, "...at least we had that to fall back on. Now, they're probably just going to kill him, and in turn, kill me."

"That is not why we are here," Jia interjects. "We came to bring the two of you back to Idris."

"Why?" Clary asks. "What did I do wrong? Why am I in handcuffs? Did I break any law?"

"That is still to be determined," Jia says very politically. "We could not let Sebastian Morgenstern walk around freely once we heard the rumor that you were back and had brought him with you."

"So his crime and mine is being alive?" Clary asks with disbelief in her voice and disgust in her eyes.

"No," Jia answers and looks over to the dark-skinned man the drug her in here. "Take them to the cells under the Gard." Jia looks back down to Clary. "We will conduct a thorough investigation of what you've just said and determine if there were any laws broken. The same goes for your brother."

"Yeah, right Jia," Luke says, speaking up. "I'm sure he'll get a fair and unbiased trial."

Jia has the decency to look a little guilty, knowing that what he said was probably true. She turns and then leaves, speaking to someone outside. Clary turns to look at Jonathan to see him being pulled up by his arm that is bent behind his back. His jaw looks mostly healed but there are dark bruises covering half of his face. "He needs another iratze," Clary says as she stands, nodding her head towards Jonathan.

"Well he's not going to get one." one shadowhunter says with a snicker. They then are pushed to the front door where Clary can smell the familiar scent of a portal being opened up. The sour metallic smell is hard to not notice. A warlock with horns and a short donkey tail stands by the portal, holding it open. His eyes skim over Clary and Jonathan, looking bored before looking to Jia. "It's not going to stay open forever," he says dryly.

Jia purses her lips at him with annoyance before motioning for three of her men to go through. Next, it's Clary's and Jonathan's turn. She's shoved till she feels the familiar pull bring her into the portal's grip, spinning and twisting her until her feet hit hard ground.

* * *

 **Jace**

Jace finishes the letter he's been writing for the past hour and drops the pen onto his desk in the library. It's not that the letter is long that took him so long, it was that he was just trying to find a way to say what he wanted to say without sounding like an ass. He looks down at it and re-reads it for the third time.

 _Evie,_

 _I know you are upset with me and I understand that. For that, I'm sorry. I never wanted to bring you anything other than happiness. With that being said, I have to go and check on Clary. I know that is not what you want to hear or what you want me to do, but it is what I have to do. Please try to understand that. I will be waiting at the Institute for when you are ready to come home and we can talk about everything. I love you._

 _Jace_.

He folds the letter up and draws the rune that will turn it into a fire message and watches it as it burns away. He stands up and grabs his packed bag and turns around. Magnus and Alec are waiting for him by the door with serious looks on their faces. "I'm ready," he says to them.

Magnus nods and leads them outside of Herondale manor. He walks over to the side of the manor and starts to make a portal. "Izzy said she's staying at Luke's," Alec says to him as Magnus works. "Simon is there as well."

"He is?" Jace says with surprise.

"Of course he is," Alec replies. "Has he ever left her side when she needed him? Hell, even when she didn't need him for anything?"

This statement hits a sour note with Jace. He looks down away from Alec with a hard expression. Guilt burns through his body, fast and hard. He always considered himself to be the one who never left her side when she needed him. At least, he used to be. Now, when she needed him the most in her life, he just watched as she ran away, looking broken. In truth, it hurt him so much to see her like that. So much so that it was almost welcome for her to leave just so he wouldn't have to see what he did to her. It was incredibly selfish and he knew it. "I should have gone after her. Found her." Jace says lowly.

"And what would you have told her?" Alec asks. "You still haven't made up your mind about who you want to be with and I'm afraid that it will hurt her more to see you until you do. You either need to finish breaking her heart or mend it."

"It's not that easy," Jace growls lowly to him.

"But it is," Magnus says from where he stands, the portal fully open and waiting for him. "You owe her closure, one way or another. I will not let you drag her along in your uncertainty of what you want; her waiting for you to make up your mind, hoping that you'll pick her. It's unfair and cruel for you to do that to her."

 _He's right,_ Jace thinks to himself. Before he sees her again, he will have to make up his mind on what to do. It might kill him to do it but Alec and Magnus are right. It isn't fair to either of the women he loves to not give them an answer. He already promised Evie that nothing had changed and that he still loved her and that was true. But what he didn't say and what he knew she wanted to ask is, did he love her enough to stay with her now that Clary was back?

* * *

 _As always, thanks a billion for reading and don't forget to **follow** and **review! Tell me what you think!**_

 _By the way, you will find out Jace's answer soon enough. I won't drag it out. He'll tell her what he wants the next time he sees her._


	14. Chapter 14

_I know. I disappeared for a while. The only excuse I can offer is...life. Real life has been super crazy and busy and I just haven't had the time to write. I will really try to do better. Thanks for sticking with this story if you are still reading!_

* * *

 **Clary**

"Well, this is just great," Clary says as she leans against the dank cellar walls. "I'm free for approximately 3 days before I'm back in prison again." Her voice is dripping with sarcasm and venom.

"It won't be for long." Luke's voice comes from the cell beside hers.

"How do you know that? I've brought back my supposedly evil brother from the dead."

"And so did I," Simon adds from somewhere further down the corridor of cells. "Don't you remember?"

"Of course I do," Clary admits with a scowl thinking about that awful night on the roof with Lilith. "And where are you now?"

"Me being here has nothing to do with bringing him back."

"No, but it has everything to do with you being with me and Jonathan." Guilt presses down on her chest. "You should have just stayed away from me and you'd be with your pregnant wife right now."

"I thought we already established that I'm not going anywhere." Simon reminds her. "If you go down, then I go with you."

"I've never heard anything more stupid come from your mouth." She leans her head back on the stones and closes her eyes, a calming breath leaving her lips. She's trying hard not to freak out right now but the cuffs on her remind her of the years spent with Varys cuffing her hands and torturing her. "You're going to be a dad."

"And I've never heard anything more stupid than you saying what you did." Simon retorts

"Listen," Luke cuts in. "This will all work out. You haven't done anything wrong and neither have we."

"Except for the fact that my brother's life is tied to mine. They just might decide that me dying is a small price to pay for his...third death? My real brother will pay for Sebastian's sins because they won't be able to see past his appearance."

"I know Jia," Luke says in his most comforting voice considering where they are. "She'll see reason. She'll see that he's not the same person as he was before."

"But she's not the only one who will decide his fate," Clary says back. "As of right now, only a handful of people know that I and my brother are alive. How hard would it be for them to keep us dead?"

"Because we'd tell everyone what they did," Simon says with a determined voice.

"And they'd either silence you or convince everyone that a faerie had created a glamour to look like me to torture Jace at his wedding." The pain is noticeable in the way her voice cracks at the end and she hates that; hates that it's so obvious how hurt she is about Jace. "It wouldn't be that hard to do."

"Clary..." Simon says in a low voice.

"Just...can we not talk?" she asks of them, her voice still downtrodden and somber. "I'd like to try and listen to see if I can hear anything. Maybe I'll hear what they did with Jonathan."

Silence falls over the three of them, much to Clary's gratitude. She's trying not to think about Jace and focus on getting out of this cell and freeing her brother. If she lets herself think about Jace, it will crush her the rest of the way. It wouldn't take too much right now. Panic is starting to find seed in her chest, the walls around her and the cuffs on her hands are starting to feel like ten-ton weights sitting on her. "Just breathe," she whispers to herself. She sucks in a slow and long breath before releasing it just as slowly, trying her best to quell the panic before she loses her calm demeanor.

* * *

 **Jace**

"What are you going to say to her?" Izzy asks. She's standing in the doorway to his and Evie's room, watching him unpack. He's trying not to look too much at all of Evie's things around the room.

"I don't know, Iz." Jace says exasperatedly at her. "It's not like I've written out a script for when my ex shows up from the dead at my wedding."

"Can you really call her your ex, though?" Izzy asks, her voice raising. "You two never broke up; would have never broken up."

"I've already thought about that." Jace admits lowly to her. "But I don't know what else to call her."

"Maybe you should try calling her Clary?"

"And how should I describe her?" Jace snaps back at her, throwing his shirt into his drawer. "I can't call her my girlfriend. I'm married. I can't call her my dead girlfriend because she's not dead. She's not my ex and I can't exactly describe her as my friend."

Izzy sucks in a deep breath through her nose as her eyes narrow slightly at him. "She's not doing well," she says in a much quieter voice. Her concern for her friend is evident in her tone. Jace stops pulling things from his suitcase and freezes, his back to Izzy. "She came by yesterday and spent the day here. Every time I would say your name, she would flinch and curl in on herself. She tried her best to hide it but I saw it. Eventually, I just tried not to say your name."

His heart is starting to hammer in his chest. "She...didn't say anything about me?"

"No. At least not to me."

Jace nods his head as he starts to pull the last few things from his suitcase, the new marriage rune on his chest burning on his skin. It almost feels like it is trying to burn straight through him. "Why couldn't she have come back two hours earlier?"

"I think that was the Seelie Queen's doing." Izzy says, stepping into the room and sitting on his bed next to his suitcase and looking up at him. "It's too much of a coincidence. I think she waited till you were married to release her, knowing that she would continue to be tortured with you marrying someone, even though she wasn't under her control anymore."

"That definitely sounds like something she would do," he says as the muscles in his jaw clench. "That fucking cunt." Jace's anger finally bubbles up and boils over. He picks up his suitcase as Izzy ducks and throws it at the wall across the bed. It crashes against it and leaves a large dent there, knocking over the bedside lamp with it. He turns around and picks up Evie's jewelry box and flings it against the same wall. Next is the wooden chair at the desk. Then he flips over the desk and kicks off one of the legs.

The calm and collected facade that he's been holding together finally breaks. He falls to his knees as his sobs break free. Izzy's arms wrap around him where he sits on the floor and he sags into her. "I don't know what the right thing to do is." His words are stunted and clipped from his cries.

"It's whatever you feel is the right thing to do," Izzy says with a somber tone. He can tell that she's crying too, now. "Who do you want to be with? Forget that you're married and forget that Clary was ever dead. Who does your heart and soul tell you to be with?"

Jace doesn't answer her. Instead, he clings to her as he tries desperately to pull himself together.

A couple hours later...

Jace looks at Luke's place, thinking back over all the memories from it. The good and the bad. The second time he was ever here, he thought that he was Clary's brother and that had been torture. At least he thought that's what torture was at the time. He knew better now.

"You ready?" Alec asks him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes and no," Jace admits honestly. "I'm afraid she won't want to see me." His nerves are spiking causing his breath to come in shorter pants. Every nerve ending is prickling with anticipation and fear.

"You'll never know if we stay here all day." Alec lowers his hand from his shoulder and looks up at the house. "You remember when Clary made the Fearless rune and tried it out on me?"

Jace cracks half a smile at the memory. "You almost told mom and dad that you were dating Magnus. It was quite entertaining."

"For you maybe." Alec chuckles.

There is a short moment of silence before Jace steps off the curb and starts to cross the street. He's forcing his feet to move with great effort. He's excited and terrified all at the same time. He's dreamed of seeing Clary again a million times and now that his dream was finally coming true, it felt like a backhanded slap across his face. His mind drifts back to the kiss they shared in the garden at his wedding and his hair prickles with the memory of how his body had hummed with elation. He starts to wonder if he would ever feel that feeling again when they reach the doorstep.

Alec reaches up to knock on the door when his hand stops mid-way. "What the..." he says lowly. Jace then notices what Alec just has. The front door is cracked open, the door frame splintered like someone had kicked in the door. He immediately pulls out a seraph blade as Alec does the same. He tries to ignore the fear that starts to build inside of him at the thought that Clary could be hurt.

They share one quick look with one another before pushing the door open, Jace moving with grace into the house. He immediately notices that most of the furniture is still intact with the exception of a recliner that is turned over. Moving further into the living room, he sees two pools of blood, soaked into the brown carpet. "Alec.," he says with alarm.

"I see it," Alec replies in a stern voice.

"Clary!" Jace calls out. No one answers. He takes a few more steps and sees that one of the blood stains has a trail. "Look."

"Jace, wait!" Alec calls out, but it's too late. Jace is already around the corner and moving down the hall. His worst fears are confirmed when he sees the trail of blood coming out of Clary's old room. "Clary!" he calls out. He bursts around the door of her room with his heart pounding with fear in his throat. She's not there but he quickly spots a stele on the nightstand. There's no way she would have left without it. "Alec!"

He bounds around the corner then and quickly surveys the room. "No one's here."

"She left her stele," Jace says, picking it up. "Someone took them."

"But who?" Alec says with disbelief. "We're the only ones who know she's alive."

"Apparently you are wrong." Jace's voice is tight and verging on angry. "Someone else knows and whoever they are, they have her now." He spins around with a clenched jaw and pushes past Alec. "And whoever it is, I'm going to kill them."

"They took Simon, Luke, and Jonathan too. I'll call Izzy and tell her." Alec pulls out his phone and dials her cell phone number.

Jace moves back into the living room and crouches down, moving into detective mode, hovering over the blood stain attached to a trail. "This has to be Clary's blood," he says to himself. It certainly wasn't enough blood to mean that she was dead but it was definitely enough to mean that she had a bad injury. He looks over at the other blood stain and realization clicks in his head. "That must be from Jonathan." Someone came in here and hurt either Clary or Jonathan and the other one was injured as a result. He knew how that felt all too well.

"Do you have anything?" Alec asks. Jace looks behind and up and sees him tucking his phone back in his pocket.

"Don't put your phone away. Call Magnus." Jace tells him.

"I texted him. He's on his way after he picks up Izzy."

"From what I can figure, these two blood stains are probably from Jonathan," he points to the one by the couch, "...and this one is from Clary. It looks like they were ambushed when they were sleeping. I'm thinking that Simon was probably sleeping in the recliner from it being turned over and Jonathan was on the couch while Clary was in her room."

"In Luke's room, it looked like he put up a fight. His sheets had claw marks in them."

"I hope he bit whoever it was," Jace says with a growl. "But who the fuck could it have been?"

"Maybe someone at the wedding saw everything that happened." Alec offers.

"Hello?" a familiar voice calls out from the front door. Jace bounds up and sticks his head into the foyer to see a confused looking George Lovelace, Simon's parabatai. "What's going on?" he asks when he sees them. His eyes have found the broken door frame like theirs did. He's carrying two boxes of donuts in one of his hands while the other is full of a drink carrier filled with coffee. "Simon asked me to bring by a late breakfast last night." He moves further into the home, his eyes slowly taking in everything around him. "What the fuck happened?" he says in a slightly tight voice.

"From the looks of it, someone found out about Clary and Jonathan and they ambushed them." Alec offers as he crosses his arms and his brows furrow in contained anger.

George's eyes grow wide with surprise and worry as he throws the two boxes of donuts onto an end table by the couch and sets the coffees down on the floor, forgetting them and moving towards Jace and the two blood stains. "Whose blood is that?" he asks and his hand subconsciously moves to touch where his parabatai rune is on his shoulder.

"I'm sure it's Clary's and Jonathan's so you can relax," Jace says in a snarky tone.

"Relax?" George huffs out. "Someone kidnapped my parabatai and his best friend."

"Yeah. But the only person you really care about is Simon. You don't even know Clary or Luke." Jace quips back.

"Yes, but who?" Alec asks, trying to diffuse the tension between Jace and George. By the way George is looking at him, he knows it won't go well if he doesn't intervene. He looks angry and somewhat hurt by what Jace said. He's always felt like an outsider from their tight-knit group from the start and Jace knows it, using it to his advantage to lash out at him in a way that he knows will bother him. "Who could have known that they were alive and where to find them?" Alec continues.

"Once again, the only people who knew she was alive is me, you, George, Simon, Luke, Izzy, Magnus, the Seelie Queen, and Evie," Jace says standing up and looking at George.

"I sure as hell didn't tell anyone," George says defensively. "My parabatai's life is tied to hers, whether I like it or not, and I wasn't about to run around telling everyone."

"I sure as hell know it wasn't any of us," Jace says turning back to Alec.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Alec says, unfolding his arms and holding his hands up to Jace. "Evie knows and she's angry with you. She could have told someone."

"She would never do that to me," Jace says defensively, taking a small step closer to Alec.

Alec holds up his hands more, raising his brows at Jace in a sign to say 'let me finish'. "Maybe or maybe not, but the last time you talked to her, she was going to Nadia's place. She could have told her what was going on. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and right now, Evie is a woman scorned."

"So, what?" Jace asks indignantly. "You think that Evie ratted Clary and Jonathan out to the Clave out of spite? She's not like that."

"But what if Nadia is?" Alec suggests. "If Evie told her, she could have told the Clave so they would get rid of Clary by way of them wanting to kill Jonathan. In her eyes, that could fix Evie's problem of having your soulmate back."

Jace stiffens at Alec saying that Clary is his soulmate. He always felt that way but it feels like a slap in the face when he says it now that he's married to Evie and in love with her too. Plus, the thought of Evie being the cause of this, whether it was intentional or not, infuriates him. "We don't know it was her," he says as he shakes his head.

"I agree with Alec," George says softly. "This mark here on the wall looks like a burn from a seraph blade." He points to a charred piece of wood paneling on the living room wall.

"It could have been from Simon or Clary or Jonathan," Jace says looking to it.

"I disagree. You said it yourself that it looks like they were ambushed when they were sleeping." Alec points to where there were signs of them sleeping. Blankets on the floor by the couch and recliner. "There is only one way to find out." Alec pulls out one of his seraph blades and moves over to where the mark is. He whispers the name of an angel making the blade fire to life. He lowers it next to the mark and burns and almost identical one just above it. "It was a seraph blade."

"Fuck," Jace says, turning to punch the wall. "After everything...after everything she's done for the Clave..." His blood is boiling now. Thoughts of that fucker, Inquisitor Dearborn, getting his hands on Clary infuriates him, knowing that she would be a threat to his movement to tag every downworlder like cattle. She could easily stop him and his psycho daughter. They and their followers have slowly weaseled their way into the Clave's hierarchy to gain power to further their racist views and control the downworld and mark and kill them like Hitler did to the Jews. "They'd kill her just so they could kill Jonathan." His eyes cut up to Alec as he starts to open his mouth to contradict him. "And you can't say otherwise, Alec. You know I'm right. She doesn't deserve that after everything she's been through."

"Then what do you suppose we do?" Alec asks.

"Do you even have to ask?" Jace says back to him.

"Does this mean we are going to Alicante?" George asks, looking between the two other men as they have a silent conversation with the other.

"Yes. We are." Jace turns to look at him and walks out of the house, Alec and George following behind him. "We need to tell Luke's pack about the Clave taking him."

"I agree." Alec nods. "I've got Maia's number." He pulls out his phone again and walks a little down the sidewalk with the phone pressed to his ear. Jace starts to pace, running his hand through his hair. "What the fuck is taking Magnus so long?" he says to himself.

"He's on his way?" George asks, having missed when Alec called him.

"Yeah," Jace says, continuing to pace and not looking at him. "He's picking up Izzy and then coming here."

"That might take a minute," George says. "He's got to come from his place in Brooklyn."

"Actually, he was already on his way to the Institute because Izzy had been having bad morning sickness and Alec wanted him to check on her." After his little breakdown earlier, Izzy had run off and thrown up in the middle of the hall.

"Oh," George says, placing his hands on his hips. "Then that's good. What's our plan when we get to Alicante?"

"We go see the Consul. If there is anyone I might trust on the Clave's Council, it would be her. She would be the only one who is able to pull off something like this and get away with it, all the while, keeping it under wraps. Especially if what Alec thinks is true. That Nadia told her to get rid of Clary for Evie. Nadia would have gone straight to her if she wanted to rat her out."

His jaw clenches with anger at the thought. He's never had a problem with Nadia but she's always been fiercely protective of Evie. A trait that he liked in her until today. That is if she is the one who set this in motion.

"I told Maia," Alec says, coming to a stop in Jace's path, stopping his pacing. "Needless to say, she wasn't happy about them taking Luke."

"Did you tell her why?" Jace asks suddenly, his eyes trained hard on Alec.

"I told her that Clary was alive and that the Seelie Queen had kept her all these years. I didn't say anything about Jonathan, though. I figured that news wouldn't be best to tell someone over the phone. That's the kind of news that is best told in person where you can explain. Plus, I figured the more people that knew about Clary being alive, the better. If she turns up dead or missing, the Clave will have to provide some answers to the downworld and Nephilim about what they've done with her."

"Not to mention they have Simon and one of the most respected downworlders with them," George adds on. "Alec's right. The more people know, the better."

Jace runs a hand through his hair harshly, his mind weighing the options quickly to himself. After a minute of thought, he says, "I think you're right. We need to get the word out that she's alive and had been taken by the Clave. Use her popularity and celebrity to our advantage."

"And your love story." Alec offers, earning a lingering glare from Jace's narrowed eyes.

"He's right," George says looking at Alec and nodding before looking to Jace. "You are just as popular and famous as she is. Before I even came to the Academy, I was told about this group's accomplishments and how Clary's love for you kept her fighting against her father and brother. I mean, she killed them to protect the world and then used a wish from Raziel himself to bring you _back to life_. She then followed you when you were possessed, putting herself at risk, and then stabbed you with heavenly fire to burn out the evil in you. And then..."

"I know. I was there." Jace says, cutting him off. He spins away from him as his heart clenches in his chest. He knows everything that Clary has done for him and yet, he didn't once try to save her from the years of torture she suffered at the hands of the Seelie Queen. George's words are just another reminder of how he's failed her so egregiously and how he _keeps_ failing her, not being here to protect her against the Clave. "The problem with what you are suggesting is that I now have a wife. I don't think I will garner much sympathy since I left her down there for four and half years and married another woman while she suffered." His tone is bitter and tight and full of the self-loathing he feels.

"Jace, it wasn't your fault," Alec says to him.

"You're right," Jace says, looking to him. His words are clipped and full of anger. "It was your fault. You didn't stop them from taking her and you told everyone that you saw her die when clearly, she didn't." Jace sees Alec's flinch and the deep hurt in his eyes, but right now, he doesn't care. All of his thoughts and worries are on finding Clary and getting her away from anyone that could ever hurt her. He spins away from him and starts walking down the block. He needs a moment to himself to gather his composure before he says something worse.

* * *

 _I know that not a lot happened in this chapter but it was necessary. Things will pick up soon enough. Muhahaha!_

 _Thanks a billion for reading and don't forget to **follow** and **review**! I love your feedback and it helps motivate me to write. Till next time!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Clary**

"How long do you think we've been down here?" Simon asks absentmindedly after a long silence.

"It couldn't be more than a few hours." Luke answers. "How are you doing down there, Clary?"

Clary opens her eyes and heaves out a long breath. "I'm fine. Just trying to keep calm. Being locked up and handcuffed is bringing back some not so great memories. I'm trying not to freak out, honestly."

She closes her eyes and starts to count her breaths again, focusing on the sound the air makes whooshing in and out of her lungs. It's a while before she opens her eyes again at the sound of footsteps. Her head snaps to the cell door and she sees a pair of brown eyes peeking around the door. "Holy shit. It's true." The voice is feminine and filled with surprise. She steps into full view of the door then, wearing traditional shadowhunting gear.

"Did you come to stare at me like I'm part of a zoo exhibit?" Clary asks the unknown woman snidely.

She seems to look embarrassed for a moment before replying. "No. I was just checking to see if what I overheard was true. I was walking by the Inquisitor's office and overheard him having a conversation with someone."

Clary looks away from her, closing her eyes once again. "Well, now that you have seen me, do you mind not staring at me anymore. It's rude as hell."

"Sorry." The woman replies. The sound of her footsteps retreating is a relief for Clary. "I guess that will be happening a lot." She says dryly into her cell for Luke and Simon to hear.

"Well, it's not every day that a celebrity comes back from the dead," Simon replies.

"Ugh. Do _not_ call me a celebrity." She says with disgust. She always hated that everyone knew who she was. She stretches her legs out from underneath her and starts to push herself up and begins pacing the small cell. "You know I hate that."

Just as she is about to take another step, there is a horrible pinch of pain along her Achilles tendon on the back of her heel. She's unable to take a step and falls to her knees and lets out a startled yelp of pain. Just as she hits the floor, she feels the same pain on the other foot.

"Clary!" Luke yells out.

"Someone's hurting Jonathan." She grunts out. "I can't walk. My Achilles tendons have been cut." She looks back to see a sickening slice there and blood pooling under her.

"HEY!" Simon shouts as loud as he can. " _HEY!_ Anyone! I need to speak with someone! _NOW!_ "

Clary groans and rolls onto her back, closing her eyes as her heart rate spikes. "Fuck. That hurts." She mumbles to herself.

" _HEY!_ " Luke starts to shout as well. "We need help!"

Hurried footsteps can be heard coming down into the cells. The same girl from just before appears. Her eyes widen with surprise when they find Clary laying a pool of blood. "What happened?" she asks.

"Someone is hurting my brother." She croaks out. "Get them to stop." That's when she feels her left pinky start to throb. There is a sensation of her nail being torn from her nail bed. "Shit. My pinky fingernail is being peeled off." She grunts.

"Okay. I'll go find someone." The woman says.

"Get the Consul. Get Jia." Luke shouts at her. She looks to where he is and nods then rushes away. "Clary, are you okay?"

"Not particularly." She says panting. "But I've dealt with worse." It was true. She had dealt with much worse thanks to Varys. This pain was child's play compared to most of his tortures.

"This is fucking insane," Simon says harshly. It sounds like his teeth are clenched in anger. "Jia said that no one would hurt either of you."

"It's cute that you would believe that," Clary replies with a chuckle. "I fully expected this. Too many people want to hurt or kill Jonathan. This isn't the first or the last time this will happen."

"What is going on?" Jia asks. Her voice is moving closer and getting louder. She steps in front of Clary's cell door and looks down at her lying on the ground.

"What's going on is my brother is being beaten up. My Achilles tendons have been cut and now two of my fingernails have been peeled off."

"What?!" she exclaims.

"I suggest you go to wherever you are keeping my brother is and stop whoever is doing this to us. I'd really appreciate it." Clary turns her head up and makes eye contact with her. She watches as Jia's face turns stern and angry and then she is taking off at a jog. "Oh! And don't forget to come back with a healing rune!" she shouts after her. There is the sensation of being stabbed in her right thigh and then a punch to the eye where she feels a cut open up. "This is just great." She deadpans as she closes her eyes and waits for it to stop.

* * *

 **Jace**

He really shouldn't have said that to Alec. He knows that he truly believed what he saw to be true but he was just so upset. The Clave somehow found out about Clary and Jonathan and came and took them. It seems like no matter what progress the Clave makes, they go and do something like this and prove just how shady they are.

And now, he's terrified of what they may be doing to her. Not to mention what they might be doing to Jonathan. What if they don't know about them being connected with Lilith's rune? They could have killed him on sight and Clary is truly dead this time.

 _No._

That one tiny word resounds in his head. He can't let himself think like that. He will never again believe anyone is dead until he is able to see and touch their bodies for himself. Even just thinking for a split-second Clary is dead…. again….is crippling. He could never go through that again.

He rounds the corner after making a big loop around the block and sees that everyone is there. Izzy is standing there with a bag slung over her shoulders and a bag by her feet. Magnus and Alec have their heads together and are having a quiet conversation a small way away from the group. Alec's shoulders are slumped and guilt settles heavily onto Jace's shoulders for his previous angry words. He didn't mean what he said to him but he was just so upset and angry about everything.

He makes his way over to the couple and rubs the back of his own neck awkwardly as he waits for them to look up at him. Ten seconds pass before Magnus finishes whispering in Alec's ear and then they are looking up at him. Alec looks like he's trying not to cry while Magnus is clearly upset with Jace, pursing his lips at him.

"Look, Alec…" he starts to apologize.

"No. It's okay, Jace. I know you were just upset." Alec says, butting in. They lock eyes and share some silent communication before they nod at one another in understanding. Jace claps Alec on his back before looking to Magnus.

"I guess that's my cue," Magnus says and starts to work on creating a portal. Jace steps away from Alec and over to Izzy, bending down to look in the bag on the ground. "Please tell me this bag is full of weapons."

"Of course it is," Izzy responds, sounding slightly offended for him thinking it could be anything else. "Someone kidnapped my husband and his best friend. There is no way that I'm not going to get him armed to the teeth with the best weapons."

"Good, because they probably took them to the Guard."

"I think we should try and talk to Jia first." Magnus pipes up. He finishes making the portal and looks back to the group. "I think she is more likely to be honest with us and more….agreeable to what we want."

"Right," Maia says snidely and with a huff. "Go directly to the person who set this highly illegal and shady kidnapping up and demand they let all of them go?" She rolls her eyes heavily. "Yeah. There is no way she'll admit what she did was wrong and just let us walk out with them with an apology and a promise that it won't happen again."

* * *

 **Clary**

Clary lies there on the cell floor as she feels another punch to her gut. There is a steady stream of blood flowing from her left brow and all she can think about is how Varys would be so disappointed that all of her blood was going to waste.

"It will be over soon." Simon says in a calm and reassuring voice. "We're right here with you."

She closes her eyes and braces herself for another phantom pain to race through her body but no more come. Rolling onto her back, it takes most of her strength to sit up into a sitting position. She surveys the slices on the back of her legs and her eyes widen. Her eyes quickly move to the cell door, not wanting to see her shredded ligaments.

"It's stopped," Clary says aloud.

"This is bullshit," Simon remarks angrily. "She can't even protect you and Jonathan while the two of you are right under her nose."

"I don't exactly think that is her priority right now." Clary grits out as the pain really starts to sink in. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths as she tries to center herself and control what she can of herself. It's something she learned to do while in Faerie. The only thing she could control down there was how she dealt with the pain. She trained her body to list all of the things that did _not_ hurt on her body and focus on those.

Her knife wound throbs angrily when she shifts just a little and she has to bite down on her cheek to stop from shouting. Her mind starts to focus on her forearm and how she thinks there is a hair in her sleeve. There is something tickling her skin there.

When a bunch of footsteps can be heard moving back towards them, Clary opens her eyes and looks up to her door. Jia appears along with some other people she doesn't know. There is a rattling of keys before the door swings open and an older burly man with an equally big nose and beady eyes walks into her cell. She hears Simon call out the name "Mack" so she assumes he knows this guy.

"What's going on?" she asks Jia.

"He's going to carry you to the infirmary. We apprehended the one who was attacking your brother."

"Are you taking him to the infirmary too?" she asks her as the big man leans down and scoops her up, being wholly unable to walk in any capacity right now.

Jia seems to not like her own answer when she says, "Yes. He is already there."

"What about Simon and Luke?" Clary demands as he ducks out of her cell door with her. She looks immediately to see Simon and Luke's faces pushed up against the bars of their doors.

"They will be separated and interrogated," Jia replies.

"Interrogated?!" Clary says with indignation. "What for? They didn't do anything wrong!"

"There are questions that need to be answered, Miss. Morgenstern." Jia says as they move up the stairs that carry them out of the cells.

"Then ask _me_." Clary's tone rings of finality and anger. "I have no reason to lie. I've been tortured for four and a half years in Faerie and when I finally escaped, I get thrown in another cell for the sole reason of being alive."

"You need to explain why you put the whole world in danger by agreeing to bring back the one man who wanted to see it burn and almost succeeded." Jia clips back at her.

"I had a plan, a good one, and it worked," Clary says, tapping the rune on her chest. "Not to mention, he came back without Lilith's blood to make him a raving psychopath. Now, he's just a normal shadowhutner like you."

"He needs to answer questions as well."

"What the hell would he know?" Clary says. "He's been dead for over six years and from the looks of it, so have your brain cells if you think he knows anything."

The man carrying her huffs out an amused breath at her. "And what is so damn funny to you, Pinocchio?" Clary says looking up at him with a scowl, her brow throbbing.

He looks down at her with an amused smirk that she wants to punch. "My wife always said you were a spitfire."

This takes Clary by surprise. "Do I know her?"

"Yeah. It's Maryse Lightwood." He answers and watches her reaction.

Clary's brows raise in surprise at him, the cut above her brow pulsing more blood down her face with the action. "Maryse and Robert got a divorce?" she asks with a shocked tone. Her mind immediately goes to Izzy and Alec….and Jace. Now, all she wants to do is hug them. No matter how long you see it coming, it was probably still really hard for them.

When she looks back up to both Jia and Mack, their faces are pulled tight. "Actually," Jia says in a softer voice, "Robert was killed by someone else that was brought back from the dead by the book. She came back unstable and dangerous. This is why we locked the both of you up."

Shock passes swiftly through her. "Robert was killed?" she asks. Mack nods down at her and she looks away from them. "I've missed so much." She says to herself, tears stinging at the backs of her eyes. She wasn't able to be there for her friends when they needed it the most and that fact is blatantly obvious now. Not once did Simon or Izzy mention that Robert had died and she suspects they did it to protect her from too much information all at once. After the way she handled the last round of information, she doesn't blame them for withholding that from her.

"Who is the new Inquisitor?" Clary asks when the question pops up in her mind, not wanting to think about his death anymore right now.

"I am." A stern looking man says as they turn into the infirmary. She recognizes him from Luke's house when they took her.

Once they are through the doors, her eyes are immediately scanning the room for Jonathan. She spots him as two women work around him, smoothing pastes over his wounds and applying iratzes on him. "Johnathan!" she shouts out.

He pops up and turns his head to her, looking relieved to see her. "Are you okay?" he asks her while he wipes some blood from his brow.

"I'm only as good as you are." She says back with a smile as Mack lays her on the bed next to him. She winces when her feet hit the bed. "Who kicked your ass?"

"I honestly have no idea," Jonathan says, laying back down with a groan. "He just kept naming people off as he beat me. I'm assuming that I had something to do with their deaths."

"You didn't have anything to do with them. The demon who took up residence in your body did." She tells him as someone cuts open her pant leg where her stab wound is. She looks down and scowls at the deep wound that is bleeding angrily. When she lets her head fall back to the bed, the cut above her eye pulses with pain. She can feel blood start to dry on her skin on the left side of her face.

There is the sound of shouting coming from outside the infirmary and everyone turns their heads towards it.

"What's going on?" the new Inquisitor asks as he starts off towards the door. She glares at his back, already knowing that she hates that man, whoever the hell he is.

Just as he reaches the doors, they fly open. Pure shock takes over Clary as she sees Jace and Alec come storming in. Her heart jumps into her throat and her stomach drops. Jace's golden eyes scan the room swiftly before finding hers. She immediately looks away and to the ground.

"What the fuck happened?!" Jace shouts. Clary is still unable to look at him, her eyes fixed on a brown spot on the otherwise white floor.

"I'm going to need everyone to leave," Jia says authoritatively.

"There is no way in hell we're leaving them here with you," Jace says angrily. Clary's curiosity gets the better of her then and she looks up to see Jace glaring angrily at the new Inquisitor. His arm flings out and towards her and Jonathan. "And for good reason."

She watches as Jace looks back to her and sees his eyes turn soft and angry, all at the same time as he takes in all of her injuries. His eyes then move to Jonathan and she turns her head to see her brother's face.

Jonathan looks at Jace and Jace looks at Jonathan for a long few moments before the Inquisitor speaks, causing everyone's eyes to move back to him. "You have no right to be here. You are of no relation to either of them. This is Clave business."

"Actually," Jace counters, "my father was Valentine Morgenstern by adoption which makes me their brother by Clave law."

"You're reaching, Herondale." Inquisitor Dearborn says, scoffing at him.

"He's got a point," Jia says. "Families take in the children of deceased shadowhunters every day and raise them. They become part of the family."

"You can't be serious, Consul." The Inquisitor says with disgust.

"On the contrary, I am very serious, Inquisitor Dearborn." She replies. Jia folds her arms across her chest and stands up straight. The two of them stare at each other for a long while, a challenge in both their eyes before the Inquisitor turns on his heels with a huff and storms off.

Clary follows him with her eyes and the moment the door is shut, it opens again to reveal Magnus in all his grandeur. She smiles when they meet eyes. He, on the other hand, doesn't smile back. His face scrunches up as he looks her over, his stern gaze resting on her injuries that he can see.

When he reaches her, he shoves one of the women working on her out of the way and his hands start to spark blue. "You look like you had a rough day." He says to her.

Her head falls back onto the bed. "I've had worse." She says to him with a small smile. He takes his hands and moves them to her heels and begins healing her there. Her eyes are pulled from him when she feels a presence on the other side of her. Knowing who it is, she keeps her eyes on what Magnus is doing.

"Clary," Jace says softly. She feels his fingers touch her arm and she looks over to him. "You didn't have to come." She says immediately and moves her arm away from his touch. She looks up at his face and sees a look of hurt wash over his features.

"Yes, I did." He replies. He swallows and licks his lips. "I went to see you at Luke's but when I got there, you had already been taken."

"I figured you'd be on your honeymoon." She says back, her anger and hurt pushing its way to the surface. She quickly scrunches her eyes at her words, her face pulling together in disgust as she heard the words fly from her mouth. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

He purses his lips as another wave of hurt crosses his face. "It's alright." He replies awkwardly before continuing. "I would have been there sooner, but I had to deal with a few things before I could leave." She doesn't say anything and looks back to Magnus. "I couldn't leave knowing you were….somewhere….and…." he trails off. She hears him reach up and scratch the back of his neck. It's a nervous tick of his. "Are you okay?"

She keeps her eyes on the blue sparks as she says, "I'm fine." There is a long moment of silence before Clary speaks again. "You cut your hair." She says, still looking at Magnus. The air between them is awkward as hell and she can't stand it.

"Yeah, I guess I did." He says with a tiny nervous laugh. "It's been this way for over a year now."

"Why did you cut it?" she asks him, turning to meet his eyes. "Did you cut it because your wife likes it that way?"

He visibly flinches and says, "Please, Clary, let me explain."

"There is nothing to explain." She says, tears stinging the back of her eyes with fury. She holds them back with every ounce of her willpower. "You thought I was dead, started dating again and got married. The end. I guess we can truly be brother and sister now that our relationship has been put to an end. Although for me, it only ended two days ago." She looks away again and curses at herself. She needs to get a hold of her emotions. "Sorry again. I guess I'll just need some time to wrap my head around that. Maybe I'll stop sounding like such a bitch when I do." She lets out a very humorless, brief laugh.

"Clary." He says with fervor. The sound in his voice makes Clary look over at him. Jace's eyes grow hard as his brows scrunched together. "But it's not done. What we have, it will never be over."

Her heart stammers painfully in her chest. "What do you mean by that, Jace? You're married."

He huffs out a breath of air and runs his hand through the long locks on top of his head. "The morning after you showed up, Magnus asked me a question. A question that once he asked of me, even though I knew what kind of pain it would cause with my answer, it made me realize something."

Clary starts to shake her head at him. "No, Jace. Stop." She moves her hand up to him for him to stop talking. Her eyes squeeze shut tight again. She can't look at him any more right now as she says this. "You're married. You have a wife." The words are so bitter on her tongue, she's surprised she didn't choke on them as they slid out of her mouth. "I can't compete with that."

She swallows hard and opens her eyes, holding them firm on a tiny brown spot on the white ceiling. "I can see your marriage rune peeking out of the top of your shirt. I've been gone for four and a half years. I shouldn't have expected you to wait for me, no matter if you thought I was dead or not."

"Clary, would you please let me speak?" Jace begs.

She cuts her eyes over to him and locks her green ones with his gold ones. "I need to say this to you, Jace." The determination in her voice causes him to nod slightly in understanding. "I don't know how I feel about all of this right now." She looks back up to the brown spot on the ceiling. "I mean…..everything has changed so much. I'm trying to process everything but I…."

Her eyes shut again and she shakes her head. "Me coming back, it's all so fresh and…I don't want anyone to make any decisions because…." She grunts in frustration, trying to find the right words to say.

Jace cuts in, his voice sure and strong. "Clary, I love you." His statement shocks her to her core and her eyes snap open, moving to him. "I always have and I always will."

Her heart thunders loudly in her chest. "And I love you. I always have and always will." She replies. Before his lips turn fully up into the grin he is starting to wear, she says, "But that doesn't mean that much anymore because you are still in love with someone else and married to that person."

Her words work and his lips drop to purse together. "I'm going to need some time, Jace. Time to figure everything out. All I have room to worry about right now is Jonathan and myself surviving the week. And you, you need to worry about your wife. I'm sure she's not that thrilled that you are running after me a couple of days after your wedding."

He looks away from her then and down at the bed. "I'm not your problem anymore." Her voice is quiet and meek when she speaks.

"You have never been and never will be a problem, Clary," Jace says sternly. He reaches up and rests his hand on top of hers. "I'm here because I want to be."

"And I'm telling you to go home." She pulls her hand from under his.

"Why are you doing this, Clary?" His tone is more exasperated this time. "I'm trying to tell you that I want…"

"I know what you are trying to say," Clary says. She has to force the words from her mouth and they feel like a white-hot branding iron when she does. She is betraying her own wants with every word but knows, deep down, that it has to be done. "And that is why I am trying to tell you to wait. I just got out of faerie and everyone's emotions are still running high. I don't want you to make any decisions right now that you will later regret."

He starts to shake his head, a large crease forming between his eyes from her words. "But I won't."

"You don't know that." She tells him. "And anyway, I'm not exactly sure how I'll feel once the shock of everything wears off. I need time to process everything….and so do you. I mean, up until three days ago, I was in a committed relationship with you while you were happily planning your wedding day with someone else." Her insides twist painfully with those particular words and this time, she can't stop that pain from showing on her face. Her bottom lip quivers and her eyes sting painfully with unshed tears. "Go home, Jace. "

"Stop telling me to go home." He says back to her.

"But that is where you should be." She swallows down her hurt and looks away from him. She's surprised when she sees Magnus there, looking like he is trying his best not to listen to their conversation and melt into the background.

She had completely forgotten he was there.

But, now that she was reminded, she noticed a burning in her leg where his hands are hovering over her knife wound. She bites her lip in pain as the doors to the infirmary fly open just as Jace starts to speak again. His words are cut off by the internal voice of a Silent Brother.

"Clarissa Morgenstern and Jonathan Morgenstern." The voice says. "Those who are not who I named, leave."

"I'm not leaving," Jace says sternly.

"Yes, you are," Magnus says, surprising her. "I'm done with Clary and the quicker they do whatever they brought him in for, " He gestures towards the Silent Brother moving steadily to them, "…the quicker her and Jonathan get to leave. Everyone knows she's alive now. They can't do anything to her without having to answer for it."

Magnus then looks down to Clary. "I'll be back when they're done to work on Jonathan." His eyes move to Jonathan for a moment before they are back to her. He smiles gently at her. "I really am glad to have you back, biscuit."

"Me too." She says back, offering him her best smile which isn't much.

"Clary…" she hears Jace say and looks back to him. He looks unsure of himself, not knowing if he should stay or go.

"I guess I'll see you around," she says to him.

"I'll be right outside the door." He says to her.

"Go home. You look like you need the rest." Any other words she was about to say are cut off by the deafening presence of the Silent Brother coming to a stop over her. She sees Magnus and Jace get up an start to walk out of the infirmary from the corner of her eye as she looks up to the parchment colored robes of the Silent Brother. "I have some questions for you, Clarissa Morgenstern."

"Of course you do," she replies dryly. "Just hurry up. I've got to go pee."

* * *

 ** _Review! Follow! Review!_**

 _Please don't be silent and tell me what you think!_ _Reviews cause me to push myself to get more chapters out to you._

 _ **1.** Why did Clary not let him tell her that he wanted to be with her? _

_**2.** What do you think will happen with the Silent Brother?_

 _As always, thanks a billion for reading. I truly appreciate it!_


	16. Chapter 16

**Clary**

The silent brother's hands descend onto Clary's head. She shuts her eyes tight as pressure begins to build under her skull. Flashes of the past four and half years start to invade her eyes.

Torture and pain. Torture and pain. More pain. More torture. That's all the flashes consist of. It sets her nerves on end.

She grits her teeth against the pressure and digs her hands into the bed in the infirmary. If this is what it takes to get the Clave off her and Jonathan's back, then she'll do it.

Varys' thorny hair wrapping around her wrists is replayed over and over again while the Silent Brother sifts through more of her memories. She starts to feel the thorns digging into her wrists all over again and a hint of panic begins to swell in her chest.

"Okay." She grits out to the Silent Brother. "No more."

But he doesn't stop.

The flashes start to slow when the Seelie Queen comes to Clary to help her bring Jonathan back. The Silent Brother takes his time working through almost every moment of Jonathan's resurrection.

Just when she thinks he is done, Varys creeps back into the forefront of her mind. His wicked smile gleams down at her as she screams in pain.

"Clary!" Jonathan shouts. "She's hurting! Stop!"

The Silent Brother removes his hands from her head and she sucks in a deep breath of air as her eyes fly open wide. She looks to her left to see her brother holding his head in his hands. That's when she realizes that it feels like a bomb went off in her head. The sound of blood rushing in her ears and the pressure behind it is almost blinding.

Her eyes close again as she tries to breathe through the pain. "Are you satisfied now?" she asks in a snarky tone. When she doesn't receive a reply, she cracks her eyes open and looks to Jia, Inquisitor Dearborn, and the Silent Brother. It looks like he is telling them what he saw in her mind.

"Are you okay?" she hears Jonathan ask from close by. She looks to her left and sees that he's moved off his bed and is on the floor, kneeling beside her. He reaches up and grabs her hand.

"What are you doing?" she asks him as she looks down. There is blood dripping steadily from his bandage. "Get back in bed. Your leg still looks like shit."

"Yeah?" he replies with a smirk. "And now, thanks to you, I have a raging headache."

She can't stop the small smile that pulls up her lips. "Quit complaining. At least you're alive to even have a headache. You're welcome for that, by the way." The more he talks, the more she likes him. He makes her forget her problems with just one sentence.

His responding smile reminds her of their mother. It's so carefree and light, so much like Jocelyn's when she was happy.

"Clary," Jia says, interrupting their little bubble and she looks up. She and Inquisitor Dearborn are looking down at her on the bed. She shifts a little and then pushes herself up into a sitting position.

"Yes?" she replies with a little venom in her voice. She can't help it at this point.

"The Silent Brother has confirmed your account of the past four and a half years," Jia says.

She has to press her tongue tightly against the roof of her mouth to stop herself from saying something snarky. It wouldn't help right now.

"So….what does that mean for me and my brother?"

Inquisitor Dearborn speaks up this time with barely concealed disgust. "It means that, now that we know the full truth, there will be a trial to determine if your actions when you used dark magic to bring back your brother are worthy of punishment or death."

"What?!" she shouts at him. "I didn't have much of a choice."

"Yes, you did." He sneers back. "Using dark magic is forbidden by Clave law. You could have refused."

"And stay down there?!" she almost screams back at him. "Do you have any idea what being tortured every waking moment of every day for over four years is like?"

"We all must make sacrifices for the greater good." He says haughtily as he looks down at her and crosses his arms over his chest.

Jia cuts in. "The trial will be held in three days."

"And who gets to determine my fate?" Clary asks turning her angry glare on Jia. "You and him?" She nods her head toward the Inquisitor and scoffs. "No thanks. Just go ahead and kill me now if that's the case."

"She has the right to demand a trial by Nephilim," Jonathan speaks up. She looks to him and sees fire in his eyes. He feels her eyes and looks over to her. "Either the Council or the whole body of Nephilim can determine your judgment in death penalty cases. You get to choose."

"What does that mean?" she asks.

"It means that you would be put in front of the whole populace of the Nephilim in the Accords Hall and they will determine your fate. Not these shady fuckers and their friends." He nods towards Jia and the Inquisitor.

She looks back up to see that the Inquisitor is seething. The way he is looking at Jonathan sends chills up her spine. Her eyes drift back to Jonathan then. "But what if they can't see past their hatred towards the past you; towards Sebastian. He killed so many of their loved ones."

"That is why I am going to ask the Silent Brother to take a look inside my head." He says tapping his fingers to his temple. "He'll see that I'm not the same person and can testify to that in front of everyone."

"You can't just use the Silent Brothers like your own personal witness." Dearborn snaps at him.

"But I know that he's dying to take a peek inside my head," Jonathan responds while pointing to the Silent Brother.

"It is true that he is an interesting case. There has never been another one like him and that presents us with something new to study." The Silent Brother speaks in all our minds.

"Then it's settled," Jonathan says as he pushes himself back up onto his bed next to Clary's, sitting on the side. "Come and take a tour of a dead man's mind."

The Silent Brother somehow looks like he is smiling as he moves towards Jonathan with outstretched hands, eager to look inside his head.

"You just couldn't give me a breather, could you?" she asks sarcastically as she rubs her aching temples. "I didn't even get a chance to go to the bathroom." Just as she finishes that sentence, her head starts to pound again as the Silent Brother lays his hands on Jonathan's head.

* * *

 **Jace**

"I'm assuming that didn't go as you planned," Magnus says.

Jace stops his pacing outside of the infirmary to look at him. One hand has taken up residence on the back of his neck while the other is clenching and unclenching at his side. "Why did she say those things?" Jace asks Magnus. "I don't understand. I thought she'd want to be with me like I do her."

"While I'm glad you made your decision, you forgot to stop and look at things from her perspective," Magnus replies. "You know she's always thought about what she wants last. She sees that you were in love with Evie enough to marry her and while that hurts her and she wants to be with you, she's afraid."

"Afraid of what?" Jace asks.

"Afraid that you'll leave her like you are so willing to leave your wife." Magnus levels with him. "Not just three days ago, you pledged your undying love and devotion to Evie and now you're ready to go back on your word."

Jace looks angry and opens his mouth to say something but Magnus cuts him off. "I know. You needed to make your decision and tell her what it was. Now it's time for you to show her that you mean what you said. She doesn't want you to do to her what you are about to do to Evie. It's pure self-preservation on her part."

"But she's all I've ever wanted." He almost cries. "I lost her once when I thought she was my sister. I lost her again when I thought she died and that almost killed me. I can't lose her again. I thought she knew that."

"No," Magnus says, shaking his head. "What she does know is that when she counted on you to be there to save her when she's saved you so many times, you nowhere to be found. Whether that is your fault or not, it has left a mark on her. A huge mark that is a part of who she is now."

Jace's face twists in pain. This is stuff he already knows. He doesn't need a reminder every time he turns around.

"It's not going to be easy, Jace." Magnus moves closer to him and places a hand on his shoulder as Jace's head hangs. "This is a huge mess that needs to be sorted out and you have to decide if divorcing Evie is worth the risk of losing both of them, not knowing if Clary will take you back when all is said and done."

Magnus's words ring loudly in his head. Looking at it from that perspective…it scares him. It scares him to the core to think that he could lose them both instead of just one. But….."She's worth it, Magnus." Jace says with conviction. "I…I can't _not_ try."

"Who is worth it?" a female voice asks.

The two men look up to see Nadia Fitzwilliam standing only a few feet away; Evie's best friend.

"I hope you're talking about Evie." She says with a sneer on her face as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"What are you doing here?" Jace asks her with narrowed eyes.

"News travels fast," Nadia says with a shrug of her shoulders. "I'm surprised to see you here though. Shouldn't you be on your honeymoon with Evie?" She unfolds her arms and brings one of her hands to her chin while the other moves to her hip. "Oh, that's right. Evie was at my house crying her eyes out all last night and today instead."

Jace looks down at his feet. "It's complicated," He replies as he runs a hand through the longer hair on top of his head.

"It doesn't seem that complicated to me." Nadia moves closer to them. "You're here when you should be with your _wife_."

"Isn't there someone else you should be annoying with your presence?" Magnus asks, narrowing his eyes at her. "Like that poor bastard you call a fiancée?"

Magnus and Nadia have never really gotten along and right now, Jace is grateful for that. Magnus said what he wanted to say to her but couldn't.

She looks pissed but doesn't respond to him. Instead, she looks to the infirmary doors. "She's in there?"

Before Jace can respond, the doors fly open and the Silent Brother appears. He doesn't acknowledge anyone and just passes by them followed by a very angry looking Inquisitor Dearborn.

Jace steps over to the door and doesn't hesitate to go back in. His eyes immediately find Clary and his heart jumps into his throat. She's glaring at Jia's back as she walks away from her. "What's going on?" he asks Jia but she doesn't answer him. Instead, she says, "The Morgenstern siblings will be taken back to their cells soon. Make your visiting time count."

"What?!" he almost shouts. "Their cells? What the hell did they do?"

"Clary used dark magic to bring back her brother. That is clearly forbidden by Clave law."

 _Those fucking shady bastards_ he thinks to himself. "What do you have against her, Jia? Or is it just because you want her brother dead?"

"I'm not engaging in this conversation with you right now. I have too much to do." Jia says looking tired and almost sick. She pushes past him and walks out of the infirmary.

Magnus passes him and heads straight for Sebastian. _Jonathan_ , he corrects himself. That's something he's definitely going to have to get used to. As well as not feeling fear mixed with rage when he looks at him.

He swallows roughly when he starts to move forward again. Magnus is already healing Jonathan while Clary watches. She's studiously avoiding looking at him and that kills him. All he wants to do is look into her green eyes that he's missed _so fucking much_.

"What was that about?" he asks as he approaches the siblings.

Clary takes a deep breath before she reluctantly looks up at him. "Oh, it was nothing. Just the Clave trying to kill me and my brother. It's almost like my chances of survival were better down there in Faerie. The Queen wanted me alive so she could torture me but the Clave….they actually _want_ to kill me and my brother and they aren't even trying to hide it."

Jonathan speaks just as Jace opens his mouth to speak. "They're going to hold a trial by Nephilim in three days to determine if Clary, and by extension me, is guilty of breaking the law. By the way, the punishment if she's found guilty is death."

Rage mixed with unbelievable fear rushes through Jace as he realizes what could possibly happen. "No. They can't do that." His voice is weak and fragile and the sound surprises him.

"Well, they are," Jonathan says as his head falls back onto his pillow. He winces as Magnus' hands spark a brighter blue. "I'm Jonathan, by the way." He cracks one eye open and then extends his hand towards Jace. "We haven't formally met."

The gesture surprises Jace and he slowly reaches out and shakes his hand. They look into each other's eyes and it almost seems as if he's never seen the person in front of him before. Yes, he's seen him physically but the person behind the green eyes that are now just like Clary's is totally different. The feeling is so odd to feel like you know someone, but at the same time, you really know nothing about them.

He lets go of his hand as the fear of losing Clary takes over again and he looks back to Clary. He catches her looking at him with shiny eyes and she quickly looks away. Turning her head, she reaches up and stops a tear from slipping out of her eye. "I told you not to make any rash decisions." She mumbles. The statement was clearly directed at him.

"Clary." He says painfully and starts to move closer to her.

"I could be dead in a few days, for real this time, and I want you to be happy when I'm gone."

"Stop talking like that." Jace chastises her as he takes a hesitant step closer to her. "I can't…"

"I told Evie you were here." He hears Nadia's voice cut in and he watches as Clary's body flinches when Evie's name is said. "She's probably on her way here now."

"Now is not the best time, Nadia. Leave us alone." His jaw is clenched and his words are clipped as he looks up to her.

"I think it's time you left, Jace." Clary says. He looks back to her to see her eyes hard and locked on him. All traces of vulnerability that he just saw are now completely gone.

"I already told you I'm not going anywhere." He says lowly to her. It's enough for her and Jonathan to hear but not Nadia.

"You should leave me here and go to your wife. But….I guess it doesn't really matter though because I'll be going back to my cell soon and you won't have a choice then." She looks over to Jonathan to find him looking at her too.

Jonathan reaches out his hand to her and she takes it. "I'm sorry I've caused all this." He tells her. The sorrow in his voice is palpable and not something Sebastian would have been able to fake in a thousand lifetimes.

"You didn't do this. The Seelie Queen did." Clary answers back. "And anyway, I would have spent the rest of my life being tortured in Faerie if it weren't for the Queen's obsession with you."

That statement, right there, is enough to cause Jace to look away from the face he's longed to see for so long. As much of a coward as it makes him, he can't face Clary when she says that. It is the truth. The cold, hard truth that he failed her so profoundly and so egregiously. Her life was so bleak and filled with pain and it would have stayed that way if it hadn't been for Jonathan.

"How does that feel?" Magnus cuts in, looking up to Jonathan.

He shifts his leg a little and rubs where the stab wound was. "Much better. Thank you, Magnus."

"It was my pleasure." He smiles easily back at him. "It looks like the healing runes worked their magic for the rest of your injuries."

"Actually, we kind of have a huge headache," Jonathan says as he rubs his forehead. "Do you have anything for that?"

Magnus grins and snaps his fingers. A small glass filled with green liquid appears in his hand. "You drink half and Clary gets the rest."

"Jace," Nadia says. The annoyance in her voice is clear as she glares at him.

"Not now, Nadia." He grits through his teeth. Looking up at her as she walks closer, he is surprised when he sees Mack and three other men walk through the door behind her.

"Mack. What are you doing here?" Jace asks with surprise. The sight of Maryse's husband shouldn't surprise him but it does. He works in the Gard.

"We're here to take them back down to the cells." Mack answers. He doesn't seem too thrilled by this and Jace understands why. He wants the Clave's law's revised just as much as he does. It's one of the things him and Maryse bonded over. She wants Alec and Magnus to be married under Clave law and he agrees.

"Right now?" Jace asks, hoping he can persuade him to give him a few more minutes.

"Yes, now." Another guy answers and Mack huffs.

"Do you need me to carry you again?" Mack asks when he looks down to Clary.

Before she can answer, Jace is already smiling, knowing just what her answer will be.

"Not unless you like having a broken nose. I'm perfectly capable of walking myself now that I don't have a knife wound in my thigh. I am not some damsel in distress."

"Ugh. Were you always this violent or is this something new?" Jonathan asks with a smirk over at Clary. "I mean, you were always trying to kill me before, but I just figured that that was because I was a homicidal maniac. Now…..I'm not so sure."

A broad, eye-crinkling smile lights up Clary's beautiful face just before she lets out a huge belly laugh. The sound is like lightning in his blood. It makes him feel so…. _alive_.

He's missed her laugh so damn much and now that he's heard it again, there is nothing he wants more than to be the one to make her laugh like that.

Her laughing starts to die down as she stands and they put a binding rune on her wrists, but her wide smile stays put. "I don't know, Jonathan. I guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out."

Jonathan is pulled to his feet, a little more harshly than Clary was, and then is runed just like Clary as they start to walk towards the door. Jace makes a move to follow when one of the guards places a hand in front of him. "You can't come with us, Herondale."

His eyes narrow at the hand and then up at the face the hand belongs to. "I'd like to see you try and stop me."

A hand is placed gently on his shoulder. "Jace. Pick your battles." He hears Magnus say from beside him. Jace looks back up at Clary's retreating figure, surrounded by guards, and knows he is right. He can't help Clary if he is thrown in jail alongside her for beating the shit out of the man in front of him.

It nearly kills him as Clary is led out of the room and disappears out of his sight once again.

* * *

 **Clary**

Walking still hurts like a bitch but she'll be damned if she limps. She's not weak and she doesn't need anyone's help to walk. After all, she's had much worse.

When they start to lead her and Jonathan in different directions, she plants her feet into the ground. "NO. Why are you leading us to different places? The cells are this way." She nods in the direction that she is facing. "Jia said we were going back to the cells."

"Inquisitor Dearborn requested that…." One man starts to say but she cuts him off.

"He isn't the Consul and she said that we were to be taken to the cells. That goes for both of us." Her voice is forceful. She looks up to Mack with hard, yet pleading eyes, knowing that he is her best shot at getting what she wants.

He looks back down to her before she sees something like resignation pass behind his eyes. "Fine." He looks over to the other men and nods his head to follow him.

She tries to hold in a smile as he says, "I'm only doing this because it's what the Consul said she wanted."

"Right." She says with a nod, biting her lips to stop from smiling.

When they turn another corner, Izzy, Simon, and Luke are striding towards them. They look surprised to see her and Jonathan heading back into the cells. "Why are you two going back down there?" Izzy asks, turning to walk with them as they pass.

"It's a long story," Clary says. She looks up to see Simon looking truly concerned. She so glad that they are out of those cells. She doesn't care how it happened but she's sure that Izzy had everything to do with it. Izzy plus pregnancy hormones has got to be scary as hell. "Magnus could tell you. He was there."

"I thought Jace was with him." Izzy says.

Clary winces as she nods her head. "He is."

"But you're not going to tell me what is going on?" Izzy asks as she can hear Luke shouting behind her as he is escorted out of the Gard. Downworlders aren't exactly welcome here.

"I'll find you and let you know!" Simon shouts to Luke as they start to head down the stairs to the cells.

"The Clave is trying to find any excuse to kill Jonathan, and by extension, me. I'm not all that surprised." She shrugs as they reach the first cell.

"Izzy, you have to leave," Mack says looking at her.

She cuts her eyes up at him in Izzy-fashion and they turn into tiny slits. "I'd like to see you try and make me leave before I get some answers."

"You sound just like Jace," Mack responds with a flat tone as he opens a cell and pushes Clary into it. It's the same one as before and there is still a pool of her blood in the middle of the floor.

The cell door creaks shut and the lock slams. Jonathan is being put in the cell across from her as Izzy pushes her way to stand at the door. "You still haven't answered me." She says as she looks into her cell.

Clary walks over to the stone bench that also serves as a bed and sits down. Her insides howl with relief when she takes her weight off her leg. "They're putting me on trial for using dark magic to bring Jonathan back." She closes her eyes and leans her head back against the wall as she starts to list all of the things that don't hurt on her body.

"What?!" Izzy screeches.

"Izzy, you have to leave now." Mack says, placing a hand on her upper arm.

"This is insane!" she yells as Mack starts to pull her with him. "They can't do this!"

"They can and they did," Jonathan adds in. Izzy can be heard for a solid minute as she shrieks; her yells getting further and further away.

It's quiet for only a few seconds before Jonathan speaks up. "I barely made it down here. My leg is killing me."

She smiles softly to herself. "Ditto." She takes a deep breath and looks over across the hall to Jonathan's cell. He has his leg propped up on the bench. "Well, since we probably only have days to live, is there anything you want to confess?" Her tone is playful as she tries to rub her thigh. The small smile on her face falters when he answers.

"I'm so glad that you brought that up," Jonathan says in a solemn tone. His eyes are distraught as he looks at her. "I….I….don't know how to tell you this." He swallows a lump in his throat as he shifts nervously and looks at his hands in his lap.

"It's okay, Jonathan. You can tell me anything." She encourages him.

He nods to himself before taking a deep breath and looking back over at her. His voice is serious as he says, "You have a cliffhanger in your right nostril."

She's stunned for a few seconds before she breaks out laughing. Clary doubles over clutching her gut, trying to desperately suck in air in between fits of hysterical laughter. "Oh…" -laugh- "my…" -more laughter- "god!" She sucks in air and laughs again. "I thought you were about to confess that you killed a litter of puppies or some shit like that!"

His smile as he laughs with her is radiant. "Nope. But, seriously. You've got a cliffhanger." He laughs and smiles at her.

She reaches up and wipes it away with her sleeve and then wipes it on the wall. "Eww," Jonathan says as he watches her. "That's gross. You just wiped it on the wall."

"Where else am I going to put it?" she asks smiling as she gestures to her surroundings. She's in a cell carved from rock with nothing in it but a rock bench.

He shrugs and says, "Good point."

Later that night, just as the both of them are starting to drift off to sleep, footsteps are heard getting closer. They echo off the hard walls and reach their ears. Clary pushes up onto one arm and looks to her cell door. She's surprised when she sees a beautiful dark-haired Hispanic girl a few years younger than her peak around the corner.

Her head whips over to Jonathan for a brief moment before looking to Clary. "I don't have much time so listen." She says. Clary pushes the rest of the way up and stands, moving closer to the door. "Who are you?" she asks.

The girl shakes her head. "That's not important right now." She looks nervously up the stairs that lead out and then back to Clary. "I think I have a way for you and your brother to bargain with the Clave for your lives if things don't go your way at the trial. But, I'm afraid you won't like it."

* * *

 _Don't forget to **review** and **follow**!_

 _Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. I'm sorry it took me so long to update but I have had the absolute worst case of writer's block. I'm hoping I can push through it but I'm struggling._

 _Till next time, happy reading!_


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

* * *

 **3 Days Later…**

Clary wakes up, her body aching just like every day she had been here, and she pushes herself up. The wet stone smell invades her nose reminding her of where she is and she reigns in her panic before it can take over. It's been like that non-stop since they put her down here. Trying to stay one step ahead of her panic is starting to feel like a full-time job.

She's in another prison. She escaped one only to be thrown in another where the walls are even smaller. At least there is not one spec of green down here like there was in the torture room.

She rolls her neck around and it cracks loudly as she tries to relieve some tension.

"Was that your neck?" Jonathan asks. She looks over to his cell across from hers and sees that he is bright-eyed like he had been up for a while.

"Yeah. It was. You look like you've been up for a while."

"I have been. Your snoring is hard to sleep through." Jonathan replies with a smile.

"I do _not_ snore." She says. Her eyes are narrowed at him. He's been making the same joke every morning.

"You do too." He quips back. "It sounds like a cross between a train and a baby dog bark."

"What?" she says with a small smile and laugh. "Those two things sound nothing alike."

"And that's why it's hard to sleep when you snore." He says like it's the most obvious thing. "It's intriguing…..and loud."

Clary shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

"Morning!" a loud familiar voice sounds in a thick Scottish accent. She looks to her cell door and George Lovelace appears. Simon's parabatai.

"George," Clary says with surprise. "What are you doing down here?"

"I paid off the usual guard who gives you breakfast so I could do it. I have a message and a gift from Simon." He says.

Clary pushes off the bench that is her bed and hurries over to the cell door. "Do I smell coffee?" she asks eyeing a mug with steam coming from it.

He smiles a bright smile at her, showing his full mouth of perfect teeth. "You do." George unlocks the flap where food is slid through and hands her the tray of oatmeal, a banana, and coffee.

She greedily grabs up the coffee and takes a sip. "Mmmm." She hums as her eyes close.

The past few days have been hard. She's had practically no sleep and they haven't been allowed any visitors at all. The only people they have seen are the people who have been regularly bringing them food. The coffee is exactly what she needed today.

It's judgment day.

"Thank you so much, George." She opens her eyes back up to see him stepping away from Jonathan's cell after giving him his food. "And tell Simon thank you too. "

George nods. "He wanted me to tell you that everyone will be there. The whole Nephilim population has been going nuts since word got out about you. The guys have been on a non-stop campaign to get your and Jonathan's story out to everyone that has ears."

She nods. "That's good, I guess."

"It really is," George says with bright, friendly eyes. The smile he is giving her is contagious and she can't help but give him a small smile back.

Clary's mind the quickly goes back to her first night here when the girl who called herself Cristina appeared and said she was a friend of Emma Carstairs and Mark Blackthorn. Her words have been replaying in her head constantly. As much as she absolutely hated the idea of hers that she presented, she didn't want to let her brother die if things didn't go her way today. "Do you know what time the trial is set for?" she asks of him.

"It's set for noon and it's seven now." George looks back up the hall and stairs that lead out of the cells. "Actually, I should probably go now. I don't want to get caught but the gang figured I'd be the only one who could get anywhere near you since everyone else is too recognizable."

She smiled and nodded at him. He's always been so nice to her so she does her best to swallow down her jealousy of him. "Thanks, George. I really mean it."

He gives her a crooked smile. "Don't thank me yet." He steps closer to the cell door and nods for her to come closer. She does and looks down at his hand when she sees movement. He has something concealed in his hand. Looking closer, her eyes fly wide.

 _It's a stele._

"I brought you an insurance policy." He smirks at her.

She hurriedly reaches out and takes it, stuffing it into the top of her pants in her waistband. When she looks back up to George, he is starting to walk backward. "We have an exit plan ready if things take an ugly turn so try not to worry that pretty head of yours too much." The smirk he is wearing now is playful and excited. Something about it makes Clary think that he wouldn't mind if things didn't go well for her just so he could see some action from this "exit plan".

"Well, I have a plan of my own too." She hurriedly says as he continues his slow exit. "Tell them not to be too hasty with it if things start to look bleak."

He furrows his brows with surprise and confusion. "Trust me. I'd rather not spend the rest of my life on the run. Now, go. I don't want you to get caught because then they'll definitely search me." She pats her waist where the stele is.

George nods in understanding before turning and hurrying up the stairs. Once his footsteps can no longer be heard, Jonathan hurries over to his cell door and presses his face up to the bars. "He gave you something didn't he?" he asks her in a whisper.

"A stele." She smiles wickedly at him. His beaming smile in response is dazzling.

"Thank god." He says. "Cause I'd really rather not die today."

"Ditto." She smiles back at him.

* * *

As she and Jonathan are escorted through the outer halls of the Accords Hall, the grip on her arm fierce from her guard, she can hear the rumble of the crowd through the walls. Thankfully, they gave her some different clothes to change into. The long-sleeved shirt and pants she had put on at Luke's were starting to smell. Both her and Jonathan were now wearing black Shadowhunter training-like gear while her hair is braided over one shoulder.

The rune binding her wrists together behind her back was really starting to bother her. She rolled her neck from side to side to try and relieve some of the tension and nervousness that was building up inside of her.

When they came around one last corner, she saw Consul Jia Penhallow looking expectantly at her. It was obvious she had been waiting for them. "It is almost time," Jia says to her.

"Could you take this binding rune off me?" Clary asks her. "I'd rather not look like a criminal when I'm on trial. I don't think it would be fair if I walked in there like this." She looked down at her arms tucked behind her back.

"I'm not sure that's the best idea." Jia says.

Seeing that that approach was going to get her nowhere, Clary takes a deep breath before letting some of her inner panic seep out of her eyes. The truth was having anything around her wrists to keep her restrained pushed her to the brink of a panic attack.

Clary leans in closer to her and whispers desperately so no one else can hear, "Please, Jia." Her eyes brim up with tears. "I'm about to have a panic attack. He...they...kept me tied up with thorn filled vines by my wrists for years. I can barely breathe normal right now. It's taking everything in me to hold myself together."

Clary lets out a shuddering breath as a tear unwillingly slips out of her eye. " _Please."_

Jia's eyes soften while her lips pursed. After looking at her for a long minute, Jia nods. "Take the binding rune off of Miss. Morgenstern's wrists."

At her words, Clary feels a huge weight lifted off her chest. Her guard nods at Jia and then moves to release Clary's hands. The second she feels free, she brings her hands back around to her front and rubs her wrists before pulling her sleeves further over them.

"Thank you." She mouths at Jia. She gives her a small returning nod before looking to the door in front of her. "It's time," Jia says as she walks forward. The guard opens the door for her and three other guards start to push her and Jonathan through the door too.

Within seconds, the room that was so loud with conversation quiets. There are quite a few surprised intakes of breath that can be heard when she and Jonathan come into view but other than that, you could hear a pin drop. Even when the crowd rises to their feet to get a better look, not a sound is made.

Clary tries her best to hold her head high as she looks out to the crowd. Eyes linger on her for only a fraction of a second before they are pulled behind her where Jonathan is. She cranes her head back and looks to her brother.

His head isn't held high like hers. He's actually looking quite nervous as he looks down at his feet as he walks. "Jonathan." She whispers loudly. His head snaps up to look at her and she offers him a supportive smile as they are guided up the steps to the dais. She watches as he takes a deep breath and gives her a timid smile back.

That's when the shouting starts. "TRAITOR!" she hears from a booming voice somewhere in the middle of the room. Arguing erupts among the crowd then and it becomes deafeningly loud. Her head swivels back around as she looks out at everyone. Her eyes begin to scan the crowd of their own volition and she quickly finds Simon's eyes. He is on the end of an aisle on the fifth row.

He is smiling softly at her and she smiles back. She can see the rest of her friends off to the side but she refuses to make eye contact with them. Especially with Jace.

And extra especially his wife who is beside him.

Even though she won't look at her, she knows it is Jace's wife. Her long blonde hair is enough confirmation for her.

Looking away from Simon, she is brought to a standstill off to the side of the podium where Jia is standing. The loud roar of the crowd rumbles through her body and causes her to tremble. There are so many angry voices shouting at her and Jonathan.

But, there are those who have remained quiet. There are not as many but they are there. They are studying her and Jonathan intently. She supposes that they are the ones who are actually there to hear her out while the others have just come to watch her and her brother be sentenced to death.

Jonathan is brought to stand next to her. She looks up at him and he looks down at her. There is no sharing of smiles this time. The reality of their situation settling heavy over both of them won't allow her to smile at him and offer him any more false hope. It's clear how the vote will turn out after hearing the crowd shouting.

"That is enough," Jia says in a commanding voice. Only about half of the crowd quiets. "I said, that is enough. I will have quiet!"

The shouts die down after another few tense seconds. Jia holds off to make sure that everyone has quieted before speaking. "Please, take your seats."

There is a quiet rumble of hushed words between people as they all sit and she begins to speak. "As I am sure you have heard, and are able to see now, Clary Morgenstern is not dead as previously thought."

Everyone's eyes move to her and she shifts uncomfortably from one foot to another as she pulls at her sleeves.

"Yeah, along with her psychotic murdering brother!" a man shouts from the left side of the room. The crowd comes back to life then as shouting starts up again.

Jia waits for a few moments before raising her hands up for the crowd to silence. "Which is why we are here today," Jia says loudly, gaining control over the crowd again.

"It seems that the previously held assumption that Clarissa Morgenstern was killed by Faerie knights four and a half years ago was just a very powerful and misleading glamour. Instead, she was taken to Faerie where she was held prisoner by the Seelie Queen and tortured."

This time, there are only a few angry shouts of a derogatory nature towards Faeries shouted.

Jia looks over to Jonathan and then back to the crowd. "As you can see, Jonathan Morgenstern, previously known as Sebastian Morgenstern, has been brought back to life."

"How do you know he wasn't down there with the Seelie Queen helping her? Alive the whole time." some tall woman shouts from the back.

"Because I watched his body be burned six years ago along with about fifteen others," Jia responds sounding very sure of herself. "If you remember, it was only one and a half years ago when we first discovered that Malcolm Fade was able to bring Annabel Blackthorn back to life after she had been dead for over a hundred and fifty years. He was able to do so with the help of a book called The Black Volume of the Dead and under the guidance of the Unseelie King."

The crowd seems to nod in agreeance.

"Shortly after that incident, the book went missing again. Apparently, it ended up in the hands of the Seelie Queen." Jia looks over to Jonathan briefly before looking back out at the room. "Which leads us to this trial.

"By her own account, Clarissa Morgenstern was approached by the Seelie Queen with the proposition that if she were to help her bring her brother back to life, she would free her to go back to those she loved. The assumption is that the Seelie Queen believed that Jonathan Morgenstern would help her win a war she plans to wage against the Unseelie King."

"How do you know what she says is true?" a dark-skinned man shouts from the back of the room. "That Carstairs girl destroyed the Mortal Sword so there is no way to know if Clarissa Morgenstern is telling the truth!"

Clary's eyes widen at this revelation. The crowd looks over to near where Simon is and she follows their gaze. Her eyes are met with Emma Carstairs and Julian Blackthorn's steady eyes. Emma doesn't look ashamed or in any hurry to deny that accusation. Clary knew that the sword had been destroyed but not the story behind it. Seemingly, Emma had done it from the look on her face but the why behind why she would do such a thing is completely lost on Clary.

Jia speaks again and after sharing an almost imperceptible smile with Emma, she looks back over to her. "Because a Silent Brother looked into her memories and confirmed her account."

"But how do you know that those memories weren't planted by the Seelie Queen and that she is conspiring with her?" the same dark-skinned man shouts.

This angers Clary to no end. A spark of rage flies through her and before she has time to think, she speaks. "Do you think I was down there having a good time?!" She impulsively shoves the sleeves of her shirt up, revealing her mangled wrists and arms that are covered with every possible shape of scar that there could be. There is barely any smooth skin left. She unzips the top part of her training gear and shoves the shirt off the top of her shoulders revealing the Seelie Queen's brand on her right shoulder and the long, curved scar along the left side of her neck and down onto her shoulder. A hush falls over the room with her actions.

"I was tortured and experimented on EVERY WAKING HOUR for four and a half years by the Queen's minion in ways that no one will EVER know! Almost every inch of my body is covered in scars to prove what she did to me."

"Then why did you help her?!" he shouts back.

"Because I couldn't take it anymore!" she cries out. "The Queen was determined that I live for the sole purpose to torture me for her amusement for as long as possible. I didn't want to live that way. I couldn't."

Her voice betrays her and cracks on the last word. Her sudden rush of anger subsides and she pushes her clothes back to cover her body in a hurry as she pushes down the tears that are desperate to break free. She _WILL NOT_ allow herself to break down in front of them. She glances back at Jonathan before speaking again. "She offered me a way out and I took it." Her voice sounds steadier than she expected it to and for that, she's grateful.

Before anyone else can say anything, Jia speaks. "But there is more to the story than the basic facts. Since Miss. Morgenstern didn't know how her brother was going to come back and if he was going to be evil or not, she devised a plan to control him. She stole a stele from Mark Blackthorn who was down in Faerie on his own business and before Jonathan Morgenstern could wake up, she burned a rune of control and possession into him and herself."

Another rumble of hushed conversations sparks up in the room. Everyone's eyes are now on her and Jonathan as they search over what exposed skin they have in search of said rune. Jia keeps speaking. "Clarissa is the dominant one and can control her brother's actions."

Clary looks over to her brother and suddenly feels very guilty about what she's done. Although he seems to be able to act like himself, he will never be truly free to be himself and do what he wants because of her. He looks at her and she mouths, "I'm sorry." to him.

He gives her a tiny smile and shrugs his shoulders as he mouths back, "It's okay."

She quickly vows to herself to never order him to do anything and always demand that he be honest with her about what he wants and feels.

"But that is not the whole truth." Jia continues. "When Jonathan Morgenstern was brought back to life, he came back as he died, after the heavenly fire burned away Lilith's blood that poisoned him. He is no longer plagued by his father's experiment and seems to be a normal Nephilim now and is completely different than when he lived previously."

"So what?" the same man yells back. "We are supposed to just forgive him and turn him loose?"

The crowd erupts again and Jia heaves a long sigh. Clary looks over behind Jia and sees Inquisitor Dearborn fuming a bright red as he watches the Consul. Although, when he looks out to the angry crowd, he seems pleased by their shouting.

She waits a few moments before quieting the crowd again. "That is not why we are here. Sebastian Morgenstern was killed by Clarissa for his crimes. Since he has been resurrected, he has committed no crime so, therefore, is not on trial. We are here to discuss the fact that Clarissa used dark magic to help bring back her brother and that is strictly forbidden by Clave law."

"Wait!" A new person shouts, rising from her seat. She looks to be in her fifties and of Asian decent but she can't tell for sure. She's in the back of the room. "If she is linked with her brother with that rune, does that mean that whatever happens to her will happen to him? Like he did with Jace Herondale?"

"That is correct." Jia nods, seemingly not wanting to answer that question.

"Then I vote guilty! Sebastian Morgenstern needs to die!"

Clary's eyes close tightly. This is exactly what she was afraid of. She knew that this would happen. They don't care that he's not the same person he was when he was alive before. All they care about is that he wears the face of the monster they hate.

The crowd starts to rumble again until there is familiar shouting from down below. She opens her eyes to see Simon looking absolutely furious as he climbs up a few steps of the dais and turns to the crowd. "This isn't about whether or not you want Jonathan Morgenstern dead! This is about if you will condemn Clary Morgenstern to death after the whole of the Nephilim left her down in Faerie to be tortured day in and day out. Yes, she helped the Seelie Queen bring back her brother, but she had a plan to control him and it worked. She found a way to save herself when no one else did and now you want to kill her for it. Have you already forgotten how many times she's saved our kind?!"

Simon is shaking with his anger. "She stopped her father from turning us all into slaves that would do the bidding of Valentine Morgenstern and kill all of the downworlders. Then, she saved us from extinction by killing her own brother without one thought about herself. If it hadn't been for Magnus Bane, I, along with Clary and three others, would still be stuck in Edom where she was willing to sacrifice herself and die to save our world.

"Think about if it was someone you loved that had been left for dead in Faerie. That every single moment of every single day, your loved one was tortured for _YEARS_. Would you really blame them for doing what Clary did? Especially when there was no harm done to ANYONE in the process."

There is movement from the side of the dais then. She looks over to see the Inquisitor stepping forward. His eyes are annoyed as he looks at her before he faces the crowd. "While he, " he gestures towards Simon, "tries to tug on your heartstrings with a sad story, I will remind you that it is against the law to practice dark magic and Miss. Morgenstern has admitted, more than once, that she performed dark magic. The law is hard but it is the law."

He spreads his hands out in front of him as if to signal how sad the situation is. "The reason behind the breaking of the law is irrelevant."

Clary looks out to the crowd and notices too many people are nodding their heads in agreement. There is too much hatred for her brother and too much respect for the non-sensical laws that are built into the Nephilim from the day they are born. No matter what she says or what reasons she gives and the fact that no one was hurt in any way by her actions, they are going to condemn her to die for saving herself.

Her friends seem to sense it too. She feels someone's eyes on her. She looks up to see Simon staring at her with purpose. "Do you have it?" he mouths to her as people begin to shout in the crowd for her conviction.

She knows he is talking about the stele.

When she looks into the crowd where her friends were, she can no longer see Alec or Izzy. They're not there anymore and Jace is trying to pull away from his wife who is whispering angrily at him as she grabs onto his jacket. Jace is gesturing up at her and she looks away and back to Simon.

He looks like he is about to do something stupid as his hand moves to a knife she sees gleaming at his side.

She knows it's time now. She was given information by the girl, Cristina, on her first night in the cells to use to save herself if things did not go well for her. She _really_ doesn't want to do what Cristina suggested but it's the only way to stop everyone she loves from being thrown in jail or killed for helping her escape.

She sets her jaw and squeezes her eyes shut tightly for a moment to gain her courage.

"It's okay." She hears Jonathan say lowly from over her shoulder. "I'll be with you the whole time. You're not alone anymore."

With his words, she finds the courage she was looking for and opens her eyes. Simon is just about to take another step closer to her and she knows that there is no time to lose.

Clary turns to the Consul and Inquisitor and speaks loudly so everyone can hear. "I have a proposition for the Council in lieu of a guilty verdict."

They look to her and the Inquisitor raises an unimpressed brow. "What could you possibly offer us to save yourself and your murdering brother?"

The Hall had quieted down know while every eye was on her. "The few days I have been out of Faerie, I have learned that our numbers have dwindled even further. I have been told that the Faeries are somehow rendering our angelic runes and weapons useless and no one knows how or why. They are growing more brazen and attacking Nephilim out of the blue."

When no one says anything, she asks, "Am I right?"

Jia answers her. "Yes. What is your point?"

"My point is that you need to find out what is causing the weapons and runes to not work and stop it. So now, I am offering you my service... once again."

"And how do you plan to figure that out?" Inquisitor Dearborn asks snidely.

"I have learned a lot about the Fair Folk during my time in Faerie and have become very familiar with the tricks they play. I have become fairly good at spotting their glamours and that gives me an advantage over anyone else here. I also have it on good authority that the extra angel blood that flows through my veins means that whatever they have, doesn't work on me as they have not worked on Jace Herondale."

She swallows roughly before she forces the words out of her mouth. "I am offering my services to the whole of the Nephilim. I will voluntarily go back into Faerie and find whatever it is causing the malfunction of our gifts from Raziel and get rid of it on the condition that if I succeed, you let me and my brother go to live our lives in peace. If I fail, it will be because I have been either recaptured or I have been killed. Either way, it is a win-win for you and the rest of the Nephilim. Either you will get your judgment by way of my death or I will succeed and destroy any chance the Faeries and the Unseelie King have to rid us of the earth."

"No!" she hears Jace and Simon yell in unison. She doesn't spare them a glance.

To her surprise, the Inquisitor and Consul look like they are actually considering her offer. The crowd is quiet once again and she can feel the weight of hundreds of people staring at her as her heart thunders in her chest. If it weren't for Jonathan, she would accept her fate and die without a fight. But because she wants Jonathan to have a chance to live a normal life without Lilith's blood tainting him, she's willing to do this for him.

A long few minutes pass as the Inquisitor, Consul, and the rest of the Council speak in hushed tones in a huddle. When they break away, Dearborn looks over to her. "We will accept your terms only if you share with us all of the runes you have ever created or thought of. You will allow a Silent Brother to look in your mind every two days to make sure that you are not withholding any runes you may have thought of."

The thought of the Clave knowing and using some of her runes scares the shit out of her. There are some serious runes that could do a lot of damage and hurt if they are not used for good.

She looks back to Jonathan to get his opinion. He purses his lips at her for a moment before nodding his head.

Clary turns back to the group and considering the other alternative is death for her and her brother, she accepts. "Give us at least a month to train and regain our strength and I will agree to your terms."

"We accept your terms as well." Jia answers. The crowd erupts into noise as they talk amongst themselves about what has just transpired. Even though Clary has just staved off death and she should feel happy about that, the thought of going willingly back into Faerie has her insides churning and her breakfast threatening to make a reappearance.

"I'm going with you!" She looks out to see Jace at the bottom of the stairs to the dais as he walks towards her. His eyes are hard and trained on her, daring her to tell him no.

"Jace!" she hears a feminine voice yell in worry and looks to see his wife looking after him with her eyes filled with tears. "You can't go!"

While he does flinch at her words, he doesn't turn around to look at her.

"Don't be stupid, Jace. You can't go with me." She yells angrily at him, her brows furrowing tightly. The last thing she wants is to get even more people caught up in her web of tragedy and bad luck.

"And you can't stop me from going with you." He counters. Jace then looks to the Council. "She is right. My runes and the runes I place on my weapons still work when I am up against Faeries. It only makes sense that I would go with her. We are the only ones with the advantage here. Two people are better than one."

"Three, actually," Jonathan interjects. "Where Clary goes, I go."

"The same goes for me," Simon says fervently.

Clary's eyes snap to Simon and freeze him in his spot with their intensity. "There is no way in hell you are going to come with me. Izzy is pregnant and I would never forgive myself if you died trying to help me in Faerie. In fact, I will refuse to do it if you come."

"Stop being so stubborn!" he yells at her.

"You. Are. Not. Going!" she yells back at him, her words holding finality in every way.

Inquisitor Dearborn speaks up then looking at Jace. "I think you are right. The chance of success with three of you going to Faerie would be much higher than if Miss. Morgenstern went alone."

His tone is unmistakable. What he is really saying is that he wouldn't mind if they all died in Faerie. What she doesn't understand is why this guy seems to clearly hate her so damn much. But that was a worry for a different day.

"Make that the five of us."

Clary whips her head around to see Emma Carstairs and Julian Blackthorn walking up the dais. Emma has grown so much and looks so beautiful now. "Since I know you, Inquisitor Dearborn would love to see the two of us dead," she gestures between her and Julian, "I am offering for us to tag along and help."

"Don't be crazy!" Clary shouts at her. "This is getting out of hand. There is nothing that you could do…."

Emma interrupts her. " _Trust me_. There is plenty that Julian and I can help with in Faerie. You really do _want us_ to come with you."

Before Clary can protest, Inquisitor Dearborn hurriedly agrees. "So that makes five. I don't think adding anyone else would be wise because there will need to be an element of stealth and surprise and a large group of people would be counterproductive."

Clary grinds her teeth together in frustration and spins away from everyone and to Jonathan. She's thankful that the crowd is seeming to dissipate now as everyone speaks amongst themselves and they aren't paying her much attention anymore.

This did _not_ go how she planned. It was only supposed to be her and Jonathan going to Faerie. No one else. No one that she loved needed to get mixed up in this suicide mission of hers.

And now, three others that she loved and cared for were probably going to die with her and because of her.

Jonathan steps forward and allows her to bury her head in his chest so that no one will see the angry tears that are spilling over her cheeks. "It's okay, Clary," Jonathan whispers as he rests his head on the top of hers.

"No, it's not." She tells him lowly, choking on her words. "I didn't want anyone else to get hurt. This was supposed to be just me and you and now…." She pushes down the huge lump in her throat. "I won't survive it if one of them gets caught or killed. I would be my fault."

"No, it wouldn't," he says back. "As much as I hate to admit it, Jace is right. Having him there will only increase our chances of success."

She wipes her face roughly with the backs of her hands as she looks up to him. "And what about Emma and Julian?"

"Don't worry about us," Emma says with a knowing smile. Clary hadn't noticed that she was now standing right beside her. "Julian and I have plenty of tricks up our sleeves."

Clary glares at her for a moment until Emma's smile falters. "Aren't you even a little glad to see me?" Emma asks as she holds out her arms timidly for a hug.

Truth be told, Clary did miss Emma. She had come to think of her as a little sister and they had gotten pretty close before she was taken. When Emma juts out her bottom lip in a pout, Clary can't hold back the small smile that breaks out on her face.

She steps to her and they wrap each other up in their arms. "You're so damn tall now," Clary says into her shoulder.

"Not all of us are dwarfs like you." Emma quips back with a laugh as they pull apart.

Clary looks over to see Julian releasing the binds on Jonathan's wrists.

"What are you doing?" the Inquisitor asks him.

"Well, I figured that for them to be able to train to prepare for this mission like you agreed they could, he would probably need his hands to do so," Julian answers him in his most obvious sounding tone of voice. "I also don't think them spending their nights in the cells are conducive to progress either."

Inquisitor Dearborn opens his mouth to say something, but Jia beats him to it. "I think those are reasonable requests. I will arrange a place for the Morgenstern siblings to stay while under our watchful eye. They will stay here in Idris and swear not to leave until it is time for the mission. I cannot offer anything more."

"That sounds fair enough," Jonathan says.

With that settled, guards appear on either side of her and Jonathan as Jia walks ahead of them. The guards push them to follow her.

As she walks towards the door that she came through, Jace appears beside her. "Clary. I'll find where they are keeping you and Jonathan and help you train."

"No, you will not." She tells him, refusing to look at him and focuses her eyes on Jonathan's back. "You shouldn't have agreed to come with us. In fact, I don't want to see you again until I have to. Just go home."

Even though she isn't looking at him, she knows he flinches at her words. The hurt sounding "Clary." That rolls from his lips just as she is pushed through the door is confirmation of that. She doesn't like hurting him but she's angry with him. In fact, she's so angry that she wants to punch him right in his face. She offered herself up so everyone she loves would have a chance to survive and win whatever war the Unseelie King was waging against them.

But now...even more people that she loves are most definitely going to get hurt and that thought makes her sick and angry. Why couldn't they just accept her wishes and allow her to do what she wanted to do? It's the least they could give her after everything she went through.

Involving the man she loves and the little sister she never had and Julian was never a part of her plan.

* * *

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	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

* * *

 **Two days later...**

"This is where you and your brother will be staying," Jia says as she leads them into a small house in the countryside of Idris. She assumes by the time spent on horseback that they are about ten miles from Alicante.

Walking into the main living area, it's clear that no one has lived here for a long while. There is a brown tattered three-person couch directly in front of the door on the far wall and a tall witchlight lamp beside it. A maroon coffee table is directly in the middle of the living area while a small bookshelf with only a dozen books sits to the left of the front door.

Looking to her left, she sees the small attached kitchen along the two far walls. There is a woodburning stove and what looks like two small places where she could cook on a stove. A tiny fridge sits off to the side and a rickety old brown table with three chairs lines the front wall of the house. To the right, there are two doors where she is assuming the bedrooms for her and Jonathan are.

Confirming her suspicion, Jia nods to the doors. "There are two small bedrooms there with an adjoining bathroom that you will have to share." She opens one of the doors and motions for them to follow her as she moves inside. Clary follows and finds only a small dresser and a twin sized bed tucked into the right corner of the room. "The other room is exactly like this one."

Jia steps back out of the room while Jonathan moves to sit on the couch. He looks tired as he props his feet up on the table. "Someone will be here at seven every morning to retrieve you for training at a place about a mile from here. You will be brought back here at eight in the evening and you will be allowed no visitors."

"Why can't we have visitors?" Clary asks with a tinge of anger. "I want to see my friends and family."

Jia looks exasperated as she replies. "You are still under the custody of the Clave and will be treated as such. Maybe I will be able to persuade the council to let you have a day or two where you can have visitors, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you."

Clary lets that news settle into her and wills herself to try and accept it. It's better if her friends and family have some distance between them if she is going to die in Faerie. "Is there a broom or mop anywhere in this place? It could use some serious cleaning."

"I believe there are cleaning products in that cupboard over there." Jia points to a thin and tall cabinet that makes up one end of the kitchen. "There is also a wash bucket out back in a small shed just behind a big maple tree. That is where you will wash your clothes. There is a stream only a three-minute walk from here where you can gather water or you can just funnel it from the sink here in the kitchen."

Sarcasm is thick and heavy in her tone. "Greeeaaat."

"I should also tell you that there will be guards on watch stationed around the grounds to keep the two of you from running. You are allowed to have a stele, but a warlock has set up a ward that prevents you from portalling out. A silent brother will be by tomorrow morning at six to look into your mind and pick out whatever runes you have come up with over the past four and a half years. Once he has determined that you are not a threat, he will give you a stele."

"And what about clothes?" Clary asks, looking down at the training clothes the Clave had given her for her trial. "I need more than one pair of clothes, and not to mention, underwear. As does Jonathan."

"Simon and Isabella Lewisham are bringing you some of your old clothes from New York and the Clave will be providing some as well."

"Hopefully you are going to do that same for my brother." She raises her brows at the older woman as her hands come to rest on her hips. "He has absolutely no clothing of his own."

"Simon said he took care of that as well." Jia replies.

This surprises Clary. She was ready to throw a fit if no one was going to provide clothes for Jonathan. She should have known that Simon would have thought of that. "Oh." Is all she can say.

"Now, if you don't have any more questions, I must leave," Jia says as she walks back outside. Once she steps over the threshold, she turns back to Clary as she stands with one hand on the door. Jia pauses for just a moment and then slowly turns around to face her.

The look on Jia's face is much softer than what Clary is used to. Her eyes find Clary's green ones and she takes a deep breath. "I truly am glad that you are alive, Clary. I really want you to succeed and not just because it would mean a win in a war with the Unseelie Court and stop the decline of our race, but because I truly like and care for you. You deserve to be happy and live your life in peace for a long time. You have been through so much, more than any one person should, and..." Jia looks down at the ground and softly shakes her head. "I just hope that you are able to find happiness again."

When Jia looks back up to Clary, she has to swallow past the lump in her throat before she can force any words out. "Thank you, Jia."

Jia nods at her. "I'm really sorry about the way all of this turned out." She motions around at their surroundings, "But my hands are tied pretty tight."

All Clary can do is nod at the statement.

"I'll come by in two weeks to check up on your progress." Without another word, Jia walks back to her carriage a hundred yards away where three guards are waiting.

Shutting the door, she turns and joins Jonathan on the couch with a flop. "When do you think people will start to acknowledge my existence?" Jonathan asks as he looks over to her with a crooked smile. "I mean, it _is_ kind of nice to be left alone but at the same time, it's really rude."

Clary huffs out an amused breath. "What I wouldn't give to for people to just ignore me." The ire in her tone causes Jonathan to laugh once. "But honestly, I'm not sure. I don't think people know how to act around you. It has got to be confusing for them to look at you and see Sebastian but know that you aren't him anymore at the same time. I'm also sure that some people probably think you are just faking being Jonathan and are really Sebastian in 'disguise'."

"God, just thinking about all those angles is confusing," Jonathan says. "It would be nice though if people would just give me a nod of acknowledgment or...I don't know. Just... _something_."

Clary reaches over and squeezes his hand. "I know what you mean."

They sit in silence for a few minutes before Clary pushes herself up. "How about we clean this place up?" she suggests, looking at the dozens of cobwebs around the small cottage.

"I think that is a great idea," Jonathan says eyeing a suspicious looking black dot on the wall by the door. "Is that a spider?"

She shrugs. "Don't you want to get up and find out?" She phrases the question so it won't feel like an order from her that he feels compelled to obey. It's something she's been practicing every time she's spoken to him.

His brows furrow as he shakes his head. "For some reason, I don't want to. There is this weird feeling in my chest and stomach when I think about it. I've never felt it before."

A smile slowly starts to pull up the corners of her mouth. Looking at his face, she put two and two together. "You're afraid of spiders?"

"What?" he says sounding offended as he looks at her. "I am not afraid of spiders." He looks back to the black dot on the wall and swallows roughly. "I just... don't like them."

She can't help but laugh a little at him as she stands. "I think the feeling that you are feeling is anxiety. It would make sense that you never felt it before due to Lilith's blood. All you felt was anger and rage and no fear."

"And lust." He says quietly and mostly to himself. She could hear the self-contempt in that small statement and although she feels bad for her brother now who has to live with the actions of his past, unwilling memories are brought back to the forefront of her mind. Memories of Sebastian and what he wanted from her.

She decides not to respond to his statement, unsure if she was supposed to hear it. "Don't worry big brother. I'll save you." She says in a cheery voice.

She takes the few steps that it takes to cross the room and leans in to see the spot. An angry looking furry black spider with blue markings on it stares back at her. Just as her nose starts to scrunch up at it's furry legs, it jumps. At. Her.

A very loud and an embarrassingly girly scream leaves her mouth as she stands back up and starts slapping at her face where she felt it land. "Get it off! Get it off!" she screams embarrassingly loud as she shakes her head wildly and jumps up and down.

She can see out of the slits of her eyes, she squeezed them shut so the demon-bug wouldn't get in her eyes, that Jonathan has come up and his hands are hovering near her, unsure of what to do.

"Oh my god! I feel it on my forehead!" she screams as she feels something tickling the skin there. Panic is now starting to spread throughout her. She forces herself to be still, her muscles pulled tight with anxiety as she says, once again, in a very girly voice, "Get it off of me, Jonathan!"

He places both hands on either side of her face and dips his head down to look at her. Barely a second later, he is laughing. "Your hair is tickling your forehead." His eyes are now crinkled shut with the force of his laughter.

Clary reaches up and sure enough, there is a piece of hair running along the length of her forehead.

Blood floods her face as she realizes she made a fool of herself.

Thankfully, that only lasted for a few seconds before she starts laughing along with Jonathan. Although not quite as hard as he is. She reaches out and lands a soft punch to his gut. "It's not _that_ funny." She tells him even though she is laughing herself.

"Oh yes, it was." He tells her after taking a few calming breaths. "If I remember correctly, you told me that you would save me only to completely freak out like a little prissy girl when the spider jumps at you."

He starts jumping and shaking his head while his hands swat at his face. "Get it off! Get it off!" he shouts in a high-pitched voice, mimicking her. This causes another laughing fit to take over him.

She glares at him for a moment before she notices something. A smile is back on her face in no time. "Laugh it up, jerk. But I'm not the one the spider is on now."

He immediately stops and looks at her with worry in his eyes. She nods down to his feet. When his eyes land on his shoes, his face pales considerably, noticing the spider crawling towards his leg.

"AAAAGGHHH!" he screams as he starts to shake his foot violently. The spider manages to hold on for a few seconds before it slings off and lands beside Clary's foot. This time, she wastes no time in stepping on it as she laughs.

"We are an embarrassment to the Nephilim race." he chokes out before ruffling her hair.

* * *

Waking up the next day, she groans. They spent hours cleaning the small house and then crashed on the lumpy mattress in the room farthest from the front door. The sunlight is blinding her through a tiny crack in the curtains in the window above the bed. Knowing she won't be able to go back to sleep, she pushes herself up and sets her feet on the floor.

Rubbing her eyes and yawning, she shuffles over to the bathroom door and finds Jonathan dressed and freshly showered. "You're up early. At least I think it's early."

"It is." He says looking amused at her disheveled state. Looking in the mirror, she sees her hair is matted and sticking up in a few places. "Ugh." She groans as she tries to run her fingers through her hair.

"We've got about an hour before the Silent Brother is supposed to be here. I'll go make breakfast with the food we found yesterday." He says. With a quick and very brotherly ruffle to her head, he leaves the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.

"I've got to get him to stop doing that," she mutters as she feels the new knots on top of her head.

She showers and puts the only set of clothes she has back on, sans the dirty underwear, and eats a breakfast of oatmeal and bananas with Jonathan.

An hour later, her head is pounding. Squeezing her eyes shut and rubbing her temples does nothing to make the pain dissipate. The Silent Brother, Brother John she thinks, is still standing in front of her. She thinks he was able to find 11 of the runes she came up with while in Faerie and three while before she was taken. Only when she started to scream from the pressure and pain from his intrusion into her head did he stop.

"I believe that is enough for today. I will be back in two days' time." He says in his creepy mind-voice.

"I can't wait." She says in a dead tone. Turning, he walks out of her and Jonathan's small cottage.

"Here," Jonathan says. She feels his hand come to rest on her back as he sets a glass of water down on the kitchen table in front of her.

"Thanks." She grumbles and takes a sip of the lukewarm water. Once she drains the glass, she reaches over to grab the stele the Silent Brother had left for her and sinks an iratze into her skin. It alleviates most of the pain but doesn't fully rid her of it. "I'm really going to hate that part of this whole deal."

"Yeah, I know. My head is killing me." She looks up to see Jonathan take the stele from her hand and draw an iratze on his skin.

"Sorry about that." She says and he rolls his eyes.

"Stop apologizing." He chides her. "I don't blame you for this." He gestures to the rune on his chest that binds them together. "I'm just incredibly thankful that I am here, the real me, however it came to be, and that I get a chance to be the person I was supposed to be."

Before she can respond and try to apologize again, someone pounds on the door. Not knocks. Door shattering pounding. "Get out here! I don't have all day to get the both of you to training!"

Clary and Jonathan look at each other and they both roll their eyes at the exact same time. This causes them to break out into laughter. "I can't believe we just did the same thing." She chuckles as she gets up from her chair. "At the same time."

"Well...we are related." Jonathan says in a 'duh' kind of tone.

She's smiling hugely when she opens the door to find a very bitter looking man in his late forties glaring at her. His sour disposition does nothing to stop the smile on her face. "Aye, Aye captain." She says as she salutes him."

He glares at her for a moment before his eyes flick to Jonathan and turn downright hostile. He then spins around and says, "Follow me."

Clary can't help herself. She grew up in the mundane world and used her knowledge of pop-culture to amuse herself with the Nephilim who were sorely lacking in that department. "I can't hear you." She almost sings out.

"I said, follow me." He grits through his teeth, not turning around.

"Aye, aye captain." She says again and this time he does turn around to glare at her for a moment. "Can I ask you a question?" she asks him, smiling and doing her best to look thoughtful.

"What?" he growls.

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

And that does it for her self-control. His dumbfounded face was too much. She begins to laugh so hard that no sound is able to come out of her mouth. She bends in half, clutching her stomach as her shoulders shake with her amusement.

"What is the hell is she talking about?" she hears the man growl in her brother's direction.

"I honestly have no idea," Jonathan says sincerely from beside her. This causes her to laugh even harder and tears start to leak from her eyes.

She sucks in a deep breath and yells at the top of her lungs, "Spongebob Squarepants!" Her laughing resumes and Jonathan appears in front of her looking slightly concerned.

"Um, Clary?" he says unsurely as she tries to slow her laughter. "Are you feeling okay?"

One more deep breath and she's finally regained control over herself. She wipes away a few tears from her cheeks and looks up to him. "I'm perfectly fine." She tells him. Clapping her hands together once with a smile, she says, "Alright. Let's get this show on the road. Lead the way Mr…" she trails off, looking expectantly at the angry man to offer up his name.

Instead of answering her, he turns around and starts to stalk off towards the west. She and Jonathan follow. Fifteen minutes later they are topping a hill and a very large and ostentatious manor stands ahead of them. Off to the side, she sees another building which is where they seem to be going. Another couple of minutes and they are walking into a very well-stocked and large training room that is the separate building.

Jonathan lets out a low whistle as he looks around. "Nice digs." He says.

"This is where you will train every day." The angry man says in a clipped voice. "The Clave has provided you with a trainer. I will be back to retrieve the both of you when you are done." With that, he turns and leaves, shutting the door behind him.

Looking around the room quickly, she says, "When do you think the trainer will get here and who do you think it will be?" she asks Jonathan.

"Um, Clary," Jonathan says. Her eyes stop scanning all the weapons in the room and move up to him. When she does, his eyes are trained on a dark corner of the room. She follows his eyes and before she can figure out what he sees, a man steps forward.

He's tall; maybe the same height as Jonathan's six foot two. He's an older man with salt and pepper hair but has muscles bulging from his ears. She can tell that he was attractive in his youth. His dark eyes and nearly perfect nose do nothing to distract her eyes from the large scar that creeps up the right side of his neck from inside his shirt.

He had been burned and burned badly at some point in his life. The skin there is red and angry looking with ridges where it didn't heal as well as the other parts had.

"You failed your first test, Miss. Morgenstern." He chides her.

She shifts on her feet and rubs the back of her neck. "Uh...sorry?" she says in a question.

"I was hoping you wouldn't be so rusty but apparently, I'm not that lucky."

"Um...sorry again?" she offers as he stalks towards them.

"Every time I hear the words 'I'm sorry' come from your mouth, you owe me two hundred push-ups, twenty laps around the grounds, and fifty, one-minute weighted squats." His tone is stern and leaves no room for debate.

She gulps and nods. Something about this man just radiates, _Don't test me_.

"Now," he says and spins around, his hands clasped behind his back as he walks to the far wall. "Let's see what I really have to work with."

The next seven hours can only be described as pure embarrassment and pain for herself. She's so unbelievably rusty. Not to mention, she still has to enact her punishment for telling the trainer sorry when she dropped a knife. She had also almost said it a second time but thankfully caught herself halfway through and pathetically changed it to 'sardines'.

She and Jonathan are now sitting outside on the grass, leaning against the training building. They are eating the protein-packed lunch they were brought by some woman who looks to be about the same age as their trainer. She was beautiful with dirty blonde hair and green eyes. When Clary's belly is full, she leans her head back against the building and closes her eyes, smiling up at the sun.

"It feels so good to feel the sun on my face. You have no idea." She says quietly. "I thought I would never see or feel it again for so long."

"I wish I could say that too, but I don't remember anything from when I was dead. If there is even anything _to_ remember." Jonathan copies her and leans his head back against the wall.

They sit like that for a while, in companionable silence until their trainer comes through the door to find them. "It's time to get back to work." He moves back into the building and Clary looks up at Jonathan. "He never told us his name, did he?" she asks.

"It's not like we asked," Jonathan says with a shrug as he pushes up and stands. He holds out his hand for Clary to take and pulls her up.

"Why don't you ask him?" she says.

Jonathan immediately starts to shake his head. "No way. Have you seen the death stare he gives when I do something he doesn't approve of?"

"Yes. I've been on the receiving end of it all day; hence, why you should ask him." Clary says to him.

They lock eyes and stare at each other for a moment, neither one of them willing to give in. After a full minute of staring, Clary huffs out a breath and throws her arms in the air. "Fine! I'll do it, you big baby."

A triumphant smile spread across his face as she pushes past him. She swings the door open and is surprised to find their trainer standing only a few feet away. She comes to a stop in surprise and pats down her hair that whirled around her from the opening door.

"You have something to ask me?" he asks her.

If she's not mistaken, there is a tiny, very tiny, hint of a smile tugging at the left side of his mouth. "You never told us your name," she states.

"That's not a question." He responds.

"What is your name? I'd like to know who to curse out when I'm home at night and icing my aching muscles." She replies.

This time, the tiniest of smiles ghosts across his face for a fraction of a second. "George Mendelson. This is also my home and personal training facility. But you and your brother can call me Mr. Mendelson."

Clary nods her head and then extends her hand out to him. "Well, it's nice to formally meet you."

George looks down at her hand and seems to think for a moment before taking it and shaking her hand.

"It's nice to meet you as well," Jonathan says, holding out his hand. His eyes are locked on George but are open and honest, so unlike Sebastian's were. George takes longer this time before he slowly reaches out and shakes Jonathan's hand quickly, his lips pulled a little tight.

"Now, let's get back to work." He says, turning around.

By the time they are being escorted back to their cottage, Clary's muscles are screaming. Her punishment for saying she was sorry after a really long day of training was so hard. Running 20 extra laps around the grounds of the huge manor is something she never wants to do again. Jonathan, the lucky bastard, only had to do ten. She had to do those same ten and then the extra while he smirked at her, laying on the ground with his hands behind his head when she passed. She doesn't even want to think about those weighted squats. Her legs are absolute jelly.

It's dark when they enter their cottage and Jonathan moves across the room to turn the witchlight lamp on. They are both covered in sweat and grime but they instantly collapse on the couch. "I call dibs on the first shower." She says tiredly to him.

"Thank heavens. You definitely need it. Your armpits are deadly."

She looks over to him with an offended look on her face and then punches him in the arm. He starts to laugh as she mutters "Jerk." and stands up to go to the shower.

That's when she notices two suitcases sitting next to the kitchen table. "Look." She says, walking towards them.

Laying them down, she unzips the first one and flips the top open. To say that she is beyond thrilled to see some of her clothes would be an understatement. On the top of the clothes lays a bag of toiletries. She grabs it starts to pull the bottles out, eager to get a shower and rinse the dirt and grime off her.

When she grabs one of the bottles to pull it out, she realizes that it is unusually light. Almost like there is nothing in it.

Curious, she unscrews the bottle cap and looks inside. She's surprised to find a folded-up piece of paper inside. She has to fish around for a minute through the tiny hole before she can grab it and pull it out. On the front of it is her name written in Simon's handwriting. She smiles hugely as she unfolds it.

 _Clary,_

 _I went by Luke's and packed up most of your clothes and grabbed three pairs of training clothes from the Institute. Izzy packed the more 'sensitive' items stating that it would be weird for me to do. I was relieved because when I encountered your underwear drawer, I paled a little bit until Izzy shoved me out of the way. She also said that she will be sending more clothes and things in a week or two. In all honesty, I think she is just using you needing clothes and stuff to go shopping. As for Jonathan, Izzy and I took an educated guess on what size he is and packed him some clothes in the other suitcase. I don't know what he likes so we just tried to stick to the basics. T-shirts, jeans, training clothes, etc._

 _They're saying that you aren't allowed any visitors, but I think that maybe we can find a way around it._

 _Now, as for what you did to get yourself into this whole situation, I'm so angry with you that you did this but I understand at the same time. Things weren't looking good for you and that's why we had a plan to get you out of there like George told you. I know that you wouldn't want us to risk ourselves to try and get you and Jonathan out of there but dammit Clary, that was our decision to make, not yours. You took that choice away from us. On the other hand, I also understand that you and Jonathan would have to live in hiding and on the run for the rest of your lives and that probably is what spurred you on to do what you did. Even if it is the stupidest thing you've ever done._

 _I love you, Clary. I can't lose you again so do whatever you need to do to survive. I just wish I was there with you to help. I'm still mad that you refused to let me go with you, by the way. But once again, I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. I'll see you soon, okay? Love you forever._

 _Simon._

Clary clamps down on the lump in her throat and the tightness in her chest and presses the letter to her heart. She misses him so much it hurts. And it makes it ten times worse now that she's 'free' and she still isn't allowed to see him.

But, it's better this way. At least he will be safe even if she isn't. Even if she dies on this mission, Simon will be safe and become a father. And hopefully, the distance that is between them right now will ease the blow if she were to die.

"Hey. You okay?" Jonathan asks softly from beside her. He's crouched down and has his suitcase flipped open. She feels his hand come to rest lightly on her back.

Clary takes a shaky breath before saying, "Yeah. I'm fine. Mostly." She grabs the bag of soap and shampoos along with her suitcase and takes it to her room. "I'm going to take a shower."

* * *

 **Jace**

Jace storms into Maryse and Mack's house, walking towards the back where he knows they will be. It's been a week and a half since the trial and he's been going out of his mind trying to find where they are keeping Clary and Jonathan while the whole time, Maryse has known.

He can't help but feel betrayed by her.

"Maryse!" he calls out.

"Jace?" he hears her voice say in question. He rounds the corner to the kitchen and finds her in the middle of cooking dinner.

He levels his eyes at her and after a brief look of confusion, realization covers her features. "You've known the whole time." He states. There is no sense in asking.

She lets out a long breath and sets down the knife she was using to chop up broccoli. "It's better that you didn't know; that you don't know."

"You don't get to decide that for me." He says angrily.

"Jace," she says pleadingly, but he's not having it.

"No, Maryse. I need to see her."

"No, you need to go home to Evie. That's what she told you to do." Maryse says, looking slightly guilty.

His eyes narrow at her. "Is that what this is about?" he scolds her. "The precious Mendelson money? Are you afraid that if I leave Evie, they will demand the money they loaned the Clave back?"

"That's not it at all, Jace." Maryse says hurriedly.

"That is what it always comes down to. Politics and money." He grabs a spatula from the counter and throws it across the kitchen. Mack comes into the kitchen then in nothing but pants. "What's going on?" he asks.

Jace paces for a few seconds before facing her again. "She's not even speaking to me, you know? Evie won't come near me since the trial. She said that I made it clear to her that I would rather die with Clary than spend a happy life filled with love with her. She's still staying at my place but has locked herself in the guest room, only coming out to go to Nadia's place and her parent's. I've only seen her twice."

"She's hurt because she loves you, Jace," Maryse says to him, her voice soft.

"And I love her too, Mom." He shouts back. "But I love Clary more. I always have."

He starts pacing again, running a hand through the long hair on top of his head. There is that familiar tugging in his heart once again. The tugging that signifies his heart is torn between being full and tearing down the middle. It's the most confusing feeling in the world.

His heart is full, knowing that Clary is alive. But at the same time, it's wanting to tear because he's hurting Evie and himself with their situation. He's made his decision about who he wants to be with but he hasn't had the chance to speak with Evie about it because she is avoiding him and refusing to speak to him. The only time he's spent more than a few seconds in the room with her was at the trial when she appeared beside him moments before they brought Clary and Jonathan out.

Stopping, he turns and looks at Maryse. He's let his guard down so she can see just how much he needs this. "Please. Tell me where she is."

Maryse sighs after a moment but still seems hesitant. "Jace. It really is better if you stay away from her. Where she is...it would create so many problems if you were to show up."

"I. Don't. Care." He says, emphasizing every word.

"You will when I tell you." Maryse looks tired as she rubs her brow. Mack comes up and rubs her back for a moment to give her support as she says, "She's been training at the Mendelson manor. George volunteered to give them a place to stay and to train them. They're staying in the cottage by the creek."

Dread fills his chest.

They're at his father-in-law's. He volunteered to house and train them.

"Shit." He curses as he turns and punches a wall.

"Jace!" Maryse calls out to chastise him but he's already gone.

He storms out of their place, much the same way he stormed in, and heads for his horse that is tied up next to the street. He climbs on and takes off in the direction of Herondale manor.

"That sneaky bastard!" Jace yells out once he is out of the gates of Alicante. He just _knows_ that George volunteered to train them to keep an eye on Clary and to prevent him from getting to her. He's trying to look out for his daughter and the worst part is, Evie probably knows about it. She's been at her parent's home numerous times; even spent the night there three days ago.

Anger now spurs him on. He kicks his horse faster, yelling at it to move faster back to his home. He knows he will find Evie there and this time, no locked door and her begging for him to give her space is going to keep him from speaking to her.

* * *

 _Please **REVIEW** and **FOLLOW!** Your words definitely spur me on to write more and get chapters out faster._

 _Thanks a billion for reading!_

 _1) What do you think about what Evie's father has done? Do you think it was a favor for his daughter or do you think she asked her father to do it? I mean, at this point, we don't know a whole lot about Evie. What do y'all think of doing a part from her point of view? Yes or no?_

 _2) I will try my best to write more and get chapters up faster. I promise!_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

* * *

 _Sorry this chapter is so short_!

* * *

The past three weeks in training have been brutal for her, but she has to admit, they have also been very beneficial. Between Mendelson and Jonathan, she's brought herself almost back to the skill level she was at when she was taken.

The biggest problem that she has now is strength in her wrist and her grip. The scarring and deformation from years of being held captive by Varys' thorny hair have all but destroyed her muscles there. She has to wrap her wrists with tape everyday to provide the support she needs to wield her weapons. But, with some exercises that Mendelson has given her, she is slowly building up her strength in her hands and wrists.

Now, the thing that bothers her the most isn't the fact that in one week, she will be venturing back into Faerie, but that she's seen Jace's wife peeking into their training facility twice in the past week.

The first time she saw her, she thought that she was seeing things. She's sometimes had a hard time deciding if something she saw was real or fake, not trusting her mind after her time in Faerie and after all the mind games the Fair Folk played on her. But, when she realized that Jonathan was also looking at her, she realized that she was actually there. She only was in the room for a brief few seconds before hurrying out, looking like she was surprised to be caught being there.

The other time, Clary spotted her even though she was trying to hide her presence. She watched her and Jonathan train for almost two hours through a crack in the outside door before Mendelson noticed and went over and shut it. Besides the woman who brings them their lunch, she has been the only other person she's seen in their training room.

What she doesn't understand is how and why she is there.

How did she find them and get past their tight security/guards and why did she do it? What was the point? To gloat? To show her that she was capable of getting to her? To rub it in her face that she had Jace now?

Or was she just curious about her just like Clary was curious about her?

If she was being honest with herself, she wanted to know about his wife. She wanted to know what it was about her that Jace fell in love with. She wanted to know what it was about her that all of her friends seemed to love about her. Seeing that they were all supportive and happy for him at his wedding, she knows that she can't possibly be all that bad. In fact, she wants to hate this beautiful blonde woman that married the man she loves but she just...can't. She can't blame her for falling in love with Jace. She did it herself so easily.

Is she jealous of her? Undoubtedly. Is she intimidated by her? Yes. Does she feel sorry for her? Absolutely.

The three of them were thrust into this seriously fucked up situation by the Seelie Queen and now, they have to deal with it. How they will deal with it is completely unknown to her. There doesn't seem to be a good way to 'fix' this huge mess that they are in.

And the worst part about this whole situation is that her love triangle is only the tip of the Titanic-sized iceberg of a problem that was her life.

Looking over at Jonathan now, slumped over on the tiny couch in their cabin, snoring his head off, she can't help but smile. At least she has one really good thing that has come out of this whole fucked up situation.

Nudging him in his ribs, she leans over and says, "I'm getting in the shower since you fell asleep."

He lifts his head and blinks his eyes slowly before rubbing them with the back of his hands. "But it's my turn to shower first."

"Yes, but you fell asleep, so..."

Clary smirks at him. She slaps a hand down on his chest to try and hold him down as she jumps up from the couch to get to the shower. Jonathan grabs her arm and tries to pull her back down onto the couch as he hops to his feet. "No way! I'm getting it first. It's my day!"

She lets out a huge laugh as she twists her arm out of his grasp. "You snooze, you lose!" she shouts just as she breaks free. She feels a hand on her jacket and quickly shirks the leather off before he can pull her back with it.

"Clarissa Adele!" Jonathan shouts in warning as she spins around the corner and into their joined bathroom. She's grinning hugely as she shuts the door in his face and locks it with a wild laugh.

"You'd better make it quick. And don't think that you won't pay for this!"

"You shouldn't have fallen asleep!" she yells back.

Since they discovered that the hot water in the little cottage they are staying in only lasts for about five minutes, with a recovery time of two hours, they have been alternating who showers first after a long day of training.

After she is done, she slowly opens the door to her bedroom and creeps in, not knowing if Jonathan is waiting to attack. He's quite the prankster and after the stunt she pulled, she's expecting some serious retaliation. Hopefully, he'll leave her hair alone this time. The whole bottle of syrup he poured onto her head after she drew a handlebar mustache on his upper lip while he was sleeping took days to wash out.

To say that she was having a blast getting to know him was an understatement.

Once she realizes that he isn't in there, she quickly dresses and brushes out her wet hair. Just as she is putting some socks on, she hears him say something like he is talking to someone.

"Whatever you just said, I can't hear you." She shouts back with a grin. "If you are talking to yourself as you plan your revenge, then say it again so I can catch it this time."

He doesn't respond. Instead, there are a quick few raps on her door. "Clary, can you come out here for a second please?"

The tone of Jonathan's voice catches her off guard. It's cautious and soft, a complete contrast to the normal, jovial tone he uses when speaking to her.

Thinking it is a part of whatever his evil plan for revenge is, she smiles wide and swings open her door before jumping out of the room in a defensive stance.

Her smile falls completely from her face when she realizes that Jace is standing just a few feet away from her in their living room. The shock of seeing him there completely throws her off. Her eyes dart to Jonathan who has an apologetic look on his face while his eyes plead with her. "He showed up here a few minutes ago while you were in the shower. Said he wouldn't go till he saw you."

Her eyes move back to Jace who is gripping the back of his neck with nervousness. When he sees that she is looking at him again, he drops his hand from his neck and shoves it in his pocket, his other hand holds a shoe sized box.

"What are you doing here?" She asks the only question she can think of.

"I, uh, convinced the Clave to let us train together for this last week. You know... so that we can learn to work as a unit." His voice is filled with his uncertainty. "I came as soon as they would let me...which was tonight."

"But why did you come _here_?" So many different contrasting feelings are fighting for dominance right now so all she can do is ask him the same question, unsure of how to react in her shock.

Jace's eyes quickly dart to Jonathan for a half a second before moving back to her. He takes a small step towards her, which she matches away from him, and says, "Because I wanted to see you. When I found out you were here a week ago, I tried to come but I could never get close. The Clave has an insane amount of security around here and after the second time I tried to get by them, they threatened me. Said they would throw me in a cell till it was time to go. That's when I went with Julian and Emma and convinced them to let us train with you."

She's taken back by his words. They weren't what she was expecting. Hell, nothing he could have said would have been what she was expecting because she was still in shock that he was standing in front of her in the first place.

"Do you want some privacy?" Jonathan asks, breaking the painful silence after what Jace said.

His voice brings her out of her shock-induced stupor and she swallows roughly as she looks at her brother. "No. He's not staying." She says with false conviction.

"Clary..." Jace says. The broken way his voice pushes out her name surprises her. Her eyes flit back to him and the look on his face is that of a man in immeasurable pain. "Clary...please. Talk to me. Just for a few minutes. I'm begging you."

Seeing him looking at her like that, hearing his pain-laced voice, tears down a huge piece of the colossal wall she has built around her heart. Jonathan, reading her face which can't hide what she's feeling, moves quickly and quietly out of the room and out the front door, leaving them alone.

* * *

 _ **Review** and tell me what you think!_

 _Next chapter will have their conversation. I'll try to have it up soon. I know I suck at regular updates right now but I just started courses that pertain to my career path in college and am focusing pretty hard on that._


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

* * *

 **One week earlier…**

Jace kicks his horse faster. The animal picks up its frantic pace, feeding off of Jace's urgency. When he didn't find Evie at his manor like he had expected, he punched a hole in the door to the room she had been staying in.

The twenty-minute trip to the gates of the Mendelson manor takes him only fifteen after the way he spurred on his horse. Just as he is about the pass through the gate, four men that are heavily armed step in the way. He pulls the reins of his horse back forcefully, his hooves sliding in the dirt. One of the men grabs its bridle to prevent him from going any further. "You are not allowed past the gates." Another man says to his right.

"This is my wife's parent's home and she is here. I have every right to be here." His voice is hard and impatient.

"I'm sorry Mr. Herondale but we cannot let you pass." A younger looking guard says to his left. He watches as the brown-haired boy places his hand on the hilt of the sword at his hip. "We have specific instructions as to who is allowed and I'm afraid you are not."

Scowling at the boy, Jace dismounts, wishing he had brought more weapons than the short sword and dagger tucked into his belt. He wasn't planning on fighting anyone today. Fortunately for him, that's never stopped him before.

Jace moves like lightning and throws a punch at the young man. He falls to the ground unconscious and Jace pulls out his weapons, one in each hand. He swiftly engages the older gentleman who grabbed his horse's bridle but he is definitely a more worthy adversary. He blocks and parries almost every strike Jace throws at him until he exposes one of his sides. Jace's foot kicks out and he lands a hard kick to his kidney causing him to flinch back in pain.

He then hears footsteps behind him and spins around, sweeping his left leg out and knocking the feet out from under the guard. He hits the ground with a thud and whoosh of breath. Just as he is standing up, arms wrap around him from behind, pinning his arms to his side. The guy he just put on the ground hops up and twists Jace's weapons out of his hands.

"This is bullshit!" Jace screams as he tries to break out of their grasp. He should have taken the back way into the property.

"Wait! Stop!" a familiar and feminine voice shouts. "Let him go!"

Jace's head whips around to see Evie riding up to the gate on her horse. Her long blonde hair is flowing behind her while her brows are furrowed with anger. "Evie!" he shouts at her. The men still haven't let go of him.

She reaches them after a couple more seconds and is off her horse before it comes to a stop. She storms over to him, looking furiously beautiful, and grabs him by his forearm. "I'll take care of this." She says sternly to the man with his arms wrapped around his.

"You had better get him away from here before I'm forced to hurt him or throw him in the cells." He retorts before he lets him go.

Jace violently shrugs out of his grasp, rolling his shoulders before Evie starts to drag him away from the gates and back further down the dirt path to the road.

"We need to talk." She says to him, her voice hard.

"Yes, we do." He says back to her. Once they are a good fifty yards away, she spins on him. The hard look on her face seems to have broken a little, revealing her hurt. Jace swallows against the guilt he feels and reminds himself why he is here.

"Did you know, Evie?"

"Know what?" she asks a little too innocently and looking down at his chest.

"You know what I'm talking about." He says tiredly to her.

Her brown eyes look up to meet his as she releases a long breath. "I only found out yesterday." She admits. "I swear on the Angel I didn't know before then."

His jaw clenches shut and his muscles flex. He looks away from her. "Why did your dad volunteer his services if you didn't ask him to?"

He sees her shrug from the corner of his eyesight. "I think maybe it was his way of getting Clary out of the way and under his supervision. I think he thought it would give us a chance to work things out."

"But you refuse to even speak to me." He looks back down at her. "Every time I've tried to speak with you, you've thrown me out of the room and demanded time to yourself."

Her eyes spark then. "That's because I'm angry with you, Jace!" she shouts at him. "I mean, we haven't even had sex since we've been married! We are just supposed to be coming back from our honeymoon tomorrow." She spins away from him and walks a few steps away before turning back. "You vowed to love me and stand by me for the rest of our lives and then hours later, you were running after your ex-girlfriend."

"That's not fair and you know it, Evie. You know what I was like when we met. Clary dying was the single worst thing to ever happen to me. It destroyed me."

"And her coming back to life is the single worst thing that's happened to me." She screams back. "I might be the most horrible person for saying that, but it's true. The man that I'm desperately in love with and _just married_ is in love with someone else. It's bad enough that I always had to compete with the memory of her, now I have to actually compete _with_ her."

She throws her arms up in exasperation. "I'll never be able to do the things that she's done for you. I don't have extra powers and I don't go around defeating evil every other day. Clary is incredible in almost every single way and I…" Her words choked off as she hiccups a soft whimper. "And I will never win. "

Guilt weighs heavily on Jace. "You know that I love you, Evie. You are so incredible, and I hate that I am hurting you, but there doesn't seem to be a right choice for me to make. I'm trying to but…."

She cuts him off. "If you were trying to make up your mind who you wanted to be with, then you wouldn't have volunteered to go to Faerie with her." She levels her eyes with him. "You chose her the moment you agreed to go and intertwine your fate with hers. That's why I've been avoiding you."

She can't help but let out tiny choked sobs after she says that. The sight of her looking so broken rips a small hole in his chest.

"I've been trying to postpone you telling me that you are choosing Clary over me. I knew it the moment she came back but I've been trying to avoid admitting that to myself in some sad attempt to protect my heart. It hasn't worked."

Evie breaks down then, her hands coming up to cover her face as she begins to sob violently.

Jace steps forward as his heart clenches painfully and wraps his arms around her. Tears have started to fall from his eyes as well and he can't seem to stop them. Evie lets go of her face and wraps her arms around his waist and clings to him. Her tears are soaking through his shirt while his wet her long hair.

They stand there for a long while, crying and holding each other when she finally lets go. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her cheeks are flushed. It kills him to know that he caused this.

"I'm so sorry, Evie." He whispers but she shakes her head at him, holding up her hand.

"Just….wait. Wait till you get back from Faerie before you submit a request for divorce please." Her eyes are pleading with him. She reaches up and touches her marriage rune under her shirt. "This is the only way I'll know if you are alive or not."

Marriage runes fade when the spouse dies like parabatai runes do. He figures that after what he's put her through, it's the least he can do for her.

He nods his head solemnly. "Okay."

"I love you, Jace."

"I love you, too." He says back after swallowing roughly. "I'm sorry."

"I know," she says. She steps forward and reaches her hand up to cup his cheek. Lifting herself up on her toes, he bends and meets her for a kiss. Her lips linger on his for a moment before she pulls back. She doesn't look at him again as she walks away from him and back through the gates of her parent's home.

 **Present day...**

Jace's throat bobs roughly as he looks to Clary. Her fists are clenched tightly and hanging at her sides. When she accidentally makes eye contact with him, she looks away quickly and folds her arms across her chest. From the corner of her vision, she can see Jace looking very uncertain.

"Um, I got you something." He says, breaking the awkward tension that was beginning to build to an unbearable level.

She chances a look up at him. He's holding out the shoe sized box. "Why?"

"I got Izzy to tell me about some of the things you talked about in your letters to Simon." She looks up at him then, surprise and anger beginning to build. "Don't be angry with her," Jace says hurriedly. "She hardly told me anything at all. Just that you had trouble with the strength in your wrists and had to wrap them." He can't help but glance down at her one exposed wrist over her chest.

That's when she realizes she is only wearing a black tank top and dark purple sleep pants. Her arms and most of her chest is exposed. All of her dozens and dozens of scars are on full display for him. She feels so exposed and completely naked and undeniably vulnerable.

She looks to where her jacket is slung over the arm of the couch and wants to lunge for it. Unfortunately, it would bring her closer to Jace and that was something she wasn't ready for. Seeing what she wants and how uncomfortable she is, Jace reaches out and picks up her jacket. This time, when he takes a step towards her, she stays still.

Grabbing the jacket in the spot the furthest place away from his hand, she slips it on and closes it around herself. She hates that she is so self-conscious around him but she can't seem to help it.

"You don't have to cover up. There is nothing to be ashamed of about your scars."

"I'm not ashamed." She quips back a little roughly. It's only partially true. She's not necessarily ashamed of her scars. Not as much as she has been. Just….defensive maybe?

She can see that Jace wants to say something but after studying her face for a moment, it looks like he decides to say something else. "I, uh, got you something to help with that….I hope."

He holds out the box to her again and this time, she reaches out hesitantly and takes it. There's no wrapping on it. Just a ribbon tied around once. She pulls on the ribbon and takes the lid off. Nestled on top of a pile of tissue paper are what looks like two black compression wrist cuffs. On one, there is the familiar pattern of falling stars depicting the Morgenstern family crest. On the other, faerie wings depict the Fairchild family crest.

"Now, when you look at your wrists, you'll see the strength that runs in your blood instead of what happened to you." Jace's voice is thick with emotion. She doesn't dare look up at him.

Swallowing past the boulder-sized lump in her throat and choking back the tears that are begging to break free, she sets the box down on the small, beat up coffee table in between them. She takes a deep breath before she is able to look up at him. "What else did Izzy tell you?"

His unguarded eyes shift away from her then and to the floor. She's grateful for that. When he looks up at her again, they are nervous and uncertain. "That you and Jonathan are getting along really well."

"He's the best thing to happen to me in a very long time." Her voice is full of earnest honesty. She meant it. "He's my best friend."

Jace smiles a warm smile. "That makes me so happy to hear that."

When her insides start to warm a little at his smile, she crosses her arms again over her chest and looks away. "Was there anything else you came here for?"

"I came with the hope that you would talk to me." He says hopefully.

"What is there to talk about?"

"Everything."

"There is nothing…."

He cuts her off. "Don't, Clary. Don't send me away. We need to talk."

"No, we…." Her words are cut off again when Jace takes three blindingly quick steps towards her. His fingers press gently against her jaw and turn her face to his.

"Please, look at me." He almost begs. "Why won't you look at me?"

"Because it hurts too much to look at you, to see your marriage rune peeking out of the collar of your shirt and imagine how it looks over your heart." Her eyes dart down to the tip of the top line. "Knowing that it was put there by some other woman. It's a reminder that you're not mine anymore. You belong to someone else."

She can't stop the quiver in her voice or the tears that escape her eyes then. She spins away from him and takes a couple of steps towards her bedroom door and places one of her hands on the door jamb to lean lightly against it. "You have to realize that to me, we _just_ broke up. I was delusional down there and thought that we were still together, not knowing how much time had passed.

"But I never thought that you thought I was dead; that you never looked for me. I had held onto the belief that you were waiting for me and that I had to survive to get back to you. I thought that you would be waiting for me." She shakes her head at her stupidity. "I was stupid to believe that even though that was the only thing that kept me going."

She hears Jace move quickly to her. He grabs her shoulders and spins her around. She looks down at the ground feeling embarrassed and wanting to hide her tears from him. When he tries to tilt her face up to look at him, she jerks her head away from his hand.

He then bends down until he forces her to make eye contact with him. She unwillingly sees the tears that are in his eyes. "Don't say that, ever. You were not stupid to think that." His voice is hard and desperate. " ** _I_** was the stupid one. I should have never believed you were dead without seeing your body. I hate myself _so damn much_ for that. I should have known or figured out that it was a glamour. Alec was just _so sure_ of what he saw. Then when Magnus looked in his head and saw the same thing, it just became something that was accepted knowledge and I just went along with it."

Tears are now falling freely from his eyes. "I will never, ever, not in a million years, be able to apologize enough for leaving you down there in Faerie." He chokes on the last few words and stops to clear his throat. "There are no words to express the regret and sorrow I feel for failing you so egregiously."

Clary can't stop herself as her hands move to his face and they try to smooth out the lines of sorrow on his face. No matter what has happened between the two of them, the last thing she wants is for him to be sad.

His eyes fall closed at her touch and he leans into her right hand. "I've missed you so, so much."

She sniffles because of her tears. "Me too. You have no idea."

He opens his eyes and locks them with hers. He stands up from his bending position, never letting go of eye contact, and then slowly leans his forehead against hers. They both let their eyes close as Jace's hands move to hold her face.

Her heart is pounding in her chest and she can't stop the warmth that is starting to spread from it.

"For years, all I had were the images from the dreams to torture me with. I would get to see your face but..."

Her eyes open and she pulls back, looking up at him. "Dreams?" she asks. The memory of the night she got back sparks in her mind. She vaguely remembers him saying something about dreams, but with everything else that happened, she had completely forgotten about that.

He pales slightly as if he just realized what he said. Seeing his reaction puts her on high alert.

Her hands grasp his wrists and she pulls his hands from her face slowly. "What are you talking about?"

Jace reaches up and wipes his cheeks dry. He seems to have some sort of internal struggle with himself for a few seconds before speaking. "I had dreams about you. About you being tortured by faeries."

She steps back away from him. "What?" She watches as his face turns pleading. "What happened in these dreams?"

"Clary, I don't…."

"No. Tell me what you dreamt."

His jaw clenches for a moment while his eyes look as if he is far away. "The first one was of you, only in a pair of underwear and on your knees in front of the Seelie Queen's court. Your back," he has to take a second and swallow before continuing. "Your back was covered in fresh whip marks and I was beaten and bloodied, tied up in front of you. Then they killed me."

She looks away from him. The horrific memory of the first time that the Queen tricked her with that particular glamour is brought back to the forefront of her mind. Her back was an inferno of pain but it was nothing compared to watching who she thought was Jace die in front of her.

"What else?" she asks him.

"There was one of you wrapped in a sheet, your feet bloody and…..you were crying out for me."

She remembers the time when she danced at a faerie reverie and shredded her own feet on the thorny roses that the Faerie's tossed on the ground where she was dancing. The pain was unreal but she just couldn't stop dancing.

"How many dreams did you have?" she asks, her jaw flexing as her anger starts to build.

"There were so many at first and they were so realistic. It was so awful. I couldn't sleep for weeks at a time and I started to lose myself, my sanity. That's when Magnus made me a potion to block out the dreams."

Her eyes snap back to him. "You drugged yourself to get rid of the dreams Ithuriel sent you, telling you that I was still alive?" The anger is clear in her voice. "Didn't you ever suspect that the dreams were from him like the ones I told you I had?"

Fear and despair take up residence on his face. "Yes….and no. I didn't know they were from Ithuriel at the time. I told Alec how realistic they felt and that you had said the same things about the dreams he sent you. He told me that it was my subconscious torturing me for not being able to save you."

"I wish I got off that easily." She sneers at him. "I'm sorry what you saw was _so hard_ for you to see. You poor thing."

"Clary." He reaches out to her desperately and she angrily jerks away from him and walks away.

"No!" she yells. "You had _an angel_ telling you that I was alive and that I needed your help and you decided that it was _too hard_ for you to deal with." She spins back around on him. The broken look on his face is almost enough to break her but her anger is too great right now. "If I had just the tiniest of suspicion that you could have still been alive, I would have burned the world down to get to you."

Angry and hurt tears have now replaced her earlier ones and there is no stopping them. "You ignored him. You ignored me. What you said was too hard for you to see in your dreams was what my reality was, and you just drowned it out with medicine."

Shame is written all over his face. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Probably because he knows she is right and there is nothing he can do to say otherwise. "I'm so, so sorry, Clary."

She watches as a tear rolls down his cheek. "Get out." She rasps out.

"Please," he begs but she narrows her eyes at him.

"I said, get out." Her voice is harder this time, conveying her seriousness.

Looking like he wants to say a million things, Jace clamps his jaw shut tightly before defeat settles across his features. He gives her a small nod and moves towards the door. He opens it and stops as he steps half-way through it. He doesn't look at her as he says, "I'll never be sorry enough for not listening to the dreams. Never. I love you, Clary."

He steps out and shuts the door behind him. The silence that follows his departure only lasts for a half a minute before Jonathan walks back in. The moment her eyes meet with his is when she breaks down. Her legs wobble and then give out. She falls to the floor and starts to sob.

Jonathan hurries over to her and wraps her in his arms, not saying a word, allowing her to cry herself to the point of exhaustion.

* * *

 _She's running._

 _Her hair is tangled and matted and her sheet-dress is being ripped from her body. Thorns are tearing her skin open as she struggles through a dark forest. Panic has spread to every nerve ending in her body and is causing her to have trouble breathing. It feels like there is a weight on her chest. She can't seem to take deep enough breaths._

 _She turns around but can see nothing. The darkness is overwhelming to her senses. His dark, breathy laugh she hears then sends chills up her spine._

 _"You will never be able to escape me, Nephilim." Varys' sinister voice coos right beside her ear._

 _She screams and flings her arms in his direction, except he's not there anymore. A large thorny vine reaches out from the forest and grabs hold of her left wrist. She tries to jerk it away but it tightens around her. Screaming, she falls to the ground and tries to kick at it. Blood is covering most of her skin now, pouring from the large gashes all over her. She wiggles some more and is finally able to slip out of the vine's grasp after using her own blood to lubricate her skin._

 _She stands up, but her dress is caught on the thorny ground and is pulled from her. The air is cold on her naked body and she shivers as she starts to run again. She can see a bright white light ahead and her heart soars. The vines are starting to thin and she can feel warmth from the light touching her exposed skin._

 _Reaching out, she lunges the last few steps in an effort to get to safety sooner. Her fingertips barely skim the light when the thorny grey vines from the forest reach out and wrap around her arms and legs and drag her back into the cold darkness. She screams as she tries to dig her fingers into the black dirt on the ground, losing two of her fingernails in the process, but her effort is futile against the unyielding strength of the vines._

 _"I told you. You will never escape me." Varys whispers sinisterly into her ear, his breath tickling her hair there._

 _"No!" she screams uselessly. She knows no one is coming to save her. "No! Please, no!"_

"Clary!" she feels someone grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "Clary! Wake up!"

She gasps and sits straight up in bed and throws a punch at her brother. Thankfully, he dodges it at the last moment.

She comes back to her senses then and shakes her head to try and rid herself of the remnants of fear she feels. Closing her eyes, she takes deep breaths as Jonathan rubs his hands along the tops of her arms till her breathing returns to normal.

"Was it Varys again?"

"Yeah." She answers, pushing the memory away. "I don't really want to talk about it this time. This dream was too real."

He seems to understand and gives her a nod. "Okay." He looks out of the window. "It still looks a little early but I don't think either one of us will be able to go back to sleep. Do you want to get up and go for a run by the creek?"

She's already nodding before he finishes. "Yeah. That sounds good."

Clary quickly dresses and pulls her hair up into a tight bun. This has sort of become a routine of theirs. Whenever either one of them is feeling overwhelmed or stressed, which was quite often, they would go for a run together along the shore of the creek that was behind their cottage. Sometimes they would talk and sometimes they would just run.

About halfway along their usual trek, Jonathan looks over to her. "So, do you want to tell me what was said between you and Jace last night? I take it from your hysterical tears that it didn't go so well."

She wars with herself for a few moments trying to decide if she wants to talk about it. "You might as well and talk about it with me Clary. He told me last night that he's going to be training with us today before you came in the room. It might be better if you get it out of your system before we go."

She stops then and raises her arms over her head, trying to breathe better. "He had dreams about me being tortured. Ithuriel showed him what was happening to me and instead of believing them and acting on them, he drugged himself so he wouldn't have to see me being tortured."

"Dreams?" he asks sounding confused.

"Oh. That's right. You never knew about them." She nods to herself. "Ithuriel will sometimes send me dreams. Dreams of things that will happen, are happening, or have already happened. He'll also send me visions of runes. But the thing is, these dreams are so realistic that I've never been able to ignore them. Not after I figured out what they were.

"I had told Jace about them so many times. He even told me he suspected that the dreams were from Ithuriel but he had Magnus give him a potion to block them out because it was _too hard_ for him to see me being tortured." She cuts off her rant and lets her arms fall back to her sides.

Jonathan is quiet for while as he thinks about what she's just said. "Let me just play devil's advocate for a minute here." He says, raising his hands up at Clary. "I know it was just a glamour, but Alec, his parabatai, saw you die. Magnus confirmed it and then everybody accepted that fact. Knowing Jace, I'm positive that he wholeheartedly blamed himself for your death. No one can internalize fault, where there is none like Jace can, and exacerbate his perceived guilt to gargantuan levels. Would you agree with me?"

Clary narrows her eyes and reluctantly shrugs, not willing to admit that he's right.

"When he started to have these dreams, no matter how realistic they were, it's not crazy or that far-fetched to think that it was his way of torturing himself for not saving you. In everyone's eyes, even our mother's and Simon's mind, you were dead. No one had any reason to think you were alive.

"I honestly don't think that you are all that upset about him not reacting to the dreams by instantly knowing that you were alive. That would have been a stretch." She raises a brow at him. "Had he ever had any dreams from Ithuriel before you were taken?" he asks.

She thinks about it for a moment and then shakes her head no. "I don't think so."

"Then how was he supposed to know that they were visions of what was really happening? He couldn't ask you what Ithuriel's dreams felt like and he had no reference point for them."

Jonathan was really starting to annoy her.

"Is that what you really are upset about?" he asks her again.

Heaving out a breath, she says, "I don't know. Maybe."

"Honestly, I think you are more upset with him because you feel the most betrayed by him. You've already forgiven Simon, Luke, Izzy, Magnus, and Alec", he sees her look unsure when he says the last name, "mostly, for thinking you were dead. You're rebuilding your relationships with them. But with Jace, the hurt there goes deeper than the rest and I think that's why you haven't forgiven him yet. It's why you are still pushing him away. You're terrified that if you let him in again, he will hurt you like that again and you won't be able to survive it."

She turns away from him and walks a little away as she thinks about what he's just said. When she comes to a grassy area along the bank of the creek, she plops down and starts pulling at the grass.

Yes, she feels more betrayed by Jace than by anyone else. He is her soulmate and he didn't know that she was alive and desperately needed his help. Not even when an angel was telling him.

But that's not the part that truly bothers her the most if she's being completely honest with herself.

What bothers her the most is that he _moved on_.

She fists a big chunk of grass and pulls it up, roots and all, and throws it into the creek. Jonathan strolls up and sits beside her but giving her the space to grumble to herself and think.

"Was it delusional of me to think that he would be waiting for me after all this time? Granted, I had no idea how long I was down there but still, was that crazy of me?" she asks him.

Jonathan takes a deep breath as he thinks over his answer. "I don't think it was delusional. You were alive and thought that everyone knew that. If he had known you were alive, he would have, at the very least, waited for you. Though if he knew you were alive, he would have done everything in his power to get you back.

"But in Jace's mind, you were dead. He grieved and tried to deal with his guilt the best way he knew how and for his sanity, he eventually let you go. You, on the other hand, held onto him with every fiber of your being because you needed him to help you through what happened in Faerie. That doesn't make you stupid or crazy or delusional."

"Jonathan." She says to him, sadness in her voice. "He's married. He's married to one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. He looked so happy when I found him the night I got back until he laid eyes on me."

She flinches at the memory. "I barged into his life when he was so blissfully and very obviously happy and in love and I ruined it. Once he realized that I was really alive and there in front of him, he looked like he was going to throw up."

"Maybe that's because he realized that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life by marrying that chick." Jonathan offers.

"Evie. Her name is Evie." Clary tells him, the name rolling off her tongue like acid. It's the first time she's said her name aloud or in her head since Simon told her what it was. "And that's not likely. He was….is in love with her enough to marry her after they had only been together for less than a year."

Saying that out loud causes her to bristle with anxiety, a bit of anger, and a lot of jealousy.

She absolutely _hates_ that feeling.

"Did you want him to be alone and unhappy for the rest of his life?"

"No." she answers him. "Just….I don't know." She heaves as she stands up. "I'm also pretty pissed off that he is coming to Faerie with us."

"Why?" Jonathan asks. "Because he is trying to show you that he wants to be with you even though you are still mad at him?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Her voice is stern. She avoids eye contact with Jonathan as she turns and starts to jog back to the cottage. "Stupid Dr. Phil wannabe." She mutters under her breath.

When they arrive at the training building, Julian and Emma are waiting outside. Emma's bright smile, when she makes eye contact with Clary, is unbearably contagious. "It's about time." She yells at them. "We've been here since dawn. I was starting to die of boredom."

Clary rolls her eyes. "They control when we come and go." She motions to the four guards that have escorted them every day to the training building. "That being said, we've been up since dawn too."

They reach them then and she hugs both Emma and Julian who then look at Jonathan with slight contempt. After all, Sebastian is the one who killed Julian's father.

Seeing their faces, Clary motions to her brother. "This is Jonathan. My true brother who is no longer infected with Lilith's blood that made him a psychopath and is now just another normal person…who deserves a chance."

Clary looks at the duo hopefully as Jonathan holds out his hand. Emma is the first to speak. "If Clary says you aren't who you were before, then I believe her." She takes a deep breath and takes his hand. "It's nice to meet you, Jonathan. I wish you had a different face."

The brutal honesty of her statement causes the tension to break and Clary and Jonathan both laugh. "Me too," Jonathan says fervently. "You have no idea."

"I need to ask why you volunteered," Clary says looking at them. "Why on earth would you do that?"

Emma looks up to Julian who is already looking down at her. They exchange meaningful looks before looking back at Clary. "We can do things that can come in handy. Things that other parabatai can't." She says. Clary can tell there is a double meaning behind the statement but doesn't ask about it. "We are super bad-ass together."

Clary can't stop her smile. "You always reminded me of Jace and now that you're older, it's worse."

Both Emma and Julian laugh as he throws an arm over her shoulder and pulls her to the doors. Clary and Jonathan follow behind.

When they reach the threshold of the door, Clary remembers that she is about to see Jace and her heart jumps into her throat. She grabs hold of Jonathan's hand and squeezes it for dear life. It only takes around two seconds for her to find him. His face is red with anger and he is arguing fiercely with her trainer, Mendelson.

"What's going on?" Jonathan asks, looking at them.

"It's probably about Jace's wife." Julian blurts out. Once the words are out of his mouth, he looks apologetically down at Clary.

"But…why?" she asks.

"Probably because George Mendelson is his father-in-law," Emma tells her.

"What?" Clary almost shouts and then quiets her voice. "He is Evie's father?!"

Taking notice of their group, Mendelson looks to them and then back to Jace before saying loudly, "Evie made you breakfast. I'm sure after all the noise I heard coming from her room last night that you worked up an appetite."

Clary's lips purse violently at his words and she spins around, turning to face Jonathan who is just to her right. She doesn't want anyone to see the hurt on her face.

"That's because we were arguing and you know it," Jace says with venom. "What you're doing isn't going to work." She hears heavy footsteps and then a door in the back of the room open and shut violently. When she turns around, Jace is gone and Mendelson has a smug look on his face.

"Well, that was awkward." A deep voice says from behind Jonathan. She looks around him and sees George Lovelace, Simon's parabatai, taking a huge bite from an apple and looking after where Jace and Mendelson were arguing. His stance is oozing ease and nonchalance. He looks like he doesn't have a care in the world.

Something about him and what he said makes Clary smile.

"What are you doing here?" she asks him with pure curiosity.

He looks at her and gives her an easy smile. Juice from his apple shines on his upper lip before he wipes it away. "Haven't you heard? I'm your sixth man!" He sounds jubilant and she can't understand why.

"What?" she asks.

"Yup." He says and takes another bite of his apple. "I have a way of convincing people to see things my way and I really wanted to go." He winks at her and she reluctantly smiles even though her eyes are narrowed at him.

"So much for being inconspicuous in Faerie," Jonathan mumbles and she huffs out in agreement.

* * *

 _Don't forget to **REVIEW!** Tell me what you think about this chapter. Tell me what you think will happen next and what you want to happen. _

_As always, thanks a billion for reading! Till next time!_


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

* * *

"Alright everyone," Mendelson says as he turns to their group. "Let's see how well you work together." He has a small self-satisfied look on his face. After seeing that exchange between him and Jace, she knows he's been pretending with her and Jonathan the whole time.

Clary considers briefly about calling him out but decides against it. It would do no good and honestly, she doesn't want to waste time on it. Now that so many people she loves are going with her and Jonathan to Faerie, she wants to be at her absolute best. Her fighting skills have mostly come back to her but they are nowhere near what she desires to be.

Besides, there is only one question she really wants to be answered now that encompassed so much. 'Why did he do it?' Why did Mendelson offer to train her and Jonathan and give them a place to stay? What was his end-game?

"Lovelace!" Mendelson calls.

George tosses his apple into the small garbage bin by the weapon's cabinet before walking to the middle of the mat where Mendelson is. "At your service." He says sarcastically with a cheeky grin.

"We are going to do some fighting scenarios to see how you work together and that will show me how to improve the group." He looks at George. "You and I will attack the Morgenstern's and Blackthorn from behind." He states. "Emma Carstairs will be 'injured' and lying on the ground. She will have to fend off an attack from either of us whenever we get the chance to attack her."

"Great," Julian says with sarcasm as he walks over to the mat. "In my opinion, we don't need this guy to train us."

"I agree," Jonathan says. "But we do need his training room. Let's just humor him for a while."

They all saunter over to the mat, grabbing training weapons as they go. Clary glances at the door that Jace disappeared through for a moment, wondering where he went.

Almost a full hour has passed before he comes back in. His hair is windblown and she suspects he was riding a horse. There are short white hairs on his pants. He looks calmer than when he left and when he catches her looking at him, he smiles at her.

Her heart jumps in her chest before she is able to temper her reaction to him. Avoiding him is high on her list right now after finding out about Mendelson.

She looks to Jonathan who has noticed he came back as well. He looks down at her. "Have you thought about what we talked about this morning?" he asks her, bringing up the conversation where he pointed out how she wasn't really mad at him about Ithuriel's dreams. Just hurt from him marrying someone else.

"Maybe." She shrugs her shoulders, dropping her head to look at the mat. "But the fact that Mendelson is his father-in-law is messing me up."

"Just…maybe don't be so cold to him. Jace, I mean." She looks up to his face, surprised by the pleading tone he used. "I'm just saying that when he left last night, he looked like he didn't know whether to throw up, cry, or punch something."

"What are you now? His cheerleader?"

"No." he shakes his head. "I just want you to be as happy as you can be after everything I and the Seelie Queen did to you. You deserve that."

Her heart gives an uncomfortable squeeze. "Jonathan, I…" She's interrupted by George coming over to where they are on the edge of the mat. Emma and Julian are fending off an attack by Mendelson, making him look like a child from their skill.

"That guy is bloody intolerable." He says, his brows furrowed but his eyes wide.

The contrast between his brows and his eyes makes her smile.

"He hasn't been like this till today." She replies.

"Well, it's good to know that we bring out the uselessness in him." He answers. "I mean, who is really going to be fighting if their arm is cut off?" He looks back out to where Emma has one hand tied around her back.

And she's still kicking Mendelson's ass as Julian smirks and steps aside.

"Why don't we start training by ourselves?" Clary suggests.

"I don't think I've heard a better idea in weeks," George says, smiling with relief.

"I'd actually like to go spar with Jace," Jonathan admits. He turns and looks to where Jace is decimating a practice dummy. He's been there since he got back. Clary's caught him watching her a few times and when she did, he gave her a smile and she looked away...like a coward.

"Okay." Clary picks up a staff and tosses George one as well. They walk over to a corner and face each other.

George eyes her warily for a moment. "I'm not so sure about this anymore." He says dubiously. "You're tiny but the look in your eyes scares me."

She laughs. "What look in my eyes?"

"The one that says, 'My name used to be Mogwai until someone spilled some water on me.'"

Clary bursts out laughing, doubling over. "I can't believe you just compared me to a Gremlin!"

"Hey." He says, holding his hands up in surrender. "I just call it how I see it."

She laughs again. "I also love that you know that movie. These lifelong shadowhunters have no knowledge of pop culture. I can't tell you how many awesome movie references I've used to make jokes with that would have made normal people die laughing, only to have the joke go over their heads." She shoves her thumb at the rest of them.

His eyes go wide with agreeance. "I know, right?!"

"It almost makes me feel bad for kicking your ass." She replies. Confusion washes over his face for a moment before she brings down her staff, sweeping his legs out from under him. He lands on his back with a satisfying smack.

"What the..." He says, looking at where she brought down the tip of the staff where his genitals are, hovering only an inch above them.

"Like I said, I _almost_ feel bad."

He looks back to her face, his eyes wide. "I think I'm in love." He says in a mock whisper.

Clary smiles and laughs again, holding out her hand to help him up and rolling her eyes. "Come on, Casanova. Get up so I can kick your ass again."

"Ha!" he puffs out his chest as he stands. "You caught me off guard. That won't happen again. Ummpphh!" He falls on his back again after she hits him in the chest, knocking him off balance.

She bursts out into hysterics as he narrows his eyes at her, slowing getting up. This time, his eyes never leave her as he grips his staff tightly. "Oh. It's on like Donkey Kong now, you little gremlin."

"Okay, Shrek."

"Shrek?" he says indignantly.

"Yep." She replies with a smirk. "You're big, Scottish, funny, and I sense that on the inside, you are really just a big softy."

"But I am way hotter than him, right?" he asks as they circle each other.

She frowns and shrugs her shoulders. "Meh." Her frown doesn't last long before she can no longer hold back a smile at his offended face.

"Oh! You are _SO_ going down for that comment."

"I'd love to see you try." She goads him.

After almost an hour, she's gotten the best of him 11 times to his 4. Right now, she's standing over him and doing the cabbage patch dance move, celebrating her latest victory.

"You're an evil little creature. Did you know that?" he says to her.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She feigns innocence.

"You meant to slide that staff right in between my butt cheeks." His brown eyes glare at her playfully.

"Hey." She holds her hands up as he stands. "It's not my fault you turned at the last second." She tries to bite her lips to keep from laughing but it only lasts a whole ten seconds. That's when he turned around to pick his staff up from the ground revealing a hole in his pants.

He's wearing teal colored underwear with little pink hearts on them.

"What's so funny, Miss. Morgenstern?" He puts his hands on his hips, trying to look intimidating as he towers over her.

"I like your underwear. I think I had the same pair when I was 5." She giggles.

He reaches around to his backside, his eyes widening in horror. "It's laundry day today." He tells her.

"Mmmhmm. Sure, it is." She reaches out and pats him on the arm.

"Nice undies," Julian says, walking up behind him from the sparring mat, repressing a snicker.

George stands up straight and squares his shoulders. "Don't be jealous that I am manly enough to pull these off and you're not."

"You got me there, George." Julian chuckles. "I'm not even manly enough to _buy_ those."

"Who's not manly enough for what?" Jonathan asks. He and Jace have just walked up, curious about the hysterical laughter coming from her and Julian.

Clary and Julian just bite their lips and look to George. He's still standing straight, looking as proud and unashamed as ever. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find some new pants." He picks up his staff and then turns around and starts walking towards the door.

The sight of his teal underwear with pink hearts is too much and they all double over laughing, Jace and Jonathan joining in.

"Wait! Wait!" Clary yells at George, running up behind him and grabbing his hand. She spins him around and starts to pull him over to where she knows Mendelson keeps extra training clothes. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind you borrowing some pants for the day."

She catches a glimpse of Jace who seems to be scowling as they pass.

After giving some pants to George, he disappears into the bathroom and she walks over to where Emma is throwing knives. Mendelson is hovering over her. "Mind if I join?" she asks.

They both look to her and while Emma smiles, she can see a slight tightening of Mendelson's eyes. "Not at all. It'll give us some time to catch up without all those dumb boys." She nods her head towards where the guys are waiting for George to come out of the bathroom. Once he does, they all wolf-whistle at him and George starts swaying his hips like he is Jessica Rabbit as he walks back to them.

"You seem to be getting your footing back with your training," Emma says.

Clary turns back to her. "For the most part." She shrugs. "I guess it's like riding a bike. I'm still not where I should be though. You, on the other hand, are incredible, Emma." Clary's been watching her and has been so damn impressed. She's an absolutely incredible shadowhunter.

"Thanks." Emma blushes slightly. "Practice makes perfect, right?"

Mendelson leaves then after putting away some knives he was using. He calls out for the guys to spar with each other while she grabs some of her own knives and stands next to Emma. She pulls back and snaps her arm forward, letting a knife fly and sinking it deep into the near center of the target. "I've always been good at throwing knives," Clary remarks with a smirk.

"How are you?" Emma asks. Clary looks up to her. She tucks a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. "Really. How are you really?"

Clary takes a deep breath and throws another knife. "I'm...coping." She shakes her head. "There are good days and there are bad days. The hardest thing is just sleeping through the night."

Emma seems to understand what she's saying and nods. Thankfully, she doesn't ask anything else about it. "It was really good hearing you laugh over there. What in the world was going on?"

Clary smiles. "George ripped his pants. His underwear was teal with pink hearts."

Emma giggles. "Damn. I hate I missed that." She looks to where Mendelson is. "He's got some good tips but he seems distracted. Probably because his son-in-law has been staring at you all morning."

Clary doesn't take the bait, not wanting to talk about him. Instead, she turns the tables on Emma. "Is there a Mr. Emma Carstairs anywhere? I'm sure with as insanely beautiful you turned out to be there has to be a million guys that are lined up for a chance with you."

Emma shakes her head and purses her lips. "No. I don't have time to date."

Clary studies her as she throws a knife. There is something about the expression on Emma's face that is off. "You sure?" Clary asks. "Because your face says otherwise."

"The guy I like, I can't have," Emma confesses and she throws her last knife, walking up to the dummy and collecting them.

"Why not?"

Emma takes a deep breath and blows it out. "Because I just can't."

Just then, a vision begins to stir and a rune pops up behind Clary's eyes. She has no clue what it's for, but she knows it's incredibly powerful. Three sweeping and intersecting lines and a small slash just out to the side of it. Just seeing it in her mind, she can feel its strength.

Her eyes squeeze shut tightly and her hands come up to rub her temples.

"You okay?" Emma asks.

"Yeah." Clary answers, opening her eyes. "Just suddenly got a headache. I'll be fine."

It's lunchtime when she and Emma step away from throwing knives. She watches as Jace, George, Jonathan, and Julian walk outside. The men look tired because they have been sparring the whole time. Once Emma and Clary are outside and are sitting against the wall where she and Jonathan have eaten lunch every day, she looks up and almost vomits.

Usually, only Mendelson's wife brings out a tray with their lunch, but today, Jace's wife is with her carrying her own tray. She's walking over to them with her eyes trained on Jace who is standing next to Julian on the other side of the door.

Emma reaches out and grabs Clary's hand that is laying on the grass between them. The movement must have caught Evie's eyes because her eyes were now locked with Clary's. She can't seem to look away for some reason and the longer they stared at one another, the colder Evie's eyes got.

Her brown eyes began to feel like daggers. The animosity started to pour off of Evie in waves with every step she took. The closer she got, the worse it got.

Suddenly, George was there standing in front of her, blocking her view of Jace's wife and shading her from the sun. She has to crane her neck up to look at his tall and large form. "Ummm, hey." He scratches the back of his neck, seeming to search for his next words for a few seconds. "I saw you were killing it in there with the knives."

She smiles. "It's one of the few things that don't require a lot of wrist strength." She shrugs. "Or it could just be because I'm a badass."

George's face lights up with amusement. "It's more likely the second one."

"I'd like to think so." She replies.

Emma squeezes her hand before letting it go. "Definitely the second one. I seem to remember George lying on his back more than you when you two were sparring."

"That's because she's so tiny and fast," George says, his tone sour. It's obvious his pride is hurt.

"Yes. I'm very sneaky, Mr. Deeds." She says with an accent, hoping he'll catch on to her movie reference.

His huge smile lets her know that he does. "I love that movie." He then motions to the spot next to her on the grass. "Is this seat taken?"

"Nope."

"Alright then." He then proceeds to just sit down where he was standing in front of her.

She looks confused between him and the spot next to her that he asked about. "Why did you ask me if the spot next to me was taken if you were just going to sit there?" she asks him.

"Because I like to be mysterious." He grins at her. "Like James Bond. That's how he gets all the ladies." He then wiggles his eyebrows at her and both Emma and her break out in laughter.

"Oh yeah. You're _so_ mysterious." Clary quips back as Mendelson's wife tries to hand her a sandwich.

George immediately grabs the tray and says a quick thank you before giving me a sandwich. Mendelson's wife walks off with the empty tray and when she does, Clary leans forward and speaks lowly. "Thanks for that."

"Thanks for what?" George asks, only looking slightly confused.

"For stepping in front of his wife for me and running interference with her mom." She leans back as he just shrugs.

"Don't worry about it."

"Well," Clary takes a bite of her sandwich before finishing her thought. "If looks could kill I would have been dead."

" _Really super dead_." George clarified and both she and Emma laughed.

"What's so funny over here?" Jace appears next to her and takes the spot that George asked about.

An awkward silence washes over the group.

"Nothing that you'd think was funny," Clary muttered under her breath and then took a bite of her sandwich.

"Try me," Jace says with a cheeky smile.

"Honestly, Jace. You wouldn't think it was funny." Emma tries to stress.

"Why won't any of you just tell me? It's not like I don't have a sense of humor."

"Oh for the love of…" George says, his Scottish brogue thick with a bit of exasperation. "Clary was remarking on the daggers you wife was throwing at her with her eyes, using the expression 'If looks could kill, I'd be dead'. Then I said, ' _Really super dead_.' And we all had a good laugh about it."

Clary only glances at Jace briefly. His face is red with what she thinks is embarrassment and he looks slightly sick.

The atmosphere becomes unbearably uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that Clary stands and begins to walk around to the back of the training building, away from everyone. She's alone for a full 7 seconds before Jace rounds the corner.

"I'm sorry." He says. "About that," he jerks his thumb from the way that both came, "and about Evie."

"There's really no need for you to..." Jace cuts her off.

"She's angry because I asked her for a divorce."

Clary's heart stops beating and her breath stops short on an inhalation. Her surprised eyes lock with Jace's.

"I asked her last week and that's what we were fighting about last night. I'm assuming you heard me arguing with Mr. Mendelson." He shifts his weight uncomfortably for a moment. "He's Evie's father."

"I know. George mentioned it." She says lowly.

"Of course, he did," Jace mumbles as he looks at his feet and then back to her.

She thinks about asking him why he said that, but she doesn't get the chance as he continues. "I'm all in, Clary. You are who I love; who I want to be with."

She's completely unsure of what to do or say. She was _not_ expecting him to say all this and say it with such conviction. All she can do is stand there and stare at him, looking so beautiful. Her heart restarts and thuds painfully in her chest, her walls around it starting to slip down by a few inches.

"I know you're mad at me right now and that you might very well tell me to go fuck off but I decided that I'm going to tell you that every chance I get. I thought you were dead for an agonizingly long 4 and half years and I realized a lot during that time." He takes a small step closer, seemingly encouraged by her silence and by the look in her eyes.

"Like the fact that no matter how many times I told you I loved you and kissed you or made love to you, it was never enough. If I told you that I loved you every waking moment for the rest of my life, it _still_ wouldn't be enough."

She catches a glimpse of yellow behind him and shuts down immediately. "I can't deal with this right now," Clary says shaking her head. Her walls are up again, refortified. "I don't know what I want. I don't know what I feel, but mainly, I know that this really isn't the best time or place for all this." She motions back and forth between them.

"Then when would that time be?" he asks. His tone is on the verge of annoyed.

"When your wife isn't walking over here." She looks over his shoulder as Evie approaches, eyes red and tears streaming down her face.

Jace looks behind him and sighs a curse word.

She's really close to them now so Clary turns and says, "I'll just go."

"No, wait Clary." Jace pleads.

She spins around and Evie is there next to him. "No. I'm not staying for this." She says, pointing at the both of them.

"I need to speak with you, Jace," Evie tells him.

Clary starts to turn away again but feels Jace grab her hand, pulling her to a stop. She pulls it back to herself.

"Actually, it might be better if she stays." Evie's voice is almost piercing with its ferociousness. "She should hear what I have to say."

"What are you talking about?" He asks.

Clary half turns to the couple.

"I came to tell you that I changed my mind." Evie states. "I'm going to fight for you, Jace. I don't want what we have, our love and marriage, to be thrown away at the first obstacle. I love you and I know you love me. I want to be with you."

Clary doesn't say a word as she turns and walks away. She hears Jace curse and then his footsteps as he trots up behind her. Before he can say anything, she raises her hand and looks at him. "Just…give me some space. It's obvious you have a lot to deal with and think about right now and I can't... _won't_ be pulled into your marriage. We can try and be friends. All I want to focus on right now is going back inside and training so I don't die in Faerie. Jonathan deserves a chance at an untainted life."

She leaves then, walking away from him.

"Fuck!" Jace screams in frustration just as she rounds a corner, heading back to the doors of the training room.

God knows she loves him, but everything is still too raw for her, too new. If only she didn't love him so much, she would be able to let him go.

But she does and so she can't.

His words are on repeat in her head and that doesn't help her at all with thinking straight.

 _"_ I love you too, Jace. If only that were enough." She whispers before wiping away a random tear. Clary takes another few breaths to clear her head before deciding that she needs to table the Evie-Jace-Clary love triangle she's gotten stuck in. "Just focus on surviving." She chants to herself with her eyes closed.

Clary takes the step that brings her back to where she started, walking over and sitting back down next to Emma. She's beyond grateful when she doesn't say anything and just hands her the sandwich that she had set down.

They eat in silence and listen in to the conversation that George, Julian, and Jonathan are having about the best way to kill and three-headed warex demon. She catches Jonathan looking at her at one point and he mouths at her, "You okay?"

She holds her hand out and rocks it back and forth, motioning that she was...okay. Not great but not destroyed either. It was more like she was mentally tired and just wanted to sleep for the rest of the day so she wouldn't have to use her brain anymore. It was so tiring _not_ thinking about Jace.

When Mendelson calls them back in a few minutes later, Jace appears looking a little worse for wear. His face is flushed and his hair is sticking up in two places on top of his head. When he searches the room for her with his eyes and finds her standing next to Julian by the arrows, his features turn a bit forlorn before he tears his gaze down to the floor.

The lump in Clary's throat seems to get bigger and the stinging in her eyes rachets up a few levels.

They both avoid each other for the rest of the day, acting like magnets that were pushing against each other. It bothered her more than she wanted to admit to herself. The strain that was felt between them after being so crazy in love was so painful. But it wasn't like anything else.

It was painful in a whole new, different way.

She hated the situation that they were thrust in, knowing that if Evie hadn't come around the corner when she did outside, that she might be speaking with him right now. Possibly even flirting with him. She had felt herself slipping, giving into his words and imagining what it would be like to be in his arms again.

When she saw Evie coming up behind him, it was most definitely like a bucket of cold water was dumped on her and she shut down.

Going to bed that night was hard. Jonathan hugged her tightly to his chest and kissed the top of her head before leaving her in her room. She was so desperate for Jace's arms to be wrapped around her that she hated herself for it. He was married. Whether or not he was getting a divorce didn't matter because, at this point in time, he was married.

And she _would not_ be the other woman.

The next day when she and Jonathan arrived at the training building, Jace was nowhere to be found. An hour into warm-ups and strengthening exercises for her wrists, Emma leaned over to her from her spot next to her. "I think Jace is in Allicante handling some personal issue." She must have seen her looking for him periodically. If that was the case, it made her feel like a loser. "I overheard him talking yesterday to Mendelson after you left saying that he probably wouldn't be here today. The conversation was pretty heated between them."

Clary just nods before standing up and going to grab a short sword.

"That thing looks like a regular length sword in your hands." George's cheeky grin spreads across his face as he continues. "You know...because you're so tiny."

She glares at him and then flips him off. "Like I haven't heard that one before."

He turns thoughtful, bringing a hand up to his chin. "You're right. I need to come up with something more original."

Jonathan, who was only a few feet away, walks up and stands next to Clary. Before she realizes what he's doing, he's propped his elbow up on top of her head and rested his chin on that fist. "She makes one hell of an armrest."

Moving as fast as she can, she turns slightly and punches him in his side. He winces briefly before rubbing the spot and laughing along with George. "You guys are such assholes."

George brings his hand up to cover his mouth, a look of outrage morphing is features. "Such vulgar language. And I am too pretty to be compared to anyone's asshole."

This catches her off guard and she laughs, putting her sword back and walking away to the hanging rope to try and climb it. She couldn't be there and practice swordplay if those two were going to be joking on her. After climbing the rope four times, her hands and wrists are killing her. She slides down the rope and wipes a bead of sweat from her brow.

Jonathan walks up to her, looking a little confused. "George was telling me that Simon told him that you used to be in some sort of club called the Lollipop Guild?"

Her face scrunches up in confusion for a moment and she looks over to George. He has a mischievous look on his face though he is trying to cover it up with a look of innocence.

"Yeah. He said that you would welcome new people to your neighborhood with a song and dance, giving them a lollipop. But that doesn't sound like something you would have done, not even as a kid."

"What in the world is he talking….."

She stops mid-sentence, realizing what is going on.

 _The lollipop guild was from the movie The Wizard of Oz. The lollipop guild would welcome new people to **munchkin land**_...

Her eyes turn into poison-tipped daggers as she looks back over at George...who is now bent over, one hand on the ground holding himself up. He's laughing so hard his face has almost turned purple and he's desperately trying to suck in air between stunted giggles.

Seeing him like that kills some of her anger. If she were completely honest, he had burned her and burned her _good_. Poor Jonathan looked so confused as he looked between them. He wasn't raised a mundane, so he wouldn't understand the classic movie reference or realize that George had used him which made the joke even better.

Watching George laugh was contagious. Even though it was at her expense, it _was_ really funny and very well orchestrated. After George got done wiping the tears from his eyes and was able to stand upright, she locked eyes with him and gave him a theatrical bow. Once she was standing again, she laughed and called across the room, "That was a good one, asshole! Very original."

"I tried. I didn't want to let you down again!" he called back.

She gravitated toward him to rest of the day. He was so light and happy and carefree. It was refreshing to be around someone that she didn't know from before. She didn't have to worry about him noticing something different about her or worrying that he would ask her about her and Jace since he never knew them as a couple like everyone else did.

She felt like she could breathe talking to him. He kept her laughing with stories about Simon stumbling through the Academy and about his childhood endlessly sheering sheep on his parent's farm. She recalled the one time she visited Simon at the Academy, when he still didn't have his memories back, and how George had run into their dorm room door as he tried to leave. They were laughing about it as they left for the day.

"Why were you in such a hurry that day? It was almost like you were afraid of me." She laughs.

"Because I had the biggest crush on you and I didn't know how to act," George admits freely. "I didn't want to end up embarrassing myself by saying something stupid, so I ran. But instead, I just ended up embarrassing myself by running into a door."

"You had a crush on me?" she laughs disbelievingly.

"Of course." He says like it should have been obvious.

She rolls her eyes as he walks to his horse. "See you tomorrow!" he calls out.

"Tomorrow!"

She and Jonathan follow their guards back to their cabin, talking about the day but avoiding the topic of Jace. She knows he will pounce on her once they are alone and she's dreading it. She doesn't exactly have any solid answers for him about what is going on between her and Jace.

When they come over the hill to the cabin, Jonathan is the first to notice something by the door. "What is that?" he nods.

Clary squints her eyes and after she takes a few more steps, she realizes what it is. Her heart leaps into her throat. Jonathan realizes what it is and takes off into a light jog.

"It's Heosphoros and Phosphoros." He murmurs, reaching out to pick up Phosphoros. "Where did they come from?" He drags his fingers reverently over the stars engraved into the shiny metal.

Looking down at Heosphoros, she sees a small envelope with her name written on it under the tip of the sword. She immediately recognizes the handwriting. "Jace." She whispers.

With shaky hands, she bends down and picks it up, tucking Heosphoros into her side.

"Let's go inside," Jonathan tells her, placing a hand on her back and guiding her into the cabin. Once inside with the door shut, she goes to the small couch and sits down, not trusting her legs to hold her up after she opens the letter.

"Do you want me to go?" Jonathan asks, pointing to his room.

She shakes her head. "No. Just...sit next to me?"

He nods and sits down beside her. His hand comes up and rubs soothing circles on her back.

She takes a deep breath and opens the envelope. There is a three-page handwritten letter inside. She has to wipe away a rogue tear before reading.

 _Clary,_

 _I brought you and Jonathan Heosphoros and Phosphoros, your birthrights. After we believed you died, your mother demanded all of your personal belongings back. When I tried to give her Phosphoros and Heosphoros, she didn't want them and told me to melt them down. I didn't have the heart to do what she wanted for a multitude of reasons. I gave Heophporos to Simon because that's what I thought you would have wanted, and I took Phosphoros. It's only right now that both of you are back that you take rightful ownership of them. They are Morgenstern swords._

 _As for what happened yesterday, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for telling you what I did but for Evie showing up and inserting herself into our conversation. I know that was difficult to hear but there is something that I want you to know. I haven't changed my mind about wanting a divorce nor will I. It doesn't matter what Evie thinks or wants because there is nothing she can do to stop me._

 _I'm also letting you know that I won't be training with you and the others for the rest of the week. The relationship with my father-in-law is too strained and being there, so close to her family, I can't concentrate on training or you. I think that was the plan all along when he offered to house and train you and Jonathan. He wanted me to keep away from you to get back at me for hurting his daughter. He knew he would be able to make it awkward and tense between me and you if he and Evie were there. Unfortunately, he was right._

 _The last thing I want to say is that I want you to understand something. I want you to understand that I am not going anywhere. I will wait for you. I don't care how long it takes for me to earn your forgiveness but I will never stop trying until I do. I've been in love with you since I was sixteen and my feelings have only gotten stronger. I know what it's like to lose you and have to live without you. To say that it was unbearable would be a gross understatement. Now that I have you back, I have undoubtedly won the lottery. I have been given a gift from Raziel himself and I would be the world's biggest idiot if I didn't do everything in my power to earn it; to be worthy of you. And I will. I love you, Clarissa Adele Morgenstern. You are my soulmate, my other half. I'll never stop trying to win you back. Ever._

 _-Your Jace_

The tears are unstoppable now. A torrent of them are running down her face while Jonathan hugs her to his side. "I love him so much, Jon." She stutters.

"I know," he whispers to her. "I know."

* * *

 _Up next, they finally go to Faerie!_

 _Thanks so much for sticking with me and this story. I really appreciate it. Don't forget to **follow** and **review**!_


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